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Blow jobs?


SleepAnDream

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some of this is kinda funny.....

 

 

 

> > > BLOW JOBS!!!!

> > >

> > > WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

> > > 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

> > > 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

> > > 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not

> > standard practice to cum on someone's face.

> > > 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

> > > 5. My ears are NOT handles.

> > > 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I

> heard,

> > deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on

> your

> > dick?

> > > 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

> > > 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it

> through

> > your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel

> > particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right

> > now.

> > > 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls " might have worked on high school

> > girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my

> > Midol.

> > > 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't

tell

> me

> > I've just "wrecked it" for you.

> > > 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately

> afterwards

> > is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in

the

> > future.

> > > 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate

about

> > the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're

> > good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

> > > 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the

> > protein content.

> > > 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

> > > 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow

> jobs

> > often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either

> sympathize

> > or brag.

> > > 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to

> > "kiss it good morning."

> > >

> > >

> > > WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

> > >

> > > 1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will

> find

> > someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

> > > 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot

easier

> > than licking a dead fish.

> > > 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything

> to

> > you?

> > > 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be

> thankful

> > I'm not pulling your hair.

> > > 5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the

> > only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

> > > 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you

> need

> > all the fluids you can get. Trust me.

> > > 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get

> the

> > short end of the stick in flavor country.

> > > 8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

> > > 9. Play with the balls.

> > > 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

> > > 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

> > > 12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning

now,

> > but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee

> it'll

> > be "sound asleep."

> > > 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on

> your

> > face, now will you?

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