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nick5542

things said by sober people on 12oz thread

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damn, another night of 12oz whoring while doin absolutely nothing with myself. at least i start my new job tomorrow so i can actually do soemthing productive

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you son of a bitch, i have 2 beers in my fridge with my roomates neighbor on it. im just gonna sit here.

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i'm drunk as shit. On my drive home i hit one of those skinny orange things that devide lanes. I think i'm gonna go chck on that really quick. But for the most part my spelling has been awesome tonight.

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A high percentage of my posts here have been made with a pyramid of cans next to the monitor. Bet you couldn't tell.

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im sure i can spell drunk but im talking bout the rare occasion im coherent enough to be online when im just sauced and seeing doubles.

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awesome... absolutley no damadge to the car at all. Tonight was a good ight to rive home drunk.

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sometimes im sober sometimes im not....tonight i am sober and tomorrow i probably will be too....man i hate waiting for fools to call to go get busy

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Guest sneak
Originally posted by effyoo

A high percentage of my posts here have been made with a pyramid of cans next to the monitor. Bet you couldn't tell.

 

thats what you thought.....DRUNK BOY!!

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Guest Pilau Hands

...so I says to Mable, I says...

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There was a man who would always watch the Boston

Bruins and would never pay any attention to his

wife. So one day his wife had enough of it. She

went to a tattoo parlor and said I want B on one

cheek of my ass and B on the other. The tattoo

guy said why the hell do you want that. None of

your fucking business she replied. So once the

job was done she went home and danced around

naked and pointed her ass at him and he said

who the hell is BOB?

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I'm on day 2 of being sober.

 

This last weekend scared the shit out of me.

I know I fried a good 30% of the grey matter.:twitch:

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A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery:

Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!

 

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the ortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.

 

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and he opened his briefcase.

 

"Oh, my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

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6 years damn. props on that shit. if you dont mind me asking is it cuz you have to or cuz you want to.

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wow... 6 years!

 

I was just thinking this morning about how I've been filling

my body with every toxin I could get for the past 8 years.

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All right, a genie walks into a bar. A Californian pounds on the bar and yells "I'm gonna do you right here on the bar!" The genie gets flustered and doesn't know what to say. The bartender says "You owe me a dollar."

 

So the genie says "I was on the wrong side of the bar, sir!"

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Originally posted by nick5542

6 years damn. props on that shit. if you dont mind me asking is it cuz you have to or cuz you want to.

 

I quit because I needed to, basically. But it's been so long now that I have no interest in going back. Old problems would return and quickly outweigh any minor enjoyment.

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This drunk walks into a bar. The bartender says "You owe me a twenty." The drunk says "Where's the bathroom?" The bartender thinks a minute and says "See that duck over there? If you hold this pencil between your ass cheeks that duck will go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine."

 

So the drunk looks around and says "You have a drink named Eric?"

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