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Lionel Hutz appreciation thread


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http://www.synergizedsolutions.com/simpsons/pictures/others/lionel.gif'>

 

I just love this guy.

 

1: Hutz: Now Marge, you´ve come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey. [sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs] Marge: Mr. Hutz! Hutz: [excited] Look - he´s taking another puff! Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn´t mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters] Hutz: Now don´t you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We´ve drawn Judge Snyder. Marge: Is that bad? Hutz: Well, he´s kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently´ with `repeatedly´, and replace `dog´ with `son´.

 

2: Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn´t help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. Hutz: Three. Homer: Two. Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. Homer: Done! Hutz: [proudly] Still got it.

 

3: Lionel Hutz, executor of Ms. Bouvier´s estate. She left a video-will so I earn my fee simply by pressing the "play" button. Pretty sweet, eh? Late Ms. Bouvier [video-will]: Now let´s get down to business...

Hutz [voice dubbed in]: To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000.

Marge: Mr. Hutz!!! Hutz: You´d be surprised how often that works, you really would.

 

4: Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.

Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you´re not wearing any pants? Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy. Judge: You mean a mistrial? Hutz: Right!! That´s why you´re the judge and I´m the law-talking guy. Judge: You mean the lawyer? Hutz: Right.

 

5: Marge: Homer! Are you all right? Homer: [meekly] No. Hutz: Mr. Simpson, don´t you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn´t on, but I think I got the gist of it.

 

6: ! Hutz: I didn´t win. Here´s your pizza. ! Marge: But we did win.

! Hutz: That´s okay. The box is empty.

 

7: Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case. Judge: You rest your case? Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. CASE CLOSED.

 

8: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What´s that, a broken neck? Great!

 

9: Milhouse baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer..., er keeper awayer.

 

10: Ladies and gentlemen, I´m going to prove to you not only that Freddy Quimby is guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty.

 

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i had a lawyer jst like him once. I was sittin next to hinm in court and when they called my name he was all lookin around for me but i was right next to him elike "What eh fluck?" Needless to say i lost the case. Ansd he fot me sent to jail for a l;ittle bit. What a bitch ass faggot.

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Originally posted by Europe

http://www.synergizedsolutions.com/simpsons/pictures/others/lionel.gif'>

 

 

1: Hutz: Now Marge, you´ve come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey. [sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs] Marge: Mr. Hutz! Hutz: [excited] Look - he´s taking another puff! Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn´t mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters] Hutz: Now don´t you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We´ve drawn Judge Snyder. Marge: Is that bad? Hutz: Well, he´s kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently´ with `repeatedly´, and replace `dog´ with `son´.

 

 

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Marge: So, Mr. Hutz, does my husband have a case?

Hutz: I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but you can't copyright a drink.

Homer: [whines] Oh!

Hutz: This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of '78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me don't just make the office look good, they're filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!

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Hutz: All right gentleman. I will take your case. But I will require a thousand dollar retainer.

Bart: A thousand dollars. But your ad says "no money down".

Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up. [corrects ad with felt-marker]

Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?

Hutz: No, money down. Oops, I shouldn't have the Bar Association logo here either. [Hutz eats ad]

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