I LOVE NY Posted May 8, 2003 Share Posted May 8, 2003 sweet17: That was me back in may sweet17: I've lost weight since then. bloodninja: I hope so sweet17: what?!? sweet17: that hurt my feelings. bloodninja: Did it? baaaahahahahhahhahaha sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries. sweet17: Go **** yourself bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week. sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture. sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me. sweet17: you hurt me. bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me? hahhaha sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.. sweet17: **** YOU!!! bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs. sweet17: You're a ******* *******! sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry. sweet17: No you aren't bloodninja: You're right. I'm not. bloodninja: HAARRRRR! :lol: bloodninja[/color]: You gotta do better than that! bloodninja: Your picture was really bad. sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke. bloodninja: going limp sweet17: HARRRRRRR bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands. bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth. bloodninja: going limp sweet17: this is stupid bloodninja: ...still limp bloodninja: Do it! sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******. bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass. bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass. sweet17: WTF?!?!? bloodninja: They stink really bad. sweet17: OMG STOP!!! bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg. bloodninja: I ram it up your ass. sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!! bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head. bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple... bloodninja: I kick you in the face! sweet17: **** YOU *******!! bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin... bloodninja: Your parrot flys away. bloodninja: ...going limp again. bloodninja: Hello? bloodninja: Say it! bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!! OMG!!!!!! I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING...................... I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER HERE. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted May 8, 2003 Share Posted May 8, 2003 yea those are fucking hilarious... This is the funnyest tho from fugly.com: Sometimes we even impress ourselves with our detective work. It's amazing how much information you can find out about someone over the Internet. It helps when the person you're researching has a "Hi We're the ******** " family page on Geocities. It helps even more when the Father is dumb enough to use a picture located right on that same family site on his own private profile. The same one he uses late at night, while his wife is asleep, to try to pick up girls on the internet. It helps even more when he's a little bit stupid. This is a good one… Evil_Sarah is of course one of us here at Fugly. The not-so innocent victim in all of this is macktrucker2000 Here's what happened... MackTrucker2000: Hey there sexy. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Do I know you? MackTrucker2000: Not yet but you should want to. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Really? MackTrucker2000: Yah MackTrucker2000: Let's chat. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: About what? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: What do you want to chat about? MackTrucker2000: Let's talk about you MackTrucker2000: what are you wearing right now sugar? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Hold on for a minute. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: ok? MackTrucker2000: k MackTrucker2000: What are you doing MackTrucker2000: heloo. U still there? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm back. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: So what were we talking about? MackTrucker2000: you were going to tell me what you were wearing. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Not much. I'm just getting ready for bed. MackTrucker2000: mmmmmmm. I like that. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm over at my friend's house. MackTrucker2000: Tell me. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Tell you what? MackTrucker2000: tell me what you have on Evil_Sarah_Bitch: No. You tell me what you have on. MackTrucker2000: I'm wearing a pair of jeans and that's all. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Gross. Is your big fat stomach hanging over them? MackTrucker2000: No sugar. Im very good shape. Work out every day. MackTrucker2000: have six pack. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Lol. Me and my friend Laura are drinking a six pack right now! MackTrucker2000: I like that. Come on baby tell me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Ok. I have on a pair of underwear, and Laura's Superman t-shirt. MackTrucker2000: Is that all? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Yep. MackTrucker2000: Is the t-shirt tight? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Yeah. It's skin tight. MackTrucker2000: no bra? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Nope. I never sleep in a bra. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's too constricting. MackTrucker2000: mmmmm. I like that. MackTrucker2000: tell me more Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You like to wear a bra to sleep? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: That's weird. MackTrucker2000: lmfao. No i like that you don't wear one. MackTrucker2000: I want to slide my hand up your shirt. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Really? MackTrucker2000: mmmmmm.. yeah. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Well maybe we should get to know each other a little bit better first. MackTrucker2000: what for. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: What's your name? MackTrucker2000: Chuck Evil_Sarah_Bitch: My name is Sarah MackTrucker2000: Hahah. Yeah that's what I figured MackTrucker2000: so do you like to suck cock sarah Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Wow. You really like to get right to it don't you? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: What's your last name, Chuck? MackTrucker2000: Why do you want it Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm just trying to get to know you, that's all MackTrucker2000: Well I don't want to know you that well. MackTrucker2000: I just want to have a good time Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Ok. Sorry. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I didn't mean to freak you out. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Where are you from? MackTrucker2000: MD Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Really? Me too! MackTrucker2000: No your not your from San Diego. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: How do you know that? MackTrucker2000: cause it says it on your profile page Evil_Sarah_Bitch: No, I just put that there to throw people off. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You really have to be careful who you talk to on these things. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I really live in Maryland and I'm really only 18. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I still live at home with my Mom and Dad. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Where in Maryland are you? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm in Baltimore. MackTrucker2000: Im in Manchester Evil_Sarah_Bitch: No way! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Get out of here! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I live in Manchester too! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I didn't want to say Manchester because I didn't think you would know where it is. MackTrucker2000: Don't lie, sugar. Lets fuck Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Seriously! I'm not lying. MackTrucker2000: Ok lets talk about my big cock in your mouth Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Wait a second. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Let's talk more about you. MackTrucker2000: don't want to talk about me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Gosh, you're so secretive. MackTrucker2000: take your panties off sugar. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Ok. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: But first you have to tell me where in Manchester you live. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Come on. I'll tell you.Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Maybe we already know each other. MackTrucker2000: doubt it. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You're so funny Evil_Sarah_Bitch: My Dad calls me sugar all the time. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I live right near Grace Bible church. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Do you have a picture that I can see? MackTrucker2000: check my profile Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Oh. Ok. Hold on. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: OMG. Dad, this is Chrissy. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's me, Chrissy. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Your daughter? Duhhh. Hello? MackTrucker2000: shut up whore. I don't have any daughters. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, I'm serious. This is really Chrissy. MackTrucker2000: whats your last name then Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's Bolchezk, same as yours. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Evil_Sarah is just my made up name online, Dad. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm over here at Laura's house. remember? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Spending the night? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Hello? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, are you there? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You're disgusting. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I hate you. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm going to tell Mom about this. MackTrucker2000: quit trying to mess with me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, I'm not kidding. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's Chrissy. Our phone number is 410-374-****! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: We live at **** Charmil Drive, right by Grace Bible Church. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Answer me. MackTrucker2000: <<has logged out>> *edit activated link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crave Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 this shit is seriously funny as fuck. more more more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm going to tell Mom about this. MackTrucker2000: quit trying to mess with me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, I'm not kidding. Fuckery ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamo Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 ..funny shit, the first page had me rolling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tbious One Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 hahahahahahaha " Evil_Sarah_Bitch: OMG. Dad, this is Chrissy. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH... thats hilarious.. though im sure you will leave him in a shock for life though hahahahaha:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 ONE OF THE FUNNIES THREADS EVER!!.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron_Jeremy Posted May 9, 2003 Share Posted May 9, 2003 too funny sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries. hahahah that is too funny. Too bad you didn't have a picture of the fat chick to post with it, would have been twice as funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
some pittsburgh flavor Posted May 10, 2003 Share Posted May 10, 2003 i like to pretend i'm a 13 year old girl and Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SexyBlonde69 Posted May 10, 2003 Share Posted May 10, 2003 wet the bed when you think of another woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted May 10, 2003 Share Posted May 10, 2003 Originally posted by Jackson yea those are fucking hilarious... MackTrucker2000: so do you like to suck cock sarah Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You really have to be careful who you talk to on these things. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I really live in Maryland and I'm really only 18. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I still live at home with my Mom and Dad. MackTrucker2000: Im in Manchester Evil_Sarah_Bitch: No way! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Get out of here! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I live in Manchester too! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I didn't want to say Manchester because I didn't think you would know where it is. MackTrucker2000: Don't lie, sugar. Lets fuck Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Seriously! I'm not lying. MackTrucker2000: Ok lets talk about my big cock in your mouth Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Wait a second. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Let's talk more about you. MackTrucker2000: don't want to talk about me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Gosh, you're so secretive. MackTrucker2000: take your panties off sugar. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Ok. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: But first you have to tell me where in Manchester you live. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Come on. I'll tell you.Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Maybe we already know each other. MackTrucker2000: doubt it. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You're so funny Evil_Sarah_Bitch: My Dad calls me sugar all the time. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I live right near Grace Bible church. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Do you have a picture that I can see? MackTrucker2000: check my profile Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Oh. Ok. Hold on. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: OMG. Dad, this is Chrissy. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's me, Chrissy. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Your daughter? Duhhh. Hello? MackTrucker2000: shut up whore. I don't have any daughters. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, I'm serious. This is really Chrissy. MackTrucker2000: whats your last name then Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's Bolchezk, same as yours. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Evil_Sarah is just my made up name online, Dad. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm over here at Laura's house. remember? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Spending the night? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Hello? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, are you there? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: You're disgusting. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I hate you. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: I'm going to tell Mom about this. MackTrucker2000: quit trying to mess with me Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad, I'm not kidding. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: It's Chrissy. Our phone number is 410-374-****! Evil_Sarah_Bitch: We live at **** Charmil Drive, right by Grace Bible Church. Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Dad? Evil_Sarah_Bitch: Answer me. MackTrucker2000: <<has logged out>> *edit activated link :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: that is some fucken funny shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revek Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 bump, please post more, made my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymity1 Posted May 12, 2003 Share Posted May 12, 2003 "not to mention all the groceries":lol: :lol: :lol: I needed that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OK. Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Wellhung: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Wellhung: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Wellhung: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other. Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses? Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Wellhung: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: { [logged off] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duh-rye-won Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 i couldnt read all of that nonsense. but the few lines i caught while scrolling down had me laughin. sneezed on her boobs. awesome. hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fermentor666 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I found the page that all these were lifted from a while ago and was looking through a lot of the ones that IF didn't try claiming and some of them were seriously fucked up. I'm talking parapylgic catheter sex shit. Site was called "Baiting" or something and there's like hundreds of different logs, apparently the game is to have your name be something female and underage, like Candy15, and wait for someone to message you. The trick is you can't message them. And you have to make them really get into it and then WHAM, you tell them you have a cock. That's pretty much how all of them ended. But yeah, dude, way to totally steal other people's pranks. It's like saying you did that Revok piece hanging over the highway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
technikal Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Ill bump this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by fermentor666@Mar 10 2005, 12:06 AM But yeah, dude, way to totally steal other people's pranks. Quoted post Claiming this? I found this on a site today about wet my pants and saw it wasn't posted here so... chill here is another one bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. j_gurli3: thats it. bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mightyhorn. bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fermentor666 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I'm not talking to you, dude. But that last one there is on page 1 or 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveyoursister Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Don't know if these have been posted, i haven't looked at all of the thread. Bloodninja: Wanna cyber? MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables? Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit? MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that. Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause) MommyMelissa: is that it? Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch. Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce? MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause) Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily. Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains. MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis. Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots. Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT. MommyMelissa: ... Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love. MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here. Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch. MommyMelissa: whatever. ------------------------- sweet17: Hi Bloodninja: hello Bloodninja: who is this? sweet17: just a someone? Bloodninja: A someone I know? sweet17: nope Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me? sweet17: well sorrrrrry sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you Bloodninja: why? sweet17: nevermind your an jerk Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute sweet17: yes? Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid sweet17: paranoid? Bloodninja: yes sweet17: of what? sweet17: me? Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding. sweet17: LOL Bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me! Bloodninja: This shit is serious! sweet17: What are you hiding from? Bloodninja: The cops. sweet17: gimme a fucking break Bloodninja: I'm serious. sweet17: I don't get it Bloodninja: The cops are after me. sweet17: For what? Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states sweet17: For??? Bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing. Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey. Bloodninja: Hello? sweet17: You are fucking siack. Bloodninja: Send me your picture. sweet17: why? Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them. sweet17: One of what? Bloodninja: The cops. sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you Bloodninja: Then send me your picture. sweet17: hold on Bloodninja: Hurry up. Bloodninja: Are you there? Bloodninja: -.-, cop! sweet17: Hey sorry sweet17: I had to do something for my mom. Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me. Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities. Bloodninja: Weren't you!? sweet17: thats not it Bloodninja: Then what? sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty Bloodninja: Most cops aren't sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE! Bloodninja: Then send me the picture. sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail? Bloodninja: Just send it through here. sweet17: alright *PIC* sweet17: Did you get it? Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking. sweet17: That was me back in may sweet17: I've lost weight since then. Bloodninja: I hope so sweet17: what?!? sweet17: that hurt my feelings. Bloodninja: Did it? sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now. Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture? sweet17: yes Bloodninja: Alright let me find it. sweet17: kks Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC* sweet17: this isn't you. Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't! sweet17: You don't look like that. Bloodninja: How the hell do you know? sweet17: cause your profile has another picture. Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake. Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops. sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries. sweet17: Go -.-rself Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week. sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture. sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me. sweet17: you hurt me. Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me? sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me! Bloodninja: Why would I do that? sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.. sweet17: -.-!!! Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs. sweet17: You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE! sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry. sweet17: No you aren't Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not. Bloodninja: HAARRRRR! sweet17: I'm done with you Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry. sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore Bloodninja: Wait a sec Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot. Bloodninja: Wanna start over? sweet17: No Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty sweet17: You'll what? Bloodninja: You heard me. Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty. sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty? sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men. Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways. sweet17: Like what? Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know? sweet17: I don't know Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no. sweet17: I'm afraid to Bloodninja: Why? sweet17: cause Bloodninja: cause why? sweet17: well lets see sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you? Bloodninja: Nope sweet17: well its strange to me Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to sweet17: I didn't say that Bloodninja: So is that a yes? sweet17: I guess so. Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though. Bloodninja: Are you willing? sweet17: What do you need me to do? Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate. sweet17: ??? Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!" Bloodninja: ok? Bloodninja: Hello? sweet17: You can't be serious Bloodninja: Oh yes I am! Bloodninja: It's my fantasy. sweet17: this is retarded Bloodninja: Do you want it or not? sweet17: Yes I want it. Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me? sweet17: sure Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go. Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs. Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty. Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth vagina. sweet17: mmmm yeah Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp. sweet17: Har Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that! Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad. sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke. Bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth. Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose. Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity. sweet17: mmmmmm you are good Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder Bloodninja: going limp sweet17: HARRRRRRR Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands. Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth. Bloodninja: going limp sweet17: this is stupid Bloodninja: ...still limp Bloodninja: Do it! sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole. Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass. Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass. sweet17: WTF?!?!? Bloodninja: They stink really bad. sweet17: OMG STOP!!! Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg. Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass. sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!! Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head. Bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple... Bloodninja: I kick you in the face! sweet17: -.- ASSHOLE!! Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin... Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away. Bloodninja: ...going limp again. Bloodninja: Hello? Bloodninja: Say it! Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!! ------------------------ Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OK Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Wellhung: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Wellhung: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Wellhung: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other. Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses? Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Wellhung: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! ------------------------- I.F.: My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard? 1hOttYeVe: oh yhea im so wet right now I.F.: Why you just shower? 1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it. 1hOttYeVe: What the fuck are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not? I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you... I.F.: Im sorry lets continue! 1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest I.F.: I pop like 16 boners 1hOttYeVe: what the fuck! I.F.: what? ------------------------ Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right? J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie. Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg" J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with the homies and shit. Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun? J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns. Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun? J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby. Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun". J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big. Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do? J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something. Partner6: It likes that. J-Dogg: aight. Partner6: Keep talking to me baby... J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently. Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like. J-Dogg: I unzip my pants... Partner6: Yes, show me what you got. J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts... Partner6: WTF?! J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong! Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women... J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed! Partner6: You dipshit. J-Dogg: I whimper to myself... J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr. ------------------------- J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet. Partner8: Who the fuck are you? J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion: J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me. J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever. Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me? J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh. Partner8: Is that like cancer? J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy. Partner8: Good one romeo. J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku. The salmon swim at night. Towards your room. The snow and the moon. Partner8: that was never a haiku. J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness. Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku" J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then? Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent. J-Dogg: ... Partner8: ? J-Dogg: I'm spent. --------------------------------- Jdogg: Hey QT-Pie: Hey Jdogg: whats goin on QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you? Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber? QT-Pie: what does that mean? Jdogg: what are you wearing? QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans. Jdogg: Garter belt? QT-Pie: Ummm...no. Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not? QT-Pie: uh, okay. Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this. Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussay stink from here. QT-Pie: WHAT?! Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan. Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg. Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play. QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go. Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back. QT-Pie: A stripe? Jdogg: I need a sandwich. QT-Pie: You're a freak. Jdogg: I was great. You loved it. --------------------------------- :haha: :haha: :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyHorton Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 these are all from fugly circa 4 years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveyoursister Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I'm suprised you remember when something was posted 4 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyHorton Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 i have a photographic memory you've never been to fugly.com ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOTTS1 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 i laughed so hard at some of those, just cracking up on my own...... :haha: :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeizm Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatcappycap Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 GREAT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButrosButros Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 :haha: :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fondles Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 http://www.baiting.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Producto Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 EDIT* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyHorton Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 i guess some people just have way to much time on their hands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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