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movie pitch

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Hey Jeffrey!


It's me, Jaques! Remember? We met at Jennifer Aniston's coke dealer's place. How are things going over at 20th Century Cocks? Oh, that's fantasmo! So, I wanted to turn you on to this project I'm repping. Between you and me, it's going to be a huge international hit! I mean, this is going to be the biggest thing since “Ishtar”! So like, squint your eyes, have a shot, sit back, and picture this:


This movie is “The Insatiable Cheerleader” meets “Gandhi” meets “Shrek”. With a little bit of “Legally Blonde” thrown in for good measure! It's a love story about a dog who meets a she-male. Then fists her. Then there's a twist involving a bank robbery. But it's ALSO an action film - with a blind toddler, a SEGWAY scooter chase, and three climaxes in Graceland, Kabul, and on top of Enron Stadium. It has action, romance, and SEX. There are lots of steamy love scenes in the back of a rickshaw involving a steel wool chaise lounge. It's graphic, and coldly erotic. We felt the movie also needed a racial subtext, so there's a small part or two for a magical Negro. But really, this is a family movie. It's about one family's struggle to overcome some really tough thing and then a heartfelt lesson is learned. The ending has a surprise IRS audit, a song and dance number, a stirring courtroom speech and a heartwarming sense of melancholy. We don't have a script yet, but we have a great duet with Madonna and W.A.S.P.. We think Tommy Lee Jones, Nicole Kidman and ME would be perfect for this movie! Maybe Sir Ian McKellen can have a two-minute cameo as the Academy-award winning English guy that gives the movie integrity! We call it “Ethnic Name's Posession”. It'll make $100,000,000 domestically and $500,000,000 internationally. Oh – and this movie will test really well with Asian 40-somethings.

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