wordyo Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 ^ why do you want to humiliate this guy any further? He sounds like he has adult autism, the exaggerated stories come out of insecurity. He needs someone to point him in the right direction when it comes to attracting women his view seems kinda skewed. Penmanship, I guarantee that if you do that dating site prank you will feel awful about the hurt you'll cause them both later. Karma's also a bitch. :lol: :lol: props pissdrunk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcs Posted December 24, 2010 Share Posted December 24, 2010 well... i was getting dangerously close to 5 ppd. Something wasn't especially proud of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
testpattern Posted December 26, 2010 Share Posted December 26, 2010 this thread is awesome. fever dream is fucked up. does it qualify as outsider art? those midi drums are so wack!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 So dudes completely over his chick now i think, but continues to buy outrageous amounts of shit from mountain equipment co-op and just found the arcteryx outlet store and spent 300 there last week. One of the other dudes I live with has been talking about driving his bike around south america sometime soon and bought a mini stove for the trip, and brians now buying one of those as well. But as for new embarrassing stuff, he didn't know anyone was home or could hear him I think and so I recorded him singing to himself. comical. also the picture in the video is one of the many i have of how he leaves his guns while we're running, no nucleators aside from one were working, resulting in an ice patch across the run equivalent to this on another night: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i'moffthywallz Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Oh fuck. Forgot about this thread. I moved back home for the summer and I think I got the retard fired. My boss wanted to talk to me about him and another supervisor I have that just doesn't give a fuck and gets high all day. Didn't say anything about him because it's BC on a mountain so smoking pot is standard. Anyways... I gave my boss the book of fuckery which catalogued all the shit Brian has done. Including the embarrassing shit just because it was funny. So after reading through it and laughing with him he tells me when i come back in the fall I'll have a supervisor job. So Brian is out of a job. Ive talked to Brian about saving his money for a house since he's fifty and getting too fucked up to do manual labour and too stupid to get any job with thinking. When I talked to him last he said he'd use all the camping equipment he's bought over the winter for his chick and live somewhere on hill in it. So he's now out of a job, which also means he's out of his place to live as well, and now has to look for a new job with his disgusting stench being multiplied by living in a tent in the woods on a side of a mountain. If he comes back for the winter season, which could happen since the mountain rarely follows through with firings, then I'm sure there will be many more significantly more embarrassing shit he's done. For now you guys get some closure on perhaps the biggest failure at life I've ever met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SystemFailure Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 Like a hideous wonder of the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Good/ terrible news! The idiot got replaced by a significantly bigger idiot. I'm writing a shit load of stories about him to send to a dude from Germany that wants to be kept up to date on the new guys progress. I can tell you guys about it if anyones interested. If not heres what happened with Brian: He had to move out after his year agreement for staying at the cabin was up, and moved into a swanky apartment in North Vancouver off of inheritance money from his mom passing. With the rest of the inheritance he bought a shit ton of music industry standard equipment and a bunch of guitars for his band garrett. they still haven't played a show since 2008 and he still thinks they're going on a world tour any minute. He stopped stalking the hiker chick, but just happened to have gotten his place two blocks down from her... He's now onto some 50 year old cook or something from the restaurant up here and is apparently making as much headway with her as the hiker chick (the cook is asian and doesn't speak very much english) He got transferred into wildlife department, which means he stands around the bear habitat/ birds of prey and throws food at them. In between throwing food at them he has to tell the public about bears. It's pretty much the worst job here in the summer. Aaron, My house mate, and I just made up a list of some funny stories to send to the German and we have 72 so far. We're on the last couple weeks of the season so I have a lot of down time at my job to type up the stories. I'll copy/paste some of the best in here if you guys feel like hating on a guy that's just as big of a failure at everything he does, but SIGNIFICANTLY dumber. Yay or nay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbydigital Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 YES! post moar stories. everything he does/i read makes me laugh and my time at work that much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 lul i still need to come up and ride GRS mang!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Good Lord :lol: More stories please, about Brian or otherwise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toiletseat Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 that idiot hiking guy is straight up serial killer material Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 A few years ago I went to our local art walk and drank a bunch of 4loko then ran into a friend who gave me 40 mg of oxy. Two hours later I was so loaded I stopped at my friend's place and said "Dude, I'm too fucked up to ride home. I'm sleeping on your couch out back." (They had a couch on the back porch and it was a nice night.) A couple hours after that I came out of my blackout because I was peeing my pants. I cut off the flow, ran to the bathroom and finished up. Saw a pair of pants that were about my size. Took my pants and underwear off and threw them out the window onto the roof, cleaned myself off somewhat, put on new pants, went back and flipped the couch cushions over, passed out again. The next morning I got up and left before anyone woke up. On the ride home I sharted my new pants most aggressively. I considered stopping and crying, but decided to soldier on. Got back to my house, took a shower and threw the soiled pants away. This was right before 4loko was taken off the market. I still haven't touched oxycontin since that night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 You seem to have gotten away with it. no embarrassment ensued? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shai Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'm embarrassed that it happened at all. Usually I'm pretty good about holding it down no matter what my condition is, but that night I dropped the ball (and then some). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 yawn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feed Yer Ego Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 my uncle pulled my pants down at the sizzler salad bar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feed Yer Ego Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 anyone ever gone out in public unknowingly rocking a shirt that has stains from semen, pussy juice or both? :edit: no homo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Ya, and nobody had a clue so it was not embarassing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feed Yer Ego Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Ya, and nobody had a clue so it was not embarassing. not saying anything =/= not noticing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
you can microwave bacon Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Updates on the life of Brian: Nothing funny at all about this but his mom passed away so I've let up on ripping on him for the past couple weeks. BUT: He went out and bought the last of his snow cave accessories including such things as a snow saw which can attach to the end of a ski pole for big blocks of solid snow for building the caves with. I don't think he understands that out here, it's just powder, which then turns to shitty crystallized sugary snow after the daily melt/thaw of a couple days, so that tool's completely useless. it was 80 bucks. He bought a mini stove for cooking in the snow cave. which was 200 bucks. While he was at the Mountain Equipment Co-op he decided to also buy all these packs and shit for food and drinks when they go out. he can barely lift fifty pounds let alone hike with the three hundred pounds of gear he's bought for the trip. He went all the way to the MEC bought another four hundred dollars of shit he doesn't need and walked back down the hill, because he doesn't ride, and then realized he didn't bring all the stuff he had just bought. so did the trip again the next day to pick up all the stuff he had forgotten to take with him. He's also bought another couple hundred dollars worth of stuff like sleeping matts and pack bags and stuff. In total he's spent well over 2 grand nearing 3 and hasn't payed off a single dollar of his credit card debt. All on ONE date he's expecting to have with this chick he went hiking with three months ago. to sum things up. he's spent thousands of dollars in preparation for a "second date" which was not a date at all to begin with, nor was it a sleep out date, but just another hike in the winter, which she promised to do at the beginning of the "first date". He's bought clothes and gear for the most extreme of conditions when I've hiked out to ride the same places he talks about going in just my snowboard gear and an avalanche shovel. Itemized list (to the best of my knowledge) Scarpa boots for his winter hike $350+ hiking shoes/boots for his fall hike $150+ fall "super sweat reducing dry technology" clothing for his fall hike $500+ WInterized -40 C sleeping bag $400 New gortex and waterproof membrane super dry etc etc etc coat $400 Ice axe $80 head lamp $150 Ice saw $80 miscellaneous shit he's bought for her is at least a grand So all that plus whatever i've mentioned before and have forgotten about for two dates which weren't even dates in an attempt to impress this chick. He says he loves going cave building in the winter and does it all the time, and I asked where all his gear is if he's done it before and he said he doesn't really need any of it, they just make it easier. Which is both bullshit and logic rolled together in that he's been adamant he needs it to do it. Sorry for the jumbled and poorly written update on this dude. but there was too much to keep track of and I just kept adding to it. as a person who hates wasting money, that hurt to read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dildo_one Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 this story is only a month old. i was on a working trip somewhere in the south, where it was a common happening to get shitfaced and get loaded. after a few hours of drinking i got the urge to do some refreshments in the bathroom stall, doing that the smell of pure piss and shit hit me at once. reluctant to barf is tried to hold it in but it was to late. it really shoot out with force and considering my diet of the last few days my shit was almost piss, so my anus let loose a bit of it's love juice in my pants at the same time. empty in stomach and bowels, i tried to salvage my pants and wipe it out. it didn't look to bad only a streak in my underwear so i continued to party and most of the time i smell like shit anyways. most of the nights there weren't any ladies around so i didn't worry about that, only for fuck's sake there were tonight. my mate and i hooked up and went to their apartment, and i still smelled like shit, luckily they were to shitfaced to smell the mighty smell of my diarrhea. i frolicked around with one and kept turning off the light so she didn't saw my full blown war stained pants , but she turned em on and saw my war wounds, just at the same moment i let out a fart with some extra bonus. the look on her face was priceless i walked out and pissed in her mailbox , bye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 http://www.12ozprophet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=128883&page=311 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 JOHNNY G! So I'm bored and have a lot of dumb shit stories to let you guys read if you're also bored. These stories may only be funny because I know the guy but I'll try my best to convey his utter lack of intelligence and keep it down to the best few for now. First time I talked to Jon was the first day of work I had on the mountain. I have never met anyone as dumb or ill-informed about every single thing in their everyday life as this fucking moron. My first conversation with him was four years ago, and I remember it distinctly because i knew he'd be a gold mine of funny shit to talk about while hanging out with friends and family. He started out by bragging to me about how amazing he is at getting away with not doing anything at work. While I'm employed for someone, regardless of what it is, I don't exactly take pride in my job, but I definitely don't fuck the dog, so I told him that isn't an impressive thing to me. He said that he was just kidding and that he works hard as well. He talked some other bullshit about his "Super hot" girlfriend and how he bangs all these bitches behind her back. With that first conversation I learned two key things about him: 1; he is spineless as fuck, cant stand behind his word or have an original thought to save his life and 2; he's 100% full of shit. I can't possibly remember all the dumb stuff he's done, but I will do my best to recount as much of the stupidity as possible for your enjoyment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 He has worked the same job for 4 and a half years now, and still makes the same mistakes a first day employee does. on top of that he has a train wreck of a relationship, and might be a retard. He came into work one day super depressed and I asked why he's crying (he gets pissed at this for another reason i'll tell you later) and he says his girlfriends going to become a prostitute. Me: WTF man? Why? Jon: she wants to start modeling. Me: that's not prostitution dude... Jon: yeah but she's going to try out for casting for dove(the soap company) Me even less threatening. that's a legit company man, it's not like she's going to bob's casting couch Jon: yeah but if she gets the job they'll send her to europe Me: so what? This is where it got really funny and sad Jon: well in europe women get bought and sold to be slaves. Me:....what? Jon: I watched a movie about it (he was talking about hostel, and he actually believed that's what happens to anyone who goes to europe) so the next couple days he's stressing and we're poking fun at him as usual when he finally comes in the next day super stoked. we ask why. he says because my girlfriend is too ugly. she didn't make the cut for it because she wasn't attractive. haha So after he voiced his concerns about her going to Europe to her, she get's all offended and then scared of going as well. two months later it's the tryouts for red bull crashed ice. He tells us he's trying out for it, but if he makes it through he doesn't think he'll be able to go because his girlfriend said he could get kidnapped and raped while in Quebec... two peas in a pod. He and his girlfriend are totally not trusting of eachother, and he always has to call her and let her know what he's doing, including while he's working. while he's on the phone I ALWAYS yell out in the background to stop taking so long and pass the joint/bong or to quit hogging the strippers. his dumbass girlfriend always believes that something like that is going on, including at 7Am at the start of our shift. he still has not learned nor has she that i will always fuck with him while he's on the phone and they get into serious fights over the shit at least once a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 so his girls all kinds of jealous and controlling, and he always confides in my friend aaron who he almost treats like a dad. he told aaron the other day that he needed his help. so after aaron and jon leaving after our 12 hour nights shift at 7 am to go off hill they get back at 2pm. I ask him where the fuck they went for the entire day(our night) and Aaron's like, the clinic. he tells me that Claudia, Jon's girl, wanted him to get an std test because jon tried to make her MORE jealous than she already is by saying he fucked a guest services chick. sidenote, the chick he says he fucked, was a chick aaron had actually fucked, and had down at the cabin, when we asked her about jon, she said he texted her a bunch of creepy shit and she showed everyone on the mountain the texts. which is also awesome So after his girlfriend tells him to get an std test, he asks aaron to help him. he doesn't know what std stands for, or where to go to get one or anything. so his girl says until he gets an std test she's not letting him touch her. so in trying to get her to fuck him he did the exact opposite and couldn't touch or kiss his girl for three weeks until he worked up the courage to ask aaron to take him and then wait for the test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I say introduce Brian to this dude's girlfriend and document the unfolding love triangle of embarrassment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 We have to do work on the cabin to stay for free, called cabin hours. Aaron and I usually do them on the weekend while drinking and just passing the time, we do stuff like put up new walls, doors, insulate, plumbing, roofing. general handyman shit. we have over 100 hours each just from hanging out doing oddjobs. so jon's there five months and hasn't done anything. when we fill out our cabin hour sheets one night he asks for a sheet too. after realizing he's got no hours to account for, he asks us to use our jobs. we tell him no but he tries to anyways. We watch as he tried to wrie the first month (Septemeber) to start cataloguing his hours. he writes his name and misspells his own last name then write setembr, scratches that out, Sebteber scratches it out then writes "set" sit for a minute staring, then crumples up the paper and says fuck it I'll just write them down later. So he asks us what kind of jobs he can do, and we give him a giant list, the cabin we live in was half dilapidated when we first moved in so there's an endless list of shit to do. He says all of the things we tell him to do are too hard or it's too gross, like climbing under the cabin with fiberglass insulation and poly and insulating the floors (which we did in two hour the next weekend on our own anyways) So here's how he spends his time trying to get cabin hours. he tries to measure a piece of scrap wood to put on the bottom of his door to keep the mice out of his room. they can get in anywhere they want so it's a totally moot point to put this on, but as he's trying to measure it he goes up to his door then down to the wood five times for one simple measurement. when he finally cuts it with a circular saw, it's a foot too long. he then asks aaron to help him learn to read a tape measure after going through fractions and getting no response at all from him, he tell jon to just put his finger on the tape, walk downstairs and mark the wood where his finger is. he tries and fails at this another three times, then comes down one more time with the tape out and his finger on it and asks aaron what is this length. as if knowing that it was 2' 5 3/16 " will help him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penmanship Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I say introduce Brian to this dude's girlfriend and document the unfolding love triangle of embarrassment Brins new girl, the asian one who doesn't speak english, he still doesn't really know how to say her name, so when he talks about her he calls her bok choy. like the vegetable or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Bok choy :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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