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to wish DEATH upon yourself


Guest willy.wonka

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Guest willy.wonka

you ever just want to die?cause i do.i felt this way before and was granted passage to the afterlife, but i chickened out and wanted to live.the docs cured me and i live only to want to die anther day.

today and yesterday.

 

even though i see some signs of life still wanting me around.its not enought to make me want to live."something is wrong with me.", i always say.my mom doenst believe it.i have no father to look to for answers, cause he's dead.

 

maybe love will save the day and give me reason for wanting to live, but my heart was broken just last month and now i feel hopeless.

 

i want to fix airplanes for lots of money, but i have no money to go to school for it.i dont think i would pass the class anyways.if i could do that, i would be happy again.i would be able to paint what i want cause i dont like stealing.its bad for the soul, but kinda fun.

 

i have been really sad for around 2 years now.i break out crying for no reason, just thinking of sad shit.thinking of dying actually brings a little bit of happiness to me, but still makes me sad.

 

i think its cause this world is too fucked up.so much negative stuff around to see much of the positive.i used to be positive, now im just a over-raged stressed out guy thats about to snap.wanting to kill or beat the shit out of people and things.i recently murdered a fish and i dont really do stuff like that.i am definately changing.

 

why wont anything work out for me?

i wish i would just...................................maybe this time God will make it swift.last time i had options.i prayed for death to come knocking on my door and my prayers were answered.i almost did die.i thought it was pretty cool that God really answered me in that way, but he showed me that i wanted to live.

 

im not down with suicide, but im down for dying.

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you have to come to the realization that life is most likely not going to get any better.........then, and then only will you understand that everything that happens good in your life is really a gift............me personally.........im trying to come to that realization, but it is harder than it sounds........and if life doesn't get any better and nothing good happens to you, remeber.....you still have graffiti

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Guest KING BLING

"I am the only being whose doom..."

by Emily Jane Brontë

 

I am the only being whose doom

No tongue would ask no eye would mourn

I never caused a thought of gloom

A smile of joy since I was born

 

In secret pleasure - secret tears

This changeful life has slipped away

As friendless after eighteen years

As lone as on my natal day

 

There have been times I cannot hide

There have been times when this was drear

When my sad soul forgot its pride

And longed for one to love me here

 

But those were in the early glow

Of feelings since subdued by care

And they have died so long ago

I hardly now believe they were

 

First melted off the hope of youth

Then Fancy's rainbow fast withdrew

And then experience told me truth

In mortal bosoms never grew

 

'Twas grief enough to think mankind

All hollow servile insincere -

But worse to trust to my own mind

And find the same corruption there

 

 

 

 

I felt a funeral in my brain,

by Emily Dickinson

 

I felt a funeral in my brain,

And mourners, to and fro,

Kept treading, treading, till it seemed

That sense was breaking through.

 

And when they all were seated,

A service like a drum

Kept beating, beating, till I thought

My mind was going numb

 

And then I heard them lift a box,

And creak across my soul

With those same boots of lead, again.

Then space began to toll

 

As all the heavens were a bell,

And being, but an ear,

And I and Silence some strange Race

Wrecked, solitary, here.

 

 

 

If

by Rudyard Kipling

 

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

 

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;

If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son

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Guest ArtvandaL

The future is all you have to live for.

 

damn wonka, that sounds shitty, and i dont usually do this kind of stuff, especially not for someone i dont even know, but here it goes.

 

Life, is a gift.

 

 

read that again and again, passivley. think about it, honestly. Your right, theres allot of bullshit in this world, but hey, doesnt every gift have a shitty side to it? dont expect everything to be lovely, in fact, expect the worse, then youll be a little pleased that the worst isnt happening. I bet you keep thinking of something that keeps pissing you off everytime you thik about it, if thats the case, then be like a little kid inside and give the shitty things a thumbs down, and the good things a thumbs up. There might not be many good things during this slump your going through, but try to see them, look at th sky, i know, its gay, but go ahead, look up and say to yourself, thats beutifull, Im glad Im here to see it. From there, you begin your journey of appreciating life, for its bad and for its good.Dont stare at women, dont check them out, shave, dont talk too much, listen to those that are talking to you, those that arent talking to you, but are talking so loud that you can hear them, just br a kid and give them a thumbs down in your head. Be your own guy, dont look to a friend and respond to something as he would, respond to something as you would. It helps to not make fun of anyone for any, no matter how good the reason is, cause this just leads you to think that you think too much of other people. You got money, about 250 dollars? gpo by some cloth that you would like, hey, its money gone, but its your life saved, life is longer than youd think, so look forward to the future experiences you cant even imagine right now.

 

maybe your just bored. sorry about your father, but think of it like this, he didnt kill himself, in fact, he brought you into this world and probably didnt want to die yet just cause of you. THe future is all you have. The past is in your heart, keep it there for the future.

 

quit doing drugs that alter your mind, like weed and alcohol, youll probably go in an even worse slump for about a day or two, but after that you wont be looking at things from day to day, its gonna be from week to week, month to month, shit, if you get real passioniate towards life, its gonna be from year to year. salamualaikum (may peace be upon you)

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Guest ArtvandaL

the dude is speaking

 

about the money part, use your money, just dont act like a millionare, act more like a guy that isnt tight on cash. Its hard, but its worth a try.

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Guest uncle-boy

dammit. i just typed out a huge thing then deleted it too.

 

JOB. 10

v18-v22

 

"Why then, did you bring me out of my mothers womb? Why didn't you let me die at birth? Then i would have been spared this miserable existance. i would have gone directly from the womb to the grave. i have only a little time left, so leave me alone--that i may have a little moment of comfort before i leave for the land of darkness and utter gloom, never to return. it is a land as dark as midnight, a land of utter gloom where confusion reighns and the ligt is as dark as midnight."

(job talking to god.)

 

stuff gets shitty in life, read job. if you want something spiritual to think about.

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Dude, you're DEPRESSED STILL

 

It is not normal to want to die, to feel helpless or hopeless. If you are feeling shit like this, I think you're still depressed. Go back to your doctor, tell him how you feel and get on some anti-depressants. If you've been taking them, and you STILL feel depressed then a.) the dose is too low, b.) yopu aren't taking them like you're supposed to, or c.) that medication isn't the right one.

 

And then, go ride freight trains for a week or two and yoiu'll feel a lot better. At least, I would feel a lot better, anyway.

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Apart what artvandal has said......i wanna add one thing.

you believe in life after death? i certainly don't. but i do believe in it at the same time, in my own way. in the way i suppose you too believe in it.

the only way to keep living after death is through other people. that's right, in their memories, and NO WHERE ELSE. and we writers are lucky as hell that we have a gift, the gift to be seen forever, or almost.

we don't know when death is gonna take us and asking ourselves when this is gonna happen makes no sense at all. so just don't think about it, it will come by itself, like love, like the weather and a thousand things yuo really can't control.

(well, of course, unless you kill yourself or something.)

what i am getting to is: YOU ARE ALIVE, GODDAMIT! and as long as you are, from my point of view, all you have to do is live. live for the present, AND live for your life after your death. which, if you think about it, is exactly the same life.

so don't stop doing, nourishing your mind, experiencing things, knowing people, loving life, because this is the only chance we've got brother. if you have enough to eat, it's enough, you'll know it, we are so damn lucky to be alive.

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damn willy. everythings going to be okay man, just let it be. if god has answered you death request life. sit down with god some night and have a heart to heart ya know, release all your fears that are holding you down and then communicate all that you love in life and possibly appreciate. then make your requests buddy, if gods answered you death im sure quite a bit of some other stuff can be answered to.

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feeling loved

 

the people on this site DO love you in a friendly way but they do so u have one place to escape becuz if these ppl didn't care about u then they wouldn't have said all this deep shit they're saying and everything they have said has made sense to me and if it doesn't to u then what u should do is read it until u remember the important parts then turn off your computer screen and listen to your choice of music and write things down like a poem or think while staring at the ceiling it actually clears a lot of things up and i hope u get well soon man cuz i also know how it feels i wuz once like this:o

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"Looking back what I have done There's lots more life to live At times I feel overwhelmed I question what I can give But I don't let it get me down Or cause me too much sorrow There's no doubt about who I am I always have tomorrow" The Grouch

 

 

 

Hey, i understand exactly what your going through, i've been through it and i'm still struggling day by day. So i dont exactly know what to tell you that well make you feel any better but if you would like someone to talk to someone that feels alot like you do hit me on im 'herbnbass

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Guest ArtvandaL
Originally posted by SteveAustin

don't focus on the negative stuff.

I read someplace that the mind is an individuals worst enemy. A friend gave me a solution for fighting this. Never think anything to your self that you wouldn't say to a friend.

 

thats pretty good actually, bump for Dr. Austin

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Guest ArtvandaL

and just so u know, im a resurected dude that u used to know on this site for way longer than what my registration date says, im just not gonna say who i am though, but ive been around since Jan 2002

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Holly shit this guy rocks! Wanna hang out and listen to Blood for Blood and get in to fights? We should hang out seriously.

 

 

Dude I was in the same postion once except I treid drinking myself to death. It's bullshit your just in a slump your chemicaly imbalanced and you NEED to get help brother! You wanna fix planes bro? rad you need to go down to a mechanic shop and tell their going to hire you to clean up and be their bitch.You'll get some experence with tools and can build off of that.

 

 

Tease your life sucks because YOU SUCK you need to shut the fuck up stop being s pussyclot and do something constructive with your time other then trying to get laid.

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What could possibly be more constructive than getting laid? It's like that old episode of "Taxi" where Latka Gravas (who is married), and trapped in a blizzard, is faced with the choice of having sex with a female taxi driver or freezing to death:

 

Latka: "Let's see, one the one hand, "sex," and the other, "death."

 

Girl: "Uh-huh."

 

Latka: "So tell me a little bit about yourself..."

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I used to feel almost exactly like that, it got better for a while but still find myself feeling the pull back twards those feelings, so i just stopped think about things and dealing with what i had to from day to day. I also just try to get out and drive or do something to keep my mind doing something, and if all else fail pick fights with people and get some anger out

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Guest ArtvandaL
Originally posted by skaterzoot

I used to feel almost exactly like that, it got better for a while but still find myself feeling the pull back twards those feelings, so i just stopped think about things and dealing with what i had to from day to day. I also just try to get out and drive or do something to keep my mind doing something, and if all else fail pick fights with people and get some anger out

 

word, when u pick fights for stupid reasons u usually end up winning and unouched cause the other dudes like, "what the hells happening?"

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Okay so I am reading this Alice Walker book and I found a passage that makes sense to me and ties into this thread. Since I am taking it out of context slightly I will preface it by saying that before this the speaker stated that she believed in reincarnation.

 

"You take the way things are going in the world today. You have your poisoned rivers and you poisoned air and your children turning into critters before your eyes. You have your leaders that look like empty cartons and the politicians who look drugged. You have a world that scares everybody to death. You can't go nowhere. You can't eat anything. You can't even hardly make love. And that's just today. There are days when the best thought you can have is that one day you'll die and leave it all behind.

 

Let me tell you, you can't leave it behind. The life in this place is your life forever. You will always be here; and the ground underneath you. And you won't die until it does. It is dying, and the people are, too - but my fear is not that we people and the earth we're on will die. Everything eventually dies, maybe. But it looks like it will take a long time and death will be painful and slow. It's the difference between being blindfolded and shot dead in the first volley of bullets and being tortured to death very slowly by men paid by the hour for their work. It is not dimply a struggle between life and death. That is too easy, I guess. It's between life everlasting and death everlasting, and everlasting is a very long time.

 

I am tired of it. Not tired of life. But afraid of what living is going to look like and be like next time I come."

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Willy i have to tell you this you are the most insane person i have ever met, you see deamons. You have been in mental hospitals. Your stories you tell scare the shit out of me.

 

Anyways good luck, just think of all the things that are cool to live for. You live in godamn hawaii man. Live it up. But quit the drugs.

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