Guest kOmega Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 THE SHIT LIST > > THE GHOST SHIT > > The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, > but > > there's no shit in the bowl. > > > > THE CLEAN SHIT > > The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but > there's > > no shit on the toilet paper. > > > > THE WET SHIT > > You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end > up > > putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't > > ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. > > > > THE SECOND WAVE SHIT > > This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your > knees, > > and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more. > > > > THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT > > Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". > > You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and > > practically have a stroke. > > > > THE CORN SHIT > > No explanation necessary. > > > > THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT > > The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down > > without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. > > > > THE NOTORIUS DRINKER SHIT > > The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. > > It's most noticeable trait is the skid mark left on the bottom of the > > toilet bowl after you flush. > > > > > > THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT > > The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts > out, > > all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. > > > > THE WET CHEEKS SHIT > > Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of > your > > ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. > > > > THE LIQUID SHIT > > That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, > > splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, > > chronically burns your tender poop-chute. > > > > THE CROWD PLEASER > > This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to > > show it to someone before flushing. > > > > THE CRACK FLAPPER SHIT > > This shit seems to create its own weather system. Your butt cheeks > > feel like they're flapping in the wind when this shit comes out. > > > > THE MOOD ENHANCER > > This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby > > allowing you to be your old self again. > > > > THE "ON THE CLOCK" SHIT > > This is any shit that you take while you are punched in at work. > > Lunch hour and coffee break shits do not qualify. > > > > THE "BEST NICKEL I EVER SPENT" SHIT > > This is any shit that you take in a "pay" bathroom. Thankfully, > > there aren't too many of these left. If you're ever in a > > Mexican border town, be sure to try one! > > > > THE RITUAL > > This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with > > the aid of a newspaper. > > > > THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT > > This shit has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity > > within the next 7 hours is affected. > > > > THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT > > This is any shit created in the presence of another person. > > > > THE GROANER > > A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. > > > > THE FLOATER > > Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to > > resurface after many flushings. > > > > THE RANGER > > A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in > > a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to > > push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. > > > > THE PHANTOM SHIT > > This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to > > putting it there. > > > > THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT > > Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with > > you. Requires patience and muscle control. > > > > THE BOMBSHELL > > A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either > > inappropriate to shit (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you > > are nowhere near shitting facilities. > > > > THE SNAKE CHARMER > > A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening > > position - usually harmless. > > > > THE OLYMPIC SHIT > > This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any > competitive > > event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the > > Drinker's Shit. > > > > THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT > > This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the > > woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. > > > > PREMEDITATED SHIT > > Laxative induced. Doesn't count. > > > > SHITZOPHERENIA > > Fear of shitting - can be fatal! > > > > ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT > > Also known as a "Still Going" shit. > > > > THE ROCKET SHIT > > The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when > > you're done. > > > > THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT > > This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows > all > > over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln > > Log > > Shit.) > > > > THE SPINAL TAP SHIT > > The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got > to > > be coming out sideways. > > > > THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT > > Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and > size > > of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains > in > > the rectum for some time afterwards. > > > > THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT > > When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of > your > > rectum on the way out in the morning. > > > > THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT > > When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles > and > > make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water. > > > > THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT > > Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn > > anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently > > near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping > for > > air. > > > > THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT > > Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to > > drop > > off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suburbian bum Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA NICE that describes every one of the shits, i didnt know people had the same things as me. Oh yeah i heard this one guy on loveline who holds in his shits for like 6 days cause he is crazy it was funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest platapie Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 hahahaha good post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beardo Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 i didnt read the post, but RAIN in general is on my shitlist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kid furie Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 i hate the rain > http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//frown.gif'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8oholic Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 L7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B_As_In_Bot Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 I never experianced it, but one of my co-workers described to me what he called a submariner or titanic shit. He said as soon as he had finished, and the shit left his body he was still sitting on the bowl. He then swears that he felt something bump him directly in his ass. He could only speculate that his turd has fallen to the water and bobbed much like a cork, or that titantic effect, or a submarine resurfacing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IwearPinkShirts Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 Originally posted by B_As_In_Bot: I never experianced it, but one of my co-workers described to me what he called a submariner or titanic shit. He said as soon as he had finished, and the shit left his body he was still sitting on the bowl. He then swears that he felt something bump him directly in his ass. He could only speculate that his turd has fallen to the water and bobbed much like a cork, or that titantic effect, or a submarine resurfacing. or its even worse when you are having violent diarreah, and you pop a boner, and it starts rubbing against the inside of the bowl, so you try to move it, and it hits the shit water and the diarreah seeps into your urethra, and you try to piss but its clogged with diarreah so you cant piss and it builds up and then your dick turns purple/greenish-yellow and you have to go to the doctors and they ask you if you are gay and do guys up the ass and you say no and they say you lie and then inject you with shit and when you wake up you have breasts and no penis and are lying in the restroom at sears and there is a michael bolton song playing. not that its happened to me or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beardo Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scienxe Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 Originally posted by fr8oholic: L7 atleast i got it fr8 -scienxe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8oholic Posted June 3, 2001 Share Posted June 3, 2001 this is so so so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy!wonka Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 Originally posted by IwearPinkShirts: Originally posted by B_As_In_Bot: I never experianced it, but one of my co-workers described to me what he called a submariner or titanic shit. He said as soon as he had finished, and the shit left his body he was still sitting on the bowl. He then swears that he felt something bump him directly in his ass. He could only speculate that his turd has fallen to the water and bobbed much like a cork, or that titantic effect, or a submarine resurfacing. or its even worse when you are having violent diarreah, and you pop a boner, and it starts rubbing against the inside of the bowl, so you try to move it, and it hits the shit water and the diarreah seeps into your urethra, and you try to piss but its clogged with diarreah so you cant piss and it builds up and then your dick turns purple/greenish-yellow and you have to go to the doctors and they ask you if you are gay and do guys up the ass and you say no and they say you lie and then inject you with shit and when you wake up you have breasts and no penis and are lying in the restroom at sears and there is a michael bolton song playing. not that its happened to me or anything. HO!SHIT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy!wonka Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 Originally posted by IwearPinkShirts: not that its happened to me or anything.[/b] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PERFECT ENDING..YOU'RE THE SHIT YOU PINK SHIRT WEARIN MUTHA FUCKA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy!wonka Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 BEING AT THE LOCAL POOL.... a life guard calls all the guys who are willing to come take a look in the girls bath room.WHAT WE WERE LOOKIN AT COULD ONLY BE CALLED "THE GORILLA SHIT" this thing was unexplainabley HUGE!it was ont the floor and smelt real bad..this life guard of the ghetto teased the female race for one of thier kind creating such a mess..it was a perfect day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy!wonka Posted June 4, 2001 Share Posted June 4, 2001 THE BIG MISTAKE we were out partying with chicks..my house is alway the last place of hanging out...while we were out in the front this hot chick wants to use my bathroom..so I send her in only to have her run out disqusted with luaghter..when i went in to investigate i saw a SHIT THE SIZE OF MY FORE ARM WITH A FORMATION AT THE END OF IT WHICH LOOKED LIKED A BABY'S DEFORMED HAND...look at you fore arm and bend you hand forward to make a claw...that is what i saw...the worst thing about it is that there was noooo toilette paper..it was a phantom shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GENERALHOLTZ Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 i'm the number one shit, the GENERALHOLTZ shit....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pacman Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 I saw this on a poster... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnes 37 Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 add me to the list cuz you know Gnes is the Shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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