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BluntedMonky

The Official Jokes Thread!

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post your jokes here......even if they arent funny.

 

One day a blonde was sitting beside a lawyer on an airplane and the lawyer sees the blond is going to fall asleep so the lawyer asks her if she wanted to play a game. So the blond asks what kind of game.

 

The lawyer says we ask each other questions and every one I get wrong I give you $100 and every one you get wrong you give me $5. And the blonde says no and goes back to sleep. Then the lawyer asks her again if she wanted to play the game and she says no and goes to sleep again.

 

Then the lawyer asks her one more time. So the blonde decides to since the lawyer won't shut up. Now first the lawyer asks "What's the capital of Washington?" The blonde doesn't know so she gives the lawyer $5. Now the blonde asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with 3?"

 

So the lawyer checks on the net in the encyclopedias and everything else possible and he can't find the answer so he gives the blonde $100. Then the lawyer asks the blonde what was the answer to that question. So the blonde reaches in her purse and gives the lawyer another $5 bill.

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HOw do you make a little kid cry twice?

wipe your bloody dick on its teddy bear

 

What do you say to a black jew?

Get to the back of the oven.

 

What do you call 5000000 dead black people at the bottom of a pool?

A good start.

 

 

 

 

Im not racist. THey are jokes. smile:D

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what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

 

Nothing shes already been told twice.

 

 

what do you call a 2 legged cow?

lean beef

 

what do you call a no legged cow?

ground beef.

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A Blonde's Brain At Work

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

 

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

 

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

 

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

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Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.

One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

 

"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Guest 455

muthafucka.dis God Damned thread is a joke,ya heard?

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A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

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Guest WebsterUno

*believe*

 

a joke threaad, without me in it!?!?!

 

 

Ok, ok....this only works when

everyone is drunk, ok, ok...here goes...

 

What has 2 thumbs, and loves sex?

 

 

*then, when the jokee, asks, "What?"*

 

You say, and point at yourself with

both thumbs up,

 

"THIS GUY!"

 

 

hahahahahahahahahahaha

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wow this is actually a joke thread and you guys come up with the "G A Y E S T " things possible.....and then you make up the stupidest thread and come up with the funniest things.....man wat up wit yall?

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not actually a 'joke' per se. but... somebody sent me this a few years ago, supposedly a true story... and I think it's funny... but I'm Smart...

 

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply:

 

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to it's origin."

 

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

 

"Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property arena, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. I hope to hell you are satisfied. Now, may we have our damn loan?

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Guest socrates

uhhh...i don't get it, I'm not "cultured"

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