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hallmark cards you will never see


Face Me Face Death
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> >WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT....................

> > > >

> > > > 1. So your daughter's a hooker,

> > > > and it spoiled your day.

> > > > Look at the bright side,

> > > > it's really good pay.

> > > >

> > > > 2. My tire was thumping.

> > > > I thought it was flat.

> > > > When I looked at the tire.

> > > > I noticed your cat. Sorry!

> > > >

> > > > 3. You had your bladder removed

> > > > and you're on the mend.

> > > > Here's a bouquet of flowers

> > > > and a box of Depends.

> > > >

> > > > 4. Happy Vasectomy!

> > > > Hope you feel zippy!

> > > > Cause when I had mine

> > > > I got real snippy.

> > > >

> > > > 5. Heard your wife left you.

> > > > How upset you must be.

> > > > But don't fret about it.

> > > > She moved in with me

> > > >

> > > > 6. You totaled your car.

> > > > And can't remember why.

> > > > Could it have been.

> > > > That whole case of Bud Dry?

> > > >

> > > > SOME CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK:

> > > >

> > > > "Looking back over the years that we've been

> > > > together, I can't help but

> > > > wonder: What the f*** was I thinking?"

> > > >

> > > > "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one

> > > > likes your wife."

> > > >

> > > > "How could two people as beautiful as you have such

> > > > an ugly baby?"

> > > >

> > > > "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone

> > > > to love. After having

> > > > met you, I've changed my mind."

> > > >

> > > > "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I

> > > > never believed in Hell til

> > > > I met you."

> > > >

> > > > "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that

> > > > you're not here to ruin it

> > > > for me."

> > > >

> > > > "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's

> > > > your sister."

> > > >

> > > > "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts

> > > > you've given me. Like the

> > > > need for therapy..."

> > > >

> > > > "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew

> > > > what evil was before

> > > > this!"

> > > >

> > > > "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,

> > > > would you like to take

> > > > this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it

> > > > again."

> > > >

> > > > "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

> > > >

> > > > "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...

> > > > Almost Lifelike!"

> > > >

> > > > "When we were together, you always said you'd die

> > > > for me. Now that we've

> > > > broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

> > > >

> > > > "I knew the day would come when you would leave me

> > > > for my best friend. So

> > > > here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

> > > >

> > > > "We have been friends for a very long time, what say

> > > > we call it quits."

> > > >

> > > > "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like

> > > > you're here."

> > > >

> > > > "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you

> > > > ever find out who the

> > > > father was?"

> > > >

> > > > "You are such a good friend that if we were on a

> > > > sinking ship and there was

> > > > only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think

> > > > of you often."

> > > >

> > > > "Your friends and I wanted to do something special

> > > > for your birthday - so

> > > > we're having you put to sleep."

> > > >

> > > > "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in

> > > > Alabama & Mississippi). >>

>>

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