Face Me Face Death Posted June 22, 2001 Share Posted June 22, 2001 > >WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT.................... > > > > > > > > 1. So your daughter's a hooker, > > > > and it spoiled your day. > > > > Look at the bright side, > > > > it's really good pay. > > > > > > > > 2. My tire was thumping. > > > > I thought it was flat. > > > > When I looked at the tire. > > > > I noticed your cat. Sorry! > > > > > > > > 3. You had your bladder removed > > > > and you're on the mend. > > > > Here's a bouquet of flowers > > > > and a box of Depends. > > > > > > > > 4. Happy Vasectomy! > > > > Hope you feel zippy! > > > > Cause when I had mine > > > > I got real snippy. > > > > > > > > 5. Heard your wife left you. > > > > How upset you must be. > > > > But don't fret about it. > > > > She moved in with me > > > > > > > > 6. You totaled your car. > > > > And can't remember why. > > > > Could it have been. > > > > That whole case of Bud Dry? > > > > > > > > SOME CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK: > > > > > > > > "Looking back over the years that we've been > > > > together, I can't help but > > > > wonder: What the f*** was I thinking?" > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one > > > > likes your wife." > > > > > > > > "How could two people as beautiful as you have such > > > > an ugly baby?" > > > > > > > > "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone > > > > to love. After having > > > > met you, I've changed my mind." > > > > > > > > "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I > > > > never believed in Hell til > > > > I met you." > > > > > > > > "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that > > > > you're not here to ruin it > > > > for me." > > > > > > > > "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's > > > > your sister." > > > > > > > > "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts > > > > you've given me. Like the > > > > need for therapy..." > > > > > > > > "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew > > > > what evil was before > > > > this!" > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, > > > > would you like to take > > > > this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it > > > > again." > > > > > > > > "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." > > > > > > > > "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... > > > > Almost Lifelike!" > > > > > > > > "When we were together, you always said you'd die > > > > for me. Now that we've > > > > broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise." > > > > > > > > "I knew the day would come when you would leave me > > > > for my best friend. So > > > > here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." > > > > > > > > "We have been friends for a very long time, what say > > > > we call it quits." > > > > > > > > "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like > > > > you're here." > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you > > > > ever find out who the > > > > father was?" > > > > > > > > "You are such a good friend that if we were on a > > > > sinking ship and there was > > > > only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think > > > > of you often." > > > > > > > > "Your friends and I wanted to do something special > > > > for your birthday - so > > > > we're having you put to sleep." > > > > > > > > "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in > > > > Alabama & Mississippi). >> >> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy!wonka Posted June 22, 2001 Share Posted June 22, 2001 those are great!!! A+ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siris Posted June 22, 2001 Share Posted June 22, 2001 NICE shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theFUME Posted June 23, 2001 Share Posted June 23, 2001 funni ------------------ "So analyze me surprise me but cant magmatize me" -nas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Rage- Posted June 23, 2001 Share Posted June 23, 2001 Hahaha, funny shit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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