Posted June 22, 200124 yr > >WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT.................... > > > > > > > > 1. So your daughter's a hooker, > > > > and it spoiled your day. > > > > Look at the bright side, > > > > it's really good pay. > > > > > > > > 2. My tire was thumping. > > > > I thought it was flat. > > > > When I looked at the tire. > > > > I noticed your cat. Sorry! > > > > > > > > 3. You had your bladder removed > > > > and you're on the mend. > > > > Here's a bouquet of flowers > > > > and a box of Depends. > > > > > > > > 4. Happy Vasectomy! > > > > Hope you feel zippy! > > > > Cause when I had mine > > > > I got real snippy. > > > > > > > > 5. Heard your wife left you. > > > > How upset you must be. > > > > But don't fret about it. > > > > She moved in with me > > > > > > > > 6. You totaled your car. > > > > And can't remember why. > > > > Could it have been. > > > > That whole case of Bud Dry? > > > > > > > > SOME CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK: > > > > > > > > "Looking back over the years that we've been > > > > together, I can't help but > > > > wonder: What the f*** was I thinking?" > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one > > > > likes your wife." > > > > > > > > "How could two people as beautiful as you have such > > > > an ugly baby?" > > > > > > > > "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone > > > > to love. After having > > > > met you, I've changed my mind." > > > > > > > > "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I > > > > never believed in Hell til > > > > I met you." > > > > > > > > "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that > > > > you're not here to ruin it > > > > for me." > > > > > > > > "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's > > > > your sister." > > > > > > > > "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts > > > > you've given me. Like the > > > > need for therapy..." > > > > > > > > "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew > > > > what evil was before > > > > this!" > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, > > > > would you like to take > > > > this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it > > > > again." > > > > > > > > "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." > > > > > > > > "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... > > > > Almost Lifelike!" > > > > > > > > "When we were together, you always said you'd die > > > > for me. Now that we've > > > > broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise." > > > > > > > > "I knew the day would come when you would leave me > > > > for my best friend. So > > > > here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." > > > > > > > > "We have been friends for a very long time, what say > > > > we call it quits." > > > > > > > > "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like > > > > you're here." > > > > > > > > "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you > > > > ever find out who the > > > > father was?" > > > > > > > > "You are such a good friend that if we were on a > > > > sinking ship and there was > > > > only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think > > > > of you often." > > > > > > > > "Your friends and I wanted to do something special > > > > for your birthday - so > > > > we're having you put to sleep." > > > > > > > > "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in > > > > Alabama & Mississippi). >> >>
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