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xen

that sounds horrible. i'm sorry to hear you're in that fucking place in your mind.

life kicks your ass sometimes and it feels like it aint worth going on

you're right that the DA has it out for you. fucked up shit.

 

truly, i hope things look up for you

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Thanks Symbols. Not gonna lie, I went and got me a pint of vodka and am drunk right now. I hate it but damn the relief of not fighting it for a minute.

I called my best friend and we laughed about the old times and my wife called. She'll be home in a few hours, mad at me for getting drunk but she'll be here. I'll be passed out but when I wake up, I'll talk to her and get back on track.

 

The thing that keeps fucking me up is the thought that people are mean and I can't get past that. I guess I'll call my shrink tomorrow.

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Just checking in. Great to see this thread still moving.

 

136 days sober today. Feeling a million bucks. Out in the city after watching some Aussie football live. Creating new memories that don't include me getting drunk and belligerent.

 

Blessed to live in a country with access to residential rehabs. Not sure I could have done this without being plucked from society for a period of time.

 

As they say, just doing it for today.

 

My props to anybody that has even the desire to stop drinking and drugging. Take the power back and start making your own choices.

 

RIP poz.

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Thanks Symbols. Not gonna lie, I went and got me a pint of vodka and am drunk right now. I hate it but damn the relief of not fighting it for a minute.

I called my best friend and we laughed about the old times and my wife called. She'll be home in a few hours, mad at me for getting drunk but she'll be here. I'll be passed out but when I wake up, I'll talk to her and get back on track.

 

The thing that keeps fucking me up is the thought that people are mean and I can't get past that. I guess I'll call my shrink tomorrow.

 

yeah, hell is other people.

you do have the people you have. your wife sounds pretty ride-or-die here.

it's scary to not have control over what's happening to you.

all you can control is your reaction.

 

Just checking in. Great to see this thread still moving.

 

136 days sober today. Feeling a million bucks. Out in the city after watching some Aussie football live. Creating new memories that don't include me getting drunk and belligerent.

 

Blessed to live in a country with access to residential rehabs. Not sure I could have done this without being plucked from society for a period of time.

 

As they say, just doing it for today.

 

My props to anybody that has even the desire to stop drinking and drugging. Take the power back and start making your own choices.

 

RIP poz.

 

holy shit, pro! welcome back. was wondering how long it would be until i heard from you. 136 days rules -- powerful stuff.

 

it's good to remember the show the next morning.

 

this!! live music is so much better now.

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3 years today.

in 2013 i was hospitalized with a BAC that should have killed me.

 

a lot of you were kind and helpful and listened throughout these years. thank you, sincerely.

 

i owe my life to sobriety and commitment to a 12-step program. i owe friendships made and maintained, a professional career crashed and restarted, a painting career that's now touched three continents and, lately, yielded something akin to an art career.

 

these have been 3 years i wasn't supposed to have. i buy that alcoholism and drug addiction is supposed to kill you, that it's less a threat, more a promise. my number was called in 2013. the longer i stay around the rooms, working a program, the longer i can put it off being called again.

 

RIP to the four people this disease took from my life in the past year; RIP to oontzers we've lost as well.

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Thanks Symbols. Not gonna lie, I went and got me a pint of vodka and am drunk right now. I hate it but damn the relief of not fighting it for a minute.

I called my best friend and we laughed about the old times and my wife called. She'll be home in a few hours, mad at me for getting drunk but she'll be here. I'll be passed out but when I wake up, I'll talk to her and get back on track.

 

The thing that keeps fucking me up is the thought that people are mean and I can't get past that. I guess I'll call my shrink tomorrow.

 

i found my path to sobriety easiest when i was angry at my own behavior.

i mediated on what i was doing that was creating problems for me until it made me WANT to stop doing it.

 

i'm not sure it's ever easy for anyone though... no matter what

when the rough patches come my mind drifts to the warmth some of those highs can provide

but it never lasts and i'm not sure it's worth the trouble

 

people fuckin suck.

right now we're at a very conflicted point in our culture. so much violence and hatred everywhere.

 

best of luck to you.

i'm glad you have a lady to lean on.

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what was that certification/journey like @fat ralphy ??

It took a couple years of night classes at a local JC....bumped me up in the career path because I work for the County I live in. Counselors make about 85K annual....the private sector of recovery can be easy to get into but the pay is not as good.

 

It's a rewarding job but it's also fucked up....right now I provide treatment to parolees and there is never a dull moment.

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that's because once you get old, the risk taking parts of your brain aren't out of control from being underdeveloped anymore

you get older and become literally more capable of understanding risk and consequence

 

http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

 

the part of your brain that develops the latest is the prefrontal cortex

that part of the brain controls -

 

  • Attention
  • Complex planning
  • Decision making
  • Impulse control
  • Logical thinking
  • Organized thinking
  • Personality development
  • Risk management
  • Short-term memory

 

This is definitely right on....

 

The other thing that happens which I find super valuable in staying clean and sober is that I have things I value now....when I was in my mid twenties before I got sober, nothing really mattered. Kicking it with homies, painting, getting fucked up.....basically all I cared about was having enough money to get loaded and pay bills.

 

Fast forward 10 years and I have things going on (kids,house,wife,school,career) and I literally would not drink or use because it would put that in jeopardy. Not to say I am not tempted.....shit I deal with relapse triggers still to this day.

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This is definitely right on....

The other thing that happens which I find super valuable in staying clean and sober is that I have things I value now....when I was in my mid twenties before I got sober, nothing really mattered. Kicking it with homies, painting, getting fucked up.....basically all I cared about was having enough money to get loaded and pay bills.

Fast forward 10 years and I have things going on (kids,house,wife,school,career) and I literally would not drink or use because it would put that in jeopardy. Not to say I am not tempted.....shit I deal with relapse triggers still to this day.

 

co-sign

 

i was in a crazy destructive spiral as a youngster that was born from the idea that my life was basically worthless

i had insane depression and instead of wanting to kill myself, mainly wished i'd never been born.

 

as i started to build a life for myself in my twenties i still liked to get fucked up but was also risking a lot more

then i almost died in a car wreck

nothing makes you realize what you have in life like facing death

and i did realize that i had a lot more than i thought. and i had a future. it helped a lot. it wouldn't be the end of my dependency issues

but it helped me start to get out of them and forced me to understand what i might lose

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  • 3 weeks later...

It's weird saying congratulations Shittles...Taste The Asshole :)

 

I've climbed out out of the depression quite a bit and cut a couple of people out of my life that should have gone a long time ago. Started going to see the shrink again and hitting a meeting when the work schedule allows it.

 

I have a lot of fuck off time at work and almost unlimited access to Painters Touch so I've started painting the cardboard inserts we put on the pallets. Talk about use it or lose it. I haven't put spray paint to any surface since before I joined this board. Paper and paint are 2 entirely different things but I am getting a bit better every week.

 

A bit of the confidence back and I'll spend lunch painting the grainers that come through. Getting my handstyle/moniker back in line thanks to a lifetime supply of white Markals and china markers

Keeps my mind off of wanting vodka for lunch and they don't give a fuck about the paint or markers.

 

xQ83J33.thumb.jpg.d545cae797f84c7ab43f21c60382dd83.jpg

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
right?? this completely goes against the idea that alcohol CAN BE a much more dangerous DRUG for not just an individual but anyone in their presence.

 

i hope someone sends symbols my obituary notice when i relapse & od from lack of positive reinforcement the "drug addicted" thread provided.

:mad: or :lol:

???

 

I've been going through stuff I have been gifted from Sword over time - sketches and stuff. This thread came to mind because we were talking about it when we were drinking one night a few years back, so I've been reading old posts.

This one is eerie. Dude was obviously joking since that's how his sense of humor was, but still. Gone but not forgotten, RIP Sword.

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Stay up indeed.

Got my 2nd son married off yesterday. Beautiful ceremony and know what I am doing. Been drinking pretty regular again but haven't started spiraling yet.

 

Thing is I like to drink. I like being able to sleep. I like not stressing on wanting to drink. I feel better mentally when I drink. Bottom line, I am going to drink and when I'm ready to stop again, I'll post here but being active again, I can't contribute to this thread and will bow out. Thank all of you for the words and support. May you be successful in your sobriety and I wish you all the best.

 

Embrace the contradiction and you'll feel us

RIP to the homies but long live the killers

--Lupe Fiasco

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I've been going through stuff I have been gifted from Sword over time - sketches and stuff. This thread came to mind because we were talking about it when we were drinking one night a few years back, so I've been reading old posts.

This one is eerie. Dude was obviously joking since that's how his sense of humor was, but still. Gone but not forgotten, RIP Sword.

Sad to see this post.....

 

RIP Swordfish Meatloaf.

 

Had some good times chatting with you on TC years ago. You went through a lot of rough shit but always had a sense of humor. Didn't know you beyond oontz and TC but could tell you were a good dude when it came down to it.

 

RIP homie....CODE4

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I've been going through stuff I have been gifted from Sword over time - sketches and stuff. This thread came to mind because we were talking about it when we were drinking one night a few years back, so I've been reading old posts.

This one is eerie. Dude was obviously joking since that's how his sense of humor was, but still. Gone but not forgotten, RIP Sword.

 

oh fuck. i guess? it was a joke but i feel obligated to mention that i never deleted the drug thread.

very sorry to see this.

 

the struggle is real.

Rest in Peace swordfish.

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I know this is the Alcoholism thread but I thought I should post this.

 

Heroin Epidemic's New Terror: Carfentanil

 

Animal tranquilizer that's fatal to humans has been turning up in heroin batches across the country – and killing unsuspecting users as it goes

 

This August, at least 96 heroin users overdosed in one devastating, brutal week in just one county in Ohio. It's believed that they were victims not only of their addictions to heroin, but of a synthetic opioid that some dealers are adding to the narcotic to give it an even more powerful – and completely deadly – kick: Carfentanil.

 

Carfentanil is the most potent commercial opioid in the world, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency. It is 10,000 times stronger than morphine, and at least 100 times more powerful than its analog, the opioid fentanyl, which was linked to Prince's untimely death. Carfentanil's only officially recognized use is to sedate large zoo animals like moose, buffalo and elephants. It takes just two milligrams of Carfentanil to knock out a 2,000-pound African elephant, and the veterinarians who administer the drug use gloves and face masks to prevent exposure to it, because a dose the size of a grain of salt could kill a person – and may be lethal even when absorbed through the skin. To be clear, Carfentanil is not for human consumption in any way. This does not stop drug dealers from adding a microscopic amount to heroin to give the drug an even more potent high – even though it's often fatal.

 

Related

rs-20040-20140326-heroin-x1800-1395864373.jpg.af68b72db1096eec38fbbefb4ea9565a.jpg

The New Face of Heroin

The explosion of drugs like OxyContin has given way to a heroin epidemic ravaging the least likely corners of America - like bucolic Vermont, which has just woken up to a full-blown crisis

 

"The side effect of Carfentanil is death," says Newtown, Ohio Police Chief Tom Synan, president of the Hamilton County Association of Chiefs of Police and member of the Hamilton County Heroin Coalition taskforce, created in 2015 after a spike in heroin use in the area. "This drug knocks out elephants, that should tell us how dangerous it is," says Synan. "If death is the first side effect, the second is an overdose that you may never come out of." According to his intelligence, Synan believes that Carfentanil could signal a new wave of synthetic opioid use. "What we saw in Cincinnati with the spike [in overdoses] was the literal transition from organic opiates, like heroin, to synthetic opioids like fentanyl and Carfentanil," says Synan.

 

Hamilton County, which includes Cincinnati, has been particularly hard struck by heroin. It's believed that one person dies from heroin every other day in the county. In 2014, in a county of 800,000 people, 10,000 heroin users moved through its criminal justice system – and those were just the ones who got caught. Thanks in part to dealers who cut fentanyl and Carfentanil into heroin, there were 177 heroin-related deaths in Hamilton County last year – nearly one every other day – according to a recent report from the Heroin Coalition. That number will most likely triple if not quadruple this year, as there were 35 overdoses and six deaths during a three-day span in July, and those 96 overdoses that shook the county during that fateful week in August, which resulted in three more deaths. "Our community is devastated by heroin and fentanyl abuse," Dr. Lakshmi Sammarco, the Hamilton County coroner said in a statement last July. "The fact that there is a new lethal drug that has been found on the streets in Hamilton County is devastating."

 

 

20r5xsj.jpg.35342faa337244e574b2e21d7360db85.jpg

A forensic drug analyst opens baggies containing various types of heroin, which are being examined at the Hamilton County Coroners Crime Lab, September 1st, 2016

 

 

After a rash of deaths in the surrounding areas in July, Hamilton County officials issued a public health warning about the drug, urging first responders to take precautions to avoid any contact with the lethal drug, including no longer field testing suspected heroin samples. "It's not worth the risk," says Synan. The DEA has issued a warning about the drug, as well. "When Carfentanil hit the streets, first responders responded to almost 200 overdoses and saved almost everyone's life, which is astonishing," says Synan, who credits the swift action of both the paramedics as well the Heroin Coalition for spreading the word about the dangers of Carfentanil.

 

According to Synan, the drug seems to mainly be coming from China, where it is illegal, but illicitly manufactured in secret labs before being shipped to the U.S. People order it online and ship it through the U.S. Postal Service, before it eventually makes its way into the local heroin supply. While killing your customer base is a bad business model, according to Synan, dealers cut heroin with Carfentanil because it requires only minuscule amounts – smaller than a grain of salt – to increase the drug's potency. That lets dealers increase their supplies without much additional cost and gives users a nearly lethal bang for their buck. "Users give the dealer a good review – just like you do with Starbucks or McDonald's – telling other users that this dealer has good stuff. Soon customers start to build up. If four or five people die, I still have a hundred or two hundred customers lined up," says Synan.

 

One reason that Carfentanil-laced heroin is so deadly is that most heroin users have no idea that they are ingesting Carfentanil. (According to Synan, some dealers have no idea they are selling it, either). In its liquid form, it is odorless and colorless and used in such microscopic amounts that even drug labs and medical examiners have a difficult time testing for it. Users may take their standard dose of heroin – not realizing that something far more deadly is in the mix – and overdose as a result.

 

Overdosing on Carfentil is not the same as overdosing on pure heroin, though. Not only is it incredibly powerful, but it is also incredibly resistant to naloxone, better known as Narcan, the opioid antidote that serves as the last line of defense against a heroin overdose. A typical heroin overdose requires one or two shots to work, but when heroin is laced with Carfentanil, it may require six or more shots to counteract the drug – if it works at all. "What first responders were finding is that it was taking IVs of Narcan in order to just sustain people," says Synan. In short, if you overdose, first responders may not be able to save you – or themselves, which is why the ban on field testing heroin was put into place. "Take this as a dire warning to all if you choose to purchase and use any forms of heroin," said Dr. Sammarco in her statement. "No one knows what other drugs may be mixed in or substituted and you may be literally gambling with your life."

 

 

2cr5994.jpg.11c688d3987b041940efc8ec46c7071c.jpg

Pharmacist Julia Landis of Fort Hamilton Hospital displays an opioid overdose kit in Hamilton, Ohio, last December.

 

 

Additionally, while first responders do their best to save overdose victims, Carfentanil is depleting supplies of Narcan across Hamilton County. A Cincinnati city spokesperson told the local Fox affiliate that the cost of the Narcan that's usually administered to users who have overdosed is $32 – and that's starting to add up.

 

It's not just Hamilton County that's suffering with the effects of Carfentanil, though. From July 5th to 26th, Akron police and paramedics handled 236 heroin overdoses, while, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer, Columbus had 10 overdoses – two fatal – in a nine-hour period. Law enforcement in western Pennsylvania have reported 200 recent overdoses in the region – roughly 20 of them fatal – that may be linked to Carfentanil, and the drug has been blamed for a spike in overdoses in Kentucky, Florida and Canada, according to The Washington Post. As the Carfentanil-related overdoses pile up, law enforcement officers around the country have struggled to find solutions. "You feel like a kid with his finger in the dike, you know?" Joseph Pinjuh, a Department of Justice drug task force chief based in Ohio, told the Associated Press. "We're running out of fingers."

 

On the local level, Synan and his team are gearing up for whatever comes next. "Drug cartels know their customers better than Avon does," says Synan. "There's going to be another drug out there soon and we're going to have to figure out how to respond to it."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Shit isn't a joke. Been fighting with it for the better part of a decade now, and since it's really taking off everywhere it makes it even harder now than it was 5 years ago.

 

I've been on methadone for a few years, tapering down right now and I'm about halfway through. Haven't used heroin since last year, but when I quit heroin and got on methadone I became an all-day-every-day drinker. When I got a job that stopped (just drank every night instead), but now I have a medical issue that worsens when I drink so I've been sober for a while, with slip ups here and there.

 

So to anyone who is dealing with any type of addiction, I wish you well. It's a constant struggle, and sometimes I almost feel that obsessing over not doing drugs is almost as bad as doing drugs, at least as far as mental health goes. Either way, it's too late to go back to normal now. Also, symbols, ralphy, and lugr, thanks for the kind words on Sword.

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  • 1 month later...

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