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Alcoholism


Step8

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been doing not bad...

 

but i've noticed the drinking creeping up through the week again. not to previous levels, but i seem to be missing the part where i have a few booze free days through the week...

 

still haven't been back to the doctors to get my follow up blood test, i just haven't had the time for whatever reasons...

 

i was at the doctors today because i'm fuckin' riddled with the bastardin' flu... and nothing was mentioned. i'll make the appointment once i'm feeling better though. plus i won't be drinking at all for whatever length of time that i have this whooooorin' strain of aids

 

i hope everyone else is ok...

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Nice one inj!

 

winter def triggers me - I generally hate it. Loads of emotional, bad, negative memories from winters, family stuff (violent christmases, humiliating birthdays, ahh the fun - if she could make it horrendous, my mother certainly would).

 

However. Curious bout this winter. In a different situation. Happier, more focused - I will say Baileys hot chocolates will be drunk most of winter, cos they are SO delicious. Mother not in contact apart from the occasional barrage of drunken voicemails.

 

Stay up y'all #proud

 

@ralphy - biggup mate, nicely done :)

 

Rolf - it's tricky to keep a lid on, fo sho. I noticed we're creeping up a bit too - Decy and I both got paid yesterday tho so had a teensy blowout, still in bed by midnight :) Decy however has reignited my love of cooking by not being a fussy babyish twat about all food, so we tend to concentrate more on what to eat/cook than what to drink. Def step up :)

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Day 14.

 

Stay strong everyone.

 

Started going to NA meetings, AA was just far too religious for me (yes, I understand NA is based on AA). Whatever works I guess.

 

I feel you on the religious stuff. I think certain groups will push the religion side of it more than others. I stopped going to meetings altogether for that reason as well.

 

It's a bummer that it ends up that way, that some people feel the need to push their beliefs on others. I understand that how AA is supposed to work is through the participant finding god and doing the steps. Some people were very insistent, with claims of wasted time and certain failure if you weren't connected with 'God'. What sucks about that situation is that it completely ignores the fact that a big chunk (all, in my case) of the effectiveness of AA comes from just being there and hearing stories about recovery, and being able to relate. All the steps and god shit aside, that is the part AA that i miss. You don't necessarily NEED God or even the steps to get and stay sober. Nor do those things mean certain sobriety. You just have to want it. And you have to learn how to incorporate sobriety into every day of your life... any situation. You can't control the addiction, but you can control your decisions based on awareness of the addiction.

 

Best of luck either way, Protester. Sometimes i feel like a broken record in this thread. I just know that when i was struggling with a similar dilemma, it would have put me somewhat at ease to hear some of these things rather than departing AA wondering if they were right about inevitable failure.

 

And in regard to Winter/triggers and all that... well, i'm welcoming Fall and all its rainy drear with open arms. Drink lots of coffee, read books, walk around. I dunno. I love this weather.

 

take care, folks.

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^ I use Acamprosate or 'Campral'.

 

@Poz; Cheers mate. Interestingly enough, I heard that all the new reprints of text for NA in the states are removing references to God and replacing it with 'Higher Power' - also removing the 'him' gender from some of the steps. Not sure how true it is, I heard it at my last meeting.

 

 

That has already been done here, but it doesn't solve the problem entirely. Nothing will; fact is, it's all based around Christianity.

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You're right about remembering what you're there to get out of it.

 

this.

the god talk is too much for me too, but it's not hard to look past that to the good people in there + other, more important stuff.

 

eventually it'll be other new people trying to get/stay sober themselves.

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this is a group that was composed for those not feeling AA because of the god stuff.

 

http://lifering.org/

 

 

I am not a Christian and some of the shit bugs me but I try and focus on the alcohol problem and shit.

 

POZ is right, AA was founded on the Oxford Group which was modeled on Christianity.

 

I have been disconnecting with AA for awhile now, hit 1 meeting in the last 3 or 4 months. I have been more active in other things that keep me developing. Meh, whatever.

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I went to a NA meeting for the first time in well over a year last night. It was pretty killer for a meeting although a bit crowded, I think that happens this time of year with back to school though as the meeting I go to is next to the University.

 

Back when I was first getting clean from narcotics I used to have a policy of going to a meeting if I was planning on getting loaded. Last night I had some time on my hands and was about ready to head to the store so I decided to hit a meeting instead, simple action still works I left the meeting no longer wanting to get wasted, come home and had a mellow evening watching the Kill Bill movies.

 

The word God was not mentioned once outside of the rigamarole at the beginning and the Serenity Prayer at the end.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This thread morphs the reality of the oontz. People drop the egos in this place.

Anyways...

 

My brother is pretty convinced he has cancer, says he has lumps showing up all over his body and shit, but really isn't happy in his situation so just maxed out his life insurance and death benefits with the company he works for. He has no intentions of fighting it at all, just waiting to die essentially.

I'm not sure that my Dad will be able to handle that shit, at all. He is just starting to begin to get over losing his wife of 36 years, losing a son would probably make him drink until his heart stops.... again... but not call 911 this time.

 

Life is a fuckin bitch right now. I am maintining at around 1.5 mg klonopin a day, and take effexor (which doesn't do shit but make my dick not stay up when it needs to, which is depressing. Counter-effective med.) I drink about 3-4 beers a day, or if I open a bottle of wine I finish it.

 

I can feel myself slipping back into my old mindset, and I almost welcome it right now. More carefree, but still productive. Might even get the old cans back out one day soon and find a bridge to tuck underneath. It's been a long fuckin time since I felt that relaxed...

 

WALL OFF TEXT. DID NOT READ.

 

-red.

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Really sorry to hear that man, that is ROUGH. Hope your brother can decide to change his mind. Life situations can always be changed if really needed.

 

So my friend that hurt himself from a fall blacked out was telling me that one of the realizations he made was that he's 'addicted to the chaos in life." One of the reasons he drank because it brought that in, and filled some sort of need for that. It makes a lot of sense. I can relate to where he's coming from, I'm sure most can.

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Haven't been doing too great. Still on methadone, but have been using dope on top of it. One more dirty UA from getting 21-day detoxed. Severely depressed. Have been drinking every night since about April or so, minus a few nights here and there (including last night). Not satisfied with life right now in the least... fuck it though. Hope everybody is doing well!

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he's 'addicted to the chaos in life." One of the reasons he drank because it brought that in, and filled some sort of need for that. It makes a lot of sense. I can relate to where he's coming from, I'm sure most can.

 

that self-destructive streak will kill you. it really will. and drinking enables it like nothing else i know.

not sure why nature would wire a brain to want to kill the person it controls. that's life i guess.

 

Haven't been doing too great. Still on methadone, but have been using dope on top of it. One more dirty UA from getting 21-day detoxed. Severely depressed. Have been drinking every night since about April or so, minus a few nights here and there (including last night). Not satisfied with life right now in the least... fuck it though. Hope everybody is doing well!

 

that "i don't want to wake up in the morning so i'll drink/use till i forget i have to" kind of lifestyle?

stay safe, and we're here.

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Yo red. Shit is hard man. Trying to help people that don't want it, kills me. Getting back in touch with things that used to make you happy without any substance sounds like a good look to me?

 

Yo sleazey. Seeking out drama/chaos is a pretty common trait of an addict.

 

I have physically started to write down when a craving hits me, and what I'm doing at the time. I know a lot of you are familiar with the journal/diary thing - and I'm sure most fucked it off pretty quick. Like after that first week sheet ran out that the GP gave you.

 

I'm on day 29 now, and for the first time through all of this, I was actually in a frame of mind to assess my frame of mind, and trust the assessment that I'd made.

 

The painful part of that is, there's a couple of things on that little list that weren't what I had attributed cravings before.

 

/hopingIain'tjustcrazy

 

Stay up, Kalash.

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