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Alcoholism


Step8

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word folks.

 

my pops has like 6 months sober....free from alcohol AND drugs.

 

yesterday he showed up to my sons birthday and I can honestly say it was like a completely different person.

 

feels good to have been the one to lead the family to the right path.

 

keep doing yer thugthizzle naggerz.

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The only way I can see getting through this weekend is with more booze

 

I'm scared, angry as fuck, and unsure what to do.

 

Do any of you have issues with anger drinking and what do you do to chill out so you don't ragedrink?

 

in the immediate timeframe i woulda said take a deep breath and ...

 

arranged to go away for the weekend to chill with special people who love me so feeling a lot better now.

 

... so boom, props to you.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer

 

I do not now, nor have I ever engaged in prayer.

 

That said the serenity prayer contains a very appropriate message for addicts in my assessment.

 

To be in a state of rage is to be beyond your own control but if you change your mindset a bit you can find a path that is free of rage. You will never find a life that is free of things to be angry about. The decisions we make and those made by those we love and associate with can reduce or increase situations which are troubling but life will always include problems.

 

I am always reticent to use words like "control" in discussions about recovery because I think there is a lot of incorrect thinking on the question of willpower. Control and willpower have very little to do with getting or staying sober. Once I was sober I found that I had a lot more control than before. It does not mean that I can dictate the world around me but I do have the freedom to dictate how I respond to it and that alone is worth the price of admission to me.

 

It is sobriety that gives you control, not the other way around.

 

Serenity is like many things of elegance, holding on to it with your heart and mind can be both the easiest and hardest thing in the world depending on how you take it.

 

Motherfucking post of the year right here.

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Cheers Inj, it was totally the right decision. Had a good chat with two people i needed to (one being Decy) and came to some realisations/decisions

 

After the last bit of fuckery from my ex, having the landlord text hassle me to move out 10 days early - he literally wanted me to come home and get all my stuff out cos he's already move my replacement into someone else's room (!!!) the idea of emotionally battling for my rights was the last straw

 

I am TERRIFIED that I can drink an entire bottle of rum solo. In one night. Neat. From the bottle. I am about 6.5 stone (finally putting weight on after years battling EDs and recovery) so this is not a normal tolerance

 

I have been using alcohol to cope with London life which is not for me.

 

So I applied for that degree (creative arts therapy studies) and I'm leaving.

 

handed in my notice this morning

 

off to a city where I can paint in peace and learn to get better and have some chill headtime and where I got OLDSCHOOL friends who know the signs

 

I don't have family so having good friends is important

 

doctor this week to chat about my mental health cos I am NOT going back through the breakdowns/self-harm/shitfuckery, I have finally dragged myself out of it and I am not going back in.

 

Thank you everyone for bearing with me while I lose my shit haha and ofc all your words of wisdom. I feel like oontz is a special place :)

 

ooh, what's that? a light at the end of the motherfuckin tunnel

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The serenity prayer is posted above the entrance/exit to my crib. It helps.

 

Going to see a doctor about depression and anxiety issues related to the loss of a family member, one year later I'm still fucked in the head. I actually plan to tell the doc how much I have honestly been drinking, and for how long, and see what they think about it.

 

Did you see the doc yet redeye?

 

Been through (last breakdown was after my dad died) so DM me if you wanna chat.

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Just got back from the doc, got an antidepressant (effexor) and and anti anxiety (xanax).

 

The next couple weeks are going to be really fucking hard. Hopefully the drugs will help me stay away from the booze, as fucked up as that is...

 

Ok I've been creeping on this thread for the last few weeks cuz I'm kicking a weed habit I've had for like 12 years and reading y'all's stuff has been kind of helpful. So please don't take this the wrong way but have you ever taken Xanax? I use to love that shit as a recreational drug. My sister was seriously addicted to it all through high school. She tried to kill herself by OD'n on it a few years ago. I don't trust Xanax I know your going through some things with a family member dying, I saw some of that. Just please be very, very careful with that shit. don't trade one addiction for another. I would recommend you ask your doc for Kelonapin (sp?) it's basically the same thing just far less addictive. I'm actually surprised your doc didn't try that first, your in the U.S. right? Most try that first because of the addiction problems with Xanax. Also, it's just easier to function throughout the day on K's than it is on Xanax. I know what your going through with the death in your family I lost someone a year and a half ago, it still kills me everyday. I commend you for dealing with it like a man and getting the help you need. Just be careful legal drugs can be just as dangerous as street drugs I've lost a lot of friends to them as well.

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I consider xanax to be a harder drug than heroin, I understand how dangerous this drug is and how slippery the slope is to dependence and tolerance. I asked for help to ween myself off of a 1mg/day for a month habit, and i got the help I need.

 

I also got an AA meetings sheet for the new area that I am going to be in. I'm finally ready to get back into the rooms and listen to some real advice, and offer some war stories and life experience stories. Time to get shit in order again.

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I consider xanax to be a harder drug than heroin, I understand how dangerous this drug is and how slippery the slope is to dependence and tolerance. I asked for help to ween myself off of a 1mg/day for a month habit, and i got the help I need.

 

I also got an AA meetings sheet for the new area that I am going to be in. I'm finally ready to get back into the rooms and listen to some real advice, and offer some war stories and life experience stories. Time to get shit in order again.

 

Well it sounds like your prepared with a plan and that your aware of the possible side effects, which is good. I'm sorry if I over stepped an bounds, but ever since I saw my sister almost die from that shit it scares the hell out of me.

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Well it sounds like your prepared with a plan and that your aware of the possible side effects, which is good. I'm sorry if I over stepped an bounds, but ever since I saw my sister almost die from that shit it scares the hell out of me.

 

I don't think any boundaries are being overstepped by suggesting caution.

Most pill addicts i knew were also alcoholics. I imagine it was alcohol that lead them to pills in the first place.

I never had much issue with any other drugs while i was drinking, but i know to be very careful now, even in sobriety. Addictive personalities are addictive personalities. If we have some substance that 'improves' our life, we're going to use it, and knowing how most of us function, we'll eventually abuse it. Think about how we got to where we are with alcohol.

It might not be an overnight addiction, but they're waters i'm not really anxious to dip my feet in.

At the same time, though, if i break my arm and i'm prescribed pain meds, i'm not going refuse them. The line is a little fuzzier with all these anxiety/mental drugs, though.

Red, I'm sorry it always seems that I'm undermining your posts. It's not my intention. I know you said you understand how serious Xanax is.

I just wish the best for all of y'all, and advice and opinions are what we're here for.

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POZ, I don't consider it undermining at all, only saying my own concerns out loud. My intention is to use these drugs to break my mental patterns and rearrange the chemical pathways in my brain, so that when I stop the drugs it makes more sense to be happy and sober than miserable and treating misery with a toxin. The longer you live in misery, the more the brain is structured to stay that way, and it sometimes takes chemical involvement to break those patterns.

 

Without getting into too much detail, several family members have stated their concern that I am holding onto grief too tightly, especially after this period of time, and it's time to try something new that has better potential in the long run to be a healthy choice.

 

I guess we'll just see if I fuck up or not, I don't know if I will either, but I envision my future clean of drugs and alcohol. That is my goal.

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couple of weeks ago i htought i was a person that could drink without going to meetings and be fine. i discovered last night that i need meetings. i drank abvout 2-4 4lokos a day for that 2 weeks and started doing xanax again. im gonna start the steps again and shit and maybe even finish them bitches.

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The day by day shit is what gets me, I can go a few days without drinking, but beyond that I can't resist. Part of me wants to stop, but another part of me feels as though nothing will change. I have a few homies that quit, and they say their life is the same, but they are happier, and healthier. I have a hard time getting over the initial first stage of stopping. Life seems so slow when I'm sober, and I get bad anxiety. It's like if I don't get fucked up I'm going to do some stupid shit to feel that void. Although that's not to say I don't do stupid shit when I'm drunk; I fucked up every chance of a relationship I have ever had, caught charges, fought with friends, and lost friends due to this shit. Shit fucks with my head, but I'm making an effort to slow down, and it is working, just don't know if I'm strong enough to just quit.

 

What up Fat Ralphy! Been a minute since we chilled, glad to hear you and your fam are doing well.

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The day by day shit is what gets me, I can go a few days without drinking, but beyond that I can't resist. Part of me wants to stop, but another part of me feels as though nothing will change. I have a few homies that quit, and they say their life is the same, but they are happier, and healthier. I have a hard time getting over the initial first stage of stopping. Life seems so slow when I'm sober, and I get bad anxiety. It's like if I don't get fucked up I'm going to do some stupid shit to feel that void. Although that's not to say I don't do stupid shit when I'm drunk; I fucked up every chance of a relationship I have ever had, caught charges, fought with friends, and lost friends due to this shit. Shit fucks with my head, but I'm making an effort to slow down, and it is working, just don't know if I'm strong enough to just quit.

 

I've found so far that sobriety isn't a magic wand that makes life better ... you gotta make those changes yourself. But sobriety stops you from sitting in neutral and makes you able to actually make those changes. Makes you into a more capable human. That's all i'm here for ... i'm not really capable of living normally otherwise.

 

And don't feel like you're the exception in thinking "why would anything get better i might as well drink". I couldn't begin to get/stay sober until i ended up with a scar over my eye that i get to face in the mirror every day for the rest of my life... and realized that I could have lost my sight, gotten brain damage, or died the night I was hospitalized. Some people need a BIG FUCKING REMINDER, i'm one of them. What's cool about talking to others in recovery is that hopefully they can help catch you before you get your big fucking reminder.

 

Without this scar I could probably fall back into old/shitty ways of thinking pretty easily.

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When it gets bad enough, you'll know how to stop. Just hope that "bad enough" doesn't have the devastating consequences for you that it has for some.

 

My breaking point was one of the most thorough blackouts i've gone through, coupled with an injury, as well as some of the worst withdrawals i could imagine... feeling your body barely stumbling through its normal functions was pretty intense. Those nightmares, the sweat, the smell, the hallucinations... and picking up the pieces. I told myself it was the last time... and it was.

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hey guys. i hope this helps people in the same boat, or ocean

 

im on day 1 on benzo withdrawals.

 

i hit dude up last night for shit and he got red flagged for his script. instant panic.

 

somebackground on me..

 

been on a relapse for about 3 weeks. i have never been sober for more than 16 days plus. relapse started with vicodin which i could maintain, to xanax when the watsons werent there . had a good 2 years in the whole scene and then third year, i continued on opiates nd benzos off and on and i didnt say shit, and nobody knew.

 

today i readmittted to myself that i am completely powerless over this drug. im havin the shakes, little hallucinations if i look at something for too long, absolutely NO sleep. but the worst is the mental feelings, having this feeling, a horrible, depressive, hopeless feeling.etc....

 

I would eat bars for anxiety but i would eat some more to forget I'm here, and not there.

i fear to feel because i have felt, and thats why im here. feeling again

 

i got a sponsor today. my first time ever asking out for one and dude is mad cool, we talked after a meeting. he said if you make it thru tonight without using then hes got me 110% you know, im going thru this because of drugs and because i am off of them due to not knowing where to scoop.i would give anything to stop this feeling.

 

I get a msg from hookup 3 hrs ago, while typing this, saying he has both xanax and norcos. I have money and transportation. i want to be able to sleep. im writing this because I DONT have what it takes to do it on my own. i began typing this 5 hrs ago and if I didnt, I wouldnt have remained sober

 

goodlooks injury, tdb, and everyone else

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Pillow,

 

Dude sorry I didn't see this earlier

 

PM me. Any time.

 

The stuff about feeling I get 100%. I spent at least a decade running away from any real feelings I had - whole reason I still post in this thread. I get you, so if you need someone to chat to, you're more than welcome to get in touch. I speak way too much now about everything emotional and to do with my bg, totally mad open, cos I still haven't learned how to regulate - ha, as you can see on this forum a lot ;)

 

I really hope you got through the night ok. The sponsor thing is awesome, not only just cos you have support but cos it is a step in the right direction.

 

Let us know how you got on?

 

Everyone -

 

This thread is a support and a kind and awesome place. You guys rock. The self-knowledge and honesty is what will get all of us through our various shit. I hope you all are good?

 

Thought - I keep saying I should stop drinking. Then I spend a lot of time drunk. Been a while since an unsolicited meltdown on my part - I did kick some trash out of my life recently which has helped. It is fucking difficult to overcome the habit and the culture though. Drink is so destructive and yet so prevalent and accepted. I hope you are doing ok today.

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A good friend of mine is kicking alcohol at the moment. Says he doesn't even miss it cuz it was just getting too hard on him. Hurt more than it 'healed' at this point in life. And he's also gonna have a kid, so just more incentive. He's also kicking weed, but plans to go back to it once he levels out. I'm mad proud of him and all the sober friends in my life.. I can see that at some point I'll need to join them...

 

Respect for all you seeking a better life.

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I'm on week 54 alcohol free and I've been having a lot of dreams where I fuck up and have a beer. In the dreams I remember feeling so guilty and stupid for relapsing.

 

^^^ I don't think I could have quit booze without weed and I've got it completely under control, just a couple bowls a day keeps me from goin nuts.

 

Good luck to you all.

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