Alcoholism

[injury]

If you want to give up the piss, do not come to Berlin, ever, 40 Cent beers has me fading away

 

 

eh. if you want to stay sober, you'll stay sober.

that's different from knowing that being sober is better, but still wanting to drink/use. that state probably isn't one you should be traveling in.

 

if you want to stay sober, shit like that shouldn't even nag ya :rolleyes:

[redeyedanimal]

For me, if I decide I want something, I am going to find it. It is something that I got very good at in my years of using.

Today I appreciate the freedom that I enjoy, and I hope to keep myself out of my own way, because most often I am the root of my own problems.

[injury]

great day ... finally found someone in the program who i can chill with/actually have something to talk about besides our own lives and how we're coping with them, only took 9 months.

 

that part feels like an accomplishment, honestly. it's been years - real years - since i've been able to pick up and maintain a new friendship owing to being so selfish & inside my addictions. this is just the beginning but here's hoping there are many more.

 

also, randomly at my meeting tonight this girl was there:

 

some girl with just a few months shared at a meeting last friday that she lost two people close to her within a few days of each other, which i can deeply relate to (lost 2 people in 48 hours a few years ago). i offered her my number for support from someone who remembers how that feels... i hope she hasn't relapsed or done something stupid. she's attractive, so i'm hesitant to be any more proactive than that at the risk of even appearing to be another dick in AA who hits on vulnerable girls.

 

i broke my self-promise to not bother her and texted her around 3/16, wishing well. she had gone out by that point but seemed happy about it, so i said hey, hope it goes alright, and haven't heard from her since. she was most of a wreck this evening and expressed real, geniune regret at going out - and fear that things had gotten so much worse in her short relapse. this shit is a disease, y'all... hope you all are still working it.

[CardboardCondo]

so in AA/NA i know its frowned upon to date within the first year of sobriety. but what about casual sex. and hookers for that matter.? not wondering for myself, but for a... a friend.. yea that's it.

[morton]

I would only posit that you should conduct yourself in a way that shows integrity and self respect.

 

Fucking any willing candidate and certainly prostitutes, does not fall into that approach to life, in my assessment.

 

Not related to recovery per se but I have engaged in a fair amount of promiscuous activity in the past that was pretty groovy, and some that I seriously regret. The regrets come from a kill em all approach, a little selective judgement, especially in regards to mental and emotional health can go a long way.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

Morton knows what's up.

If you feel a strong enough urge that you're willing to fuck a hooker, the addictive side of your personality is probably not being controlled as well as it needs to be to stay sober.

I can't personally empathize with ever feeling like paying for sex is an option, but I hope you're able to reign that shit in.

 

I'm still at it. My good homie and his lady came out to visit a week ago. They're a solid 7 years my senior, but he and I both went at it really hard for some overlapping years... partied pretty hard together. About a year and a half before I got sober he swung through town, after having moved away, and stayed over for a few nights. He had been working offshore and hadn't been drinking for several months, so we got real loose. Ended up recklessly smashing some freeway spots near my pad, and kinda burning shit out. I somehow managed to go to work one morning after and when I came back he was gone. He basically disappeared, and I get a call from his lady a few days later asking where he was... she obviously didn't believe that I had no idea. He ended up holing up in a cheap hotel and getting plastered... basically standard-issue late stage alcoholic shit... you know the rest. He got sober after that. About a year later, I recreated a very similar scenario and upon reflection it helped me realize what I needed to do to save my ass. I feel bad for airing out his story, but I'm sure he'd be okay with it, given the audience. If you're reading this D, I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries.

Anyway, it was rad seeing him. I hadn't since he'd gotten sober, but we'd stayed in touch via phone and all. It's crazy how even ~4 years later we're still so much alike. Living in Portland and feeling like a lot of the dudes up here aren't on the same page, it was a breath of fresh air knowing that I wasn't doomed to have to keep motherfuckers at arm's length. When you go through heavy shit with people, there's a damn strong bond that forms. I'm super thankful that I have friends like him.

Incidentally, his lady and I set our parents up (her mom, my pops) on a date and they ended up getting hitched. If only they knew the roots of our friendship, and all the chaos that lead to their marriage. Now I just hope homie and homegirl get married, for the selfish reason of me being able to call him my brother. It's actually pretty much inevitable at this point...

 

Anyway, take care folks.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

Also: I've been eating weed butter to help me sleep. I pretty much do not like being high at all, never have, but if I eat a little bit with peanut butter and a cracker before bed, I fall asleep in an instant. I sleep soundly, and wake up ready to handle shit out of the gate. I've taken a week without it, and my sleep has been shitty at best. Lots of waking up in the middle of the night, with no ability to fall back to sleep. I feel a lot more frazzled throughout the day, and in turn don't get as much done... and I've been a lot less stoked throughout the workday. My skateboard ish seemed to be progressing, too, with the extra energy I've been allotted.

I've tried melatonin as an alternative and it makes me feel physically tired, but it didn't lull my mind the way the weed does. I wake up feeling groggy, too.

I realize addiction is addiction is addiction, but the pros of the weed-as-sleep-aid seem to outweigh the cons. I definitely do not want to fuck with Ambien or any of the prescription solutions, as I know people who've had an array of issues with them.

 

Ideally I'd sleep like I do whilst high, without being high, but it's a pretty consistent issue now. Without it, I'd bet that 6 of 7 nights pass with subpar rest.-

Thoughts?

[CILONE/SK]

I wonder if that your sub conscience is telling you that it is ok and outweighing in the benefits of it, because of addiction?

[Fist 666]

I've had serious sleep issues since I got back from Afghanistan.

 

I've been on about a dozen rx meds and they have pretty much all lost any efficacy on me.

 

At this point the most consistent thing I've found is zzzquil. Its just diphenhydramine (basically benadryl) in 25mg or 50mg. Generics are cheap, I don't fall asleep quickly, at all, but I do stay asleep for the most part once I'm out.

 

I don't fuck w/ marijuana anything even though its legal in my state. Just not a fan of being high.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

I wonder if that your sub conscience is telling you that it is ok and outweighing in the benefits of it, because of addiction?

 

I've definitely tried to play devil's advocate (I.E. 'you're just rationalizing it') but it hasn't yielded much.

 

The way I see it is as follows: My work productivity has increased significantly. I've felt sharper throughout the day. I've been more socially on-point. I've had more energy. The list goes on, and that's not just a figure of speech.

 

All if this is indirect; I am not high during any of these daily activities. If alcohol had yielded these same results, you can bet I would still be drinking. After even the most fun night of drinking, there was no way I was feeling any of the aforementioned effects that weed seems to be providing me with if I eat some before bed.

I'm not needing to be under the influence to get these results, I use weed as a sleep aid, which in turn improves my overall functionality.

I'm kind of hurriedly writing this, as I have to go pick my lady up, so it's not as thought-out as I'd like, but I think I'm getting my point across.

It's kind of like coffee: I definitely feel like I need a cup to get my day started. Is it a good thing to depend on it? Probably not. Does shit hit the fan if I can't have coffee? No.

My problem with alcohol was the indifference that came with drinking it. I stopped giving a fuck about anything. That's the nature of alcohol... it's destructive. Weed doesn't have those same traits at all for me, nor for most i'd venture to guess.

 

With the addiction-is-always-bad line of though, I supposed I should quit skateboarding, because I depend on it to add to my happiness. If I don't get to skateboard fairly regularly, I definitely don't feel as good as when I DO get to.

That's bogus. I'm not some zen master who forges happiness from some wacky meditative hippy shit. Fuck all that. (not hating on meditation, as I think it's something we all do, whether we know it or not... I just don't think it's this tangible thing you need to be in a robe, sitting cross-legged to do)

 

And to Fist: I have used Nyquil (and other sleep aids with the same ingredient) on occasion, but Diphenhydramine gives me RLS pretty consistently. I'm not sure why it is, but nearly every time I take it, I end up squirming for an hour or two after. Needless to say, I'm not too big on that side effect.

[Fist 666]

That sucks. I've quit a few meds over that.

 

I'm in the process of finding a therapist... Its been a long time coming, probably should have seen one a couple years before my divorce. But I guess its better late than never? I'm kind of counting on being recommended anti-depressants. I haven't been on any since high school, I quit those because of side effects. Curious to see what this round of effort in my life will bring me...

[PITOFZOMBIES]

That sucks. I've quit a few meds over that.

 

I'm in the process of finding a therapist... Its been a long time coming, probably should have seen one a couple years before my divorce. But I guess its better late than never? I'm kind of counting on being recommended anti-depressants. I haven't been on any since high school, I quit those because of side effects. Curious to see what this round of effort in my life will bring me...

 

Yeah... RLS is frustration in it's purest form.

Good luck with the therapy shit. I had to do a few months of it for court as a youngster, and it was definitely useful, but it wasn't magic for me. I'm sure your experience will be different than mine was at 16.

[injury]

good luck on therapy fist.

 

POZ ... i would argue that sleep aids are just as habit forming (more so, probably) than weed. i think your caution is responsible & necessary but i don't really see a problem.

 

a key part to alcoholism is how it made your life unmanageable.

waking up coherent and useful everyday sounds like a far cry from unmanageability.

[redeyedanimal]

I've had serious sleep issues since I got back from Afghanistan.

 

I've been on about a dozen rx meds and they have pretty much all lost any efficacy on me.

 

At this point the most consistent thing I've found is zzzquil. Its just diphenhydramine (basically benadryl) in 25mg or 50mg. Generics are cheap, I don't fall asleep quickly, at all, but I do stay asleep for the most part once I'm out.

 

I don't fuck w/ marijuana anything even though its legal in my state. Just not a fan of being high.

 

My old Kung-fu instructor (tuhan of Western Hemisphere) instructs most of the veterans in his classes to drink catnip tea, cup after cup, until they fall asleep. When I was on probation and was being forced to stay clean, I did this pretty often and it worked for me. It seems odd, but it did work for me.

 

Also, I was on antidepressants for a while recently after my mom passed, and quit because of the side effects as well. My doc switched me to Wellbutrin, and I don't take it every day, but it helps a lot for me. It's not one of those drugs you have to ween off of, you can quit cold turkey anytime without side effects (as far as I know), and it doesn't keep me stuck in that middle ground of not being happy or sad, just neutral. I actually feel good, and it helps me to keep focused on the good things in my life.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

 

a key part to alcoholism is how it made your life unmanageable.

waking up coherent and useful everyday sounds like a far cry from unmanageability.

 

That's what I'm saying. I'm just keeping my wits about me with it, as I don't want another destructive addiction to sneak up on me. With weed, I can't imagine that'll ever happen. Apple and oranges though, I reason.

 

Red- I think I have a small bladder, and I'm kind of OCD about peeing too, so if I have to go at all when I'm trying to relax, even just a little, I'll get up and go to the bathroom. Needless to say, going to bed with a full bladder invariably means I wake up in the middle of the night and drag myself out of bed to piss as a result. I'd be tempted to try the tea thing if I didn't have those issues though.

[morton]

Approaching the use of recreational drugs from the rational of needing to use in order to function normally seems on the face of it to be a dubious proposition.

 

As with all things, time will tell.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

Approaching the use of recreational drugs from the rational of needing to use in order to function normally seems on the face of it to be a dubious proposition.

 

As with all things, time will tell.

 

Yeah, that's pretty much why I'm bothering with posting. The thing is, I've always had sleep issues... it isn't the result of some habit being kicked. It wasn't all that obvious during my drinking years, as booze works as a sleep aid for most people, at least in that it lets us pass out without much issue. The sleep is not all that great though, of course.

 

At the end of the day, of course I'd prefer to be able to knock out in bed and sleep the night through without any help. Alas, that doesn't seem to be an option at the moment, so I'm doing what I can to maintain my mental health. A shitty night's sleep after a long day is one of the most aggravating things you can deal with.... multiply that time 5 or 6 and you quickly become a not-so-happy camper.

I'm not all that worried about it anymore after having spewed some of my thoughts out here.

 

I'm definitely going to be attentive, keeping an eye out for any issues that might develop.

[redeyedanimal]

I bet if you decide weed isn't for you, you won't have any withdrawal effects. Just saying.

[morton]

I certainly recall becoming agitated and generally at ill ease when I would go without weed when I was a daily user. POZ has already put forward that he can not sleep without, would not insomnia qualify as a withdrawal effect in this case?

 

My personal experience has indicated that for me, using any mind altering substance can lead to progressive and compulsive use.

[injury]

just checking in. had a great day that wouldn't have been possible if i was drinking yet i'm home relaxing and getting triggered real bad.

 

still belong here.

[heather lewis]

It's kind of like coffee: I definitely feel like I need a cup to get my day started. Is it a good thing to depend on it? Probably not. Does shit hit the fan if I can't have coffee? No.

 

 

for me the day i's a disaster if I don't have my coffee. I also need that ritual, getting coffee is the best part of my day. it's ME time.

 

Shout out to POZ for being there to talk whenever. Much appreciated.

[PITOFZOMBIES]

I certainly recall becoming agitated and generally at ill ease when I would go without weed when I was a daily user. POZ has already put forward that he can not sleep without, would not insomnia qualify as a withdrawal effect in this case?

 

My insomnia was present before i started using weed as a sleep aid, and it's there when I don't use it. In this case, it's definitely not withdrawal that's keeping me awake. Most of the time I'm awake, it's usually out of excitement... I.E. having something I'm looking forward to doing the next day. Not the worst problem in the world I guess, but it's still aggravating.

Meh. We've all got a lot in common, but we all have our differences too. I'm just glad I don't ever have to drink again. We can all, uhh, NOT drink to that.

[xen]

Also: I've been eating weed butter to help me sleep. I pretty much do not like being high at all, never have, but if I eat a little bit with peanut butter and a cracker before bed, I fall asleep in an instant. I sleep soundly, and wake up ready to handle shit out of the gate. I've taken a week without it, and my sleep has been shitty at best. Lots of waking up in the middle of the night, with no ability to fall back to sleep. I feel a lot more frazzled throughout the day, and in turn don't get as much done... and I've been a lot less stoked throughout the workday. My skateboard ish seemed to be progressing, too, with the extra energy I've been allotted.

I've tried melatonin as an alternative and it makes me feel physically tired, but it didn't lull my mind the way the weed does. I wake up feeling groggy, too.

I realize addiction is addiction is addiction, but the pros of the weed-as-sleep-aid seem to outweigh the cons. I definitely do not want to fuck with Ambien or any of the prescription solutions, as I know people who've had an array of issues with them.

 

Ideally I'd sleep like I do whilst high, without being high, but it's a pretty consistent issue now. Without it, I'd bet that 6 of 7 nights pass with subpar rest.-

Thoughts?

 

I had that problem the last time I sobered up. I made it 8 months and absolutely could not have done it without Ambien. Non habit forming and does exactly what it is supposed to. I was always asleep in about half an hour and stayed asleep for 6 hours straight, no pill hangover.

 

The time I did it cold turkey, it was about 7 months before I could just sleep normal. I just don't like pills.

[+plus+]

well things were going well, but last friday i think it was, I drank almost an entire bottle of Old grandad whiskey

 

Was not drunkm not drunkm then boom blkackout

 

woke up to whiskey strewn all over the house and the bottle in the fridge with the cap off,

 

didnt embarrass myself too bad besides facebook messaging people and drunk text/calling

but was kind of a wake up call. I drank that much alone and it only made things worse

 

 

Looked back and I have had great times with booze but also some of the worst moments of my life

 

My dad is one who cant stop once he starts along with my mom who are both sloppy drunks

 

I blackout after like 8 drinks if Im drinking fast and do retarded shit like a bunch of throwies on a place right by my house with my actuall name

 

time to stop for a while and re calibrate my brain

 

Also im a skinny nigga but I have a small beer belly so it looks really fucking weird

 

like wiz khalifa with a beer gut

[+plus+]

It has become a trend where every week I repair my damages from last druken binge then go on another and spend way too muc money then repeat

 

Also my weed smoking has been out of control but weed makes me not want to blast myself in the cranium so I may just stick to only in moderation w dat

[+plus+]

Everyone is like "stop drinking when you get drunk" but when Iget drunk it disable3s that part of my brain and the only logical step is more alcohol till I pass out

It is like the booze takes over and me is riding shotgun watching the show

[PITOFZOMBIES]

Everyone is like "stop drinking when you get drunk" but when Iget drunk it disable3s that part of my brain and the only logical step is more alcohol till I pass out

It is like the booze takes over and me is riding shotgun watching the show

 

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that resonates with every single alcoholic on the planet. There are only two things you can count on yourself to do when you're drinking: Drink more + sleep (eventually)

[+plus+]

Yea seeing thowies you did of your actual name by your house is not a good feeling

[+plus+]

apt i dont have a house llol

[injury]

i'll add my $0.02 in here as well. would prefer to start here...

 

Everyone is like "stop drinking when you get drunk" but when Iget drunk it disable3s that part of my brain and the only logical step is more alcohol till I pass out

It is like the booze takes over and me is riding shotgun watching the show

 

this is how i drank, no doubt. it was a lot of fun at first too, and i remember when there didn't seem to be consequences to acting like this. in my last 6 months of drinking, though, i:

- lost 3 teeth, either entirely or partially, from going headfirst into the sidewalk;

- got arrested for public intox;

- lost my job;

- lost a girlfriend.

 

and you know what? as all of this kept happening (it happened in that order, mostly) i kept drinking and actually drank more. isn't that insane? the one thing that was helping me ruin my life completely was also becoming all i wanted. dude, the consequences of your drinking/"the show" will probably get worse. that's the path that most of us find ourselves on and it doesn't usually end well.

 

It has become a trend where every week I repair my damages from last druken binge then go on another and spend way too muc money then repeat

 

if you ever stop living this way, you'll look back and get amazed at how stressful and exhausting and not fun the constant crisis lifestyle is. i remember it well, hiding my hangover from my boss and/or trying to feed myself with what money i had left over and/or trying to maintain relationships with people in the face of a crippling addiction is fucking miserable.

 

weed makes me not want to blast myself in the cranium so I may just stick to only in moderation w dat

 

the issue is that you hate living on a day-to-day basis. THAT's what needs to go ...

substance abuse is a symptom of something much, much bigger.

 

it was sobriety that gave me the courage to look this bigger issue - my inability to live - square in the eyes and take it on. i wouldn't have much to stand on otherwise.

 

challah.