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Moe - if there are any programs in your area I suggest trying one out. In many places you can get into a brief residential or outpatient treatment covered by insurance wether you are employed or not..

RIP PoZ. Sent hope through an internet graffiti forum.   I'm three years sober today and my life has never been brighter or calmer than it is today.   To anyone struggling with the

Oh my. It’s been a few and I was finally able to sign in. But have been keeping slightly up to date via emails.  Props on the 3 yrs, protester. I’ve been seeing a lot of reminders of POZ this past wee

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Sounds cheesy as all hell but as the kid of an alkie mother [who will never, ever put her kids before alcohol as she's proved repeatedly], each and every one of you battling through this is awesome. Takes a really strong mind to overcome something like, or to even be able to admit you have a problem.

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Aight, yous guys. Check this out.

 

If you read my walls of text, you've probably caught up on my situation, i know it's a problem and have been taking a lot more 'breaks' these days ("i'm going to stay sober today" is my mantra), and overall things in life have gotten better. Got a good job, and got 3 raises and a promotion within 2 months.

 

SO yeah, yesterday I get a call from the highest up on my day off, he was asking me to step up to manager! Salary, benefits, less bullshit, paid vacation, bonuses, etc. Even funnier to me, I had planned to get out and do some fun shit that I used to do with al old friend, but instead ended up realizing what I used to do was getting me nowhere, and what I am doing now is working just fine.

 

I think I had what alcoholics refer to as 'a moment of clarity.'

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Get that, red. You deserve it, mate. Stay with it, you've got superior skills - love the gift.

 

Fallen in a bit of a hole myself. Working on the basics. Filling days with tasks that must be completed before the first sip. First stip is still too soon.

 

Met a girl from Colorado on Saturday night.

 

Had the hook baited and didn't reel it in because I didn't want to bring someone else into my bullshit.

 

This problem has a face. It's in the mirror.

 

FUCK.

 

I guess I have developed some social responsibility?

 

Everyone knows just what to say once they get caught.

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I give huge props to the people on this thread. Even the ones who do not do so good at controlling. To come here and share, takes alot of courage. Even if it does not show, there are people who read this and do not say anything, but it still makes an impact on them.

 

CIL = one of those people

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Get that, red. You deserve it, mate. Stay with it, you've got superior skills - love the gift.

 

Fallen in a bit of a hole myself. Working on the basics. Filling days with tasks that must be completed before the first sip. First stip is still too soon.

 

Met a girl from Colorado on Saturday night.

 

Had the hook baited and didn't reel it in because I didn't want to bring someone else into my bullshit.

 

This problem has a face. It's in the mirror.

 

FUCK.

 

I guess I have developed some social responsibility?

 

Everyone knows just what to say once they get caught.

 

now it's over and done but if you wanted it you should have gone for it. everyone has their problems.. if we could only see, what a trip it would be. you may think you're a bad influence but despite your past actions, the future is unwritten. IT'S UP TO YOU.. give yourself some credit

 

sometimes, your "bullshit" can save somebody's life or make them see life differently.. wacked out huh

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DAMN

so I struggle with the opiates, been clean for one year with a couple semi minor fuck ups. found out last night my girlfriends father was doing hella dope and just being a low bottom dope fiend for a lot of her childhood. he eventually spent all their money and got abusive and they left him, he got clean they came back and he had a massive stroke the next week. fucking crazy, not two weeks after them nursing this guy through horrible withdrawals, they find him laid out in the shower and they thought he had od'd, mom is an immigrant didnt want to call the cops, meanwhile dude can't speak because his brain isnt working. my girl said she was relieved because she thought he was going to finally die and stop dragging them down. i cant even begin to imagine.

 

just a month ago I went to through the old neighborhood w a pocket full of cash, looking for familiar faces. everybody was dry. what a fucking loser.

 

last night i had a dream i went to my first NA meeting, and i fought hella coyotes with my bare hands, and a dude blew himself up but i surivived and they had pizza after. haha. be well everybody.

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I talked to a guy that works for me the other day. I knew he was having trouble. He was a EMT before and he knew he was having medical issues. He said that the issues he is having are worse then the people he helped that were having their own issues. I asked him if he is ready to do something about it, and he said no. I said what will it take for him to make that decision to get help and stick with it, he said that he can picture himself dying from drinking. I told him that is a decision everyone has to make on their own and no one can force it on them. I also told him that I will not enable him in anyway, but he can always call me and just bullshit 24hours a day. I know that sometimes a distraction will beat the urge and that talking to me about nonsense might be a help to him in the middle of the night.

 

I do not think he ever talked to someone about it before, but he was ready to open up to me for some reason. I wasn't preachy or looking down on him in any way, and I think he recognized that.

 

Not really much more that I could do for him, until he is ready.

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hey homies.

 

havent commented on this thread for a while, but i have checked it almost daily since my last post. ive been working extremely hard as of late, 70 hour weeks. i have cut down the booze dramatically. i try to stay off it during the week, and saturday night is my night to go hard, since sunday is my only day off (sometimes not even).

 

i dont know if i will ever be able to be a social drinker. im trying to be one. im trying because to be honest, never having another drink again terrifies me. i have to fight the urge to binge drink on saturday because i like to get with girls and girls dont like to get with me when im shitfaced. in my line of work, the amount of hours and bullshit piled into 6 short months make it real difficult to not have at least one night a week to unwind. i have yet to do something that i regret on my one night boozing so im gonna ride this wave and see what happens. hopefully ill just learn to find balance, something my life has lacked in past years.

 

ive been pretty successful (i use the term lightly) in staying clean during the week. im not especially proud of myself because i attribute this to absolute physical exhaustion more than a concious effort to stay sober. in some ways it feels like im failing, but in some ways it feels like im taking some positive steps.

 

im constantly reminded at work about my mistakes attributed to drinking, especially this winter when i caught that charge. it gets draining. it gets frustrating. im in a position of authority due to seniority and experience, yet young first year laborers have the one up on me, or so it sometimes feels like.

 

trial in 6 weeks.

trying to stay positive.

 

regardless of what the outcome is, guilty or innocent, i have to deal with the result maturely. meaning, i cannot go out and get shitfaced to celebrate, and i cannot go out to get wasted to drown my sorrows if the worst happens.

 

this is the soberest i have been since i was 16 years old. i feel like i have some control back in my life. i guess i should learn to give myself a pat on the back once in a blue moon.

 

peace boys and girls.

 

-sW

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seems less of a physical dependance and more of this ongoing mental battle to me after this last month or so since i stopped drinking every day.

 

the insomnia, shakes, and sweating seemed alot easier to deal with to be honest.

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