Alcoholism

[injury]

i've begun to forget what it feels like to be drunk. not unwelcome, nor unexpected, but odd nevertheless .. i never really thought i'd get to this point.

 

+

 

some girl with just a few months shared at a meeting last friday that she lost two people close to her within a few days of each other, which i can deeply relate to (lost 2 people in 48 hours a few years ago). i offered her my number for support from someone who remembers how that feels... i hope she hasn't relapsed or done something stupid. she's attractive, so i'm hesitant to be any more proactive than that at the risk of even appearing to be another dick in AA who hits on vulnerable girls. i think about her welfare a fair amount and hope i handled the situation as best as i could have.

 

+

 

how's everyone's lives?

[fictionator]

speaking on INJ, lost a couple of close friends to overdoses. I did my first meeting tonight after starting over and aver and over so many times i cant tell you, lost my mom last year to booze so im going to try and hit the meetings.

also im sweating like a monster while at work, any sort of fluster i am drenched,

 

hope you guys are well. take care.

[SMdoubleXL]

good luck Fictionator

 

Inj-you seem real sweet (as most of you do)

 

as far as Drs go-they can only go by what is being told by you.

even then-some of them only prescribe as their pockets tell them

I told my dr several years ago while going through withdrawls,(before i recognized them as withdrawls) what my symptoms were.

hot n cold nauseous..oh so nauseous and arm/leg twitches when sitting stilll those were miserable didnt let me sleep for real-and i told him I started to notice it about 2 days after i would run out of my pain meds. he really just brushed it off and wrote another script. this was right around the time to really look into opiate based pain meds and realize there was a problem now Im 11 yrs deep.

however, i havent had any pills (except for PM meds to try to help me sleep,tagament for my stomach and 800 ibuprofen for some type of pain management)

in about 2-2 1/2 weeks.

 

the nausea has passed (except for my normal nausea from nerve damage from my surgery)

and the leg/arm twitching has subsided about 75%

i wake up not feeling like shit.

sex is orgasmic again

but my normal guarded self is still here. (i guess thats most of us)

 

funny thing is-if i look back about a year from now, in this thread, i was probably posting the same shit.

as of now, my want for pills is about a 2 outta 10 (10 being highest)

would i turn em down if they were presnted to me? either given or to be bought? nope.

 

am i jonsein enough to get on the phone to find a connect, nope.

 

so i think im good.

 

whats gonna help?...my Dr is losing his license to practice and my street dr got busted by the feds.

and hopefully in the time i can just realize on my own and the desire drops to zero.

so that when it is in my face-i can pass.

 

i hope all is well with everyone-i seriously think about ya all.

[sayWORD?]

haven't posted in a while.

 

its funny how seriously giving up on something like alcohol results in giving up on so much more.

I suppose its like quitting any other addiction.

id be lying if I said I felt anything less than alone at the present moment.

and that's with a loving, supportive, sober girlfriend, and a family who has stood by me through thick and thin,

and some goodass friends. I use the term some loosely.

I guess that's what 10+ years of alcohol dependency does for you.

you cant see the forest for the trees, until everything is cut down.

 

lost a lot of "friends" getting sober.

just becoming apparent to me.

its been the better part of a year and im kinda at a paradox.

 

the sad thing is, living this way for so long, you develop a lifestyle.

that lifestyle becomes comfortable.

then that lifestyle becomes unappealing.

 

and then youre faced with the terrible realization that you've wasted so much time.

on people. on things, on a life you cant quite understand when youre not fucked up.

 

I cant smoke weed anymore. for some reason the paranoia is too much these days.

maybe its my anxiety issues kicking in. I really don't know.

 

im almost 30 and I feel like im having an early midlife crisis.

only because im finally me again but I don't quite know how to be me anymore.

 

I really feel like theres nothing left for me here, where im at right now, this city, this job, this everything.

I feel like I woulda never been here had it not been for me making detrimental decisions in my past.

yet here I am.

 

I need a fresh start.

clean slate typa steeze.

 

just signing in to say that the struggle doesn't just quit when you've said fuck it to the addiction.

but I do feel better on the daily, for what its worth.

 

feel like maybe im doin something wrong.

I dunno.

 

stay up.

[Dub Fi Gwan]

I was drinking pretty much 5 outta 7 days a week for the 6 months up until xmas, then mid Jan i just stopped, i was suffering burning stomach pain all day all night couldnt enjoy food anymore, i've had two seperate nights drinking since & instantly the burning returned, headaches, joints sore so i'm leaving alone now for a good while. Weird its been a part of every week for me since i was 15..

[Dub Fi Gwan]

Oh yeah during that 6 months up to xmas, i was constantly eating painkillers paracetamol & ibuprofen for the hangovers/stomach issues, looking back i haven't ate one since, it all seems so pointless for a few hours 'high'..

 

I've never been reliant on beer just always loved the flavour. i'm going to drink in the future but i want to be able to enjoy it like anything else..

[ugene]

your liver is fucked.. sounds like it is. prolly swollen.

 

glad to see people actually take this thread seriously, to the guy who was sharing about losing people within 24 hrs, i have lost 3 "friends" in the past month its pretty crazy to think that i am still here with all the dope and alcohol that i put in my system, truly blessed to be here typing this message to complete strangers.

 

got 5 months clean and sober today :)

[Dub Fi Gwan]

Bummer :(

[sayWORD?]

funny thing is-if i look back about a year from now, in this thread, i was probably posting the same shit.

 

I can relate to this.

fully.

 

SM check your mail.

[UPS!]

Not smoking weed for the past month or so has really lead my levels of drinking to increase again.

 

Wouldn't say I have a problem, im pretty strong willed and can quit cold turkey as I did with the tumbleweeds.

 

It helps me sleep though, I don't really crave it, it is just more habitual.

 

Once/if I can smoke pot again my drinking will go back to a reasonable level.

 

Ive been damn near being an alcoholic before, but it has been a while since those days.

Everyone stay strong and keep your head up.

[injury]

haven't posted in a while.

 

its funny how seriously giving up on something like alcohol results in giving up on so much more.

I suppose its like quitting any other addiction.

id be lying if I said I felt anything less than alone at the present moment.

and that's with a loving, supportive, sober girlfriend, and a family who has stood by me through thick and thin,

and some goodass friends. I use the term some loosely.

I guess that's what 10+ years of alcohol dependency does for you.

you cant see the forest for the trees, until everything is cut down.

 

lost a lot of "friends" getting sober.

just becoming apparent to me.

its been the better part of a year and im kinda at a paradox.

 

the sad thing is, living this way for so long, you develop a lifestyle.

that lifestyle becomes comfortable.

then that lifestyle becomes unappealing.

 

and then youre faced with the terrible realization that you've wasted so much time.

on people. on things, on a life you cant quite understand when youre not fucked up.

 

I cant smoke weed anymore. for some reason the paranoia is too much these days.

maybe its my anxiety issues kicking in. I really don't know.

 

im almost 30 and I feel like im having an early midlife crisis.

only because im finally me again but I don't quite know how to be me anymore.

 

I really feel like theres nothing left for me here, where im at right now, this city, this job, this everything.

I feel like I woulda never been here had it not been for me making detrimental decisions in my past.

yet here I am.

 

I need a fresh start.

clean slate typa steeze.

 

just signing in to say that the struggle doesn't just quit when you've said fuck it to the addiction.

but I do feel better on the daily, for what its worth.

 

feel like maybe im doin something wrong.

I dunno.

 

stay up.

 

this post is full of wisdom but that first line is all i needed. thank you for this.

 

i feel much this way frequently even though i'm younger than you are. regrets are powerfully haunting, some of mine are just starting to lift at 8 months. you describe "the struggle" well. that anxiety, that inability to understand the time between waking up in the morning and putting your head down at night ... that's the scary part of this (or any) addiction. the realization you're really quite incapable is a deeply unsettling one. it's something that affects my own confidence in everything i do and say.

 

thanks @SM - glad to hear things are alright.

[Bruno89]

8 months without a drop. I got lucky several times, and I realize how many mistakes I made. Never once did I drive drunk. I spent a lot of time drinking by myself, and sometimes other people. When I quit, nobody wanted anything to do with me. I'm focused on my schooling and making an honest living. The only reason we hung out, was strictly to get drunk. It's the greatest decision that I ever made, because I've seen the results way too many times. Every single day that I got off work, it was booze time. If there wasn't alcohol at an event, I didn't want to be there. Every time I would wake up and puke my brains out, I would say: "Never again.".....Alcohol never caused me to get violent or anything, but it consumed me for a couple of years. A few months ago, a rapper that I won't name came through my city and after the show, he was sitting at the bar. I was waiting for someone (Haven't kicked it since I made it clear that I was done.) and this dude came over and tried to get me to take a shot. I said no thank you, and he was super, super pissed. He acted like I called him a studio g or something. It's funny how people try to push that shit onto you like that. At the time, I didn't care about my health. I was eating like shit and drinking pretty much every day. Now I'm exercising every everyday and eating very healthy. I regret it, but I learned a lot from the choices that I made. I'm not in a bad situation now, but I missed a lot of opportunities because I was too focused on partying. It turned me into a lazy scum. I'm focused on racing 5k's/10k's and lifting again. There is always hope. When I had to go to the doctor for some testing, I was scared shitless that there was some serious damage done. Luckily, I'm young and I quit. One of my cousins is only 34 but he looks like he's 45. After meeting someone that died from cirrhosis, I realized how precious life really is. It's easy to take for granted. A lot of people say "everything in moderation" but I could never just drink 1-2 beers. If I wasn't sloshed, I wasn't about it. It's not about what happened, it's about what's happening. I don't need friends to be happy, because my family is amazing and we have a lot of fun together. They're very understanding and they're always positive. Honestly, they're probably the funniest people I know and I realize how much time I could have been spending with them instead of the booze.Things are going great, and I'm having a lot of fun. I care way too much about my personal health now. Stay safe everyone, and remember it all starts with you. Slap those addictions in the face and tell them to fuck off. Life is a gift, and there are plenty of people who would do anything to have your abilities.

[CardboardCondo]

ive been sober for a min now. havent touched a meeting either. shits crazy. never achieved that before.

[ugene]

you havent drank YET. if i dont go to meetings/call sponsor/work steps/pray/ or help others not necessarily in that order, i am just a dry drunk white knuckling my way through the day. im not going to tell you how to live your life cardboard, but doing all those things helps me stay sober a day at a time.

 

im a type 1 diabetic and relate my clean time/sobriety just like my dis EASE of addiction, i wake up in the morning check my bloodsugar count carbs and take my insulin, this prevents me from feeling shitty and ruining my body. same thing with my recovery if i follow some simple rules i can live a happy joyous life. not saying you wont stay sober but in order for my dope fiend ass i have to go to meetings and take suggestions from my sponsor to stay clean/sober.

 

props bruno! sounds like the promises are coming true for you dawg, i used to hate kicking it with my parents, but its always cool getting a call or calling them and asking them how theyre doing rather than the other side of the coin. GOOD SHIT EVERYONE!!!

[PITOFZOMBIES]

...

 

Thanks for posting dude. Definitely can relate to the whole "i learned a lot, but also missed many opportunities" shit. I don't regret the way I've lived and where it has lead. The important thing is that I'm here now, I'm happy, and I'm in control of myself.

Hope you're able to maintain your path. People will probably never stop putting alcohol in front of you to drink... just don't ever forget the facts of alcoholism.

Best of luck.

[injury]

led a meeting tonight - was cool. anxiety about having little to offer/say was unfounded.

it was on the third step too, not a favorite.

 

concepts of higher powers for you all? go.

[theprotester]

Nature for me. I am not religious, but the idea and concept of regeneration surrounding nature gives me a certain comfort. The whole forest can burn down but new growth will ensue.

 

That's just me though.

 

Props for leading the meeting. Don't think I could handle that.

[fat ralphy]

i dont believe in any religion or specific god

 

 

been rolling with my ancient celtic steeze lately

[Fist 666]

Thinking about going to my first meeting tonight.

 

I turn to booze every time something bad happens thinking it will help. And it never does. This last month has been real bad. Last night esp.

I'm giving all my alcohol to a friend at school. I'm out of pills.

 

I have to do something. I'm skeptical of AA for religious reasons, but I've got an atheist cousin who has done it for 6 years and says its what you make of it. How you define your own god. I don't like going to churches, but I don't like being a mess...

[injury]

props for recognizing it and taking action immediately.

 

in my experience, your cousin is right - it's exactly how you want to work it, within boundaries. that being said, you will encounter a lot of people who take god and religion pretty seriously in this program.

 

they link a god/religion to one of the steps, which requires that you admit there's a power greater than yourself that can help control your alcoholism better than you. that's really all it is, but some people may insist it means you need jesus, and may do so to your face.

 

i find the preaching pretty unpleasant myself. note: the core of that step is simply admitting that you are not the best at managing your life and that there's a better way to live besides drinking and otherwise creating chaos for yourself. THAT's the solution everyone's there for, and that's what you keep at the forefront of your mind.

 

if you have the option, it also helps to go to a variety of meetings until you find a good crowd. i was overwhelmed at first with the amount of attention i received (for being a newcomer), and it took me 2 months to find a good consistent group to attend meetings with that didnt make me want to crawl out of my skin.

 

best of luck man.

[morton]

Different meetings make a difference, NA is less religious than AA, in general.

[fat ralphy]

it also has more tweakers and burnouts but hey to each their own....

[Boodah]

There are also secular meetings, at least in the Bay Area.

 

I went to a few meetings a few weeks ago. They were really irksome, and I got a heavy sense of religion in the second one. Didn't go back, because I got really upset about it all. I promised my sister last night that I would go to this rehab in San Jose for a minimum of three days, just to check it out. Something about that makes me think I'll back out, though. I've been sober for the past two months or so, but I'm jobless, very stressed, and generally unfunctioning. i am reading philosophy books to pass the time, but they aren't helping.

 

And, I shouldn't say that they are irksome, the meetings. Everyone was really nice at the first one, and I even saw an old friend. I'm just being enabled by living with my family, and it's not a good situation.

[morton]

it also has more tweakers and burnouts but hey to each their own....

 

Which can be really helpful if you are trying to say, abstain from a meth habit.

 

Should people avoid AA because it is a bunch of drunks?

 

While it is the pot calling the kettle black, I feel inclined to tell you to check your judgements at the door. Nothing says welcome like going to a AA meeting and having the speakers say that it's not like they were a dirty junky.

[injury]

9 months yesterday, cheers all. still insane but a little less so.

[redeyedanimal]

it also has more tweakers and burnouts but hey to each their own....

 

This is hands down the least respectful thing I have ever read from you on this thread. Truth. Clear your head up fucker, your turning into an asshole again.

[tighthead]

If you want to give up the piss, do not come to Berlin, ever, 40 Cent beers has me fading away

[Deine Mudder]

If you want to give up, come to Berlin

fixed

[tighthead]

one way of putting it boss

[morton]

If you want to quit a substance you need to be at a place where ease of acquisition is not a problem.