Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Step8

Alcoholism

Recommended Posts

This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.

my dad sent me this in a text today. we havent always had the best relationship, and hes one to lecture, but this particular part hit home...

 

"son, the only two pieces of advice i have ever given you about being a man are: never trust anyone who wont give you a firm handshake, and never trust a man who doesnt drink. but when youre drinking you shake my hand way too hard and after a drink or two i dont trust you or your judgement. its never too late *****, think about it."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I posted this in April of 2010 and my alcohol problem got WAY worse.... but fortunately I had a life changing experience 7 months ago and have been 100% completely sober since.

 

I still smoke pot, but that was never the problem that my daily use of alcohol was.

 

I must say, things are definitely different now. I am finally strong enough to hang out with people that are gettin their crunk on without giving into temptation. I actually find myself getting bitter now, I absolutely cannot stand being around idiotic drunk people anymore. But I know people had to deal with way worse shit when my ass was getting annihilated, pissing my own pants drunk.

 

 

Coming up on a year without alcohol next week!

:)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I appreciate the support, but as I said before it almost feels like there's practically no effort involved. I just don't feel like drinking....every now and then I'll see a beer and think "Gee, that looks appealing" on some visceral level but I know I don't really want it.

 

I still like the smell of coffee, I just didn't like it that one day and for whatever reason I decided to stop drinking it...and it stuck. Will it be the same with booze? It wouldn't surprise me if it turns out that way...nor would it surprise me if it didn't. Right now I can say that I hope it sticks, because I was getting to a point I wasn't comfortable with when it came to how I drank.

 

Glad you got it under control, cunt sauce. I can totally identify with the "If you weren't my friend I'd knock you the fuck out right here, right now" sentiment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
my dad sent me this in a text today. we havent always had the best relationship, and hes one to lecture, but this particular part hit home...

 

"son, the only two pieces of advice i have ever given you about being a man are: never trust anyone who wont give you a firm handshake, and never trust a man who doesnt drink. but when youre drinking you shake my hand way too hard and after a drink or two i dont trust you or your judgement. its never too late *****, think about it."

 

damn i bet that had some impact...

 

on a slightly related note, my pops has about 14 months off drink and hasn't smoked dope in about a month.

 

first time he has been sober in the last 45 years.

 

im happy for him, no expectations but I am happy for him

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So i've been trying to approach making other changes in my life in the same manner that i managed to quit drinking.

I.E. personality flaws. I find my asshole-ish ways are causing problems. Not severe, life-ruining shit, but enough that i want to address it. It's a much less tangible 'addiction', so it's harder to catch myself at times. And perhaps the lack of repercussions is another factor in how (un)aware of it i am. Does anyone have any experience with this? Before i go Google shit and sift through all that i figured i'd ask you guys.

Any insight is appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

not to make some type of -fuck bitches,get money- post..

-and it seems you guys have this sobriety thing fine tuned to what works for you

i have had a few occasions where i have learned its not worth it to be an asshole.

I used to wear "being an asshole" like like a crown. i could give a fuck what others thought and how it affected me.

 

UNTIL-

High school days-

-learning that that kid that we all picked on, commited suicide because of it.

 

(i guess that wasnt enough to teach me)

 

-after having brain surgery (which was the seed of a 10 year pill addiction) that put me on the other side for a few minutes, disfigured my face, caused deafness, learning how to walk, talk and eat again....and realized how others actions can really determine your healing process.

not that people were asses to me, but i learned that genuine kindness makes the difference between living and taking your life.

 

 

which leads me to this-I have a child (which in some cases this makes a world of difference on your actions) who is finishing her freshman year in College. as self sufficient as I have taught her to be, because i know i had to let her go eventually, THE ONLY THING I CAN DO TO HELP HER IS FROM MY WALLET.

my kid busted her ass to be where she is and i cant take that away from her. i would rather miss her dearly than to have her here and living a mediocre life.

I run my own business..im simply a salon worker, but one day i was being typical asshole driver and when going into the shop, i realized the person i was an asshole to was a client in the shop whom i respected. She took care of us ($$) and i soon lost that, not to mention, i realized he was having a real bad day, and my actions (which benefit me NONE) had a huge impact on her. (she just lost her husband)

 

 

 

when it affected my wallet, was the biggest eye opener. I couldnt risk losing a clientelle because of actions had no benefit to me or my kid.

she was given tons of grants and scholarships, and we had a plan to cover the remaining tuition, when that plan fell through, and i know how much she wants to graduate from this school, i vowed to exhaust ALL efforts to make sure it happens. even if it meant dropping the pills, which i realized i was putting out waaaaay too much money for, and to clean up my attitude and focus on my business at all costs. even if it meant dropping my attitude at the door and service my clients. they are paying for it. they could also go somewhere else for it.

 

So, POZ, i dont know if there is a child involved or financial strain, and up until this year i guess it wasnt enough for me to get right. it was when it really affected my money.

 

it even changed the way i drive, and made me re think some of my hobbies. i hate paying speeding tickets, aggressive driving tickets...i dont paint, but i bench-20k pictures and i finally caught a trespassing case. this took 4 (separate) court days (time from work) and a 1500 fine. oooggghh, that pissed me off so bad. haha

 

i dont know if you asked or wanted to hear all of that, or if i even touched on what you had in mind, but like anything else, addictions and all..it comes down to finding your conscious mind while trying to make a split second decision and deciding -IS IT WORTH IT??

 

find that ONE thing you know you CANNOT afford to lose and make it your sole reason for ANYTHING YOU DO. the sole reason should be YOURSELF, but when we're addicts, we dont understand self worth...so sometimes we need to find that ONE thing.

 

I have NEVER been so focused and so clear minded as i have the last few months. Its been about 6-7 weeks without "meds" for me. with the exception of one day i was given 'meds' and i was sick to my stomach, missed a day of work ($$$!!!) and took me a few days to feel normal after that. i would normally take around 10-12 a day, and had myself convinced i couldnt function without them

 

its not worth it anymore.

 

 

 

endramble.

 

good luck everyone, your strength is contagious.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that at or near the heart of active addiction there lies imbalance which can be influenced by both internal and external factors. Disregarding the feelings of others, or the well being and feelings of oneself is another symptom of this imbalance and is often experienced by addicts.

 

While I have never done step work I believe that the entire trip is a attempt to address this sense of imbalance and is what people who go ga ga for step work or many forms of therapy are getting at.

 

One of the concepts from recovery literature that I do try to keep in the forefront of my mind is to practice honesty in all of my affairs. Sometimes this means doing the right thing for its own sake, and doing so despite the presence of other influencing factors.

 

One small example of this that I had to confront recently came in the form of my month long pass to the pool. I swim 6 days a week and have a monthly pass to the local pool which is municipally owned. After the first of the year I noticed that my pass was not expiring, I went to pay it and the kid behind the counter told me it was still good. I went to pay it again a bit later, knowing it was expired and the kid told me it was good to the end of the year. So there I was, there was a glitch in the system and I had a free pass but knew it was in error. I wrestled with this for a bit and decided to pay, not because they need the money and not because I was concerned about any repercussions but because I knew I was ripping them off and it did not feel right.

 

That example seems kind of petty but I figured I would throw it out there, I heard a guy tell the following story in a NA meeting one time and it struck me as having a lot of truth in it and being a good example of confronting larger truths.

 

He made clear that he was a good salesman, but had fallen into addiction and done a stint for selling heroin. He described how in the end he found that he could not sell anything because at the root of sales is dishonesty and that engaging in such was bad for his recovery and well being.

 

"Not only can I not sell crack, I can not even sell Insurance"

 

I strive to live a honest life because I believe it is the best for me, not because of potential consequences. For what it is worth it all seems to come out in the wash anyway, for every free pool pass or sketchy tax move I pass on something else fills in the register.

 

One of the benefits of living this way is knowing that I will not need make many apologies in my life and can stand on good footing in my affairs with others knowing that I have been straight with them.

 

Not to wade out any further into the murky water of metaphor and borderline spiritual ideas but the way I see it is that the balance I need to be the best person I can be is there, I just need to get out of the way most of the time and occasionally need to adjust the way I ride through in order for it to be found.

 

On the subject of spiritual ideas and recovery, this sense of personal responsibility is in large part what puts my personal trip at odds with the 12 step program because at the heart of a higher power lies a transfer of responsibility to the external, which I do not believe in.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i drink pretty much every night. Once and while, all day but only get real shitty 1 to 2 times a month or less sometimes. I drink but still function and have a lot more to do in life than let drinking or moderate drug use ruin my life and what i enjoy besides.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So i've been trying to approach making other changes in my life in the same manner that i managed to quit drinking.

I.E. personality flaws. I find my asshole-ish ways are causing problems. Not severe, life-ruining shit, but enough that i want to address it. It's a much less tangible 'addiction', so it's harder to catch myself at times. And perhaps the lack of repercussions is another factor in how (un)aware of it i am. Does anyone have any experience with this? Before i go Google shit and sift through all that i figured i'd ask you guys.

Any insight is appreciated.

 

Everyone thinks I'm this super nice and compassionate person, but what they're really seeing is common courtesy. I do not suffer fools gladly, and given the opening I'm more than happy to let them know what's up and not be nice at all about it. I try to always speak my mind wherever appropriate, because not doing so has caused me no end of headaches...eventually it turns into one of those "Okay, do you REALLY want to know what I think?" situations and I unload on them. I've made people cry without even trying...I can be a sarcastic, bitter person and when someone mistakes my kindness for weakness they usually regret it.

 

And I LIKE it! I used to be accommodating and forgiving to a fault, and where did that get me? People would practically line up and wait for a chance to give me the business, and I let them...I thought that was how you made friends. It took me WAY too long to figure that shit out, and when I realized I was a human doormat that kind of fucked me up for a while. I'm still willing to give anyone a chance, and sometimes I'll give them a second chance but that's about it. It's why I'm single...I just do not do relationships well at this point in my life and I don't want to subject anyone to that, most of all myself.

 

As long as you aren't going out of your way to be a jerk or taking your shit out on other people because you can't deal with it in a healthy manner, I'm all for being a strong black woman. Wait...what were we talking about again?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And I had a lousy evening Monday followed by a really manic Tuesday...the kind of day that makes people shut down a bar then go home and kick the dog. But I didn't drink. It just didn't occur to me that it was an option. I'm beginning to wonder what the hell is going on...I don't mind that the urge isn't there, but the fact that something that's been in the front of my mind since high school just up and left practically overnight is damned strange.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So i've been trying to approach making other changes in my life in the same manner that i managed to quit drinking.

I.E. personality flaws. I find my asshole-ish ways are causing problems. Not severe, life-ruining shit, but enough that i want to address it. It's a much less tangible 'addiction', so it's harder to catch myself at times. And perhaps the lack of repercussions is another factor in how (un)aware of it i am. Does anyone have any experience with this? Before i go Google shit and sift through all that i figured i'd ask you guys.

Any insight is appreciated.

 

POZ. For me, as Im sure ive said before in this thread, 99 percent of the poor choices Ive made in my life were because I was being selfish in some way. I placed what I wanted in front of how it could possibly effect somebody else. This has unfortunately been true years and years into sobriety. Although I have gotten better in a whole bunch of ways, it is still a struggle for me in many ways. The solution (as vague as it sounds) has been to earnestly work on being less selfish...whatever that means. If I am focused on helping somebody else, or on how they feel, that is often enough to not act the way I so often do. An old sponsor of mine used to give me an 'assignment' to help 3 people during the day. It could be anything from giving an extra dollar tip, or holding the door for somebody, letting a car merge or go before me...something simple. BUT, the catch was, that I wasnt allowed to tell anybody about it except for him, the next time we talked. I found that even if I wasnt able to do 3 things, I still had much better days...because I was walking around looking for ways to be helpful/better somebodies life. Take it for what its worth..

 

That being said:

but like anything else, addictions and all..it comes down to finding your conscious mind while trying to make a split second decision and deciding -IS IT WORTH IT??

Getting to this point, takes a great deal of practice and failure. And sadly, most addicts trying to govern themselves usually make the wrong decisions. For me, its helped to run it past somebody. If I can do that, instead of just acting or reacting. Things end up better for me. A similar question I used to ask myself is, "HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?" Most of the time, for me, things arent all that important when it comes down to it. They are just things that I really want..which usually means that I am acting selfishly...and I just talked about what can be done to render that.

 

strength is contagious.

 

^^^Wise words.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PoZ i know you aren't big at the AA thing at all but the step work does hella address the personality flaws.

 

One huge thing for me was realizing I had a role in most ofthe things I was holding against people. And using the program motto of looking at those who wrong us as sick people....which is pretty true when you think of peoples behavior/insanity, I realized most people deserve a pass for a lot. Especially if my giving them a pass means im not wasting my efforts to get all bent out of shape.

 

Also this really helped me to improve my relationships with family.

 

Mad props to SMXXL....I see you through my other social networks and I know how much you do for your girl, nice to hear how focused your priority gets for the right things and that is one hell of a comeback story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

so i've finally made the move to stop drinking for at least a month. its been a little over a week now and its been a mix of good and bad.

 

the good:

never being hungover, barely smoking any cigarettes now, sleeping better, working out more, getting more + quality work done, saving a ton of money, eating better.

 

the bad:

going out less. gets boring. seems like "going out drinking" really scratches and itch in some way shape or form and i haven't found a way to cure that yet. any ideas/input?

 

right on to all you in here. i've been lurking this thread for quite a while and when i dropped a small "situation report" a few months back your responses (though they weren't what i had hoped to hear at the time) did wake me up to some facts regarding the way i handle things. its nice to have this spot to hear people speak.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I stopped for a month two and a half months ago.

 

I still smoke and have sleep problems but that's anxiety for you. I lost some weight along with the hangovers, so that's a huge plus. I never have money, so that's kind of a non-issue and an advantage at the same time. I don't go out as much, which suits me fine since it gives me more time to be productive. I don't have the urge to drink at all, which is puzzling to say the least but I wouldn't say it's bothering me.

 

Generally I try to not see change as a hindrance. I'm not saying that's where you're at, but not drinking doesn't get in the way of anything I want to do so much as it allows me the clarity to make better decisions and not worry about the dumb shit. If being around booze makes you want to drink, consider this- the party ain't going anywhere, so you aren't missing anything you haven't seen a million times already....make your time away from the party count and enjoy yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yesterday was the first day i havent drank in a very long time.

couldnt fall asleep until almost 6am.

the anxiety was killing me, woke up sweating every ten minutes it seemed.

 

been binge drinking hard lately.

st pattys didnt help.

 

gonna try to chill out for a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dont know if you asked or wanted to hear all of that, or if i even touched on what you had in mind, but like anything else, addictions and all..it comes down to finding your conscious mind while trying to make a split second decision and deciding -IS IT WORTH IT??.

 

wise

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

fuck it.

ill never fucking quit.

miserable with it, miserable without it.

 

what was that, a whole 36 hours?

i give up.

 

boredom and self loathing when im sober are two foes i just cant conquer.

 

hate this fucking shit with a passion.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Find a hobby. the self loathing subsides with time. boredom is part of life. it doesn't have to consume all of your time though. learn to appreciate things as they are, not a distorted version of them.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
fuck it.

ill never fucking quit.

miserable with it, miserable without it.

 

what was that, a whole 36 hours?

i give up.

 

boredom and self loathing when im sober are two foes i just cant conquer.

 

hate this fucking shit with a passion.

 

i feel this right now. im right there

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...