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Alcoholism


Step8

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  • 1 month later...

Lookin for a little advice. Life's pretty much gone to shit in the past 2 months. D.U.I. lost my job and got kicked outta my school. Even before all that I was frequenting meetings... While the religion gives me pause, it's not a roadblock for me at all. But i have trouble when i'm sitting there listening to a grip of old-timers talkin about their lives, and tryin to soak up advice and I get pressured by the group to share. Like I have experienced anything some biker 30 years my senior hasn't? I like to just sit back and try to absorb knowledge. Anyways, slipped off again tonight, downed a sixer. Need to get my shit together cuz I got a kiddo comin in about 6 months.

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Jukka - I was having the same problem of not being able to relate to people at meetings. I just try to get something out of what they are saying and somehow relate it to my life. MAybe it would be helpful to find a meeting with younger people. They exist you just have to find them. Basically if you dont like the meeting find a new one. There are alot of lames people at some but there are also really cool people at some. It took me like 3 years to find people i liked at meeting. what state are you in maybe i can point you in the right direction..

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Thanks for the reply Peanut! I guess my problem isn't really relating, just feeling pressured to "share" when i really just wanna take in advice. I'm in California, So-cal particularly. Ive been to a grip of dif. meetings in town, maybe i just have to head to a bigger city, maybe SD to find what im lookin for. Thank all of you guys for contributing tho.... I appreciate it.

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There are about 8 meetings a day at this spot in NYC here that I've heard about, apparently they dedicate the location to strictly AA sessions. I've been hesitant to go because I've never done something like this before. My drinking has finally led to almost always moving on to drugs after a certain point, and it doesn't help that I make a living working behind a bar. Just lost a great girl to this dark situation and what it has done to my self control. I've hit day 3 of sobriety after a terrible bender. I'm not working again til next Monday, looking to get the courage to attend a meeting sometime between now and then.

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Good luck Don. Getting to know your habit and understanding your patterns of abuse is a great start to making a change. I agree that the industry you work in is going to make this an extra challenge, and like Cus said, the people in my life in similar situations had to finally give in and walk away from their work "scene" to start making progress. Not to say that it's impossible but you are going to be staring your demons in the face everytime you work.

 

As for me, still at it. Probably been about 9 months or so? I keep understanding and realizing more about myself and why I used as time has gone on (especially from month 7 to 9). I could never have imagined a life with out drinking and spent so much time and energy working towards my addiciton that I lost everything else that made me (hobbies, health, creative motivation etc). When things got so bad that I made the decision to stop fighting, surrender and give up (no more justifying to myself that I can manage my life while drinking and that drinking is "no big deal") I slowly started to rediscover myself and who I was before my habit took control. That rediscovery has been a major motivation to me and a source of natural highs that often last for days. It's a pretty awesome feeling but still difficult looking back at some things I did and making sense of the "why" I did this or that, but when it comes down to it I know the answer is because I was wasted.

 

It has been interesting going to parties or family events where heavy drinking is a guarantee and people ask why I am not drinking. After the initiall "WTF" a lot of people have been interested and ask a bunch of questions and I can indentify a bit of their own struggle that they are probably not totally honest about but begining to question.

 

I have not been to any meetings and would always check this thread on the bus or randomly during the day for motivation and insight so lets keep this thread going. It has been a huge help.

 

*shout out to fat ralphy, the unofficial 12oz AA/NA sponsor

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Don you gotta quit that job man. It sucks but id do it now and get it over with before it gets harder. I been in that same position, had a girl who i loved leave me because i couldnt get my shit together. I been sober for a bit of time now, i lost count of days, but shes back with me now. Youll be surprised how life can change and get better and all you have to do is be sober. Get yourself outta that job position man...get yourself a nice little break from alcohol and drugs and your mind will start to clear up. If I can do this shit so can you man..give yourself a chance.

 

LUGR thanks man that was inspiring.

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Thanks for the words of encouragement guys, the thing about this industry is I've been able to go from the extreme of working dive bars full of debauchery and drugs to a more mellow restaurant setting. Problem is, the restaurant owner is a raging alcoholic herself and she loves hanging out after work rippin shot after shot. I've lucked out by arranging my schedule to weeknights only, no more of the weekend blastoffs that get really out of control. Stringing 4 nights together helps motivate me to get outta there after we close with the idea that I don't want to be hungover the next work day(although that often fails) but the boss is kinda like the chief enabler. I've got a whole week to help get my head together, we are currently closed for remodeling. On day 4 now, feeling more energy than usual.

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Can you speak with the owner and lightly clue her in on the situation and what you are working towards? You never know, considering her own alcoholism she may be pretty understanding and let you slide out quietly after your shift or not lay a shot down for you without making a fuss. That being said, I have told people my situation only to have them shove a drink in my face on more than one occasion when they were drunk saying "Commmmmme on, have one!". That's going to happen and continue to happen because people think it's no big deal and maybe a bit funny and the first time it happened to me I panicked and came close to having to just get up and leave. I think it takes some time (alot of time) to prove to yourself how much better things can be when you are not using and once you realize that, the temptations start to lose dominance over you.

 

Definitely use this thread as an easy access resource. Anytime you have an urge or are in a potentially bad situation, take a time out and check this thread on your phone. Even just reading old posts can remotivate and remind you of the direction we have decided to head.

 

I'm still trying to make sense of it all and am in no way out of the struggle, but like I said before, the past couple of months I have started to develop a new "understanding" of how I want to live my life and I really like that.

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i hate it when people offer you shit after youve told them your not trying to do it or whatever. my dads like that. when i told him i was 3months clean he offered me a beer. its nice to know theres other cool people out there trying to be sober. its tough being younger and at least for me everyone i know gets fucked up in some way. changing my friends around has been really hard. somedays its downright miserable and lonely as shit....but it beats the alternative which is living that life again. I personally cant even take one drink or ill wake up next month in a gutter with a needle in my arm and a crack pipe in my mouth. but thats just me

 

 

edit: tlb-over.png

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I got 5 months sober on monday. Life is all right, I got the normal problems that everyone has and they still fucking suck to deal with but this time I'm not getting high or drunk over them, which makes them infinitely easier to deal with. I'm working the steps, I'm doing some small service work, no service positions or anything but rides, support and fellowship. I was doing 6-7 meetings a week but have cut it back to 4-5. I started making some amends but haven't really pushed that shit. It's weird dealing with myself, thoughts and emotions, in a sober state. I'm finding out that I don't have much of a reference for dealing with situations and emotions. I've been in some sort of addiction for the past 15 years and it's definitely stunted my emotional response to stress. All I've known is suppress and get high, so I'm basically having to relearn how to react and respond to myself and others. It's fucked up because you end up feeling and realizing that you seriously have to relearn how to live and problem solve. It's a long process and as I'm really learning, it's all one day at a time. Still not done with court but I've come to turns with the possibilities of what might ensue and I'll get through it all, sober. It's kind of funny how 5 months can totally change your whole perspective on what is an appropriate and healthy way to live your life.

 

Don, my brother, give me a call if you need to. I know you can do whatever you need to stay healthy, it's hard living that life out there but you're a strong dude and if this what you want you'll figure out a way to make it work for you. stay up.

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"It starts with you on the inside," he said. "I can give all the advice in the world, but at the end of the day you just got to make that decision internally with yourself. You have to see that you are ready to make a change. Until that moment comes, all advice in the world is going to be in vain cause I'm going to be talking to a brick wall."

 

"Everybody can tell you what you need to do, how to do it, when you need to do it, how bad you need to do it," T.I. continued. "But until you get that right ass whipping, as they say, and until you have hit rock bottom or have seen something in yourself that is so out of character and it displeases you so much that you just have no choice but to change it ... then you ain't going to see it."

 

probably the wisest thing TI ever said

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On day 6 of sobriety here, I got a roommate who's doing the same thing so that helps. We both work at restaurant bars, his restaurant doesn't encourage drinking as much as mine. Getting to the gym, going on long bike rides, running for exercise etc have helped a lot. I talked with my boss about it, she is going to be supportive(she says now) so we'll see.

 

Yo Vincent, sounds like you got that positivity going on back home, looking to do the same here if I can. I'll talk to ya soon.

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Sounds like a good start Don. Filling the gaps that used to be "using" time was a really hard routine to break. I would find myself sitting there just not knowing or wanting to do anything. If you had any positive hobbies that you lost to your addiction I would recommend trying to revive them because that original feeling that made you previously enjoy it is still out there and can be a great way to start to reconnect with the old you.

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