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Moe - if there are any programs in your area I suggest trying one out. In many places you can get into a brief residential or outpatient treatment covered by insurance wether you are employed or not..

RIP PoZ. Sent hope through an internet graffiti forum.   I'm three years sober today and my life has never been brighter or calmer than it is today.   To anyone struggling with the

Oh my. It’s been a few and I was finally able to sign in. But have been keeping slightly up to date via emails.  Props on the 3 yrs, protester. I’ve been seeing a lot of reminders of POZ this past wee

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i had to fire my sponsee last night.

 

 

Ive never fired a sponsee before. I probably should have a few times...but my role as a sponsor is doesnt really change if the people im sponsoring arent willing to do the work. I still suggest the same things, I still pick the phone up when they call, bla bla bla. And as a result, im still sober. I dont know, I am a pretty laid back sponsor though...i dont call my sponsees unless i miss a call from them, I give them 'assignments' but there are no real consequences if they dont do them, I just ask how they are coming along with it. I just expect them to be honest with me...and if they arent able to be, then I just dont devote very much effort into the relationship. Ive found that most of them end up relapsing and losing touch anyway. But its important that I stay available regardless.

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Ive never fired a sponsee before. I probably should have a few times...but my role as a sponsor is doesnt really change if the people im sponsoring arent willing to do the work. I still suggest the same things, I still pick the phone up when they call, bla bla bla. And as a result, im still sober. I dont know, I am a pretty laid back sponsor though...i dont call my sponsees unless i miss a call from them, I give them 'assignments' but there are no real consequences if they dont do them, I just ask how they are coming along with it. I just expect them to be honest with me...and if they arent able to be, then I just dont devote very much effort into the relationship. Ive found that most of them end up relapsing and losing touch anyway. But its important that I stay available regardless.

 

last night he attempted to flake on me for the 3rd time checking his 4th step work.

 

a few weeks back we talked about how he was flaking out...

i told him that the work of the 4th step has to be taken seriously.

 

so after extending his work deadline an extra week, then giving him a pass and rescheduling because he had a side job, we agreed to meet yesterday after he got off work.

 

he sends me a text saying he got off a little late, is just sitting down to dinner and he isn't going to make it tonight....

 

i call dude,

 

"so whats going on man"

 

"i just got off late (7:45p), im about to sit down to have dinner..."

 

"no your not, your going to get in your car and come by my pad like you agreed to, you have put this off 3 times already..."

 

"no i'm not, im going to eat and relax, i dont want to drive 20 miles...."

 

"dude you are so full of excuses, im not going to waste my time with someone who is going to be half assed.....find yourself a new sponsor."

 

that was it.

 

I called my sponsor and talked to hm about it....he agreed.

 

i have a wife and kid at home, i cant be getting jerked around by someone who is going to flake constantly.

 

i have a sponsor who is like, be there at 6am....basically he tells me what to do and i do it.

 

"willing to go to any lengths"

 

clearly this guy was not.

 

its cool, I will find another sponsee.

 

OMG have you ever taken anyone through all 12?

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In general, not just in recovery, maintaining accountability for yourself is a quality that is pretty fucking vital to functioning in the world.

I grew up with my pops grilling me about that kind of shit. i have a hard time dealing with flakes. i'm becoming jaded. i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove that to be a bad judgment on my part. i try not to depend on other folks, because being let down sucks... sometimes more than others.

sounds like you guys probably weren't a good match...

not that i know shit about anything.

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LUGR, I was told that if I hang out in a bar long enough, I will eventually end up drinking. It made sense when I heard it.

 

Heard a guy say once "hang out in a barber shop long enough, you'll get your fucking hair cut." I've been dealing with alcoholism for the better part of my life (not "sober" or "on the wagon" now) and everytime I went to a bar and didn't drink, I usually would end up relapsing within a week or so. If everyone else can do it, why can't we, right? We all know why we can't, so why put yourself at risk for relapse?

 

And to get off my high-horse, I'm still drinking even though I have very little self control and willpower. I know better too, that's the sad thing. I've cut back some, just to find myself drinking, by myself mostly, several nights a week. Thus begins the vicious cycle of "too hungover to do shit I want to do/feel so good now that I'm not hungover that I'm going drinking." I go out maybe once a month with friends and have a few drinks and don't do anything stupid or embarrass myself and begin to think that I have shit under control. If I did it on Saturday, why not Monday? And Thursday. And Sunday.

 

Shit is an uphill battle for sure, I can make 100 reasons why I shouldn't drink and then counter it with another 100 why I should. I'm at the point now where I'm finally beginning to recognize some of my underlying problems and flaws that cause this behavior, because although I believe alcoholism is a disease, the underlying issues are often just as important.

 

Since I'm on the subject, how do some of you deal with depression and anxiety? Other than booze and drugs? Other than prescription meds? I've basically been self medicating myself for the last ten years with anything I could get my hands on, both legal and not so legal drugs all the way through alcohol. The last thing I want to do is to stop drinking and then fuck up my brain chemistry further with anti-anxiety/depression medication. Comments? Suggestions?

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Ive never taken somebody through all 12 before. Ive had maybe 10 sponsees total over the years..tops 15...something like that. 1 OD'd..he was writing his 4th step, 1 hung himself..he hadnt really done anything yet, I have one now that is just about to start writing his 8th step list, another is doing reading on his third step, both of which have less than 6 months...but Ive been working with them through at least 1 relapse, another current one has like 7 years sober, but isnt really doing much with the steps, hes slacking. 1 was sober for a year, dumped me for an NA sponsor, relapsed, went to jail and now has more than a year again and seems to be doing the NA thing. The rest just kind of stopped coming around and I lost touch with them. I have done a third step with a bunch of people but only heard one 5th step. Most people dont get this..and end up dying. Shitty but true. Ive set up times to meet with some of them, and they never showed, I stayed sober and to be honest..i dont really mind too much when i get flaked on. I still showed up..which is a big deal considering where I came from. So if nothing more, I have something to be grateful for. I feel its important to continue to be there for somebody even if their willingness leaves some to be desired. People were there for me. If they arent willing to do the steps, or show up when we meet, I would probably just stop setting up times to meet..and speak with them..before and after meetings. Half measures will avail them nothing, so they will eventually get to a point where they will either get miserable enough to devote more effort into getting better, or they will end up going back out. Either way, when they become willing enough to do something differently, its important that I still be there. Bla bla bla...im rambling now. But yea....RALPHY, or anybody for that matter, has any questions about any of this recovery stuff...feel free to shoot me a PM. Enough out of me though...Im going back to just lurking this thread.

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FREIGHTY...its been my experience, that knowledge has never been enough to keep me sober. Knowing the right thing do, wasnt enough to do it. It really just got to a point that I felt so bad, so much of the tiem, that I became willing to try something else. Ive struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I was on prescribed meds for probably about 4 or 5 years into sobriety..and I believe that I needed to take them when I did. I believe that taking them helped get me to a spot where I no longer needed to take them anymore...if that makes any sense.

 

I was told that I can use all of my experiences, both the positive ones, and the ones that didnt turn out so well, to be of use to somebody else. I never really know how something ive been though may be able to help somebody else..it may be just what they need to hear.

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slipped up yesterday... and i felt like such a p.o.s. affterwards. i had been feeling really stressed out the past couple of days and i fell back on my old habits of dealing with stress with drugs. i feel so guilty about it. now i remember why i stopped. it was the constant lying and guilt.

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i think i need to go to more NA meetings but the ones ive been to i thought were terrible. middle aged women ranting on and on about nothing, just theyre home problems but nothing that had anything to do with their drug addiction. and the first meeting i went to there was a girl there that was talking about how she was going to go home and probably kill herself. and she wasnt fucking around. maybe i need to try a different group.

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LUGR, I was told that if I hang out in a bar long enough, I will eventually end up drinking. It made sense when I heard it.

I don't doubt this one bit. But at the same time I need to still be able to go out/be around friends while they are drinking. I am definitely not calling people up asking them to go to the bar and don't plan on making it even a weekly event. My problem is that I used to go to at least 1 bar everyday and always by myself. So, if I have a buddy there who knows I am not drinking it seems to help me stay focused even though I am surrounded by temptation.

 

Since I'm on the subject, how do some of you deal with depression and anxiety? Other than booze and drugs? Other than prescription meds? I've basically been self medicating myself for the last ten years with anything I could get my hands on, both legal and not so legal drugs all the way through alcohol. The last thing I want to do is to stop drinking and then fuck up my brain chemistry further with anti-anxiety/depression medication. Comments? Suggestions?

For me, much of the depression, anxiety and feelings of inner imbalance mellowed out when I stopped using everyday. I still have moments but nothing like the misery I was feeling when I was drinking everyday. I'm still very new to not getting loaded every chance I get and still have a lot to come to terms with and deal with but I am feeling an inner calm that I haven't felt in years.

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So I stopped drinking hard shit after halloween, I made it a while I guess. I drank a few beers here and there, but never got drunk. Last night was a huge fail, I drank under a bridge, then went to 3 different bars, drank myself stupid.

 

Start over

 

Day 1

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probably wont get a response, because of my normal shenanigans

but any of the opiate/hero heads ever read aleister crowley - diary of a dope fiend?

 

and if so what are your thoughts about it?

 

TS

 

I never heard of the book, don't know if you have read it and was looking for others opinion but i took the liberty of googling a .pdf file and found it just in case you needed it.

 

 

http://www.mediafire.com/?rj9g3tz2hcgsgd2

 

Aleister Crowley Diary of a Drug Fiend (1922).rar

(1.32 MB ) (clean no virus, i downloaded it and scanned it)

 

good luck

 

 

BTW I am still downing 3/4 beers a day & 30+ on the weekends steady lying to myself..

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So I stopped drinking hard shit after halloween, I made it a while I guess. I drank a few beers here and there, but never got drunk. Last night was a huge fail, I drank under a bridge, then went to 3 different bars, drank myself stupid.

 

Start over

 

Day 1

 

at least you're trying... although i'm pretty sure the general consensus among alcoholics is that it's all or nothing. i know i could go a few days just getting moderately buzzed before it was back to borderline blackouts and waking up either still drunk or feeling like complete shit. and then drinking to kill the hangover, and then 1 or 2-week-long binges i feel like i'm recycling information when i say that kind of shit, but i guess the fact that so many people are on the same page is one of the reasons why programs like AA work...

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what do you in recovery guys do when you feel like shit? when you get depressed or whatever. because I don't fuck with prozac or any shit like that. I just know that if I'm happy I want to get high, but if I'm depressed I need to. It's hard to imagine any other way of being

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I try to find a way to change the reasons I feel like shit and if I cannot find a way I accept what I cannot change and move on.

 

Life is not going to be all roses and I have found that getting high or drunk does not actually do anything in terms of making me happy or resolving anything. I do not find getting drunk to ever actually relieve stress as much as I may want to believe that it will.

 

I found that some of the most intense depression to be found during the physical withdrawal of drugs and alcohol particularly hard drugs but alcohol as well. I do not find this depression to be present in a sober state.

 

As far as what to do, I find exercise to be really helpful in combating the onset of depression and anxiety. I am not saying that I go work out if I feel down, usually by that time I suppose it is too late. One foot in front of the other and one day at a time works for all kinds of things in life.

 

long wided 0.02

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So I stopped drinking hard shit after halloween, I made it a while I guess. I drank a few beers here and there, but never got drunk. Last night was a huge fail, I drank under a bridge, then went to 3 different bars, drank myself stupid.

 

Start over

 

Day 1

 

Try only having a couple (normal sized) drinks each time you go out and having a good time. Give it a few weeks or so..but try not having more than 2 any day. Let us know how it goes. If you arent sure if you are really an alcoholic..and you think that it may just a matter of being strong enough to not drink so much and stop on your own. This is a pretty decent way to test it out. Seriously though..give it a shot..shoot me a PM is you want, and let me know how it goes for you.

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TS

 

I never heard of the book, don't know if you have read it and was looking for others opinion but i took the liberty of googling a .pdf file and found it just in case you needed it.

 

 

http://www.mediafire.com/?rj9g3tz2hcgsgd2

 

Aleister Crowley Diary of a Drug Fiend (1922).rar

(1.32 MB ) (clean no virus, i downloaded it and scanned it)

 

good luck

 

 

BTW I am still downing 3/4 beers a day & 30+ on the weekends steady lying to myself..

 

thanks for the link

i'm halfway trough the book now and being a cokehead i can relate to it on some of the little things, was curious to see if the opiateheads in here went trough the same intense shit, thoughts and events.

it opened my eyes in various ways on outlook of life in general even..

 

especially the text in the beginning was something different

 

This is a true story.

 

It has been rewritten only so far as was necessary to

conceal personalities.

 

It is a terrible story ; but it is also a story of hope and of

beauty.

 

It reveals with startling clearness the abyss on which our

civilisation trembles.

 

But the self-same Light illuminates the path of humanity:

it is our own fault if we go over the brink.

 

This story is also true not only of one kind of human

weakness, but (by analogy) of all kinds; and for all alike

there is but one way of salvation.

 

As Glanvil says: Man is not subjected to the angels, nor

even unto death utterly, save through the weakness of his

own feeble will.

 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

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