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Alcoholism

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Been working with my sponsor, job-wise. shit is going well. another seasoned AA fella is helping out too. meetings pretty much every night, except for the past few because i've been falling asleep hella early. it's all pretty cool stuff. I've been reading the book slowly. because i'm always so worn out, the second i start reading, i get sleepy. it's obviously hitting home in a lot of ways, and while that is somewhat depressing when you think about it, it's also very liberating.

 

regarding weekend plans, i generally relax. none of my friends are party animals, so i'm not getting dragged to much in the way of drinking events. I'll go to a bar with my boys and drink soda water with lime for the placebo effect. for the most part, i like doing shit by myself, so there isn't any pressure to drink. although, i admit, that was how i got myself in trouble this last time around, but between the program and most of my time being consumed by work, i feel a lot better about everything.

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keep doing that shit bro.

 

my sponsee flaked out on a meeting today, after he agreed to go, after we talked about the importance of follow through.

 

talked to my sponsor cuz i was umad.jpg and he basically said i was a fool for expecting anything else.

 

truth. lowering my expectations and keeping at it....for me if anything. if he gets it great, but sponsoring someone is really another tool for me to stay sober.

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Well, you pretty much e-sponsor all of us in this thread so...thanks.

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Word to what LUGR said, Ralphy, you've been a great help. I'm really happy I found this thread. I started in on the book with my sponsee today, his story is so similar to mine and he's so much like me. He was talking to me today about how he knows that dope can kill him randomly, especially hearing my story about finding my friend's body, but for some reason he just can't stop using. I told him that's exactly how he's supposed to feel, it's called the first step. Honestly the kid is doing great.

 

As for this weekend I'm just going to try to ignore the hype. Do some more work with my sponsee tomorrow, hit some meetings, going to a Dia De Los Muertos celebration in Oakland with some sober homies on Sunday then doing my H&I Sunday night. As for Monday shit I'm working all day, it'll be really all I can do to make it through my double shift and give little kids candy. Good luck to everyone this weekend though and remember to just keep working that program.

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today at the meeting i secretary this dude says, "wishes don't do dishes."

 

basically its a program of action.

 

I had a convo with my sponsee this morning...he basically didn't have his 4th step stuff ready to go. It all boiled down to that the program is boring to him...he likes the meetings but the work/reading is boring.

 

No doubt, it is pretty boring....but I explained to him that is the addict in him, we want instant gratification. I told him lets give it another week with his work, buckle down and remember why you are doing this.....our will and choices brought us into the rooms.

 

I talked to an OG about it...he said that sponsees are like babies at first and you cant expect anything, you feed them and help them grow, they become infants and can take a few steps on their own etc.....eventually they develop more into children and you dont have to watch over them nearly as much. Cheesy, but it really helped me understand it is not about my expectations, everyone will be different.

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I talked to an OG about it...he said that sponsees are like babies at first and you cant expect anything, you feed them and help them grow, they become infants and can take a few steps on their own etc.....eventually they develop more into children and you dont have to watch over them nearly as much. Cheesy, but it really helped me understand it is not about my expectations, everyone will be different.

 

Wow that's a pretty kickass saying.

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Im gonna give the milwaukee group a try. Everyone says its one of the better groups in the city and its only a few blocks from the crib. Went to one meeting there last year with the wifey and everyone seemed very nice and supportive. I think ill try to get my moms to go with me since shes in recovery too, since itll help with the social anxiety I get from being alone in groups of people im unfamiliar with. Good luck in all your roads to recovery folks.

 

I gotta get myself right and keep it that way this time, and I cant do it alone. Everytime ive successfully kicked I always end up with that "i can just dabble on paydays" mentality that we all know quickly develops into another habit. Fuck that jack, its all or nothing and id prefer the latter. Pray for me fellas, ill return the favor.

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I am drunk.....for no reason....again. I'll be on the Oontz again definitley this week, can some awesome person pls remind of this post via PM(hope Im not asking too much) and the fact I should check out a meeting or two at least. Thanks................... :)

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Im gonna give the milwaukee group a try. Everyone says its one of the better groups in the city and its only a few blocks from the crib. Went to one meeting there last year with the wifey and everyone seemed very nice and supportive. I think ill try to get my moms to go with me since shes in recovery too, since itll help with the social anxiety I get from being alone in groups of people im unfamiliar with. Good luck in all your roads to recovery folks.

 

I gotta get myself right and keep it that way this time, and I cant do it alone. Everytime ive successfully kicked I always end up with that "i can just dabble on paydays" mentality that we all know quickly develops into another habit. Fuck that jack, its all or nothing and id prefer the latter. Pray for me fellas, ill return the favor.

 

a little social anxiety > the alternative

 

sounds like you got your train of thought headed in the right direction

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Glad this thread has been more recovery related as of late. Ralphy...nice to see things seem to be going alright with you. Keep at it.

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What really fucked me up was not being able to go directly to inpatient detox when I was discharged from the hospital last month. I was still sick & couldnt be strong enough at home, alone. Called 211 last night and they confirmed that without an id card they cannot admit me. The guy on the phone said "well how much is heroin costing you". I told him "good point but you cant trade electronic appliances for state identification cards". A poor excuse but really I have paid cash of my own for dope in a minute. They have to understand that junkies usually just get a free bag to cop for someone else or run a pack for the dopeman. So the first goal, get id at dmv. After that ill qualify for detox. May be out for a few days, good luck to erryone, stay strong, focused and safe. Cheers (with a na beverage of course)!

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Regarding the anxiety that comes with meetings:

i definitely know how that goes. for the first few meetings, i found myself getting extremely nauseous about halfway through, for no real reason other than my mind was fucking with me. i could feel myself wanting to puke, and the color went out of my hands (and surely my face, too) and i started sweating a bit. one time i had to get up and walk outside, where i told myself it was ok to vomit, but the feeling went away the second i got out.

after a few meetings, once people start to recognize you as a new fixture, the anxiety goes away. i usually say a few things at every meeting, if called upon, although most of it is rambling due to massive caffeine intake. my coherent thoughts translate into nonsense at times, but whatever.

anyway, just give it a few meetings and you'll start to feel hella good about going. you'll look forward to the next one. the walk home is always invigorating as well.

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on a similar note i have had to pretty much had to cut off my own brother because of his continued drinking. he has a 5 yro he does not care for, my parents do. he has been sent twice to rehab, done the AA program (never doing the steps) and failed 6 times, been in jail, hospitals due to fighting while drunk, car repo, lost jobs etc...

 

all this and he continues to drink. i had to tell him i can no longer be a part of his life

while he is using, by helping him i am enabling him to not help himself.

 

dont get it twisted, if he asks to go to a meeting or needs help getting in the right place i am there...but i will not take part otherwise

 

good for you.

 

when me and my brother are together it's hell for both of us, two drug addicts just selling drugs never really did any good. everytime i tried to stop talkign to him a few months later we'd get back in contact and it'd just be the same thing again. him fucking me over somehow. blehh

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Im gonna give the milwaukee group a try. Everyone says its one of the better groups in the city and its only a few blocks from the crib. Went to one meeting there last year with the wifey and everyone seemed very nice and supportive. I think ill try to get my moms to go with me since shes in recovery too, since itll help with the social anxiety I get from being alone in groups of people im unfamiliar with. Good luck in all your roads to recovery folks.

 

I gotta get myself right and keep it that way this time, and I cant do it alone. Everytime ive successfully kicked I always end up with that "i can just dabble on paydays" mentality that we all know quickly develops into another habit. Fuck that jack, its all or nothing and id prefer the latter. Pray for me fellas, ill return the favor.

 

The Milwaukee goup is good I use to go when I lived there

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Lurking channel zero while secretarying my home group and I find this thread, any one from Oregon?

 

not from Oregon, but reside here. NPAA...

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1st weekend in about 15 years I didn't drink. Let's see how week two goes...

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1st weekend in about 15 years I didn't drink. Let's see how week two goes...

 

WHAT'D YOU END UP DOING?

ALONG WITH, WAS THE WHOLE "GROUP" NOT DRINKING?

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