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Alcoholism

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Went to family Xmas today and was immediately offered beer, grabbed one and started drinking and halfway through poured it out in the bathroom and just drank soda. 

 

Small victories. 

 

It was a good plan because my GF drank wine so I woulda had to drive . 

 

Weaning off benzos now, not fun 

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I've been limiting myself went to get groceries and wanted a case grabbed a single beer and that's my allowance. Bargaining w myself. 

Thanks for the support yall 

 

 

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21 hours ago, +plus+ said:

Went to family Xmas today and was immediately offered beer, grabbed one and started drinking and halfway through poured it out in the bathroom and just drank soda. 

 

Small victories. 

 

It was a good plan because my GF drank wine so I woulda had to drive . 

 

Weaning off benzos now, not fun 

Be careful homie, benzo withdrawal is dangerous. Nothing wrong with tapering if you need to. Best of luck though, small victories indeed. I hear that shit.

 

I've been 100% sober since I last posted (aside from cafecito if you count that, I don't). Going to my girl's for Christmas Eve tomorrow night, then Christmas dinner with her aunts and uncles the next. I know the whole family is probably gonna be lit but I've already told myself that I'm not going to so I'm content with it. Actually a little happy as Christmas in pretty much all of my past years aside from the past few has been something along the lines of wake up, smell food cooking, drink, try to keep a healthy buzz around my parents without looking like a total drunk, wait and hope somebody gives me money, call up the H man, wait, wait, finally go out to meet, get high.

 

Past few years since I quit heroin it's pretty much just been get drunk all day. So this will be the first sober Christmas since I don't even remember when.

 

Now that I haven't drank for a little while I'm starting to notice all the little shit that's wrong with my body, that either alcohol was masking or I just brushed off as nothing being hungover a good majority of the days.

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The not being hungover is the best reminder. I feel bad dfor some of my friends who don't get them as bad because they don't have a incentive. 

Mine were bad from day one so it always crippled me.

 

Good work man, you can do it! 

 

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Trying to quit. Im a god damn wreck in my head. Im good at hiding it mostly i guess. Way depressed and often suicidal. I hace cut back a lot so it isnt THAT bad anymore. But i still need to totally get off it. Been drinking for 3 years straight everyday minus the detox facilities and jail visits.

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On 12/17/2019 at 4:07 AM, Kalashnikov said:

Thanks, this actually helps give some insight. I'm pretty much the exact same as you in terms of my drinking habits. Typically once a week, sometimes a few days at a time, since around the same age with a few breaks (mostly when I was into heroin, as funny as that might be). We're also pretty much the same age. This past week, I had a few friends from high school come visit me and they're straight up alcoholics, drinking morning until night. I would drink at night with them most nights, and the pain is definitely drinking related. It actually was quite noticeable yesterday (Sunday), and was sharp at times when it never was before. I drank Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.

 

I also notice it when I've abstained from drinking and have one beer, it starts maybe a minute after taking the first few sips. Either way though I'm gonna give the drinking a rest for at least like 4 or 5 weeks and see what happens. Which I guess means I'll have a sober Christmas and New Years, but whatever. It's not like drinking makes anything better, but it does help you feel normal when you're an anxious wreck half the time.

 

I also plan on going to the doctor to see what this is about, ask for some labs, etc. I'm glad that you quit (pretty much), living a longer life is the better choice.

Yeah I have the same symptoms as you when I start drinking. I recently cut down to almost zero for a good number of weeks and they pains all went away. I've spoken to my doctor about it and they had no real concerns. I have slightly elevated liver enzymes but the ultrasound showed it looking healthy. I assume it's just the body's natural response to processing stuff it does not like.

 

I'm still a long way from having quit and have been getting fairly drunk over the Christmas period but definitely not in a way that feels quite as painful (physically and mentally) as previous years.

Edited by poes

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Just checking in here, hope everybody is doing alright. I've been sober minus a few drinks on New Year's Eve when I went to watch the fireworks with my girl. Fucked up that once but otherwise I've been sober. I do plan on drinking Saturday since I'll be in New Orleans. Gonna see what the city has to offer, catch a few handstyles, smash down a po' boy, chill with the girl, just relax. Then no more drinking until New York in February, and should be going to Costa Rica in April provided I get my passport straightened out. My plan is to try and keep the drinking this year to trips. We'll see how it plays out I guess.

 

 

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My troubles with alcohol is on a steady decline

 

i stopped drinking hard liquor over a year ago and im "socially" drinking beer every now and then

 

my focus is now on diet, mainly becuz im getting older at 33. I'm leaning more towards a plant based diet, mostly out of utility.

and beer will always be there but its knowing when to stop

Edited by glorydays
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On 12/26/2019 at 6:37 PM, Moe Szyslak said:

Trying to quit. Im a god damn wreck in my head. Im good at hiding it mostly i guess. Way depressed and often suicidal. I hace cut back a lot so it isnt THAT bad anymore. But i still need to totally get off it. Been drinking for 3 years straight everyday minus the detox facilities and jail visits.

Moe - if there are any programs in your area I suggest trying one out. In many places you can get into a brief residential or outpatient treatment covered by insurance wether you are employed or not.....at least in California.

 

The mental health stuff can get agitated when you detox and staying sober can really bring about some strong emotional responses which have been muted by alcohol/drugs for years.

 

Good luck with your recovery man - it’s not easy but I wouldn’t trade my sobriety for anything.

 

 

 

 

All that being said - I just had 12 years off drink in November. There are times I feel like I am missing out when I see others drinking but then I remember I am not like other people. I look at my pops and brother and see them struggle with the addiction and I know I make the right choice.

 

Keep it up fellas.

Edited by fat ralphy
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My pops called me

yesterday and said he has 40 days without a drink.

 

Better late than never.

 

Hope all you brothers are living your best life.

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Was doing well for awhile, drank heavily this weekend.

Feel so letdown.

Keep up the good fight

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woke up at 3am with my heart pounding so bad almost called the ambulance.

Called into work.

This cant continue.

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For a long time i havent felt like myself. Like without drugs or alcohol. Its hard to feel the way you want when im always assaulting my body with different toxic chemicles. I had a little little little glance on the old me after i stepped out of detox. I was happy and smiling some. It was crazy there was a counsilor asking me questions about my life. She asked me how long ive felt depressed and not feeling like myself for like every day type style. I sat for a second thinking and told her "about 5 years." Its hard for me to get into the right mindset to quit drinking. Im just sitting in my appartment all day telling myself not to drink. There needs to be a substitution instead of just a "mind over matter" type approach. I dont know i need to get out more.

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@Moe Szyslak- don't sit around thinking that.  When you find other stuff to occupy your time with you won't even have those thoughts cross your mind.  First, figure out how to fill your time up with other more productive things.  Right now you're not really in a spot to deal with boredom on your own and that's what it's going to take.  You're going to have to realize that you can be bored without deciding to do destructive things to your health.  IMO that's the real challenge..... figuring out how to "be bored" without caving in.  I wouldn't attempt it at this point, just fill your time up and don't be bored.... later after you are normalized then you can probably handle boredom without making bad decisions.

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good point dirty hab.

 

Tried the whole "one or two beers" thing last night and ended up hammered listening to gucci mane at full volume at 2 am with my girl yelling at me.

 

FUCK!

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I had an internal debate at the store and almost walked away but caved.

Frustrated.

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Bought a fuckload of costco sparkling water to replace beers with. Since I got laid off about 2 weeks ago I've been drinking at least 10 to 12 a day..and shit this is the first day I can think of in a long time I haven't had a drink by 8 pm. Trying to help out my mental health which has not been so good for too long now...guess we will see how this goes. I need to up my health game in general right now, but i think if i try to quit drinking and cigarettes at the same time its not gonna go well.

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I have been going not too easy on the drinking with this quarantine shit. Doesn't help that I'm at my girl's parents' place and they definitely enjoy having some drinks. Although, I will say I hate waking up on Monday realizing I wasted a whole weekend drinking. But on the same side, it's not like there's shit else to do right now. I'm sure many other addicts/alcoholics are struggling with this quarantine thing. I'm not getting shitfaced every night but I have a couple. I guess I failed with my plan.

 

Kinda feel alone-ish. Wish some of the homies were still alive (swordfish in particular) so I didn't feel that way.

 

On the plus side, even considering I've been drinking, I have been exercising like crazy. ~3 miles of running a day plus whatever else I feel up to doing.

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“Last” on the iOS App Store really helps

 

taking the year off drinking , decided to throw in the smoke for a bit too . Had some champagne with wifey on nye and made this promise to myself to help attain some musical goals . 
 

then woke up to a call on Jan 1st from my mom saying my cousin/best friend was admitted to the icu on the 30th . no one wanted to tell me I guess and I don’t blame anyone . He ended up leaving us the day after he turned 30 . Jan 12 his 30th bday and Jan 13 he was gone smh

 

dunno if this is for good but it feels great and I wanna keep my promise to myself with no drinking for a year , hope the app helps it’s kind of nice to see the numbers and the $ you’ve saved 

95B04BC3-5BDC-47F9-9750-38CA12700959.jpeg

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Sorry to hear about your cousin. 

 

Counting days can be kind of entertaining and motivating, I got pretty good at going for long stretches and then returning to active drinking. For me it was always disappointing how quickly my reality would shift from going months without a drink to the every day show. I guess it has been on about ten years now since I quit drinking, less a couple times here and there which I recognize but do not restart the clock for.

 

It is one of those things, the size of the break is kind of meaningless in a weird way unless and until it becomes part of your lifestyle. I had a friend whose father quit drinking and smoking the day he was born, on my buddy's 18th his dad sat in the backyard with a carton of marb reds and a bottle of jack, made himself sick and then pretty much went back to being a drunk. He never made it part of who he was, how that happens and if it happens are all really far out and personal things, which are by experience very fragile for a lot of people, probably me also, more than I would like to admit.

 

As to the stay at quarantine show, it is one of many life events both shared and personal that I really appreciate being sober for. 

 

I do find it a struggle on the mental and emotional side of things, loneliness and restlessness in particular. Similar to the beginning of  abstaining I find that I need to do shit to make it though, if I just let things happen I will start to slide.

 

 

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1 hour ago, morton said:

He never made it part of who he was, how that happens and if it happens are all really far out and personal things,

I feel this. Granted I can sometimes get into drinking from time to time, it's not something I really enjoy enough for it to become an all-encompassing problem. Like I'll go hard sometimes and then I'll just wake up and be tired of it. The anxiety the next day, feeling like shit, all of it. I know people that drink every day hard and have for years, I don't see myself ever getting there just because it's not my drug of choice; it's not THAT great. But, I do realize that because of my past with heroin/opiates that things can become problems, on the flip side.

 

But the whole meeting thing was never for me. It's been 5 years since I've done heroin, and I don't have the desire to do it anymore. The thoughts are no longer in my head. I never went to a meeting. It works for some, but the whole "let's meet up and talk about how we're not normal" isn't for me, personally. For some people it really helps, and that's great. But for myself, I feel like it's traveling down the same road to spend the rest of your life considering yourself a dysfunctional person because of your affinity for a substance. I know I can't do opiates, they've been a huge problem in the past, so I won't do them. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life going to meetings to talk about how they fucked up my life. That part of my life is over, I'm past that, I don't want that to define me. Like I have a friend that I used to get high with, who is now clean and has been, that still likes to bring up the times we went and got high. He's in a recovery group on Facebook where they post heroin memes, and sometimes he'll send them to me. I just can't help but be like, "damn... you're still thinking about that shit? Time to move on. There's more to you than that." 

 

I don't know. Just me, I guess.

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My trajectory was that after getting water soluble drugs out of the way I started to have assorted successes in my life, and that those successes pretty much cock blocked me from getting high on the real level, leaving me with booze by default, in accordance with our societies trip.  

 

I had a general sketch of what meetings were like from a couple brush ins and compulsory attendance as a youth. When I made the decision to quit drinking I went to a NA meeting, maybe weekly or every other week for the first couple months. It was helpful so far as it was, for the sense of fellowship and also as a marker in routine and to direct my focus on the transition from taking a break to making a long term lifestyle shift.

 

Working a program was never really in the cards for me, I took what I needed and bounced. Like a lot of people I have mixed feelings about the whole affair, I have one uncle who has been going to meetings for decades and another who has been in active addiction for decades and they both bug the shit out of me. I do not want to hear somebody talk about the mistakes they made right after the fucking Vietnam war for sure, but I also do not want to see a man in his sixties freebase.    

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