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Alcoholism

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There is no reasonable comparison between cigarettes and heroin, it is nonsensical. 

 

On the sobriety front, my wife is out of town which means that I have an opportunity to use without anyone in my family knowing about it. It is not too much of a challenge and there are still barriers built into my lifestyle like working a job with random drug testing etc. but it reminds me of how much harder it was to resist the urge to use in the beginning and during the first few years. With many years clean it is easy to judge others and diminish in perception the challenges and hazards associated with narcotics, I am kind of happy to have a reminder, however mild, of what the struggle is really like.

 

I have other family coming into town soon so the window will close by the weekend anyway.

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I am currently trying to quit drinking, or at least slow tf down. I get real anxious in the mornings when i dont have a beer. Been drinking at least 4 or 5 24 ozs a day for about 3 months straight. Im also on some other rx meds and it seems like im getting further and further away from reality. Time to chill. I drank 2 24s today, gonna try to drink just 1 tomorrow.

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On 3/20/2019 at 4:35 AM, morton said:

There is no reasonable comparison between cigarettes and heroin, it is nonsensical. 

 

On the sobriety front, my wife is out of town which means that I have an opportunity to use without anyone in my family knowing about it. It is not too much of a challenge and there are still barriers built into my lifestyle like working a job with random drug testing etc. but it reminds me of how much harder it was to resist the urge to use in the beginning and during the first few years. With many years clean it is easy to judge others and diminish in perception the challenges and hazards associated with narcotics, I am kind of happy to have a reminder, however mild, of what the struggle is really like.

 

I have other family coming into town soon so the window will close by the weekend anyway.

Stay strong holmes! Junky life aint anywhere you want to be, im sure you know

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Haven't drank in over 12 years - sometimes you feel so far removed from the past your tempted to pick it up again. 

 

Feeling safe and in control can be dangerous. 

 

For anyone that needs a alternative support (since this thread is slow), Reddit has r/stopdrinking

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This third year is definitely throwing plenty of days/situations that historically would always be tackled with copious amounts of alcohol and ranting to the abyss of 12oz.

 

Thank God for a strong foundation made possible by people like POZ and others in this thread that carried the message to me. Oceans away but in the same state of mind. This was legitimately my final source of outside communication with a world I felt I'd rejected first - before it could reject me.

 

RIP POZ

 

Props to anyone out there trying to make a change in your life, whatever path you choose I wish you success.

 

 

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being a alcoholic i only change wen i have to i live this way cuz its best for me ,but only i decide wats best for me , i will always figure out wat i need and wat  i want 

Edited by brothhalynch

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after a long day of work or after working out my urge to have a drink always increases. I probably avg 4-5 beers a day, but then i'll get caught up in a project and not drink for weeks. 

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Still sober....

 

My lady handed me a beer to hold yesterday - nice cold beer on a hot Los Angeles afternoon. I smelled the hops and fantasized about taking a deep pull....I would likely drink in a controlled manner. I would hold it together, for a few weeks at least.

 

Soon enough I would be back to the three ring shit show.

 

That being said, I had a few pretty good non-alcoholic beers over the last week. Fuck it. I guess i am satisfied with pacifying the beast. 

 

 

 

Edited by fat ralphy
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Taking the month of October off. Plan to avoid coffee too. 

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well tuesday I drank a ton of bourbon and made an ass out of myself. I was having a great week and my neighbor brought me 1 beer. Nekst thing you know im stumbling to store to buy cigs.

RAGRET

took off work yesterday with hangover and needed a day

feels bad man .

 

2 steps froward 5 steps back 

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I have been drinking more than I want to inside lately, if that makes sense. One thing I'm starting to get worried about, when I drink a lot I notice that I get this dull pain where I feel like my right kidney would be, but sometimes it's on the front too. It's right above my pelvic bone, so it feels too far down to be my liver. It's not bad but it's noticeable. I don't really notice it at all after I'm a few days removed from drinking. I've been drinking maybe 2-3 times a week.

 

Anybody ever experience something similar? I had a physical earlier this year and nothing stood out as a problem.

Edited by Kalashnikov

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I used to have a terrible problem with addiction in various areas and I still do. I think the only thing that helps me is being too occupied with other stuff that I deem productive or important. Drinking and smoking fall very low on the priority list. 
 

I recently quit smoking reefer after spending most of my life doing it. I used to "need" it. Now I'm just fine and my mood feels much more stable. I felt like getting stoned was numbing me and making me not the person I really am.  I also quit vaping recently by tapering my nicotine level down from 12mg to 1.5mg to cold turkey. Haven't had any craving and I recouped some $$$ by selling all my vape shit to a manager at my work. 
 

I have been away from drinking in excess for a very long time now. I don't like feeling buzzed or drunk anymore like I used to or the trouble it would bring me. I now can safely drink casually/socially. I literally can have a single beer and not feel the need to have another despite people drinking around me. Even one beer for me is rare now even in the presence of others drinking. I enjoy being the dd for my gf and her friends too because they're all good girls that sometimes like to go out together. 
 

Anyway I hope any of you all struggling can find what you need in life to be happy. I started associating addiction with unhappiness and that made it a bit easier to step away from it.   Good luck and I'd love to offer anyone advice that needs it. I've been addicted to shittier things in the past and got away from those too. 

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On 11/25/2019 at 11:39 PM, Kalashnikov said:

I have been drinking more than I want to inside lately, if that makes sense. One thing I'm starting to get worried about, when I drink a lot I notice that I get this dull pain where I feel like my right kidney would be, but sometimes it's on the front too. It's right above my pelvic bone, so it feels too far down to be my liver. It's not bad but it's noticeable. I don't really notice it at all after I'm a few days removed from drinking. I've been drinking maybe 2-3 times a week.

 

Anybody ever experience something similar? I had a physical earlier this year and nothing stood out as a problem.

I do.

 

Since the age of about 16 I have been getting super-hammered at least once per week (not including the multi-day benders during holidays, festivals etc). I'd consider myself a long way from being an alcoholic but it's definitely something I have difficulty controlling once I have had one drink. 

 

After 17 years, my hangovers are horrendous and last several days. My tolerance has gone way down and I feel like a much more sloppy drunk that I was. Normally around peak summer and Christmas, I'll go through periods of drinking a lot (ie. until I don't remember half the night) 3-4 times per week before dialling it back. 

 

It's started to give me full on fatigue, anxiety and aches where I imagine my kidneys sit.

 

After a number of years, I realised that the pain outweighs the joy I get when getting drunk. I'm down to about 1-2 beers every week or two and generally feel a lot better.

 

I do miss getting wasted with my friends at the weekend but if I'm honest, the physical toll was making me depressed and holding me back in other areas of life. I now sink all my newfound time and energy into other hobbies, like jiu-jitsu.

 

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So-I moved across the country a few years and a few months ago and the day I got there, was the last day I took my last pill. Started smokin trees (never cigs) and started seeing that I was causing my own misery and why would I keep doing that KNOWING it’ll never have a good outcome. I really had to focus on bigger picture. Staying off of em long enough to really see and understand how toxic they are. We can call ourselves “functioning_________” But now I look back and realize I was just a piece of shit and thought I had the wool pulled over everyone’s eyes and they didn’t know. While focusing on the bigger picture I was able to get healthy by being completely in tune with my body and the thought of an Opiod entering my body makes me gag upon the thought. Stay clean long enough to see the bigger goal. It’s truly worth it.

now I’m bout to read a back few pages to catch up on yinz and see some good words hopefully   

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Yea so I went back to the vape because my "1 smoke here and there" turned into an everyday thing again. 

Also had one of the lowest moments of my life about a week after I last posted in here. 

Cheated on my girl in a blackout with my neighbor and friend. Ruined multiple friendships with that mistake 

Pretty much the worstthing I could have done. 

With someone I am not even attracted to. Dont even know what happened just a blur 

I have drank since but it has been minimal. 

Gf wants me to quit entirely but I dont know if I am strong enough. took october off and then got drunk 2x in november in controlled enviorments. 

Thanks for listening. 

Dont fuck your neighbor 

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I know it sucks to hear it could be worse, but you’re standing up on your own two feet and got air in your lungs. So long as you have that, you have all you need to pull it together and chase what you deem to be worthwhile. 

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Thanks yall, I think writing that out is kinda good for looking back at my actions and how they affect others. 

Writing things helps a)get it off my chest and b)not forget why I stopped 

 

Ive never been a cheater and it was just out of the blue maniac shit. Scared me. 

 

 

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On 12/1/2019 at 2:24 PM, poes said:

I do.

 

Since the age of about 16 I have been getting super-hammered at least once per week (not including the multi-day benders during holidays, festivals etc). I'd consider myself a long way from being an alcoholic but it's definitely something I have difficulty controlling once I have had one drink. 

 

After 17 years, my hangovers are horrendous and last several days. My tolerance has gone way down and I feel like a much more sloppy drunk that I was. Normally around peak summer and Christmas, I'll go through periods of drinking a lot (ie. until I don't remember half the night) 3-4 times per week before dialling it back. 

 

It's started to give me full on fatigue, anxiety and aches where I imagine my kidneys sit.

 

After a number of years, I realised that the pain outweighs the joy I get when getting drunk. I'm down to about 1-2 beers every week or two and generally feel a lot better.

 

I do miss getting wasted with my friends at the weekend but if I'm honest, the physical toll was making me depressed and holding me back in other areas of life. I now sink all my newfound time and energy into other hobbies, like jiu-jitsu.

 

Thanks, this actually helps give some insight. I'm pretty much the exact same as you in terms of my drinking habits. Typically once a week, sometimes a few days at a time, since around the same age with a few breaks (mostly when I was into heroin, as funny as that might be). We're also pretty much the same age. This past week, I had a few friends from high school come visit me and they're straight up alcoholics, drinking morning until night. I would drink at night with them most nights, and the pain is definitely drinking related. It actually was quite noticeable yesterday (Sunday), and was sharp at times when it never was before. I drank Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.

 

I also notice it when I've abstained from drinking and have one beer, it starts maybe a minute after taking the first few sips. Either way though I'm gonna give the drinking a rest for at least like 4 or 5 weeks and see what happens. Which I guess means I'll have a sober Christmas and New Years, but whatever. It's not like drinking makes anything better, but it does help you feel normal when you're an anxious wreck half the time.

 

I also plan on going to the doctor to see what this is about, ask for some labs, etc. I'm glad that you quit (pretty much), living a longer life is the better choice.

Edited by Kalashnikov
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On 12/12/2019 at 5:11 PM, +plus+ said:

Yea so I went back to the vape because my "1 smoke here and there" turned into an everyday thing again. 

Also had one of the lowest moments of my life about a week after I last posted in here. 

Cheated on my girl in a blackout with my neighbor and friend. Ruined multiple friendships with that mistake 

Pretty much the worstthing I could have done. 

With someone I am not even attracted to. Dont even know what happened just a blur 

I have drank since but it has been minimal. 

Gf wants me to quit entirely but I dont know if I am strong enough. took october off and then got drunk 2x in november in controlled enviorments. 

Thanks for listening. 

Dont fuck your neighbor 

Man I'm sorry to hear this. I hope everything can pan out for you. It's going to take effort for sure. My brother got with my neighbor when he was living with me. It turned out how I warned him it would. 
 

I feel like the pain caused by the not fun parts of drinking is enough to make most people quit. Even if you have an addiction. I have an extremely addictive personality but the thing that always was a trigger for me was boredom. Idle hands are the devil's play thing. 
 

just try to recognize your boredom and mentally block yourself from drinking. Don't keep it in the house. Don't go in the store. Don't hang out with people that drink for a hobby. Tell your drinking buddies that you're quitting and you'd appreciate their support as friends. 

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