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Alcoholism


Step8

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I don’t drink. Last beer I had was years ago. I’m not against it, special occasions I could If I wanted to, might at some

point. Im just not built for it, from a family of former alcoholics and it just doesn’t take us much and we get nasty and belligerent. I do smoke too much weed though.

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Just wanted to check in. Still opiate free, but still drinking on the weekends also. I won't lie, on Friday when I'm getting out of work I'm definitely looking forward to having a few drinks. Not sure if that's a problem yet. I figure so long as I'm not drinking during the week, I'll be alright, but who knows. Everyone's definition of "alcoholic" is different. As a former junkie, I consider addiction as NEEDING something. Physical need mostly, but mental too. I don't need to drink, but I do enjoy it. Maybe I'm just trying to hold onto my seemingly escaping youth by walking around the city with a beer and writing on shit with no plan other than that. God dammit, am I turning into DAO?

 

 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...

Congrats on the anniversary.

I am still being mellow and abstaining from all mind altering substances. 

I cooked rice and eggs the other day and thought about pit because I know he liked the dish, looked at the rip thread and the last poster was dow, mortality rate on 12oz is too damn high.  

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Oh my. It’s been a few and I was finally able to sign in. But have been keeping slightly up to date via emails.  Props on the 3 yrs, protester. I’ve been seeing a lot of reminders of POZ this past week so maybe there’s a reason. I moved from Vegas to Pittsburgh August 2017. And took my last pill on the move here. I’m in a complexly my new city and have only asked around a few times but pride keeps me from really asking I suppose. I miss them. And miss the comfort they provided. Yeah they caused a lot of other problems but physical comfort was it for me.  It took replacing things I would enjoy while throwing back a few pills to getting used to doing those things without them. Retraining in a way. Or completely getting rid of those things that I would relate pills too. Make sense? But the main thing was moving out of a city where I had it at my dispense and even given to me.   I’ve saved tons of money for fucking sure but I feel like I have zero creativity anymore and the pain is constant still. And I’ve really cut drinking down. Like a lot. I polished off a few bottles around the holidays after not even drinking a bottle’s amount in the last year -I felt it physically. I looked it too. Skin. Eyes.  Body. Everything.  Completely turned me off because I realize I worked too hard on my health to go backwards over a period of two weeks.  Not worth it. Hope you all are doing well and thank you for hangin around.  I missed you all. 

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Congrats @theprotester!!

 

Really great to see you sticking with it and reaping the benefits.

 

It is also great to see you posting @SMdoubleXL- we could use some more day in pie pics ? Glad to hear the move was successful - 

 

I was around a lot of drinking this weekend. I really don’t have a desire because I know how it will turn out. I have been struggling lately - a lot of stress and strange anxiety. Making it a point to get back into better self care. 

 

Wishing all of you the best, keep it moving.

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On 11/20/2018 at 4:17 PM, Deine Mudder said:

How come?

I dunno. It's just not there like it used to be. I mean yeah, I think about it. But it's not enough to get me off my ass to go find it. Especially because I wouldn't know where to find it anymore. I mean, I'm sure I could sit outside the needle exchange or something. But even if I did that, I look so much better now... healthy weight, nice (enough) clothes, cleaned up... whoever I asked would probably just figure I'm a cop. Plus I quit before the fentanyl thing really took off, who knows what you're getting nowadays. People are getting blow and Xanax with fentanyl in it... like really?

 

One thing I've been struggling with though. I met this girl a while back that I've been seeing for the better part of a year. I never got around to telling her about my past. Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding something, other times it's like whatever... it's the past. I'm not trying to let the years I used define my whole life like "oh, I'm a now-clean heroin addict." Fuck all that, that's not my identity. At the same time it still feels like I should disclose. I don't know. She's pretty liberal on all social issues and I've told her I used to do drugs when I was younger, but I haven't gone into detail.

 

Anyways, enough of my shit and rambling. Protester, glad you're still sober and congrats on the anniversary. When the cravings hit if they still do, just remember you aren't missing anything.

 

And yeah, this life definitely has a type.

Edited by Kalashnikov
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  • 1 month later...

So for all of those people who are former addicts of any sort and are now sober, or at least sober from their DOC... what's up with the food "addiction" thing?

 

I have been noticing this more and more lately. Like I feel like I'm turning into a true fat ass. I'm still within my normal weight range and everything (albeit, not by much) but when I don't have anything else, I really look forward to eating. When I'm having a shitty day especially, sometimes I'll get lost in thought thinking about all of my lunch choices. Plus if I have enough food, I eat until I'm full. I also eat when I'm bored.

 

Not fucking around either, I've heard this is definitely a thing with sober people. I never really used to give a shit about food that much. I mean yeah I liked good food, who doesn't, but so long as I had a dollar for a McDouble after getting a few bags of dope I was good.

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I dunno that I would call it food addiction but eating habits can change for sure. I never or rarely had dessert after dinner when I was drinking because I went back to drinking in earnest after dinner, now I have dessert just about every night, and have for pretty much the past decade. 

 

In the first couple years there was also a sense of entitlement to indulgence, I can eat whatever I want because I am sober type thinking but that gave way for me pretty quick.

 

The long distance run of being sober involves all kinds of encounters with compulsive behavior, overeating, procrastinating, spending, working, fucking whatever.

 

Controlling and overcoming compulsion and making positive choices small and large is the name of the game but it can be hard to see and harder to do for us because of our muscle memory for going the other direction.

 

  

 

 

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Ive been drinking a lot since about 2 years ago. Pretty much daily. I never get "drunk" though it always a steady buzz., but it is letterally from the moment i wake up to when i go to sleep. And its always stricly beer. Liqour and wine make me murderous mad and thats no fun. I got some problems i guess. ?

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On 3/15/2019 at 11:58 AM, Moe Szyslak said:

Cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin.. Or so im told

As someone who quit both, I gotta disagree. Kicking heroin (multiple times) was by far and long (nh), the hardest (nh) thing I've ever done

 

Quitting cigarettes/nicotine literally was nothing, at least to me personally. One day I was just like... "Why do I still smoke? It tastes like shit, makes me smell like shit, costs me money. Fuck it." and I just stopped. It's been about a year and a half since that moment, no desire to smoke at all. If quitting heroin was as easy as quitting cigarettes I would have done it a long time ago.

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