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Alcoholism

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^^^ hah, that comment was directed at OhMyGosh! who was adding their engagement news. i can see where that would be confusing, i could have probably formatted it a little better, switching topics/comments mid-line and all.

 

still sober here.

the loneliness isn't as consistently bad as it was last fall/winter.

it's nice.

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Stay up, Inj.

 

I have to be honest, I am only just now accepting the loneliness and turning it positively into just being myself again. Actually paying attention to the advantages of not having someone else's expectations on my shoulders as well as my own. Finally cleaning it up properly, because it's finally only me left to do it for.

 

That has seemed to be just enough to stop me fucking up of late.

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I will never tell anyone what to do, but would implore those looking at or already taking the antidepressant path, while still drinking - I did this - to think about it a little more, as I am positive now that in my own circumstance, I should never have taken them in the first place - and if I didn't perhaps the road wouldn't be as rough as it is/has been.

 

This is just a throw away website from a quick Google;

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/antidepressants-and-alcohol/faq-20058231

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just now accepting the loneliness and turning it positively into just being myself again

 

Know how that feels.

 

Keep it up man, seriously!

 

As for the meds - I did not take them. Sort-of glad I didn't. But who knows.

I thinks this boils down to being a very personal issue, best decided with a professional person that you do trust / feel comfortable with.

Friend of mine is on that road (anti-depressants while still drinking) for years now basically, I always though it was a bad idea -

though he really is coming around again, now drinking less, and taking less meds / less strong meds, basically moving towards being sober.

I think it was the right thing - for him.

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Actually paying attention to the advantages of not having someone else's expectations on my shoulders as well as my own.

 

right? sheesh, it's so simple, and it doesn't have to be insane. there can be a healthy side to the isolation.

 

i used to find it really really hard to find the middle ground between being dependent on the people who have something you want, and extreme isolation/distance from other people who care about you but don't have anything you immediately want. the common denominator is i and me - it's all selfish. Been learning to freely/willingly offer myself again to friends and strangers alike. it's hard.

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Since this seems to be the alcohol & drug dependency thread, could we also throw in sex addiction?

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had ten months last years sobriety date was 9/22 went back out for about two months, new sobriety date is 9/16/14.. currently waiting on my ride to go visit one of my best friends who overdosed two nights ago and is in icu most likely brain dead. his mom texted me at 430 this morning saying today would be a good day to say goodbye to him.

 

its never too late to make a change in your life, trying to stay as present as i can, i have been pretty numb the past two days about my friend nik, and this morning on my bike ride to work just started crying listening to all the music that he had put on my phone.

 

stay up yall

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this week's life is full of things that are out of my control, which makes me anxious and uneasy.

 

the court case i had fell apart and i was acquitted on all charges; i also got the news that i will likely get laid off in three weeks since my office is cutting staff by about half. (merry christmas).

 

trying to stay out of my head and let things do what they do and be a friend/of use to others in my life instead. that starts tomorrow morning.

 

reminding myself that things will resolve themselves regardless of what happens.

 

hope you all are alright.

this is an un-fun time of year.

 

thinking about weapon x too & hoping he's alright.

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been drinking a lot, I try and meet new people in this town but its hard breaking into a new ground.

 

I used to meet all my friends through drug use and shit im trying to meet people through wholesome means

 

gettign blown off by girls, or blowing girls off. I am a master at fuckign up relationships while always looking for new ones.

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I got 7 years off sauce today.....thought it was 8, haha it gets to the point where you don't even keep track.

 

 

Keep it up naggers.

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Bombing and alcohol go and to hand like cheetos with weed. Every since I started with graffiti, I started to heavily drink, I did that for a while and being in Portugal, I was drinking a lot of wine through the days. Nowadays I have a huge stomach problem that fucks my everyday life, I can't even drink a bottle of red wine without throwing up and feeling like my stomach is on flames, I get random stomach aches and shit. shit's not cool. But yeah alcohol is addicting, I try not to drink on my everyday and it's been easy, but everytime I start drinking even if its in a social way, I can't seem to stop drinking or stop having thirst.

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Stay up, Inj.

 

I have to be honest, I am only just now accepting the loneliness and turning it positively into just being myself again. Actually paying attention to the advantages of not having someone else's expectations on my shoulders as well as my own. Finally cleaning it up properly, because it's finally only me left to do it for.

 

That has seemed to be just enough to stop me fucking up of late.

 

The lady and I are actually taking a bit of time to do this for each other, to see if we are the major sources of each other's stress. We still love each other but we drive each other batshit crazy at the same time.

 

I'm excited to be able to devote myself to my craft again, have an opportunity to open a spot of my own if I make the rights moves and keep my game up with these people. I feel as though I have lost all passion for all things, and need some time to make me who I am and who I should be.

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My posts on this topic are not meant to be attacks, but to point out what I perceive to be a failure of logic caused primarily by being in the mist of active addiction.

 

Blind support does not often actually help.

 

called it how he saw it, and he was right.

 

I am looking into inpatient treatment now. My brain is my biggest enemy, it can change itself from moment to moment, and without help I will not be able to get out of this fog.

 

It's really fucking scary, and I'm not ashamed to say that I am scared to make a change like this in my life. But, for this addict, it's either I ask for help or off myself like a coward. I'd rather man up and ask for help. I like to think there is strength in asking for help when feeling weak.

 

This lifestyle sucks. If you are just starting to drink, and wonder if you have abnormal drinking patterns, STOP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE, whatever you have to do.

 

Thanks to everyone here for reading my bullshit throughout the years and showing me my own fucked logic. Hopefully my posts after I come home will seem more positive, and focused.

 

*edit - the possibility of being able to open my own business made me realize that, in this mind state and with these habits, I will absolutely fail. I need a clear mind….

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it's never too late to make a change, red. welcome.

 

knowing that you are the enemy was frightening and liberating for me (at the same time!).

 

it's nice to put a face to the disaster and the addiction. that face just happens to be yours.

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