Alcoholism

[modern dance]

.

Edited February 13, 2022 by modern dance

[Elena Delle Donne]

in describing itself even AA just says "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." i agree it's not really worth parsing out. "addiction" more generally is being used less and less in medical recovery fields because it is stigmatizing. i don't really have a take either way on this; if calling it something else helps you stay around, then i'm fine with it. 

 

my general feeling is that alcoholism and addiction are the most irrational and the most destructive, with a compulsion being irrational as well but with a slightly different power relationship between the user and the chosen vice. 

 

would be interested in @fat ralphy's thoughts too

[fat ralphy]

My opinion as a professional drug and alcohol counselor is that compulsion is a part of addiction - to an extent addiction is essentially a manifestation of compulsion completely uncontrolled until using becomes the entire focus in an individual’s life. 

 

Compulsion to me implies that an individual is unable to control their desire, if they are acting on the compulsion. I think @One Man Banned is on point in that compulsion does often manifest in mental illness, OCD etc. In substance abuse though, compulsion is very similar - triggering via associations or urges.  I think that eventually when a physical and mental dependence exists that compulsion is no longer a part of the process as using has become a primary drive. 

 

I dont agree with Dr. Drew - acting on compulsion may not have any dire consequences but they are a sign that control is not present. Again only when acting compulsively, learning to control and not act out of compulsion is basically the fundamental of recovery overall.

 

It would be interesting to talk about how we manifest compulsion- I haven’t drank for 14+ years but I struggle with compulsion in many ways and have since I was a child. You guys similar?

[LUGR]

I definitely have also had compulsion issues since I was in middle school with bouts of some pretty annoying OCD early on. I was never officially diagnosed, and was able to get it under control, but it definitely still lingers in a very mild form.

[fat ralphy]

Writing definitely falls under compulsion- until of course it becomes full blown addiction too.

 

Let’s keep it real. 

[Deine Mudder]

On 2/12/2022 at 12:17 PM, morton said:

From my point of view chin scratching and  wondering about what makes an addict is irrelevant in relation to recovery, if you identify in yourself that you are an addict is what matters. Having other people or text books or medical professionals say it is all just noise. 

 

Pretty much this.

 

Out of interest I just looked at definitions and screening methods for alcoholism in the US vs. in Germany - wasn't surprised they are quite different from each other 💁‍♂️

No matter which of those you applied, the most people are alcoholics by these standards where I live - some "functioning", some maybe less so, and some really having no problem with the drinking whatsoever even if it's regularly etc . 

 

I think you need to just take an honest look at the situation and ask yourself whether you would actually / secretly like to be sober more often in your life - and if that's so, and you find yourself having a problem with drinking less or stopping, then the stuff has power over you instead of the other way around.

 

 

 

 

 

[Elena Delle Donne]

nine years on the 19th. what a life.

 

thank you to everyone who's helped. 

[LUGR]

On 6/17/2022 at 9:22 PM, Elena Delle Donne said:

nine years on the 19th. what a life.

 

thank you to everyone who's helped. 

I think the first time I quit drinking was around the time you stopped. Much respect to you for sticking with it. I have stopped (sometimes for years) and started numerous times and it always ends up in the exact same place.

[Elena Delle Donne]

going through a real bad patch in my relationship this week. it's been six and a half years and while we're still talking i think it's probably over. 

 

chalk some of it up to maturity but i have marveled at the patience i've been able to muster for this process. i drank because i wanted to feel good, or even just different, and immediately. i conducted my entire life that way. didn't matter how irrational or dramatic the change was. it had to be instantaneous.

 

 i am handling this completely differently — with patience and compassion and making moves only when it is clear that i can and should. what a thing we have here. 

 

 

[LUGR]

I’m about 1.5 years right now.

[fat ralphy]

@m123455 being around people who support your sobriety is huge.

 

Even at 15+ years in there are times I start thinking “hmmmm I could probably have a drink, I am probably normal now” - but my chick or my family tell me im tripping.

 

Couple weeks ago I took my chick to a fancy dinner. They had Henekein Zero on the menu and ordered one - dude brought me a regular beer. The minute a sip crossed my lips fireworks went off in my brain, I knew it was alcohol.

 

Had my girlfriend take it and checked the waiter. She immediately checked my ass and was like you are not drinking this……I think a lot of people would have just figured its only one, go for it.

 

Waiter was a lightweight clown, forgot our appetizer course until I reminded him after the main course. He comped the dish but was still a clown. 

 

 

[LUGR]

5 hours ago, fat ralphy said:

@m123455 being around people who support your sobriety is huge.

 

Even at 15+ years in there are times I start thinking “hmmmm I could probably have a drink, I am probably normal now” - but my chick or my family tell me im tripping.

 

Couple weeks ago I took my chick to a fancy dinner. They had Henekein Zero on the menu and ordered one - dude brought me a regular beer. The minute a sip crossed my lips fireworks went off in my brain, I knew it was alcohol.

 

Had my girlfriend take it and checked the waiter. She immediately checked my ass and was like you are not drinking this……I think a lot of people would have just figured its only one, go for it.

 

Waiter was a lightweight clown, forgot our appetizer course until I reminded him after the main course. He comped the dish but was still a clown. 

 

 

That is legit of your girl to take it seriously considering she did not know you in your drinking days.

[IdleHandz]

I "quit" quitting drinking every month at some point; its a disruptor for me. I don't fail at life but I could excel. The latter obviously is more appealing. I often just find myself too burnt from the things I deal with and I am often completely alone so when I get home I'll crack a few and deal with the stuff I have to do after work, then eventually at some point in the month ill hit the bottle and it'll just be one of those nights. Nights I wake up after feeling ashamed. I'm at the point where I am just done. I get my kid on the weekends and I just want us to fuckin ball; and I know that can't happen unless I'm really done. we have the most amazing times, though. literally my saving grace. cliche but honest. one love.

[Elena Delle Donne]

ding 

 

 

[KILZ FILLZ]

So like two months ago I quit getting hangovers. It’s pretty fucking sick partying w no consequence, but also worrying. This isn’t good right?

[ndv]

I don't know?

[fat ralphy]

@nicklesndimesdid you at least pull a bitch?

 

jokes aside - props man, sometimes I feel left out when everyone is getting down but in the end I know its the best choice. 

[morton]

Closing out another calendar year sober.

 

Getting ready to turn some fruit in to juice and agua fresca in order to have the makings of some non alcoholic drinks for the evening. Last night I made a drink with rosemary simple syrup, grapefruit juice and seltzer water.

 

Inadvertently drank some liquor at work the other day, someone was pouring shots of a ice-cream based drink and my dumb ass thought that since it was 7 in the morning in a work environment that is was a non alcoholic concoction. When I realized it had liquor I finished it anyway because I did not want to offend or get into a discussion about it. No biggie really.

 

As usual I do have some cravings but have been pretty mellow, it has been over a decade since I went to a meeting. Sometimes I think that my life is too orderly for me to really have a good relapse, just dealing with my wife alone would be such a pain in the ass. I am not sure how I would do alone.

 

As is often the case around the holidays I can not help but reflect on the addicts in my life who still suffer and those who are no longer with us. I hope that all of us that are sober and those who are not survive and thrive in the new year. 

 

Here's is to a year without any use related deaths in the 12oz user group. 

 

  

[IdleHandz]

New years was supposed to be my last night but the 10th of February I’ll have a month sober from alcohol. Been schmokin and eating candy.

 

Hope everyone is doing well and such. Keep up the good work pimps/pimpettes.

[fat ralphy]

@IdleHandz good for you G - you know what is best for you and you know what you need to do.

 

I just had 16 years in November and I will say that it still creeps up. Thoughts that I am missing out or that it would be fun.

 

I tell on myself right away - let someone know "Yo, this is what I am thinking..."

 

If they care and they are a part of my support, they check me real quick. I need that.

 

Non-alcoholic beers have been a god send for me.

 

Keep it up guys - all that we are missing out on is misery, embarrassment, handcuffs and fuckery. 

[IdleHandz]

@fat ralphyi aspire to have that much time come the future as well. I will look into those Heineken zeros. Used to love Heineken. The Liquid Death sparkling waters are pretty good too, taste just like a seltzer. thank you for the encouragement though. I still get those “ man a beer would taste good right now” thoughts some but I really can’t drink or else. Was talking with a case worker the other day she said there’s a shot that opioid users get once a month for cravings and that it works for alcohol too. I don’t think I need all that though; it’s just hard being a country boy, and not drinking no beer hahaa. 

[fat ralphy]

@IdleHandz Vivitrol - I believe might be what she is referring to. Shit its worth checking out - but if you mind is made up and you are starting to build healthy support (AA etc) you can probably get through the first few months.

 

It does get easier as you go, after that the key is just to remember you are better off not drinking. Once you get some time without alcohol it is easy to forget that. 

[LUGR]

Glad you bumped this thread @IdleHandz.

 

I am over 2 years on this round of sobriety and it has been so much easier than the first time I stopped. I credit that to the experience of having done it a handful of times. The first time was so so hard and I could not have done it with NA beers. I definitely still get some pretty frequent urges, but they are pretty easily ignored. Frequently hang out with heavy drinkers and smokers and don’t usually get fazed by it. I did skip an invite to a wine tasting party/movie night a last weekend where the movie was a wine themed movie. I didn’t think it would have been a problem, but was just not hyped on it and went and ate sushi instead.

 

I def have been drinking a bunch of bubbly waters. Rarely mess with the NA’s anymore, kind of pricey for a bunch of empty calories and don’t really crave them or anything. I just drink my morning caffeinated tea and my evening decaf tea.

[LUGR]

Oh yeah, what really inspired me this round was my mom having to go to an inpatient rehab for alcoholism for 30+ days and dealing with everything that led up to that.

[IdleHandz]

@fat ralphyyes, vivitrol. Who knows I may check it out. I got some stuff to get through first before I can focus on some more comfortable measures. Not alcohol related, just moving, and I got laid off the job I got in replacement of losing the one I had for 2 years because of a dui. 
 

  But yes, I try to go to a meeting everyday, been so busy the last week so it hasn’t been everyday. I have a home group though and I clean up before. Once my two years is up for the wait on being able to go to the jails and bring AA to inmates who can’t move throughout the jail like the Max pods I plan on doing that. I spent a year back there and it went so slow, couldn’t do anything just locked down 23/1 everyday worrying about what was going on in the streets. Funny enough I hit that same cell I lost my mind in, when I went back for the dui. God works in mysterious ways man. For now though I can take AA to the hospitals etc. 

 

    Ive never been happy at any job but I’m good at every job I’ve had. One thing I’ve always felt that was burned into my soul was to help people so I plan on going into a career in treatment for people like us. Kind of a lightbulb moment for me. 
 

@LUGR I’m glad I did too, perfect opportunity to check in and lightly hold everyone who commented accountable on their clean time, or a little reminder of how awesome you guys are! 
 

   I’m right there with you on the having done it many times, I always said “I quit quiting leave me alone” or thought I could drink like other normal people; but we aren’t normal. At some point there’s 3 beers left out of a 12 pack and you’re not just gunna leave 3 beers chillin so they get slammed. Then the stores right down the road. Another one.
 

   Glad we all made the decision to change though, not only do our friends and family deserve but we do the most. We are our own worst enemies.

 

thanks for reminding me I have tea! 

[fat ralphy]

I used to be so bent, lived above a liquor store.....would go down and buy a 12er just to come back upstairs and realize I already had one in the fridge. 

 

I was so fucking tore up - driving drunk on the daily etc.

 

@IdleHandz props on the H&I stuff - I have done it and its hella rewarding, not to mention helps keep you dry and crime free.

[IdleHandz]

Rough ass week/weekend. 
 

Finding myself starving for reciprocal actions towards myself. Alas you cannot expect others to be the person you are. So that’s all lost in the fray. The gumption I have shown which allowed myself to take a huuuge step over a pride that literally is entitled to me is astronomical. Yet goes overlooked and taken advantage of or belittled to a degree. Which really doesn’t matter because I really shouldn’t give a shit about fuck all or how people portray me to be in their eyes. Those who couldn’t think or even dream of moving the way I move. I know in my heart I am a good person; whether others ignorance or self absorption gets in the way of that or not. I hold no hate in my heart for anyone other than myself. 

 

   I’m gunna go ahead and start putting my feet in the direction I wanna go, not the way others want me to go. The latter just seems like wasted time anyways because people are watching to react not watching to clap. 
 

   So cheers to another day sober and another day breathing. I woke up wanting to off myself and thankfully to my kids mother for making it worse I’m sitting here drinking a beer remembering how trash her pussy is; and it ain’t my fault to what happened to us to begin with. Everything she did to try and hurt me is far less worse than the fact that she will always hold onto that spite she has for me and will always have hate in her heart. 
 

   You’d think she’d be happy with 4 years of dating my best friend under her belt. I told her many times “you won” 

 

- the winning loser. 
 

 

Edited February 18 by IdleHandz
Didn’t want anyone to think I was drinking an actualllll beeer.

[morton]

I actually would not think that a person who harms others would be happy, I would expect for them to be suffering. I would try to build both practical (external) and spiritual (internal) boundaries, often that is all that can be done and therefore the best course definitively.

 

As to your first point, for sure, a positive feedback loop or return can take a really, really long time to come back around and sometimes it never will except in that is should be much more forgiving than a negative feedback loop which has a tendency to react a lot faster.

 

Sorry to hear a person say they hold hate in their heart for themselves, although I can relate. Just like with the return on investment from doing the right thing forgiveness can take a long time and ebb and flow with the years. I endeavor to be patient if nothing else.

 

I personally don't really fuck with na beers very often at all, I can feel my old using self wake up a little, like a sleeping dragon when an explores disturbs some stones near the lairs entrance.

 

 

[fat ralphy]

My brothers best boy was found dead this AM - 29 years old, dead from this addiction. 

 

RIP Joonee

 

#stillnotdrinking

[ndv]

Sorry to hear that Bro.