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Alcoholism

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Stopped smoking weed two months ago, been hitting the bottle hard. Luckily it hasn't become an issue yet, but it's hard not to drink, seriously.

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i really eased up on the weed last month.

took an entire week off while at home - a first in probably over 15 years. only drank a smidge. didn't even get drunk. then went on vacation and didn't smoke anything or drink for two weeks.

 

came back and i've been super good about hardly smoking anything.. a very, very tiny bowl around 9pm.

but no drinks and no bong. actually feels pretty good.

i think i'm on a winding path to sobriety, finally, after decades of a smoke addled brain

for me i think it's mostly about breaking a habit, and less about stopping something i NEED to do

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a guy at my meeting tonight has 15 days, and he shared.

 

at 10 days in, he was between hitting a meeting and going to the bar with a friend for a belated birthday celebration (newly sober dude's birthday). decided on a meeting - wasn't really feeling going out that night, birthday or not.

 

his friend wrapped his car around a tree driving home from the bar that night.

the funeral was just the other day.

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Fuckin' hell Breakfast....

 

thought I'd stick my head in the door here...

 

Glad everyone seems to be doing ok... I've not been great this year, but not as bad as i used to be, everything seems to go back to my bad ways round about christmas time and i get in the habits of daily drinking again and it takes months for me to get out the loop.... catching up with people I haven't seen all year and the place everyone goes is the pub... my luck has been shite this year and the previous wasn't much better... but things are slowly starting to look up, moving into a new hoose soon, and starting a new job next week too... plus i'm trying to get into creative projects which should keep me busy enough to keep oot the boozer and hopefully make me a bit of extra cash which would be nice...

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Stay up Rolf. Agree with you on the pub being the meeting point for most. I can't really trust myself around the taps, so trying to stay sober has been very isolating.

 

I've had a couple of hiccups. Not prepared to call them a relapse.

 

Hope everyone is where they want to be with it.

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I never could really get in to drinking. My 21st was this year and I didn't even bother myself to even by some liquor. One of my best friends from HS is going down the path of drinking way too much in my opinion and it always sucks because he's the type of drunk who because they don't act stupid they think they are in full control. He's a drunken driver, and so far hes never got in to any problems. My vice has become the weed. Its made me quite an asshole I'd say. I didn't start smoking until after my accident and its just been a steady thing ever since. It got to the point where I would drive on E to pick people up just to smoke. I have slowed down now but the thought of smoking can set me off to having a terrible mood and me throwing fits of anger because of it. Mostly stemming from a lack of funds and me playing the victim card though. Worse part about it is I know I'm being a selfish asshole but yet it just happens.

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Shit breakfast menu that is terrible. Stay up everyone.

silba, the weed is good at preventing me from drinking but after years of smoking, I am tired of memory loss.

Every time i quit smoking I end up drinking or doing stupid wild stuff though. Its like a loop of substance abuse.

I have found that nerding out on some games is a good distraction to getting fucked up in leisure time but it doesn't exactly get you out and about socially.

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After a little over seven months I just recently relapsed - coming to you live from a hospital bed. Time of year somewhat, but more so failing at acheiving some personal goals. I also felt so isolated and then the first time I went out for a beer in public I lined up a week worth of dinners, lunches and an event to go to.

 

Thought after those seven months I had slayed the beast, but I hadn't.

 

One is too many, etc.

 

Stay up gang.

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Damn, Pro. Onwards and Upwards.

 

Heads up everybody.

 

Here's a funny story for you to make the day a little lighter.

 

So my brother's girlfriend's family won't let her come over for Thanksgiving because she said her throat hurts. They assume that she's sick and they don't want to be around her for the holiday. The truth is that she is absolutely not sick, my brother was just going to town on her face...

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No. That wouldn't be funny. She was deep throating and apparently couldn't handle it, and thus got uninvited to thanksgiving.

 

Sorry for the weak story-telling.

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That is a pretty funny story.

 

I'm out now, back on the farm. Wondering if anyone has experience with long term rehabilitation places? Talking like four months off the grid.

 

I'M SO FUCKING BORED. The boredom is insane. I'm just driving around and my stupid V8 uses soooo much fuel. For reference I pay around $7/gallon for 'gas'.

 

Might go watch some cricket.

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I've been to basic training which was about 6 months and a 12 month deployment that was broken in the middle by two weeks.

 

Basic was fine because we were kept busy all the time. Deployment sucked because there were a handful of times where we were bored as fuck. Keeping busy and away from boredom is key in that fight, imo

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That is a pretty funny story.

 

I'm out now, back on the farm. Wondering if anyone has experience with long term rehabilitation places? Talking like four months off the grid.

 

I'M SO FUCKING BORED. The boredom is insane. I'm just driving around and my stupid V8 uses soooo much fuel. For reference I pay around $7/gallon for 'gas'.

 

Might go watch some cricket.

 

welcome back pro.

i hope a hospital's as bad as it gets for you, and it gets better from here.

 

i couldn't afford a long-term inpatient rehab, so it just wasn't an option. if you can swing it, it seems like it could be interesting. especially if you've tried this a few times. might be more intense; something might stick that hasn't yet. i wondered about the whole "return to society" part, when you have to do a lot of it yourself (or with a support group). my logic was always that i'll need to learn to stay sober in the real world anyways, right? like rehab is lovely but i can't live there forever, you know? that made it easier to go to aa when i was brand new.

 

i stay sober with 12step meetings and decent people around me and a life that has kind of come together even though i'm not the most active participant at times. i paint and take photos and read and write, a lot. it is a good substitute and often gives me things to talk to people about. painting keeps my self-destructive streak at bay too. my old priorities were drinking and sex and other pleasures, which was dumb and expensive, and also too reliant on others. with painting and writing and other creative outlets i'm still out/around other creative types but competing with myself more than anyone else. it's very gratifying to compete with yourself, you always have home court. or something.

 

maybe some of that makes sense. i bike, too. and exercise makes you tired, which is usually not when i wanted a drink. i don't know what "runner's high" is but i feel free-er and more awake when i'm on a bike and afterward, too.

 

anyway.

 

i came to share here that i lost two people to suicide in the last week. one was a crewmate and one was a cousin.

 

my crewmate's death hasn't even hit yet. he was one of the happier people i ever met, a goofball with a big smile who loved graffiti and cracking jokes. i guess there was something behind that smile but i never saw it. friends are saying it's depression, or something, i don't know. it's so unexpected that i guess i still don't really believe it.

 

my cousin committed suicide on saturday, around dinnertime. he had bounced in and out of sobriety for 3-4 years, and was definitely an alcoholic. had burned most bridges in my family; drained his parents' savings and retirement accounts on years of rehabs. just really, really didn't want to stop drinking 'cause sobriety sucked even though drinking hurt worse sometimes. (i'm patching this together from years of relayed phone conversations, especially once i got sober and my mom could watch her nephew and her son fight the same thing.) saturday, he called his mom (my aunt) and told her he loved her and asked her to make sure his dog got taken care of.

 

my reactions have been all over the place, there's a lot to sort through.

 

one thing scaring the shit out of me is that each person has different things in common with me. i get depressed sometimes, i'm an alcoholic, i hate life sometimes, i'm capable of just as much damage as these two, so why am i still alive? is it my program? is it my connections? what did i do to survive where these two didn't? these deaths are an unwelcome reminder of my own story, which almost ended similarly. i woke up in the hospital after my last night drinking with a .43 BAC. i was ruled legally dead. i'll never forget the looks on my parents' faces when i woke up in the ER. i saw those faces again on saturday when we got the phone call about my cousin. the speechless & paralyzing clench of something that's utterly out of your control. this disease (alcoholism and related -isms) kills, and it scars the people around us as we go down. my attention to sobriety/a program keeps me alive and away from something i want but that'll take my life without remorse.

 

sobriety is worth it and i've never been more convinced of the need for it in my life. if you (pro or anyone) want help, i hope you find what you need.

rest in peace to D and J.

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Stay up over the Christmas period everyone. It's nearly lunchtime Christmas Day, and it's hard - thought of this thread and has pepped me up a little.

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good thoughts, and merry christmas to those who celebrate.

this can be a miserable and lonely time of year. the temptation's there - we have a choice about how to respond to it. tomorrow's another day.

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