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Alcoholism

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only had three beers last weekend to me that is good! Went to a sporting event and had two beers and one after. Still drinking yes, getting wasted, no.

Havent blacked out in almost three months so thats good

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after a 8 or 9 year hiatus of 12 oz saw this thread and finally felt like posting. i have finally quit heroin and methadone after an 11 year habit of 3 to 4 grams a day , the only thing i miss really is the hustle i was living in northern california and heroin is pretty easy to get i might add towards the end i was also mainlining ice and my habit eventually landed me on the streets which was terribly depressing . so i decided to do something with myself my girl bless her heart would jst cry her eyes out when she saw me and eventually it ripped us apart which sent me down the tubes i remeber doing gram shots trying to kill myself i was torn up mentally physically emotionally . my girl begged me to move back to tennessee she would bring me food clothing let me stay at her house sometimes and was just down for a nigguh when i needed her .. so two months ago i moved back here to tennessee been clean and im just doing me ive eliminated all old friends and using buddies and people who used to buy drugs from me . heroin stole my family friends and the love of my life from me luckily shes loyal as fuck and still has something to do with me ,,, this is a brief summary im glad to be clean feels good

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Hope all's well folks... still at it.

So stoked for Fall... been a relatively hot summer here and it leaves me with a lot of idle time when it's baking too hard to skate or do much of anything. I also become pretty irritable when it's hot. We've had a few Fall-ish days recently and there was a noticeable improvement in my general state of mind. There were a few days where it was bloody warm out and no one was around to find some water to swim in. The idea of copping a 40 definitely crossed my mind... didn't amount to much, though.

Not sure what any of this has to do with anything. I hope this finds y'all well and all that.

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Keep it up, CK!

Kicking that habit after 11 years must be something..

 

POZ - can't remember if I read your story / how it went exactly.

It's autum-ish here and the days are getting shorter, and old "friends" hit the bar earlier and earlier.

I don't join them, as it's so dumb to pay high prices for non-alcoholic stuff in bars - and most of all because I really can't stand their drunk babble, the same stories told for the 100th time, etc. etc.

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@cryptkeeper good to hear that, it sounds like you have every reason to stay with this .. it's beautiful & worth it.

 

with you guys on being happy it's fall.

so many great outdoors stuff to do .. so little time for sitting inside and/or thinking about old habits.

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after a 8 or 9 year hiatus of 12 oz

 

 

 

im glad to be clean feels good

 

 

with a registration in 2007 you must be posting from the future.

 

but fo real. good for you.

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anyone here have memory loss from substances/etc?

worried that my short-term's getting pretty bad ...

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Most definitely. Getting black out drunk 5-6 nights a week for about 3 years straight took its toll...

My short term is garbage, its making college more of a challenge than I was expecting.

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yeah, i realized tonight when i didn't remember the name of a dude i worked with for a solid nine hours a weekend ago. it really sucks needing to "meet" someone 4-5 times before the name sticks.

 

did you do anything about it? is there anything to do?

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I haven't done anything. I'm realizing more often what significant details are just dropped from my head, significant events that are remembered without any single detail, just that "we did this activity" no nuances or sidenotes at all. My girlfriend thinks I'm a dick because I can't remember stuff, but she's coming to terms with the fact that its not because I don't care, its because I can't remember shit anyhow.

 

I don't know if there is anything to do. I drink way less now, but I think the damage is probably done an irreparable. I've only blacked out twice this year... I guess thats improvement.

 

edit. I've also had a number of concussions which are probably exacerbating things. Oops.

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I've never been good with names, but I'm definitely horrible at remembering them now. I have moments where I get pretty frustrated with myself for not being able to think of whatever it is that I'm trying to think of. I don't know whether to chalk it up to getting older/having more shit going on, or if it has to do with my drinking days...

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I'll forget shit I did two days ago and have to be reminded of it. Once reminded I can piece it together, but it makes me feel pretty fucking stupid.

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it's insane to have a full conversation with someone you like & care about and not remember anything about it 48 hours later.

 

i'm with both of you, my experience has been the same - and it sucks to tell people (girls esp) that "it's not personal, my memory is just awful."

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I think that many of us can probably relate to having extremely 'busy' minds. I know I do. I think that was why drinking had such a massive appeal to me, cause it quieted some of those thoughts. Things like weed made me look even deeper into my head in many circumstances, which is probably why I never liked it much.

Because I'm constantly tearing everything apart in my head, I think it's possible that my brain ends up overworked, and then starts malfunctioning with memories and such. I definitely have trouble staying in the present, which by no means makes me an anomaly, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility I'm especially bad at it, with my anxiety being the root cause. It's like my mind wants to hyper focus on random, often negative aspects of what's going on in my life, and so I miss everything else.

 

I'm on kind of a ramble here... armchair psych to the fullest... just working through shit in my head.

 

Almost went to a meeting the other night, but bailed on the idea. It's hard to walk into rooms of people you don't know, even when you know how the meetings are.

 

Hope you all are well.

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I think that many of us can probably relate to having extremely 'busy' minds. I know I do. I think that was why drinking had such a massive appeal to me, cause it quieted some of those thoughts. Things like weed made me look even deeper into my head in many circumstances, which is probably why I never liked it much.

 

yep icon14.gif and is the same reason i never liked weed too much either.

 

thinking about the issues/concerns/needs of others, consciously, really is the key ..

 

on that note, my friend just called and asked about getting sober.

life is kinda wild.

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with my anxiety being the root cause. It's like my mind wants to hyper focus on random, often negative aspects of what's going on in my life, and so I miss everything else.

 

 

This is so me. Still get down on things like that about my ex which is 2 years ago now. Can't even pass her street without it getting me all bummed out. Just one thing of many.

 

I've also been having hair loss. I know the booze and stress combo did that too. Had the thickest hair ever, and I know that alchohol and not taking care of myself played a huge part in that,

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anyone here have memory loss from substances/etc?

worried that my short-term's getting pretty bad ...

 

Ya my short term memory is definitely fucked and I used to have a true photographic memory. Some of it may be just that I am old but consuming every skull and cross bone available is what I chalk it up to.

 

On a bright note, I have maintained sober since my last relapse, the one I posted here. I gave up keeping track of the individual days because it seems counter productive in my specific case. I was sober today and that is all I care about.

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dude i started graying as soon as i got sober hahaha.

weird how that works

 

I'm down with that, I like gray hair. Maybe that will be motivation for me to stop drinking.

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