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so in less than an hour i'll have 1 year sober.

 

i really don't know where to begin. i guess the obvious: life's unbelievably different since i came into this (again). priorities have changed.

 

i feel like i'm actually going after the things i care about once again. i look forward to waking up in the morning and the question "what have you been up to?" isn't scary anymore because i've got ... answers, a conversation full of them.

 

kinda incredible what sobriety & a little growing up can do.

 

thanks, guys.

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Happy anniversary INJ! Seriously a red letter day, and a milestone that you should feel good about, because it is not an easy task, and a year is a long time. Think about how much your liver has regenerated. Props.

 

I made it a week without a drink. It is pretty eye-opening how productive I was when I wasn't wasting so much time drinking and being hungover, as well as money lost at the bar. I got errands done. I made a to-do list, and was able to cross half of them off, which is a lot when procrastination is easy.

 

Yesterday I even started thinking about the future a little bit, about who I am, what I'm good at, and how I can try to use that to find a job that I actually won't hate every day. Even if my streak ends, these moments of clarity give me hope that I am capable of starting again, and finding something better for myself, which will hopefully lead to less desire to drink to fill the un-fulfillment. baby steps, but good to get the gears in motion.

 

Hope you all are taking time to enjoy the weather, and appreciate the simple things you do during the day naturally.

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keep at it, player. the sleep shit gets better. that was actually one of the things that improved most once i got through the initial grit of the first part of recovery. once your body is used to not being all fucked up all of the time, it adjusts and begins functioning like it was built to. appetite, sleep pattern, mental processes... they all come back in full effect and it feels pretty damn good.

all i can say regarding staying on course is, don't let yourself become satisfied. don't ever fool yourself into thinking you've 'proven' anything and don't forget the shame that drinking/whatever brought you. Don't put too much thought into future events either... IE "well, i'll probably make an exception for Halloween in a month, cuz, i mean, it's Halloween..."... that shit will lead to you caving earlier and ending up back to square one. plus, fuck all those drinking holidays. that shit is anticlimactic at best, and it's no reason to lapse into a shitfest. And don't be afraid to aim high, too. Think about how good it will feel to hit a year. I was anxious to get to certain markers of time, and it wasn't a bad thing to keep those goals in mind, while also keeping the "Day at a time" mantra on repeat.

Being sober has caught me little to no flack and almost purely respect from my peers, some of who are pretty hard partiers and definitely not on the wagon in any sense. Not hanging around childish scum who put pressure on you to do dumb shit is nearly as important as having a will to stay away from the shit. Even if you're not trying to be sober, those kind of people aren't worth keeping around, so nix them from your life either way... waste of time

 

This was not directed to you, fictionator, just an inspired rant. get to that month mark and see how you feel... and then keep going, cuz it gets better and better.

 

this is still a good post

hope y'all are well.

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Congrats, Injury.

Seriously, fucking rad. It helps me on my little path to know you're doing so well with this. I feed off the success of others I see handling this stuff.

Standing up and facing the daunting, serious shit in life is one of the most respectable and honorable things someone can do.

Thanks for killing it. Don't ever slow down.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Congrats, Injury.

Seriously, fucking rad. It helps me on my little path to know you're doing so well with this. I feed off the success of others I see handling this stuff.

Standing up and facing the daunting, serious shit in life is one of the most respectable and honorable things someone can do.

Thanks for killing it. Don't ever slow down.

 

lil over 9 months right now, good to see writers dont all have to get fucked up. feels good to break the stereo type. keep up the hardwork yall.

 

thanks, guys.

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As much as I wish I could say I made it, I didn't. Had just over a year but I am drunk as fuck now. should have hit a meeting instead of a bar.

 

I'm not really sure why I got drunk today or why i don't feel bad about it.

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this is a good thread..... i havent posted on here yet, but id like to say a few things. i am an alcoholic, i identify as an alcoholic. that is not to say i am not an addict, because i am. drug use played a huge role in me hitting my bottom. all of it, im not on that marijuana maintenance shit either. sober as a judge, its been 3.3 years now. its tough at times, really tough, almost tougher than when i first got sober. i go to AA and i have a spiritual life that i am now able to work on. there are many ways to get and stay sober, but for me AA is what works. i just want to say that life is hard, sometimes i just want to trade it all in for a drink or a drug. but i will say this, life would be way more complicated and fucked if i were to start using again. damn, imagine that, life can seem impossible at times sober, but shit, i dont ever want to have to deal with life while getting fucked up ever again, so sobriety cant be that bad. for all of the people out there who will never have support in their life to get sober, we are the lucky ones. even the fact we chose to read this thread for one reason or another, this is more than what some other people will ever have. i just wanted to let yall know im here if anyone needs any help, not on that "wire me some money" type shit, but someone to listen, or just show my support. It gets easier! much easier! dont feel like you need to do this all on your own. if you can, more power to you, but i could not and i dont think i ever will be able to. it helps to talk with others, or just talk out-loud to some greater force that may or may-not surround our lives.

stay up

-D

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Last Monday, at 8am, I rear ended a car. Right by my building. Technically my fault but fuck that bitch and her dtiving.

Her car was fine - barely a scratch but she called 911 while screaming and crying. Psycho Asian.

My car was wrecked but driveable.

 

Anyway, I got a DUI. When I got released from the station, I walked from bar to bar, drinking until each bar refused to serve me.

 

I went a week without drinking but I had a constant lump in my throat. I drank a 26er of Jameson last night in shots and woke up late for work today. The point was to gather the courage to kill myself but I guess I got too drunk and passed out.

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Last Monday, at 8am, I rear ended a car. Right by my building. Technically my fault but fuck that bitch and her dtiving.

Her car was fine - barely a scratch but she called 911 while screaming and crying. Psycho Asian.

My car was wrecked but driveable.

 

Anyway, I got a DUI. When I got released from the station, I walked from bar to bar, drinking until each bar refused to serve me.

 

I went a week without drinking but I had a constant lump in my throat. I drank a 26er of Jameson last night in shots and woke up late for work today. The point was to gather the courage to kill myself but I guess I got too drunk and passed out.

 

__________________________________________________________

 

Tell me if you think I'm talking shit, but i reckon the reason you went from

bar to bar....is you wanted some one-liner sage advice from a bar

man, & you never got it....lets face it, most bar staff are cunts...they are

either are teetotalers, don't have a drinking problem, its just a job,

they get their kicks from schadenfreude looking at you drink yourself to death,

don't serve cause they are worried about liable legalities

maybe 1 in 10 are drunks themselfs...they are the ones that don't refuse you.

 

you know you could have gone straight to the store and bought

a bottle of jack or whatever....saved a 1/4 of money...

look ...that film leaving las vegas...he fucks of to party city

with a suitcase full of booze to drink himself to death,

so whats the reasoning here...its the USA for

fuck sake get a gun blow your fuckn brains out m8...

...no cause he wants a self pity slow suicide...so what

happens a bird turns up to show him her tits...great

, in fairness, I think a good woman could be a saviour

to some of us...thats 1 of my belief systems...not that any bitch

would tolerate my shite right now...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfuBREMXxts&feature=kp

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Lots of positive vibes in here.

Probably the most empathy in channel zero.

 

Heads up weapon! Beat that shit!

 

 

Over a year over here.

It's good on so many levels, really.

 

Yesterday I've been with some people from the past, people I like and have respect for,

still when some of them started slurring and just babbling horseshit I was like wtf, really,

such a fucking disgrace, it's sad.

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THE BEER ONLY BEATS US WHEN WE USE IT AND FAIL,

IT'S LIKE TURNING YOUR STATEMENT AROUND AND SAYING ,

"IF I KEEP DRINKING I FEEL LIKE I BEAT THE BEER"

NOT TOO MUCH SENSE THERE DUE TO WHAT WE DO WHEN DRUNK, RIGHT?

THE BEER BEAT US EVERY TIME WE DRANK IT I'D SAY.

 

LET'S JUST SAY WITH ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS WITH ALCOHOL WE DON'T CATEGORIZE BY AGE, I MEAN NONE OF US SHOULD BE DRINKING ANYTIME, AT ANY AGE IF WE HAVE REALLY FELT THAT DRINKING IS SOMETHING WE CANNOT CONTROL.

IN OTHER WORDS WE SHOULDN'T SAY/THINK THAT WHEN WE AS ALCOHOLICS GET TO A CERTAIN AGE, THAT DRINKING ALONE WITH THE DOG/TV IS "NORMAL".

LOTS OF SOLID POSTS IN THIS THREAD TO READ RATHER THAN DRINKING YOUR NIGHT AWAY WITH THE DOG BRO, I MEAN IT AIN'T LIKE YOUR "OUT WITH THE HOMIES" AND CAN USE THAT EXCUSE DUE TO THE PEER PRESSURE. ONE OF THE BIGGEST AGREEMENTS IN THIS THREAD IS THAT GETTING SOME GOOD EXERCISE REALLY CHASES THE DEMONS/STRESS/DEPRESSION AWAY,,,

YOU GETTING ANY EXERCISE?

 

fuckin' thruth here

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Stay up Weapon X!

 

Get some positive in your head.

I am only a few weeks sober, but acting on more positive thoughts and keeping active.

It has made shit a lot better to deal with. It cleared my head some. I have a lot of damage upstairs.

 

 

IRON CHEF hit that shit on the nose.

Pretty happy to see this thread on the Oooonz.

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So I'm pushing 30, but a close mate had his 21st over the weekend. Made all the promises and boundaries for myself, to myself, before setting off.

 

Had a few beers, took a four pack drank three, was sitting down on the couch and it seemed like a blur and all of a sudden there's a packed pipe in my hand. Instinctive flick on the lighter, but the lighter was dead. So habitual. I honestly can't say I would have stopped if the lighter sparked up first go, but I looked down, realised the situation, and passed away that glass pipe.

 

Exited without goodbyes, but I tell you I feel great that I made that decision. No matter how it came about.

 

Stay up 12'ers. It's no lie that I'll always be an addict, I'll just be one that doesn't take drugs.

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nice. habits are hard to break

but if you make new ones

like putting it down instead of picking it up

then things improve.

 

 

i wonder whats up with weaponxer no activity since the 14th but who knows if it's a login problem.

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finally got a handful of buprenorphine. i had basically been reluctantly using the past five months to be able to work (can't work sick... blah blah blah). i know - you've heard it a million times and i know a few of you have been there. december my state funding ran out @ the methadone clinic and i slowly picked up right where i left off - i can honestly say post-acute withdrawal syndrome is a mess & threw me off my entire gameplan. i'm embarrassed that i've had to live this "secret" again while i visited my girl in prison with needlepoint pupils. but it's crunchtime now - she gets outta prison tuesday after three years locked up. i moved outta the hood and i will NOT drag her back into that lifestyle. i'm ready to be clean, or @ least not using heroin and i hope to god it's the last fucking time. i truly believe that having wifey back & getting back into narcotics anonymous will be enough, for now. but i'm not looking that far ahead. just focusing on TODAY.

 

i hope things have gone well for you since this last post.

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checking in and trying to catch up.

 

any word on weapon X..?

 

heather Lewis..my girl!! always randomly checking in on me. for that you are very much appreciated. and i love you for that

I cant remember from a few pages back-but some milestones have been made with some of you. so fucking good to hear.

 

also a few pages back (red calling poz out)

remember-as addicts- we do not hold accountablity for any of our actions, and don't recognize what that actually is until sobriety has really set in. have a lil mercy on us all.

 

i don't count days/weeks/months anymore. i just know i haven't been able to get legal prescriptions since the beginning of the year. my (real) dr got pinned as well as my (street) pharm.

 

there has been 3 occasions since then that ive been able to cop a handful of roxys that only last a few days.

then i realize it was a few days of an incredible headache and a steady search for that feel good feeling that you never get again as you did in the beginning-minus a hundred bucks or so

 

honestly-if it landed in front of me now/tmrw/in a week-id take it. forever craving.

 

but this (last 7 months) have been the cleanest ive been in 12 yrs. (a few weeks away)

ive put on weight. im super bitchy and miserable. back to zero sex drive. ZERO.. and i feel, fuck that, i KNOW my creative side has dwindled down to bare minimum at best. ive lost some clients because of my attitude.im in pain.

so -im really struggling with seeing the benefit to sobriety. (for me,no pills)

I had the ability to obtain the legally.

i was definitely more pleasant.

my work definitely stood out way above anyone elses.

i didnt feel lazy

I had a lil more drive

i was just out a few extra bucks each month.

which is the ONLY good i can pick from this because tuition is a muther fucker.

 

 

im glad i could check in and read the las few pages.

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