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make me laugh fuckers!


Guest WebsterUno

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“I really can't imagine ever seeing anything cooler in my life. Except for maybe those scenes in movies where like the aliens are watching TV, and then later they mimic all the stuff they saw when it's not appropriate. Like they try to make out with the bad guy and recite something from a gameshow when the Earth kid teaches them the meaning of friendship. So like the kid hugs them and they say, "Win fabulous prizes!!!" I think those fish-out-of water comedies are really really funny.”

- Sally, age 12, Carpenter

 

 

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$$$666MAKROS666$$$

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Guest WebsterUno

Question: What does a blonde and an airplane have in common?

Answer: A cockpit!

 

sorry ladies!

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Guest WebsterUno

A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home.

 So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times.

 They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!"

 The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"

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one for WEBSTER....

this guy cant get his dingaling up...

so he goes to the doc to get something done about it..

the doc says: your muscles at the base of your penis are not working at all...

the guy replies: is there something you can do?!

doc: there is a new type of muscle restoration process..we take the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk and place them in your penis...

guy: OK as long as i can get it up again!

so he goes through the whole process and is happy.. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//smile.gif'>

so after he heals he take his girl out to a nice restraunt hopeing to do the nasty later on..

all of a sudden he feel an urging pain in his pants!

his dick pops out of his zipper and grabs a dinner roll and goes back into his pants...

his woman was very impressed...

woman: Can you do that again?

guy: I can try but I dont know if my ass can take another roll..........

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Q. What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Blowjob?

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat or eggs but you can't beat a blowjob

 

Q. Why does a wiener have a hole in the end?

A. So men can be open minded.

 

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?

A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

 

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a male appendage have in common?

A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

 

 

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your whang?

A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

 

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...

A. "Is it in?"

 

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

 

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed

 

yah they're pretty bad..... sorry

 

 

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high plains drifter

 

[This message has been edited by ubejinxed (edited 06-08-2001).]

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your mama jokes for all occasions

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate".

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a knife to a drive-by shooting.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk."

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she took you to the drive-in to see "Closed for the season."

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she uses Old Spice for cooking.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she thought St. Ides was a Catholic church.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."

 

Yo mama's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too."

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama's..."

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

 

 

 

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high plains drifter

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Originally posted by ubejinxed:

 

Yo mama's so stupid, she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call.

 

Yo mama's so stupid, her breasts are square cuz she forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

Yo mama's so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.

 

 

AH SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE

 

I TALK ABOUT YOUR MAMA CAUSE YOU TALKED ABOUT MINE.SHE GOT PING PONG TITTIES AND A RUBBER BEHIND.

SHE GOT HAIR ON HER COUCHIE THAT WILL SWEEP THE FLOOR.

SHE'S ABOUT THE UGLIEST BITCH I'D EVA SEEN BEFOE!

SHE WOULD SUCK THE NIGHT-STICK OF ANY PIG.

ONLY ONE LAYIN DOWN IN A (SEXUAL) GANG-BANG!

UH HUH YES SHE DID...

TIRED OF PIMP HER ASS UP AND DOWN MY BLOCK..

IM THE ONE THAT SENT HER HOME ...

FOR YOU TO CUT OFF THEM BUTT-LOCKS!!!!

http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//eek.gif'>

 

FORIZZLE MY NIZZLE

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A pirate walks into a bar. As he comes in, the bartender notices that the pirate is completely naked except for a steering wheel attached to his penis. The pirate orders a beer, slams it down, and turns to leave. The bartender stops him at the door and says, “Hey, buddy, what’s with the steering wheel? That’s gotta be uncomfortable.”

The pirate turns to the bartender and replies, “Arrr, It’s drivin’ me nuts.”

 

 

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plain high drifter

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This ladies got a really stank ass cooch, she's been to all kinds of doctors and healers and such. The last doctor tells her that all she can really do is go to a church and rinse it off with holy water and pray for the stench to go away. She heads to aa church, starts washing herself and hears "kerplunk" "kerplunk". She than notices two nails in the water, and looks up to see see jesus plugging his nose.

 

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<- - - -(")- -(")owoop

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Originally posted by alkaline:

A pirate walks into a bar. As he comes in, the bartender notices that the pirate is completely naked except for a steering wheel attached to his penis. The pirate orders a beer, slams it down, and turns to leave. The bartender stops him at the door and says, “Hey, buddy, what’s with the steering wheel? That’s gotta be uncomfortable.”

The pirate turns to the bartender and replies, “Arrr, It’s drivin’ me nuts.”

 

 

 

damn thats funny!

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ok, three ropes were sitting around bored, so one went to the bar to get a drink. the first rope walks in and the bartender, says "sorry pal, we dont serve your kind here." so the rope goes home and tells his friends he couldnt get a drink. the second rope decides he'll try, so he goes to the bar but the bartender says "sorry, we dont server your kind here." so the rope goes back home. the third rope decides to try a disguise, so he frayes up both his ends and ties him self in a knot. when he gets to the bar the bartender says "sorry buddy, but im afraid we dont serve ropes," so the rope says "well, im afraid not!"

 

that was the answer to a joke on my english homework, funny stuff

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Guest WebsterUno

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs

to file her taxes.

 

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,

"What is your occupation?"

 

The woman replies, "I'm a whore."

 

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work.  That

is much too crass.  Let's try to rephrase that."

 

The woman says, "OK, I'm a prostitute."

 

"No, that is still too crude.  Try again."

 

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."

 

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being

a whore or a prostitute?"

 

"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year!"

 

Yeah, the pirate one had me laughing too The otthers were funny too. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//smile.gif'>

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Originally posted by willy!wonka:

one for WEBSTER....

this guy cant get his dingaling up...

so he goes to the doc to get something done about it..

the doc says: your muscles at the base of your penis are not working at all...

the guy replies: is there something you can do?!

doc: there is a new type of muscle restoration process..we take the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk and place them in your penis...

guy: OK as long as i can get it up again!

so he goes through the whole process and is happy.. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//smile.gif'>

so after he heals he take his girl out to a nice restraunt hopeing to do the nasty later on..

all of a sudden he feel an urging pain in his pants!

his dick pops out of his zipper and grabs a dinner roll and goes back into his pants...

his woman was very impressed...

woman: Can you do that again?

guy: I can try but I dont know if my ass can take another roll..........

yo i fell out my seat i was laughin so hard im still tryin not to.....o man.my eyes are watery.

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man i got some nasty jokes...

Q)whats red, white and hanging from a telephone pole?

A)a dead baby shot out of a snowblower

 

Q)What do all abuse families have in common?

A)they don't fucken listen

 

Q)How do you make a dead baby float?

A)two scoops ice cream, one scoop dead baby

 

 

I got so much more.. haha just tell me if you want more hahaha...

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A man was visiting his wife in hospital where

she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this

she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and

tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing

her right breast to see if there is any

reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this,

the doctor suggests that the man should go

in and try oral sex,saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked.

 

This one's for da Tekster and my boy Smart, hope things work out for ya.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest WebsterUno

****sleepin on the job…again****

 

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table,

notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive

bottle of champagne to be sent over to her-knowing that

if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and

quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the

gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to

send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to

accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your

garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

WELL, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his

own back to her and it read: "Just so you know-I happen

to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in

the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches!

Send my bottle back!"

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what's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

 

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline

 

how do you get a dead baby into a tupperware container?

 

a blender

 

How do you get it out?

 

Tostitos

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