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50 things she wishes you knew

Kettiecat

By Kettiecat
in Channel Zero

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Kettiecat

Kettiecat

Posted
Posted

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or after sex doesn't count.

 

2. Real men drive stick

 

3. I will leave if you lie.

 

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts)

 

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when i have no reason to think so.

 

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper into my ear.(VERY TRUE)

 

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

 

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.

 

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

 

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

 

11. I expect you to call me.

 

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.**

 

13. I'm scared of losing my independance.

 

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I should be.

 

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-dog-house-free card.**

 

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not.

 

17.If i'm not having sex with you, <A> having a fat day; not feeling "connected" to you; <C> blackmailing you to get something I want.**

 

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not. **

 

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD and i'm not afraid to use it.

 

20. When I compare my tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

 

21. A man I love plans the occassional fancy-shmancy dress up sate and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

 

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items. (VERY TRUE)

 

23. You should never tell me what to do.**

 

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.**

 

25. My breasts LOVE much licking and sucking.

 

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.(TRUE)

 

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice. (TRUE)

 

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.(VERY TRUE)

 

29. When in doubt, go with a shirt that matches your eye color.

 

30. I want to be Madonna.

 

31. Women get urinary tract infections. So watch (and wash) your finders.

 

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

 

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing stuff, wearing white T-shirts and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.(VERY TRUE)

 

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. OFTEN. Tell me now.

 

35. Suprises, especially gifts for ME = MORE LOVING.

 

36. I want to be the best thing that's ever hapened to you. And for you to recognize this.(VERY TRUE)

 

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking...

 

38. Discussion of ex-bf's and ex-gf's should be avoided at all costs.**

 

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking even if you don't know yourself.

 

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

 

41. I love it when you're sweaty. (VERY TRUE)

 

42. It's best to consult your gal-pals for gift ideas.

 

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.(VERY TRUE)

 

44. I like porn.

 

45. I love holding your ass in the palms of my hands.

 

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

 

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

 

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.(VERY TRUE)

 

49. I remember EVERYTHING from our relationship.

 

50.You should know all this without me telling you.

 

 

** I personally don't agree

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Guest imported_El Mamerro

Posted
Posted

The latte with double shot of dark rum I'm enjoying right now is by far cooler than any of you. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Guest YinzerXpress

Guest YinzerXpress

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by Hate Therapy

These fucking Cosmopolitan top-50 things make me want to murder innocent people.

 

51) She's got AIDS.

 

hahahaha

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juggernaut

juggernaut

Posted
Posted

the 13 bullshit items

 

Originally posted by Kettiecat

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or after sex doesn't count.

2. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper into my ear.

3. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

4. I expect you to call me.

5. A man I love plans the occassional fancy-shmancy dress up sate and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

6. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

7. I need to hear how you feel about me. OFTEN. Tell me now.

8. Suprises, especially gifts for ME = MORE LOVING.

9. I want to be the best thing that's ever hapened to you. And for you to recognize this.

10. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking...

11. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking even if you don't know yourself.

12. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

13. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.(VERY TRUE)

 

this shit will fuck up saps like me more than it will help them.

this stuff may be true for a decent girl, looking for a relationship and all that, but for the majority of cockhound lame-assed girls out there, these thirteen items are false.

...although some may work if you use them sparingly.

 

also, let the record show that my girl of four years loves all this sappy stuff, and she always has, even when we weren't in a committed relationship.:love2:

 

edit-

meh, diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

-jugger, the mysogynist asshole.

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Guest angry xbox

Guest angry xbox

Posted
Posted

if any of tht were true id have my girl under my desk at work licking my hemmoroids to itch them but

 

ITS NOT HAPPENING SO THAT SHIT IS ONLY TRUE WITH SHALLOW HIGHSCHOOL BITCHES!!!

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SHUTMDOWN

SHUTMDOWN

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by --zeSto--

The hot sauce on this sandwich is hotter than all of this!

 

if #30 were true, I'd start dating midget women!

 

So last night I'm at this carry-out pizza place inspecting my freshly made cheese steak, and I say to the guy behind the counter (while pointing at one of those red squeeze bottle things) "Is this ketchup?"

"Yeah" or something to that effect in some half english, half whatever, mumble. So I start drowning my sub in it (yummm), the whole time thinking- damn these cheap muthafuckas water the shit out of their ketchup. Well, needless to say I was a little pissed when I found out it was hotsauce and nobody stopped me, not even the two dickheads I was there with. Yeah real f'in funny! Jokes on them though, cause it wasnt that bad.

 

sandwiches with hot sauce...I'm a fan

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el barto

el barto

Posted
Posted

uhhh, soe of those seem right and obvious, but only at the right times. too much of even the things i want, will make me not interested. who wants soem fool just followign guidelines and not knowing himself what he shoudl and shouldn't do. i think knowing what you wnat is fine, but telling other and writing it down makes it lame.

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Guest SPLINTER

Guest SPLINTER

Posted
Posted
2. Real men drive stick

 

very untrue. the only real men around here dont, the ones that do are pussies. why?

 

because hondas are like tampons, every pussy has one.

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Kettiecat

Kettiecat

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Originally posted by SPLINTER

 

very untrue. the only real men around here dont, the ones that do are pussies. why?

 

because hondas are like tampons, every pussy has one.

 

 

uhhh last time I checked rice burners weren't the only cars that came with sticks....but I could be wrong.

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dELiSs

dELiSs

Posted
Posted

okay turnin this around

 

50 things we wish girls knew….

 

 

 

1.We aren’t mind readers!

2.We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.

3.When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.

4.Smoking is the biggest turn off.

5.It never hurts to work out.

6.If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.

7.“Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.

8.If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)

9.Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).

10.Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.

11.No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.

12.You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.

13.Girls look good naked so stop worrying.

14.Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.

15.We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.

16.Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.

17.If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)

18.The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.

19.Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.

20.If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.

21.Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.

22.You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.

23.Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.

24.We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.

25.Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach you not to quit.

26.Giving head is never a bad idea.

27.We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.

28.There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.

29.We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.

30.You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”

31.“The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.

32.Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.

33.You’re probably not as funny as you think.

Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say “he’s so 34.hot” he may have to die.

35.Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week.

36.Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.

37.You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.

38.For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

39.If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.

40.The red light means the video camera is off.

41.A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.

42.Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.

43.Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)

44.The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight.”

45.Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.

46.Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.

47.Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.

48.If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.

49.The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.

50.99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.

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Guest --zeSto--

Guest --zeSto--

Posted
Posted

40.The red light means the video camera is off.

 

 

* Just say that it means the battery is charging for later, in case she's interested.

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rip

rip

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by --zeSto--

40.The red light means the video camera is off.

 

 

* Just say that it means the battery is charging for later, in case she's interested.

yeah i like that 1. "dont wory baby the red light means that the camera is charging. keeep going."
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