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What's goin on over here....


Dirty_habiT

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Guest im not witty

my girl has one of those hello kitty massagers, she was pretty stoked to get it. vibrators a vibrator in my opinion.

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1 star hangover (*)

> No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last

> night was a mere

> disco nap which has given you a whole lot of

> misplaced energy. Be glad

> that you are able to function relatively well.

> However, you are still

> parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this

> way. You are

> craving a steak sub and a side of gravy fries....and

drunken nachos

>

> 2 star hangover (**)

> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may

> look okay but you

> have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee

> you are chugging

> is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is

> craving a fruity

> pancake from Waffle House. There is some definite

> havoc being wrecked

> upon your bowels.....and drunken nachos

>

> 3 star hangover (***)

> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are

> definitely not

> productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because

> her perfume reminds

> you of the random gin shots you did with your

> alcoholic friends after

> the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be

> better right now if you

> were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball

> sub watching the

> E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a

> gallon of water, 3

> Iced

> Teas

> and a diet coke yet you haven't peed once. You

> decide the Havana Omelet

> you

> are going to leave in the bathroom is better done on

> another floor, so

> you

> don't have to walk by and smell it the rest of the

> day.....and drunken nachos

>

>

>

> 4 star hangover (****)

> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak

> too quickly or else

> you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you

> for being late and

> has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You

> wore nice clothes,

> but that can't hide the fact that you missed an

> oh-so crucial spot

> shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up

> on while riding the

> bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and

> your hair style

> makes you look like a reject from the class picture

> of Revere High, '76.

> Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first

> of about 5 shits you

> take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone

> who enters the

> bathroom.

>

> 5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of

> Hell."

> You have a second heartbeat in your head which is

> actually annoying the

> employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is

> seeping out of every

> pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste

> crust in the

> corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an

> attempt to get the

> remnants of the cat that shit in your mouth out.

> Your body has lost the

> ability to generate

> saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death

> seems pretty good right

> now.

> You definitely don't remember who you were with,

> where you were, what

> you

> drank,

> and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your

> bed at your otherwise

> empty

> house. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire

> hose like discharge of

> alcohol

> scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The

> sole purpose of this

> 'floater'

> seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your

> ass.

>

> 6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the

> "Infinite Nutsmacker"

> You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2

> seconds you look at the

> ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on

> your cheek is the

> bathroom tile, or your vomit from 3 hours ago. It is

> amazing how your

> roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to

> get up before you;

> shower and already leave for work. You try to lift

> your head. Not an

> option.

>

> Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly

> and smell the funk of

> 13

> packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you

> realize you were smoking,

> but

> not ultra

> lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and

> you smoked them like

> it

> was your second full time job. You look in the

> mirror only to see

> remnants

> of the stamp "Ready to Rock" clearly on your

> cheek.......the stamp on

> the

> back of your hand has appeared on your face by what

> is known as

> 'Jagermeister magic. You have to be to work in

> t-minus 14 minutes and 32

> seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing

> is your "hello

> kitty"

> pajamas and your slippers. Any attempt at emptying

> your bowels results

> in a

> gag inducing ass spray which you are positive has

> the ability to etch

> porcelain. The only thing that sounds worse than

> remaining on the foul

> stench throne is leaving before you're finished;

> which could take 5

> minutes

> or an hour and a half .

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