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Poop Man Bob

***The Dos and Don'ts.*** HILARIOUS.

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Thank you, Zesto, for pointing out this site to me...

 

www.viceland.com

 

Dos

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/4.jpg'>

Hello there, my little intellectual French homo. What are you, the advice king? Is there any problem you can’t solve? If dude lived in LA people would offer him thousands to be their life coach and he’d be like, “Nah.” Friend for life.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/6.jpg'>

This is the kind of guy you see on the street and you make a mental note to kind of make that your look a bit but then you try it and your hair looks like a stupid Jew ’fro and you feel like a New Wave silent actor and you say “fuck it” and go back to the old you because only he can pull it off.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/9.jpg'>

It can get real hot in these summer months and, since a lot of places still have those gay-ass “no shirt, no shoes, no dice” signs up, you can never really get comfy. Kudos to this dude for making a shirt that is just as cooling as no shirt, thereby tearing the system a new ass.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/12.jpg'>

Going through the used-clothing bin is more about having vision than finding neat-o clothes. Anyone can pull out a vintage Nike, but it takes A&R skills the size of Clive Davis’ balls to see the potential in an outfit like this.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/18.jpg'>

From now on anytime anyone says anything remotely bad about New York City you just have to smile and walk away and never talk to that person again. That’s the new rule starting with this picture and lasting until forever.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/11.jpg'>

You know how when you have a favorite cartoonist like the guy who does Mickey Rat or a favorite radio DJ and then you meet them they’re a fat nerd with a shitty attitude? This is what you were hoping they’d be like. Why couldn’t they have been like this?

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Don'ts

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/c.jpg'>

This guy had a credit card in his ass and about $200 in crumpled-up bills in his hands. He looked like a dead ghost and said, “I just came out of a very, very heavy session.” So we put the words “oooooh kaaaay” into a bazooka and shot them into outer space.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/d.jpg'>

I’m not sure what kind of evildoers this superhero is fighting against. I can only guess it involves the bastards who cancelled Days of Our Lives and bodegas that won’t sell Bud Light after 4:00 AM (the rogues!).

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/h.jpg'>

Adbusters recently had this thing where they’re like, “Who’s more crazy — the corrupt CEO or the man living on the street?” Er, CEOs may be financial terrorists and everything, but they don’t take a cell-phone-sized shit in the middle of the fucking sidewalk.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/i.jpg'>

Nor do they fall madly in love with a slightly chubby, invisible Tinkerbell who’s always giggling and saying flirtatious things like, “Oh stop it - you.”

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/m.jpg'>

One of the hardest things about first dates is the immense bodily pressure you have to endure holding your farts in. If you don’t excuse yourself, you can end up with exploding blood vessels and that’s way more embarrassing than the odd poopy sound.

 

 

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/r.jpg'>

If you don’t have much of an ass maybe you should pad it out a bit with some of those buttock-enhancing undergarments. Shit, why not put on a few pairs at once? That way, when I look at you and laugh my fucking ass off, you can just give me one of yours.

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Guest im not witty

vice's do's and donts used to brighten my month. alas, the one store that had copies (and the shit is free too!) quit carrying them. i had forgotten they have that shit online. hello bookmark. the issue where they did the entire donts section at some metal festival was fucking pure comedy gold.

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