Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
vinyl junkie

there's a baby up in here...

Recommended Posts

i'm watching my friend's baby...

she's wearing my "the working class will rise again" shirt...

earlier, she curled up with my dog and went to sleep for an hour or so...

if you put on hip hop and help her stand, she'll dance...

 

i'm rather entertained...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest socrates

at least it's not a baby bot...then it will piss on you when change it's diaper.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by vinyl junkie

my point is that baby's really only mind being stinky about half the time... so if she shits then she can just hang out in it for a bit...

 

haha, your gonan have to deal with the rank smell though..and i dont know if this actualyl happens, but what if she starts throwing shit at you. i know if i had a load in my drawers i would.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by vinyl junkie

my point is that baby's really only mind being stinky about half the time... so if she shits then she can just hang out in it for a bit...

 

that made me laugh...i can just imagine mom comming home to her baby trotting around the house with a diaper full of shit....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest ilikeskulls.

LOS ANGELES—A surprising new study released Monday by UCLA's Institute For Child Development revealed that human babies, long thought by psychologists to be highly inquisitive and adaptable, are actually extraordinarily stupid.

 

 

Above: Despite their relatively large cranial capacities, babies such as this one are so unintelligent that they are unable to distinguish colorful plastic squeak toys from food sources.

The study, an 18-month battery of intelligence tests administered to over 3,500 babies, concluded categorically that babies are "so stupid, it's not even funny."

 

According to Institute president Molly Bentley, in an effort to determine infant survival instincts when attacked, the babies were prodded in an aggressive manner with a broken broom handle. Over 90 percent of them, when poked, failed to make even rudimentary attempts to defend themselves. The remaining 10 percent responded by vacating their bowels.

 

"It is unlikely that the presence of the babies' fecal matter, however foul-smelling, would have a measurable defensive effect against an attacker in a real-world situation," Bentley said.

 

Another test, in which the infants were placed on a mound of dirt outdoors during a torrential downpour, produced similarly bleak results.

 

"The chicken, dog and even worm babies that we submitted to the test as a control group all had enough sense to come in from the rain or, at least, seek shelter under a leafy clump of vegetation or outcropping of rock," test supervisor Thomas Howell said. "The human babies, on the other hand, could not grasp even this incredibly basic concept, instead merely lying on the ground and making gurgling noises."

 

According to Howell, almost 60 percent of the infants tested in this manner eventually drowned.

 

Some of the babies tested were actually so stupid that they choked to death on pieces of Micronaut space toys. Others, unable to use such primitive instruments as can openers and spoons due to insufficient motor skills, simply starved to death, despite being surrounded by cabinets full of nutritious, life-giving Gerber-brand baby-food products.

 

Sample Results:

 

Baby #2,678:

Test situation: Thrown to pack of wild dogs.

Result: Eaten. Baby #217:

Test situation: Wrapped in plastic sheeting.

Result: Could not free self. Nearly suffocated. Baby #856:

Test situation: Placed in center of lake erie in rowboat with nautical map to shore provided.

Result: Still adrift near St. Lawrence seaway.

 

Babies, the study concluded, are also too stupid to do the following: avoid getting their heads trapped in automatic car windows; use ice to alleviate the pain of burn injuries resulting from touching an open flame; master the skills required for scuba diving; and use a safety ladder to reach a window to escape from a room filled with cyanide gas.

 

"As a mother of four, I find these results very disheartening," Bentley told reporters. "I can honestly say that the effort I have expended trying to raise my children into intelligent beings may have been entirely wasted—a fool's dream, if you will."

 

Study results also prompted a strong reaction from President Clinton. "All of us, on some primitive, mammalian level, feel a great sense of pride in our offspring," Clinton said. "It is now clear, however, that these feelings are unfounded. Given the overwhelming evidence of their profound stupidity, we have no choice but to replace our existing infant population with artificially incubated simu-drones, with the eventual goal of phasing out the shamefully stupid human baby forever."

 

http://graphics.theonion.com/pics_3119/baby.gif'>

 

 

from http://www.theonion.com

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by boogie hands

i dont know dude...

one minute its all good...next its a chili cook off

 

godspeed my friend

 

 

:lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Wilt

kids are dope....they're pristine..unaware of their surroundings...and just completely content with being jovial for the most part..i think i'd make a good father...a really good father actually...but...one has to have a significant other to help with the process...and since i never leave my house besides to paint and go to school..i dont see that happening for a looooooong time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest WebsterUno

*baby story*bleep bleep*

 

When I was 12

my aunt had me watch my

cousin. He about 1. So

he shits his diaper. I never

changed a diaper before that

day. So I take off his diaper,

looking around for wipes, and

a fresh pamper. I run upstairs

to grab some, and come back down

in a hurry. I come back to find him

playing with his own shit. He had

a log in one hand, and shit globs

onhis cheeks. He had smeared shit

on the carpet, and his clothes.

Triple wammy! My other cousin walks

in and starts cracking up, then he

helped me clean him up. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by T.T Boy

whats with boogie hating everything all of a sudden.

 

ahhahah...dont worry, i think my medication has kicked back in....:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Are2
Originally posted by Devilush

babies....i cant wait to be a mommy devilush. actually, it can wait afterall.:o

 

seriously??

 

R2's take on babies:

 

fuck havin to take care of somethin..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest sneak
Originally posted by footsoldier

 

haha, your gonan have to deal with the rank smell though..and i dont know if this actualyl happens, but what if she starts throwing shit at you. i know if i had a load in my drawers i would.

 

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest uncle-boy
Originally posted by boogie hands

wait until she shits....the party ends there chief....the party ends there

 

 

:lol: ooooooh nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to be in love when I make babies..

 

I cant stand this shit on television when i see paternaty tests and shit. Girls getting pregnant from one night stands and raising your kid not knowing who their father is saying: i fucked a stranger, sorry.

 

fucking sad.

 

 

on a happier note i always wanted like 4 boys. maybe a girl, that would make 5. i hope i make lots of money! anything they point at mommy will get... spoiling them (but disiplining them) like a mofoooo.

 

i wanna be the kinda mom where my kids friends always wanna chill cuz im so dope cuz ill be making lemonade and rice krispe squares. the kinda mom that my kids friends are polite to, and even help me with the groceries when they're over.. and shit like that.

 

one day ill have a WORLDS BEST MOM coffee cup. whoop whoop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Are2

 

seriously??

 

R2's take on babies:

 

fuck havin to take care of somethin..

 

yea...i cant wait because i know that i would be good at it. but this isnt until kissmyass and i get married and settle down. which should be in about 3 years or so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Are2

^^^^

 

Devilush:

 

get married?

yes

 

have kids?

yes

 

settle down?

hell fuckin NO!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Register for a 12ozProphet forum account or sign in to comment

You need to be a forum member in order to comment. Forum accounts are separate from shop accounts.

Create an account

Register to become a 12ozProphet forum member.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×