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funny quotes from when you have been drunk...


fatguydist

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Friend 1: "Yo, what do you tell your aunt when you catch her cheating on your uncle?"

 

Friend 2, can't think of the punchline: "Um, I don't know, what do you say?"

 

Friend 1: "You say, 'Yo, what the fuck are you doing?'"

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"Yo, you know what would be awsome? Brownies before the weed show"

"Dude, you realize you just said brownies before the weed show right?"

"Ha, for real? Lets smoke another session."

 

We were talking about the Rush concert.

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MY ITCH IS DICK

 

i remember once me and my homies were trying to convince this drunk ass freshman to go piss on all these people chilling a few feet away..."yo nigga...you gotta piss so you might as well piss on some people..makes sense huh...ill give you 50 fucking dolllars"

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ive only been drunk ones...if i drink i drink proportionally so i dont get drunk... but the one time i was drunk it was in like 7th grade and my friends and i were trick or treating and i ended flashing random people and screaming "who wants to see some nittys(tittys)"

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Haha or they had other people around while they were drunk to remind them.. A couple weeks ago I was piss drunk with my friend and totally gone but apparantly I spent about $200 worth of time on my cell phone, and people have kindly reminded me about it time after time. All the details I can get are that I sang a lot and fell a lot. I do actually remember that one girl kept saying "You're drunk baby" and I would deny it every damn time. But that's about all I can remember.

 

My friend started drinking before me so I do remember some things he said.

 

 

"This is some fine Kentucky whiskey bourbon." (In a crazy ass voice.)

 

"Lets drink to everytime we see a black person on BET." (We stopped after about 45 seconds.)

 

"Holy shit! Two Japanese people are having sex on a Thigh Master on TV!"

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  • 3 months later...

Drunk as fuk playing strip poker with some girls & a mate i was dealing & passing royal flushs to my bro which ended up with the girl next 2 me taken off her top.She was kinda built for comfort & was askn why we werent looking at her...."coz ur titties look like lemons in a sock".

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  • 3 months later...
  • 4 years later...

Me and two friends, Berto n AJ, were at a gas station. Berto said he'd buy us a candy bar.

 

B: Whatchya'll want?

Me: I want oreos

AJ: I want some reses

Me: Oh yeah thats what i ment

AJ: You fuck drunk

Me: Who's drunk?

AJ: We are man, lets get some oreos

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Me and my wife 2 weeks ago:

W-what are you doing? What you can't open the bedroom door?

M-Nothing

W-WTF, you pissed on the floor!

M-I didn't fucking piss on the floor

W-Stand here....that is your piss you are standing in!

M-It's not piss....what the fuck you think I'm stupid?

W-(Takes my hand) There now your hands and feet are in your piss!

M-Bitch you crazy

W-I'm too tired to deal with you right now....go sleep on the couch!

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We were playing a drinking game on a friends birthday and for what ever reason this one chick at the table kept being a smart ass. So I got the chance to beat her and make her drink so I was like "How bout that Sugar Puss!! drink up!" I guess it was funnier at the time but the name stuck and it was a continuing joke when she was around.

 

 

I know I got more quotes...thats all I could think off at the moment.

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