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funny quotes from when you have been drunk...


fatguydist
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Originally posted by fatguydist:

so on tuesday night i went out with some friends and said i would just get drunk enough that i would some home drunk at 1 and go to bed... i had class the next day... so i drink two screwdrivers with 2 shots in each and take two shots when we get to the bar... then this bars speciality is HUGE long islands... like they are two handers and cost like 4 bucks.. so i have two and a half of those.. and fall asleep on the way home... opnly thats not what happened... evidentally i was mad rowdy at the bar and showing all these girls my belt(i dont know why) and when we got back my roomie was on the phone and i was yelling the whole time and i got online and did an e mail with pictures attached and talked to people on i.m. i thought i came in from the car and went to bed... i dont remember much after my first long island.. and when i woke up the next day my roomate asked if i remember hime jumping on me and yelling in my face... i said no and he explained that he was shaking me and yelling and i barley changed my breathing much less woke up... i was drunk i couldnt do anything till like 6 pm the next day...

 

So where's the quote, tough guy?

 

------------------

Toilets are for the uninspired.

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Yesterday at bout 11am drunk as fuck...

 

Shawn To random 40yr old Lady: HELLO!

-Lady ignores him

Mason: Whatta Slut

Shawn: Ya man Id fuck her a new asshole!... Bitch is MAD fine! Just lick that PUSSY til it was gone!

Mason: *laughing* Oh Hell ya! I'd Fuck that CUNT all night long!

Lady (now a good 50 ft away): YOU KNOW I HAVE NO PROBLEM CALLING THE POLICE!

Mason: YA! THEY'D FUCK THAT TWAT ALSO!

 

... I felt terribly bad the next day for being a part of this... But I cannot help but say it was one of the funniest god damn things I have ever heard

 

 

[This message has been edited by Broad tip (edited 04-23-2001).]

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Me: (filling up a natty light can with gas from lighter)..this will be sooo cool, watch this shit, hey watch this.

Girls in room: okay, dont burn anything though

My boy: hahahahah..

Me: (lights the can, and instantly blue flame flares out the top and onto my thumb, igniting it and my arm hair) HOLY SHIT!

Girls: OH MY GOD!

My boy: hahahahahahah..

Me: (rubbing my burnt thumb and arm.) Whoa fuck, that turned you on huh, want me to do it agian?

Girls: LEAVE!!

My boy: hahahhaa...

Me: shit...

 

Then...

Me: (at waffle house with 5 other drunk guys..) shit, didnt i just eat that...?

Waitress: Yes, but you just threw up.

Me: oh...ok, well i dont have to pay for it twice then huh?

Waitress: Leave...

 

------------------

Above the clouds, Above the clouds..

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Lowest point of my life--So I'm lying on the sidewalk eating crazy bread off my stomach on st. patty's day--i was fuckin plastered i tells you!--and this really attractive sorority girl stumbles over and asks for a piece of crazy bread, so I'm all "you can have the one on the dilznick, baby!" surprisingly, she was down with this...fuck yeah for drunk quotes, they eliminate any shame on my part!

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i have made it pretty clear on here im not a beer guy... i like bitch brew so what... i am still drunk way before the end of the night./..

 

"whats sad is i remember taking none of these pictures"

 

"hey wanna see my new belt"

 

"i got a new belt wanna see"

 

"did i show you my belt"

 

"hey that tiffany girl wants to fuck you"

 

me: gross....

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its one thing when youre hitting it that night, but when the next morning rolls around and youre going for round two, you know its over.....too much..... especially when you see her a couple days later, but at this point, i dont really give a fuck,... as long as my friends dont find out.im gonna put an end to this drinking shit..... no wait, lifes boring sober, i forgot.....ugly ones need lovin too, right?...peace in the y2k+1 shit... im a biter

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