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fatguydist

funny quotes from when you have been drunk...

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post some funny random quotes that are funny to you and others might find them funny and if they dont at least you will laugh thinking about them and it will be funny...

 

there is a disputer wheteher this was said drunk or not but here it is anyway...

 

"two words mutual masturbation"

 

drunk:

 

"i want you inside me, you sonofabitch"

 

"hello boobies"

 

"you fuckin bitch"(that was me im a nice guy)

 

"honestly officer considering you got me out of bed, can you explain to me how i was being dissorderly"

 

"your a fuckin idiot no one wants to do body shots...(hott girls walk in) HEEEEEEEYYY who wants to do body shots"

 

"fuckit im drunk"

 

"it's almost one we should be getting drunk"

 

"hey i wont have sex with you but we can go inside and make out... but i WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU" (guy saying that)

 

"relax boys i look like durst" 95 pound guy with red cap on backwards...

 

"wheres the relax juice??"

 

"fuckit im drinking in the shower"

 

"wheres tim?? he's downstairs passed out in the grass.... dood lets throw ice at him"

 

"time to puke"

 

"you arent really drunk if you dont puke at the end of the night": "i never puke(girl)", "PUSSY!"

 

"is this the alacholic beer??" poopmanbob

 

"im done" (takes a drink)

 

 

fat guy dist

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while smashing potato chips on some chicks knees i say: "yo ur bones are breaking" keep in mind i just meet her

 

"gotta kill the spiders"

 

"stop trying to fuck me !"

 

"if u open ur eyes really wide ,...its like ur not drunk"

 

while playing a football game i say :

"fuck u and ur 2 cunt perversion" (i ment to say 2 point conversion)

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wow it really sounds like you guys know how to party! let me allow you to climb inside my drunken mindstate when im chillin with my cwew! herer is some of the drunken ambient rhetoric you will hear us kick in order to sound artsty fartsy and impress the ladies...

 

"the shadows of a troubled figure on a dark night"

 

"a troubled man stalked by criminals"

 

"a dark and steamy night"

 

"the melancholy reflection of a troubled mans stare in a shadowy mirror"

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i got one....

 

"i love you tim!" hahahah that kid was drunk. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'>

 

i dont say that stupid of shit when i'm drunk...and i dont remember anything someone else says. wait i say stupid stuff when i'm not drunk.

 

(racking paint from our friends garage)

me - "damit i dont like red dude..."

fatdist - "shut up..come on!"

me - "but i dont like red!"

fatdist - "i'll trade you!"

me - "oh okay."

 

we gave the paint back..so we're not really asses.

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"life's so much better when i am drunk; is that bad?"

 

"no doinkers!"

 

"relax boys!"

 

"don't flex on my specs; don't front on my mom."

 

"suck me beautiful."

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"fuck christian radio"

 

said while i was blacked out and being recorded.. yep

 

------------------

283 pig bunisher

sugoi desu ne

das facha

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My roomate, after we were in a friends room and a few of us started smoking a bowl, but the guy who lived there took the bowl and said he was putting water in it: "Does the water make it burn faster or something?"

 

"If I take a shot will you take a shot?"

"No."

"If I take two shots, will you take a shot?"

"No."

"Dammit, I can't deal with all this debating, give me a shot."

 

 

------------------

And I'm on the outside, and I'm lookin in...

 

above - teamwolf - hifiart

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"hey shorty.. what's popping" me to a girl. now, you have to realize that i am neither a fan of rap music or speak in slang that often, so it's sorta funny.

 

it's not a quote, but one time i was over at a friends house and about four people including myself were drinking. after about 4-5 hours of straight drinking (rum....) everybody started to get shitty. one of the kids started to pass out and looked/acted like he was going to throw up. so we decided to drag him out to the front lawn and just let me throw up there. if anything, it's was funny then. maybe not now. but then, sure thing.

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one of the best things I have heard someone say while they were drunk was:

"I was straight edge this morning, damnit now I have to get my tatoos covered"

 

I hope I say funny shit like that when I sell out

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one night the hip hop guy (me)was hanging with the ultra metal guys i have been friends with for years and years... so we get shitty.. i puke out the front window of their tour van... then on the way into one of their houses i am walking up the stoop i stop to puke on the left and another guy on the right and we puked syncronized... that shit was sweet.. more quotes...

 

i fuckin hate beer.. is there any lickher left?? fuck wheres the keg..

 

margrietas kinda taste like peanuts in the aftertaste (maskoner looks at me funny)

 

am i doing this right?? (good friend smoking his first cigarette) drunk and after doing the backstroke in a pool with a drink in his hand racing maskoner...

 

if you want to make out with me tapp me on the sholder (me to my current girlfriend we were not together then)

 

you kinda look like my 4th grade teacher (to jade dts girlfriend)she got pissed

 

(ARMS ABOVE HEAD) yelling what what

 

more to come

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"less talky, more drinky"

 

 

"this sucks, i cant even see any giner"

(while in key west on spring break at a wet tshirt contest.)

 

wakey wakey eggs and baykey! (screamed at passed out girl)

 

"Bring it on captain crunch!" (after throwing a beer bottle at this guys chest from a balconey

 

 

and im going to macrock in harrisonburg va. this weekend, kegs cost 40 dollars. im sure ill have some more for ya.

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oh yeah, and this one while crawling into a tent to pass out.

 

'im gonna sleep like ten thousand dead babies'

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"slllllllooooooooowwwwwwweeeeeeerrrrrrr"

 

mask oner making distrodomis verry happy...

for not molesting a girl....

 

its my biiiirrrtttthhhhdddaaaayyyyyy who wants to make out...

 

hey know that hott ass 16 year old i know... i just made out with her...

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(southern kid)

fuck you guys. that was my dads paint... american accents apple red.

 

"shit, did i do acid last night?" (said while in the shower while drunk)

 

"ok... i leave my house last night to come to this party, get drunk break a window, pass out, now i am supposed to go home to my parent's house with cocks drawn all over my face... shit, maskoner is drunk."

 

"when i lean my head back it feels like it's about to fall off."

 

"shit, you like to paint trains?" (by a friend to erupto... ha, you know i love ya kid)

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shut up..guys........im not drunk (stupid bitch trying to keep a straight face while her head sways back and forth)

 

i hope that condom didnt just break

 

Duuude.....ur sister's hot

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"charlotte, i'm in love with you." by me

 

"haha dude did you just call me nigga" ian

"who wants to see me knock out the next kid i see" by me as i then procede to walk back to the party and fight some black kid

 

"hey! i'll die if i try climbing this roof" me as were about to steal the lights from our school roof.

 

"east side to the garth side" me singing along to no diggity

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by garth vader (edited 04-05-2001).]

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Guest Pilau Hands

walking out of this girl's dorm and sitting down in front of her...

 

"Wooooow!!...for two girls...you keep a fucking disguuuussstiiinnnng bathrooom."

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Guest dBUSH

"I just funneled a beer in 1.5 seconds... you drink a beer in 5 minutes... so I am almost 5 minutes ahead of you in time. I HAVE TRAVELED THROUGH TIME!!!"

 

"Heyou theivin ass sonofabitch thats my beer! No wait, here's mine. Its fuller."

 

While watching HSN with my roomate "What the fuck does Dale Earndhart hafta do with a fuggin bowie knife?"

me- "Well, you could kill someone with it."

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"where is this blood coming from. oh snaps, thats MY blood?!?" (i just ran into the door frame)

"lets go to harri peter (harris teeter) and get some CORN DAWGS! biotch"

its about 20 degrees out side the beer has ice chunks and me and my friend are drinking again......

him--"you wanna go inside?"

me--"uhh, no i will exert to much energy, and therefore wont be able to bring my hand to my face"

him--"oh, ok. cool"

 

 

yeah im a loser

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Guest -sudz-

ok, this one time me and my friend got drunk on my roof, when we got down (that took a while) the first words out of my mouth were:

"lets go jump in my... uhhh.... smimmymabobber...... what's it called?"

"a pool"

"o"

 

this was not a good idea on our part.

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