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Southern kid

sexual mishaps

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Now this is funny!, my girl was giving me head on her hands and knees and i was just bout to bust, i thought i heard something and was like what was that and she turned her head to the side and i busted in her ear!!! Hahahaha, that shit was so fucken funny!!!!! she was kind of pissed at first but got over it pretty fast.

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Originally posted by knowlej:

So get this..

tonite I was fucking this guy up the ass.. really giving it to him.. just fucking him right in the ass.. so he reaches around and starts playing with my balls... so im doing him from behind and hes playing with my nuts and im just thinking... "man, what a fag"

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Guest Pilau Hands

hahahahaha i second mero's sentiments

goddamn haha

 

homer sexual

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this one chik/slut i know humms on your nuts every one calls her HUMMERCHIK hahahah

 

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no no NO not BZEE....BZ

={(____) <---i luv this stuff!!!

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Originally posted by suburbian bum:

Pussy fart.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...worD

 

 

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Originally posted by im a big toy oner:

ok this one time i was fuckin my girl her top riding when she was moving front to back and one time moved forward without lifting and bent my boner and it made this loud crack...

 

!.OUCH.!

you should see a docter about that...

 

 

 

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a few stories...

 

My first embarrasing mishap; quite a while ago i was with some girl round her house watching TV, we thought her mum had gone to bed so she started giving me head... a little while later when i was really getting into it, the door busts open.. so i jump up and curl my legs up towards me sitting on the couch tring to cover the fact my trousers are half way down my legs... Her mum didnt notice at first; i was even holding a polite conversation with her for a while when suddenly she goes silent and just walks out the room!!! i never went round there again.

 

 

My girl was on top this one time and she let off a REALLY loud one... I smiled, tring not to laugh and she went all red and wanted to stop, complaining she was tired! But i made her finish the job. She has done it a few other times after while chilling in bed. bitch needs to sort it out.

 

 

A few nights ago I must of tried to fuck this girl about 7 times, but i was soo fucking drunk it was limp like biskit the whole night.. that was quite bad, but i think i redeemed myself by giving her head and a massage after as she wants to see me tomorrow :D

 

Another thing that happened that night was she was riding me and as i was just too droopy, i took it out and started fingering her ass hole by mistake, i then put another few fingers in her cunt... it was holding a bowling ball!! she loved it, hahah

 

 

One of my mates was seeing this girl, he was in bed with her and really needed a number one... so he tells the girl and she says, nah put it in my mouth! so he has been pissing in this girls mouth whenever he needs to go... then a few weeks later he goes round to see the girl and she tells him that she has put plastic sheets on the bed so they can piss on eachother!!!! Needless to say my mate told her to fuck right off and left her.,.

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What the fuck

 

I dont know if its a mishap but my boy was taking a nasty shit and some girl went into the bathroom and started sucking his dick and he was like do you know what Im fucking doing and she was like do you know what I am doing. That shit has been cracking me up for days and we give him props and shit but he denies it . haha

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One time a couple of years ago I had this thing going with a 35 year old asian chick.. she was mad hot and coz I was sooo young she wanted to fuck me all the time. So this one night we went to a movie and shit and she'd been playing with my d!ck the whole time.. after the movie I ask her to drop me at this club so I can meet up with my homeboys.. so we get to the front of the club and park and she leans over and rests her head in my lap.. then undoes my zipper and starts suckin. Now bear in mind that I knew I was gonna be gettin some sort of action that night so I hadn't 'ripped into myself' all week. Well there was people all around and we're in this car and bitch is puttin in some work and I go "hey, have you ever swallowed ?" and she goes (in cute asian voice) "no, do you want me to ?" and I said "yeah, if you want to" so she keeps going and then I tell her I'm about to come so she rests her head in my lap and starts jerking my trouser trumpet into her mouth.., I'm sitting there thinking "does it get any better than this" and just as I start cumming she takes it out o her mouth and points it at my chest kind of... well shit, I must pumped out about 2 gallons of tonsil topping.. you shoulda seen my new shirt after that... it looked like I'd just walked in front of Peter North during a money shot or something... I just looked at her all pissed off and she kind of giggled. Anway, no club for me after that. I had to walk home with my shirt off cursing that fucked up h0..

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Guest got tha feva

Freshman year of highschool,I was dating this guy and my best friend was dating his best friend. We used to all hang out. I decided I wanted my nipples pierced, and her boyfriend knew how to do it.. so she held one hand, my boyfriend held the other, took my shirt off, and he pierced them. I guess it made him all horny though because then he decided he wanted to have sex like right then. so he like whispers something in her ear and she kindof giggles then right there in front of me and my boyfriend she gets on her knees and starts unzipping his pants. me and my boyfriend were just like giggle central as they proceed to get naked and start humping doggy style on my boyfriends bed. her boyfriend was totally trying to act like a bad ass fucking her real hard (mind you he was only a sophomore in highschool and me and my boyfriend were still virgins at the time).. she's trying to act all sexy, head back, breasts flying everywhere, exaturating her moans.. out of nowhere he lets go of her ass and just porks her like he was trying to sleigh a cow with a billy club. his thrust sends her face first off the back of the bed, one long leg jolts out to save her and lands in my boyfriends toolbox. she screams and falls to the ground naked, and holding her bleeding foot, my boyfriends freaking out about blood on the carpet, i'm still trying not to laugh, her boyfriend is like in shock with this suprised look on his face... it was a mess. i think we all broke up and stopped hanging out like 3 days later.

 

 

another time me and a different boyfriend broke up because he was mad and jealous about me hanging out with my friends and called me some names and said some hurtful things. that night my ex called and i invited him over. i was on the rebound, things got a little hot and heavy, we ended up in that magical number (69) and out of nowhere my doorbell rings. i throw on some clothes, face all flushed, open the door and it's my boyfriend (who i just broke up with), he grabs me and gives me this long romantic kiss and i'm like oh shit.. normally I would have pushed him off, because i was still mad at him... but I just let him kiss me, knowing that 20 seconds earlier there had been another man's penis all over my lips and inside my mouth. the kiss ended and i smiled and said 'sorry things can't work out..' he said he was sorry too, and i couldn't help but think 'if only you knew how sorry you are!" and somehow that gave me a sick closure to the whole situation.

 

PruDE

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one time my ex girlfriend started kissing my chest and lickg my nipples and shit. for no reason at all, i just got the giggles, it sucked. i was laughing uncontrollably.

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HAHA its funny I now see this thread! Two nights ago, me and my new girlfriend got completely shitfaced off a bottle of Malibu and decided to fuck. From what I remember of this 3 hour fucking fiasco, it was probably some of the best sex i've ever had. Well I wake up next to her, give her a kiss and a quick neck rub and make my way home. I'm getting ready to hop in the shower and instinctively I look in the mirror. My neck, chest, and stomach are covered with hickies (haven't had one of those since middle school) and i've got bite marks all over the place. I look at my back and i've got scratches all over my shoulders! I was compelled to speak those infamous 'god i was drunk' words... "what the fuck..." It doesn't seem that funny, but if you seen all these hickies you'd be laughing, especially the nice one i left on the front of her throat.

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This isn't much of a mishap but it's still funny. On my Dad's 50th last year we had a big party at my folks house. Me and my girl got entirely blind and had a big fight. I found her in my bedroom and we said sorry and next thing you know we were co rockin it.. anyhow, towards the end of the session, I had her doggy style with her head actually banging into the wall near the window. It was quite loud. After I came and finished slamming her threw the wall we heard giggling outside and discovered that my next door neighbours two little daughters had witnessed the entire event.. :eek:

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like 4 years ago i was with this one chick whos parents were really strict and all but they liked me so i was allowed in the house with my girl when they werent home, well anyhow things got going and we were going at it pretty hard, i was on top of her and about to finish when she said she wanted to suck me off, well i pull off the jimmy cap and start to scoot up so im like straddling over her chest, well i finished before i got to her mouth and shot a massive amount of protein all over her face and i mean all over, just then her mom walks in, needless to say ive never gone back... but i dont think id be welcomed anymore either

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once back in the day i was getting a beej from my girl...shes all aboot swallowing so i usually dont have to warn her or nuffin...so im aboot to bust and she picks her head up to like flop her hair over or some shit and i bust...she thumbed the mush and it went everywhere...fucking too funny. she was all embarrassed.

 

*thumb the mush= you know how when you put your thumb over a bottle of champiegn(sp?)...and it goes everywhere...well you do the math...its funny.

 

second hand story-

my freind hooks up with this slut we all know at this girls party...theyre in the next room scrumpin and we all know it...were cracking jokes and yellin shit when all of a sudden we hear from the slut "i know what you want" and then from my freind "ohhhh my gooood" haahh two minutes later he come stumbling out drunk as hell laughing screaming "uhhhhhg i just fucked that nasty thing in the ass!!!" we were dyin...she comes out and beats the fuck out of him and leasves him with a broken nose....funny fucking shit. we were pissing ourselves for a good hour.

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Guest cooterman

the only thing i let touch my balls is my dog.....that thing knows how 2 lick the dick and iam seriosuly sueing road trip cuz they copied my COPYRITED idea of the peanut butter

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Originally posted by cooterman

the only thing i let touch my balls is my dog.....that thing knows how 2 lick the dick and iam seriosuly sueing road trip cuz they copied my COPYRITED idea of the peanut butter

 

the only thing you let touch your balls is your father.

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Originally posted by cooterman

the only thing i let touch my balls is my dog.....that thing knows how 2 lick the dick and iam seriosuly sueing road trip cuz they copied my COPYRITED idea of the peanut butter

 

alright....your very very very gay

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