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sexual mishaps


Southern kid
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ok this one time i was fuckin my girl her top riding when she was moving front to back and one time moved forward without lifting and bent my boner and it made this loud crack...

 

one time i was hitting it from behind and noticed a far tighter hole and go smacked for fuckin it

 

any sex during period gets loud and sounds funny

 

tonight i started a conversation about fear factory while fuckin cause thats what i was listening to at the time

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

The first time I ever went down on a girl, it was with a Mom. She had a 2 year old girl, who was in the room next door and I felt like such a dirty fuckin bastard... I loved it.

 

So anyways, I was going down on her having no idea what the hell to do, and I guess I hit the spot and she started trembling all over the place, and I was like "Oh yeah..." So she builds up, and builds up and BLLLLLWWWWWEEEEEEPPPP!!!!... She farts all over my fuckin face, and I feel something liquid and warm splatter around my mouth and chin. I was so shocked I just stared at her... and she was still squirming as if nothing had happened. I was thinking "You just fucking shit all over my face. YOU SHIT ON MY MOUTH YOU FUCKIN WHORE!!!!" So I wiped my chin on my hands and smelled them, and it wasn't shit. It was clear and it smelled like pussy. It took me a while to realize it was just a monster orgasm pussy fart, but it really scared the living shit out of me. Pussy farts rock.

 

Secret... ewww, hehe. "It doesn't fit, man. Dude, this shit DOESN'T FIT!!!" Hahaha, oh God, the fear. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Originally posted by maskoner:

dirty sanchez- taking a girl from behind... and then mid vag-intercourse, jam your index/pointer finger into the anus, and slide your finger across her upper lip; giving her the ultimate moustache...

dirty sanchez.

 

from what i hear around my area... dirty sanchez is givin someone head while they are simultaneously takin a shit on the toilet....

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so last night on of my friends call... he has a girlfriend... and he says fuck im drunk im about to have a threeway.. and i was like fuckin sick dood who are the girls?? and he is like naw its this guy i know and this hott ass chick... and i am like duuuuuuuuuuude that fuckin gross never a male male female, maybe male female female.. and he explains it as dood when your making out with a girl with one of your frineds at the same time its awesome... my stomach turned over and i was like greeeeeeaaaaaaattttttttt... his girlfriend is badass too i donno what his deal is..

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Originally posted by cracked ass:

The last girl I was feeling up fell asleep on me.

That was, what...summer of '99...

*sigh*

 

damit..maybe i'm more like you than i thought.

 

mask: for me to have a mishap i gotta have something. right? thankfully i've never had a solo mishap. except that one time i tried for the power shower. i dont know about you guys..but it seems to me i'm the only one who's sticky shit gets even stickier when mixed with water. other than that i've got the solo missions down. thats sad...

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This one time me and my girl had just gotten done with goin at eachother and im laying down after it right onto her chest, my hips are between her legs and what not, and all of a sudden i hear a PHHHHRRRRRRRRRT! Really loud, like echoed. I just look at her, and shes like what the fuck was that? And i was like what the fuck are you asking me for?? Your the one who did it...! She didnt even know that she queefed...it was damn funny, i explained it to her and she was totally clueless...good innocent stuff...she hasnt done it since, and that was 3 years ago, so thats cool..

 

------------------

Above the clouds, Above the clouds..

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So get this..

tonite I was fucking this guy up the ass.. really giving it to him.. just fucking him right in the ass.. so he reaches around and starts playing with my balls... so im doing him from behind and hes playing with my nuts and im just thinking... "man, what a fag"

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Guest SPLINTER

southern you are not alone i actually learned how to fix that cum and water thing. see you flood the shower a little and cum into the flood and the n let the flood drain before it hits the bottom. works well. cracked consider yourself lucky man. i havent got that far but then again your old enough to be my uncle.

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