Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 The first time I ever went down on a girl, it was with a Mom. She had a 2 year old girl, who was in the room next door and I felt like such a dirty fuckin bastard... I loved it. So anyways, I was going down on her having no idea what the hell to do, and I guess I hit the spot and she started trembling all over the place, and I was like "Oh yeah..." So she builds up, and builds up and BLLLLLWWWWWEEEEEEPPPP!!!!... She farts all over my fuckin face, and I feel something liquid and warm splatter around my mouth and chin. I was so shocked I just stared at her... and she was still squirming as if nothing had happened. I was thinking "You just fucking shit all over my face. YOU SHIT ON MY MOUTH YOU FUCKIN WHORE!!!!" So I wiped my chin on my hands and smelled them, and it wasn't shit. It was clear and it smelled like pussy. It took me a while to realize it was just a monster orgasm pussy fart, but it really scared the living shit out of me. Pussy farts rock. Secret... ewww, hehe. "It doesn't fit, man. Dude, this shit DOESN'T FIT!!!" Hahaha, oh God, the fear. Beer, El Mamerro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OPIUM3 Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 I'm familiar with the dirty sanchez, and the cleveland steamer, but whats the chili dog? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OPIUM3 Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 Originally posted by maskoner: dirty sanchez- taking a girl from behind... and then mid vag-intercourse, jam your index/pointer finger into the anus, and slide your finger across her upper lip; giving her the ultimate moustache... dirty sanchez. from what i hear around my area... dirty sanchez is givin someone head while they are simultaneously takin a shit on the toilet.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yel 2k Posted April 21, 2001 Share Posted April 21, 2001 opium thats a slumpkin not a dirty sanchez me personally i like the steaming dragon when your getting head right before you bust you wack her in the back of the head and your cum comes out her nose like a dragons steaming nostrils Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted April 21, 2001 Share Posted April 21, 2001 Maskoner -- Tell us more stories. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'> ------------------ Toilets are for the uninspired. [This message has been edited by Poop Man Bob (edited 04-21-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted April 21, 2001 Share Posted April 21, 2001 damn it pooper, i can never say anything on here again.... and, BOY, DO WE GOT STORIES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatguydist Posted April 21, 2001 Share Posted April 21, 2001 so last night on of my friends call... he has a girlfriend... and he says fuck im drunk im about to have a threeway.. and i was like fuckin sick dood who are the girls?? and he is like naw its this guy i know and this hott ass chick... and i am like duuuuuuuuuuude that fuckin gross never a male male female, maybe male female female.. and he explains it as dood when your making out with a girl with one of your frineds at the same time its awesome... my stomach turned over and i was like greeeeeeaaaaaaattttttttt... his girlfriend is badass too i donno what his deal is.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted April 28, 2001 Share Posted April 28, 2001 i'm not about to let this thread sink... either you kids arent getting enuf sex, or youre getting really good and not having "mishaps"... so lets get drunk and fuck... then talk about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern kid Posted April 29, 2001 Author Share Posted April 29, 2001 Originally posted by cracked ass: The last girl I was feeling up fell asleep on me. That was, what...summer of '99... *sigh* damit..maybe i'm more like you than i thought. mask: for me to have a mishap i gotta have something. right? thankfully i've never had a solo mishap. except that one time i tried for the power shower. i dont know about you guys..but it seems to me i'm the only one who's sticky shit gets even stickier when mixed with water. other than that i've got the solo missions down. thats sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted April 29, 2001 Share Posted April 29, 2001 haha s-kid... time for another party... and fast! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shameless self promotion Posted May 2, 2001 Share Posted May 2, 2001 This one time me and my girl had just gotten done with goin at eachother and im laying down after it right onto her chest, my hips are between her legs and what not, and all of a sudden i hear a PHHHHRRRRRRRRRT! Really loud, like echoed. I just look at her, and shes like what the fuck was that? And i was like what the fuck are you asking me for?? Your the one who did it...! She didnt even know that she queefed...it was damn funny, i explained it to her and she was totally clueless...good innocent stuff...she hasnt done it since, and that was 3 years ago, so thats cool.. ------------------ Above the clouds, Above the clouds.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted May 3, 2001 Share Posted May 3, 2001 i like to tickle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eyeBddub Posted May 5, 2001 Share Posted May 5, 2001 So get this.. tonite I was fucking this guy up the ass.. really giving it to him.. just fucking him right in the ass.. so he reaches around and starts playing with my balls... so im doing him from behind and hes playing with my nuts and im just thinking... "man, what a fag" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted May 5, 2001 Share Posted May 5, 2001 Originally posted by knowlej: and im just thinking... "man, what a fag" oh, shit... haha a lot of time i hit this kid up on girls' stomachs with my tongue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SPLINTER Posted May 5, 2001 Share Posted May 5, 2001 southern you are not alone i actually learned how to fix that cum and water thing. see you flood the shower a little and cum into the flood and the n let the flood drain before it hits the bottom. works well. cracked consider yourself lucky man. i havent got that far but then again your old enough to be my uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskoner Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 i got drunk last night, it was fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KINGREAL Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Now this is funny!, my girl was giving me head on her hands and knees and i was just bout to bust, i thought i heard something and was like what was that and she turned her head to the side and i busted in her ear!!! Hahahaha, that shit was so fucken funny!!!!! she was kind of pissed at first but got over it pretty fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeroSeis Posted May 7, 2001 Share Posted May 7, 2001 Originally posted by knowlej: So get this.. tonite I was fucking this guy up the ass.. really giving it to him.. just fucking him right in the ass.. so he reaches around and starts playing with my balls... so im doing him from behind and hes playing with my nuts and im just thinking... "man, what a fag" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pilau Hands Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 hahahahaha i second mero's sentiments goddamn haha homer sexual Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeroSeis Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 Originally posted by Pilau Hands: homer sexual ben dover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jojoo13 Posted May 8, 2001 Share Posted May 8, 2001 this one chik/slut i know humms on your nuts every one calls her HUMMERCHIK hahahah ------------------ no no NO not BZEE....BZ ={(____) <---i luv this stuff!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DONE FOUR Posted May 9, 2001 Share Posted May 9, 2001 Originally posted by suburbian bum: Pussy fart. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...worD ------------------ Signature Note:The Signature feature is currently enabled by this bulletin board's administrator. You may use UBB Code in this field, but not HTML. The UBB Code Image tag is not permitted, however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DONE FOUR Posted May 9, 2001 Share Posted May 9, 2001 Originally posted by im a big toy oner: ok this one time i was fuckin my girl her top riding when she was moving front to back and one time moved forward without lifting and bent my boner and it made this loud crack... !.OUCH.! you should see a docter about that... ------------------ Signature Note:The Signature feature is currently enabled by this bulletin board's administrator. You may use UBB Code in this field, but not HTML. The UBB Code Image tag is not permitted, however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKUMBALUCKAH Posted January 14, 2002 Share Posted January 14, 2002 a few stories... My first embarrasing mishap; quite a while ago i was with some girl round her house watching TV, we thought her mum had gone to bed so she started giving me head... a little while later when i was really getting into it, the door busts open.. so i jump up and curl my legs up towards me sitting on the couch tring to cover the fact my trousers are half way down my legs... Her mum didnt notice at first; i was even holding a polite conversation with her for a while when suddenly she goes silent and just walks out the room!!! i never went round there again. My girl was on top this one time and she let off a REALLY loud one... I smiled, tring not to laugh and she went all red and wanted to stop, complaining she was tired! But i made her finish the job. She has done it a few other times after while chilling in bed. bitch needs to sort it out. A few nights ago I must of tried to fuck this girl about 7 times, but i was soo fucking drunk it was limp like biskit the whole night.. that was quite bad, but i think i redeemed myself by giving her head and a massage after as she wants to see me tomorrow :D Another thing that happened that night was she was riding me and as i was just too droopy, i took it out and started fingering her ass hole by mistake, i then put another few fingers in her cunt... it was holding a bowling ball!! she loved it, hahah One of my mates was seeing this girl, he was in bed with her and really needed a number one... so he tells the girl and she says, nah put it in my mouth! so he has been pissing in this girls mouth whenever he needs to go... then a few weeks later he goes round to see the girl and she tells him that she has put plastic sheets on the bed so they can piss on eachother!!!! Needless to say my mate told her to fuck right off and left her.,. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrImeY Posted January 14, 2002 Share Posted January 14, 2002 What the fuck I dont know if its a mishap but my boy was taking a nasty shit and some girl went into the bathroom and started sucking his dick and he was like do you know what Im fucking doing and she was like do you know what I am doing. That shit has been cracking me up for days and we give him props and shit but he denies it . haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avils Posted January 15, 2002 Share Posted January 15, 2002 One time a couple of years ago I had this thing going with a 35 year old asian chick.. she was mad hot and coz I was sooo young she wanted to fuck me all the time. So this one night we went to a movie and shit and she'd been playing with my d!ck the whole time.. after the movie I ask her to drop me at this club so I can meet up with my homeboys.. so we get to the front of the club and park and she leans over and rests her head in my lap.. then undoes my zipper and starts suckin. Now bear in mind that I knew I was gonna be gettin some sort of action that night so I hadn't 'ripped into myself' all week. Well there was people all around and we're in this car and bitch is puttin in some work and I go "hey, have you ever swallowed ?" and she goes (in cute asian voice) "no, do you want me to ?" and I said "yeah, if you want to" so she keeps going and then I tell her I'm about to come so she rests her head in my lap and starts jerking my trouser trumpet into her mouth.., I'm sitting there thinking "does it get any better than this" and just as I start cumming she takes it out o her mouth and points it at my chest kind of... well shit, I must pumped out about 2 gallons of tonsil topping.. you shoulda seen my new shirt after that... it looked like I'd just walked in front of Peter North during a money shot or something... I just looked at her all pissed off and she kind of giggled. Anway, no club for me after that. I had to walk home with my shirt off cursing that fucked up h0.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted January 15, 2002 Share Posted January 15, 2002 i've experience the kiss me, roll off me, fart and pass out more times than i'd have liked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest got tha feva Posted January 15, 2002 Share Posted January 15, 2002 Freshman year of highschool,I was dating this guy and my best friend was dating his best friend. We used to all hang out. I decided I wanted my nipples pierced, and her boyfriend knew how to do it.. so she held one hand, my boyfriend held the other, took my shirt off, and he pierced them. I guess it made him all horny though because then he decided he wanted to have sex like right then. so he like whispers something in her ear and she kindof giggles then right there in front of me and my boyfriend she gets on her knees and starts unzipping his pants. me and my boyfriend were just like giggle central as they proceed to get naked and start humping doggy style on my boyfriends bed. her boyfriend was totally trying to act like a bad ass fucking her real hard (mind you he was only a sophomore in highschool and me and my boyfriend were still virgins at the time).. she's trying to act all sexy, head back, breasts flying everywhere, exaturating her moans.. out of nowhere he lets go of her ass and just porks her like he was trying to sleigh a cow with a billy club. his thrust sends her face first off the back of the bed, one long leg jolts out to save her and lands in my boyfriends toolbox. she screams and falls to the ground naked, and holding her bleeding foot, my boyfriends freaking out about blood on the carpet, i'm still trying not to laugh, her boyfriend is like in shock with this suprised look on his face... it was a mess. i think we all broke up and stopped hanging out like 3 days later. another time me and a different boyfriend broke up because he was mad and jealous about me hanging out with my friends and called me some names and said some hurtful things. that night my ex called and i invited him over. i was on the rebound, things got a little hot and heavy, we ended up in that magical number (69) and out of nowhere my doorbell rings. i throw on some clothes, face all flushed, open the door and it's my boyfriend (who i just broke up with), he grabs me and gives me this long romantic kiss and i'm like oh shit.. normally I would have pushed him off, because i was still mad at him... but I just let him kiss me, knowing that 20 seconds earlier there had been another man's penis all over my lips and inside my mouth. the kiss ended and i smiled and said 'sorry things can't work out..' he said he was sorry too, and i couldn't help but think 'if only you knew how sorry you are!" and somehow that gave me a sick closure to the whole situation. PruDE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODW Posted January 15, 2002 Share Posted January 15, 2002 one time my ex girlfriend started kissing my chest and lickg my nipples and shit. for no reason at all, i just got the giggles, it sucked. i was laughing uncontrollably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dai Posted January 15, 2002 Share Posted January 15, 2002 HAHA its funny I now see this thread! Two nights ago, me and my new girlfriend got completely shitfaced off a bottle of Malibu and decided to fuck. From what I remember of this 3 hour fucking fiasco, it was probably some of the best sex i've ever had. Well I wake up next to her, give her a kiss and a quick neck rub and make my way home. I'm getting ready to hop in the shower and instinctively I look in the mirror. My neck, chest, and stomach are covered with hickies (haven't had one of those since middle school) and i've got bite marks all over the place. I look at my back and i've got scratches all over my shoulders! I was compelled to speak those infamous 'god i was drunk' words... "what the fuck..." It doesn't seem that funny, but if you seen all these hickies you'd be laughing, especially the nice one i left on the front of her throat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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