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funny stories about retards.


MeroSeis

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They used to make me look after this one retard a lot when I was in school, it was cool because I got out of doing school work and ended up having a laugh!

 

Anyway I have shitloads of stories but basicly this guy was a sexually frustrated pervert who had the strength of a bear. He would grind his teeth constantly and rock from side to side touching up girls and getting his dick out all the time. It was funny 'cos a lot of the time he would talk to girls saying things like 'a-buhbaa-duck-mahh-wooolieeee, ccccccccahhh!' which would translate roughly into 'suck my willy' but because he was such a retard most of the time they could not understand him and the girls would smile and be nice to him, while then being sexually assulted. I also used to get him to beat up the dick heads that I did'nt like, he would without giving a fuck, flipping out and gouging peoples eyes out etc. while I would just sit back and laugh. He was a hard bastard, even though he was retarded, good to have on your side!

 

His 'tardmaster' was a frail old woman who must of been giving it to him on the sly, she was a right odd ball. I saw him in a record shop a few months ago, he looks like a dodgy peadophile now, I don't think he really remembered me as he blankly starred straight through me acting even more retarded than before. He was a cool guy though, good times.

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wayyyyyyyyyyy back in 6th grade i remember that they kept all the retards in one class. there was like.......9 of them i think. they used to come out and play soccer or football right in front of the window when i was sitting in class. christ....if you've never seen 9 retarded kids playing football.....then you havent lived my friend. use your imagination.there was also this girl (one of the retards) named barbie.....she used to wear this filthy pink jacket and babble on and shit....she had amazingly bucked teeth and just looked....well....retarded. i just remember her trying to talk to me and me being like "ummmmmmmm.......right.......shutup." kids can be so cruel. but i dont care, it was funny then and its funny now.

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first off el mammeros story is fuckin hysterical. i was an altar boy for like six years in grammar school and when someone fucks around in the audience its the hardest thing the not laugh while youre on the altar. i always used to serve masses when it would be a school mass where just the kids go. in like sixth grade i halfway pissed my pants because my friends in the audience keep smacking this girl in the back of the head and keep simulating fucking each other in the pew.

 

secondly to Hal's comment about never knowing when youre gonna get in a car accident...true but shit happens and thats life.

 

lastly, my college employs all retards for the cafeteria staff and janitorial work in the cafeteria...meals at my school are quite possibly the funniest thing relating to retards youll see...this one dude dropped a stack of about thirty plates once and ran out crying and screaming.

 

midway through the year shit started to get really funny when this lady started working who was a mega yankees fan. she always walked around yelling about how jeter was the man and shit. so when shed walk by cleaning shit wed start chanting "YANKEES FUCKIN SUCK!"..or "LETS GO METS!"...she start flipping out on us screaming about the subway series and shit while everyone watched...fuckin hysterical

 

i wanted to make a yearbook of the staff with pictures, stats and personal quotes and shit...never got around to it but i have the pictures so ill try to post them later today

 

you guys can meet Eugene, Lurch, Dumpyass and Co.

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theres also these two retards around my neighborhood named Matt and Dave..

 

this kid matt would always be out and about at our skate spots watching us while pacing back and forth...wed fuck with him and shit talking about gay sex and how we like dick..hed just laugh. in eighth grade one night we were all hanging out and matt shows up sporting this brand new designer leather jacket his parents bought him. the kid started bragging about it and shit and we were saying shit like "yeah id like to fuck you naked in it" and grabbing his tits and shit. so were talking to this kid and my boy walks behind him and starts taking a piss right on this kids fucking jacket while he has it on..so theres like seven of us talking to this kid trying not to fall down laughing while this kid is pissing on him. he had on baggy jeans so i guess he didnt feel it running down his leg. so this kid zips up his pants and walks in front of him and we just start busting out laughing hysterical. matt is all confused and feels wetness all over the back of his legs and hes like "whatd you do kyle?" we were just dying and told the kid that our boy poured water on him...then on halloween that year i started throwing eggs at him and he tried to fight me..the kid was mad strong.

 

this other kid dave is the fuckin man...hes this huge retarded black kid and knows everything about every video game. when you see him he starts talking a mile a minute about codes and moves and shit..we visited our friend once at his job at discovery zone and dave was there schooling everyone in tekken...it was awesome, we watched this retard for like an hour rocking everyone..dave works at mcdonalds cleaning up for free. he just goes in and starts cleaning shit...they dont employ this kid and he doesnt want a job, he just loves cleaning mcdonalds

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i beat the shit out of a borderline retard. hes reatarded but not really retarded-special ed and all that but he could pass for a dumbass regular person. he talked a lot of shit so i went to his house after school and damn near broke his nose off and beat him in the head pretty good.

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Re: im raged you guys arent cool

 

Originally posted by amItoolate?

okay im gonna have to put my foot down here. i mean were talking about living people with feelings......you can make a 2 page thread taking turns insulting human beings and not even have the decency to post a funny tard pic or link.

 

 

Hey, we did it with Kristy's tattoo page.

 

 

Hell, she posted a picture though.

 

:o

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Originally posted by HAL

It's really not very cool to make fun of mentally retarded people. I'm not gonna lie and say I don't laugh when someone does a "retard impression", but you never know when you might get into a car accident and wind up with a severe head injury. It could be you that everyone is laughing at. How would you feel? I just can't bring myself to be that cruel to someone that's only crime is being unfortunate enough to be born mentally retarded.

 

Werd, my boy derek was almost killed in a car accident when a drunk driver in an bronco collided head on with his honda accord awhile back..

 

He now walks with a cane, cannot bend one leg, has slight brain damage, lost the use of one of his arms alltogeather and can only see out of one eye, and theyre not alligned at all....he occasionally repeats sentences and does crazy things..but..hes just getting his shit back togeather and now attends the same college as i...the kid wakes up at 5am to get ready for class at 11...and walks to almost everyclass, even though it takes him 30 min to get there...i admire this kid.You should too. Has more heart than many of the people on this board do.

 

Bottom line, life can give, but also take away...

 

Im thankful for what i have, and ill admit i may laugh occasionally, but i never am one to point out fault, since for many of the mentally handicapped people, they had no choice how they were born...

 

Hals right on this one gentlemen.

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yea it is kinda fucked up....considering how lucky we are to be born like this.....i have many imperfections with my body and shit, and it gets m mad, but i always realize that there are people who would do anything to be as lucky as me (retards, midgets, etc) so i have to be grateful for that.....o well....as long as were not out singling out retards and making fun of them, i dont see any harm in talking abuot funny experiances with them

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Originally posted by REGULATOR

as long as were not out singling out retards and making fun of them, i dont see any harm in talking abuot funny experiances with them

 

exactly, its not like this thread is like 'argh, fucking retards i hate them and thier retarded ways, why don't they fuck off and die.'

 

Think of it more of a celebration of the joy they bring to us in our otherwise glum lives!

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i saw a retarded kid about 13 or so years old maybe a bit younger

today at jack in the box he kept screaming something at his mom

it just sounded like 'geeeeyahhahahagee'

it wasnt that funny well yeah it was

but this thread made it all the more funny than it should have been

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haha, i saw one the other day, he was wearing a bright pink shirt and flannel shorts, and used a walker thingy. Well any way he tripped on something and then uttered a "ghheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hahahha man i laughed, that nigga sounded like chewbaca. ghheeeeeeeeeeah. I have mad props and respect for retarded people, ohhh those goofy bastards go through so much.

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Retard fun...

 

Alright, first of In grade school..we had this Mexican retard named lazaro in our grade. Well as you can guess he quickly becuase "Retardo" to everyone else. But the funniest thing he ever did, was one time in Gym class, we were finishing up a game of Dodge ball(God damn I miss dodge ball). And some girl sat in his seat or some shit. Well he starts screaming about it and cry. So the gym teacher tells him to sit down. So whatdoes the kid do?

"FUCK YOU! FUCK! YOU! SHIT! FUCK! COCK! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" and he grabs the gym teachers whistle. So the gym teacher grabs him in a headlock and tells us to go change out of our gym uniforms...last we ever saw of retardo.

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Alright, then at highschool, theres a retard named Mike. Now, he graduated by doing nothing, and sources say he acts normal outside of school. But all I know is that when hes in school, he always has this zoned out look on his face. At the dances, he trys to dance...and lets jsut say its the funniest thing since Jim Carrey's Vannilla Ice Parody on In Living Color.

 

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Also soph. year there was this girl Britney. She was a retard of some sort and had an insanely deep voice for a girl(Try putting Samuel L. Jacksons voice on a 15 year old..). Anyway, she'd always write and talk in an odd manner like. "When I am fifteen I will goto school at ROTC and marry my beloved Jamuel, and when we have 15 kids they will all be scared one night becuase the guy keeps calling but I will hit him with a bat.."..crazy shit. So one day this guy has a bow tie..so he puts it on at lunch and goes up to Britney and starts booty dancing with her...and she screams as loud as anyone with a voice deeper than mine can..and yells "Get away from me! Get Away from me! I hate this school! I hate this school"..and starts swatting at the air and running in circles...good shit..

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Guest Canadiano

I ain't lying...yesterday after school, a smelly retard was jerking it while watching me piss at the subway station. I finished up, then smashed his head into the tile wall in front of him. The guy on the other side of him bigged me up as I bolted (don't need to get booked for beating on an "innocent").

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In middle school there used to be poop in the hallways the scarey thing is it was human poop.. one day a friend walked in te bathroom and found the guy who was doing it.. some asian retard was pooping all over the flor..those asians love their poop

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there was a guy at my school who was physically retarded but not mentally, so he knew what was going on, his body just made him look like he couldnt have a clue as to what people were saying. he was a totally cool guy despite his disability, man we used to bring him to strip joints all the time, all the strippers would ask us why we brought the retard, but the good thing was, hed always grab some titties and get away with it, theyd just kind of chuckle, and think we were being nice bringing him out with us, fuck, that guy knew what was going on, he was grabbing tits left right and center, boy could drink too. i guess physical retardation has its advantages.

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Originally posted by T.T Boy

there was a guy at my school who was physically retarded but not mentally, so he knew what was going on, his body just made him look like he couldnt have a clue as to what people were saying. he was a totally cool guy despite his disability, man we used to bring him to strip joints all the time, all the strippers would ask us why we brought the retard, but the good thing was, hed always grab some titties and get away with it, theyd just kind of chuckle, and think we were being nice bringing him out with us, fuck, that guy knew what was going on, he was grabbing tits left right and center, boy could drink too. i guess physical retardation has its advantages.

 

I have a 'friend' like that.. we just get him drunk and let him loose.. hes not phyically retarded..not even mentally .. hes just one fucked up kid...

its fun watching him lose all his money gambling then get drunk and run down the street grabbing ass... i think hes in jail now

hahaha

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yo my boy poer is a tard. when we go painting he just drools all over the wall and calls it a piece. then he shits on the ground and rubs it on the wall and says its his final outline. he always fucks up my pieces cause he licks all the paint off the wall while im painting. what a fuckin dumbass. i dont even know why i hang out with that kid.

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