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dosoner

strange emails

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this was in my mail box this moring, its been edited to remove my name (witch is scary that the sender knows anyways). there are many accurate details in here that suggesst this came from someone i know, but it just strikes me as a little strange.

 

 

 

Herr *****, it has come to our attention that you managed to be on vacation, very coincidentally we are sure, at a time of unprecedented changes in both the personnel and volume of your place of employment. We are given to understand that the premier member of the staff was unjustifiably detained, that other members of the staff were given to making their presence felt more or less when they felt like it, that still others were using their position for personal gain, and that the head of this staff was being distracted by misdirection in the form of being led to believe he had to be nice in order to achieve any harmony of direction in the direction that was felt to be most beneficial to the outcome of the entire thrust of the whole organization.

 

It has further come to our attention that, while seeming to suffer from erratic and possibly chronic mood disorders and wild swings of modes of presenting himself to the other members of the section of the organization, this person was actually engaged in a nefarious plot to seize control of what he repeatedly said had absolutely no interest in, and was using a female member of the higher eschelons immediate family to obscure and misdirect attention away from the very plot he so very vehemently denied could even possibly be conceived of, much less ever actually be acted upon in a successful manifestation of reality.

 

We are of course aware that every means of communication wherever existant is under a constant state of highly visible observation, which is of course the only way this plot could possibly have been brought to the stage of fruition in which it presently resides, and does bring a certain amount of cogitative reflections upon the tables of organizations that were undoubtedly decided upon, and most probably at this very moment in the whirling of interplanetary forces, are being winnowed down to the select list of future conferadations of trusted and tried persuasions who will carry out the will and intentions of the author of this very audacious and perfectly executed blitzkrieg.

I hereby offer my humble services in whatever capacity may be most beneficial to the realization of the endgame of the purpose of the exercise of the entire seizure of control of everything that could ever conceivably be of any use anywhere or time, to whatever purpose is most beneficial to the author of the entire matter.

 

In the interim, knowing that such can never possibly be revealed until the exact moment of preplanned revelation, we look forward to laboring once again in an apparent very ordinary state of affairs, once the present situation of overwhelming numbers of letters and packages which continue to grow exponentially, as the staff of the organization charged with dealing with them dwindles and splinters under the full weight of seemingly unconnected events that are now being seen as nothing less than a looming catastrophe of greater than anything previously seen upon the face of this third orbital platform from the bright glowing furnace from which all hell will eventually break loose, destroying everything extant while gradually collapsing itself into a state of such utter density that, while it is only possible to theorize upon, eventually will suck all that is into itself, and only then will the full implications of the brilliance of this plot be seen, and the proper praise and adorations showered upon the mastermind who so cunningly brought the play to its towering thunderous ovation of overwhelming completion.

You are to be congratulated, Sir.

 

As always, we remain perfectly obtusely your humble servant. We expect no reply, save such as may seem pleasing or not to your inclinations whenever it is. Please accept our humble token of gratitude for arranging our release from the most boring of all places we have ever been.

A boon we seek is the gift of accepting 317, and renouncing any claim upon 324, as such is very satisfactory to the outcome of the perceivement of the collective grey matter the staff has been able to muster in the beginning of the study of the untangling of the entire tangle so wondrously tangled.

 

Of a certainment, all will be well, as we do trust you most implicitly. Days such as these will most heartfeltedly never be seen again upon the face of the earth.

Good day to you, sir. Yes, GOOD DAY TO YOU, Sir.

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whoa man after recieving an email like that, id shoot myself in the face, so have at that, and let us know how its going.

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Everyone wants to add 3 to 4 inches to my penis!

 

Actually I like the "feed the birds not squirrels" emails I get..with the detailed cartoon

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hmm funny, people always want to remove 3 or 4 inches from my penis.

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Originally posted by Glik0

hmm funny, people always want to remove 3 or 4 inches from my penis.

 

well I think the spam would be a bit more appealing if i even had a penis in the first place..

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yeah and the sad thing is if they took 3 or 4 inches off my penis i wouldnt have one....i mean....

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Guest ctrl+alt+del

that is very odd....there are only 14 sentences in the entire letter.

email them back and ask them what its all about.

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Guest krie

^^^^^^^^^^^^

same

i didnt read one bit of it just thort

fuck that

too much..

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Guest chicken bone

wow that WAS weird har har, sounds like someone who took a little too much acid is playing a trick on you, or he could be telling the truth of course, and you are in fact in a load of weird shit.

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the only wierd shit iv ever been involved in is taking too much lsd, witch, speaking from an ld50 point of view, is rather imposible to do with lsd, but never any of that crazy overthrow shit or whatever it was about.

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you have a stalker. someone is watching you. lock your doors. close your blinds. quit your job. look for hidden cameras in your house. burn all information about yourself. burn you computer. and your tv. burn everything you own. get your fingerprints changed. get facial surgery. die your hair. move to guam. wear gloves everywhere you go. you can run, but you cant hide....

 

 

most of all, stop doing lsd or whatever drugs your doing because your just imagining those e-mails. or when you were high, you made them up yourself and dont remember. bottom line: quit drugs.

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Originally posted by ElectricitySucks

bottom line: quit drugs.

 

 

 

bottom line: dont me how to live my own fucking life. you do what you want and i will do what i want. you want to be straight edge, thats fine by me, but dont tell me that what i do is wrong. educated and resposible drug use hasnt harmed my life at all. next time you open your mouth in my direction, dont b speaking about how i should live my life, because its fucking mine, not yours, so fuck off :mad:

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on a side note, i havnt touched any drugs other than my daily dose of zoloft for somewhere around a year and a half, and this email appered this weekend, so im pretty sure that i didnt imagine it or make it up while i was high. your god damn annoying.

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