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Warning Signs Your Child Is Masturbating

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1st

 

that was one of the funnest and saddest things ever....all i have to say is wtf

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Guest ctrl+alt+del

plus its geocities.

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Originally posted by ..oX..

 

9. Have you caught your child Masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably Masturbating.

[/b]

 

Haha, that's some funny shit. :lol:

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i believe all that to..but why would parents want to prevent there kids from masterbating.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Masterbation Is Murder.cru.

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Originally posted by ..oX..

all they did is took the signs your teen is smoking marijuana pamphlet from their local pediatrician and changed "smoking marijuana" to "masturbating"... and threw in the devils music part.

 

is the site fake?

 

9. Have you caught your child Masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably Masturbating.

 

im pretty sure its fake. :eek:

 

 

he's probably looking for sored due to STDs.

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some people do it for fun.... access denied has a whole line of chastity belts.. i'm positive they keep em from masturbating too... haha.. but that's satan's work..... you can only keep people from having sex by using christian chastity belts.. for $5000 a piece... you can stop masturbation and sex the way god intended..

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Guest FoReVeRpHLy

hahahah i hope they domnt ake awya my door

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actually i've heard of something like this. but it was for infedelity. like women can detect semen from a man's boxers. but sometimes its faulty....you know...when the man masterbates.

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hahahahaha thats funny.....I like the "family meeting and underwear check" hahah what in the fuck...:confused: :crazy: :D

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I want to just say that I enjoy

 

A big date with Rosy Palms

A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters

Adjusting the antenna

Adjusting your set

Answering the Bone-A-Phone

Applying the hand brake

Arguing with Henry Longfellow

Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper

Asking for a second opinion (your second head)

Assault on a friendly weapon

Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior

Attending to the throb knob needs

Auditioning the hand puppet

Backstroke roulette

Badgering the witness

Baiting your hook

Ball slappin' fun

Bangin' your bacon

Banging one out

Banging the Cyclops

Bashing the Bishop

Bashing the candle

Bashing the pear

Basting the ham

Batting practice

Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger

Beatin' Bobby

Beating Bob and the twins

Beating Jack

Beating off

Beating the bait

Beating the balloon

Beating the balogna

Beating the beagle

Beating the bed flute

Beating the Bishop

Beating the dummy

Beating the fuck out of your best friend

Beating the goat

Beating the old man

Beating the pud

Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget

Beating the snake

Beating the snot outta Rotney

Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick

Beating the stick

Beating your meat

Beef-stroke-it-off

Being a virtuoso of the skin flute

Being rough with the sex stick

Being your own best friend

Belaboring the obvious

Biffing off

Bleeding the weed

Blowing your load

Blowing your own horn

Bludgeoning the beefsteak

Blue-ball buster

Blueball baseball

Bobbing your boloney

Bonging your shlong

Booting up the hard drive

Boppin' your bologna

Bopping Richard

Bopping the baloney

Bopping the bishop

Bopping the Bonzo

Bouncing the bunny

Boxing Oscar

Boxing Oscar in the closet

Boxing the bald champ

Boxing the clown

Boxing the Jesuit

Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches

Boxing the one-eyed clown

Boxing the trouser mouse

Boxing with Richard

Breaking the fish tank

Buckin' it

Buffin' the bishop

Buffing my wand

Buffing the banana

Buffing the rifle

Buffing the wood

Buffing your nuts

Buggering your hand

Bunning your hot dog

Burning off a few calories

Burping the baby

Burping the worm

Busting a nut

Buttering your corn

Calling all cum

Calling down for more Mayo

Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis

Caning the vandal

Caping the crusader

Capturing the bishop

Carrying weight

Casting off

Changing your oil

Charming the cobra

Charming the one-eyed trouser snake

Charming the snake

Cheap date

Cheating on your other hand

Checking for testicular cancer

Checking the plumbing

Cheesing off

Chilling the dill

Choking Charlie 'till he throws up

Choking Kojak

Choking the bald guy until he pukes

Choking the chicken

Choking the hog

Choking the pirate

Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come

Choking your chicken

Choking yourself into emission

Chopping down

Chucking one in the sink

Chucking the yogurt

Churning your butter

Civil War

Clamping the pipe

Cleaning out your rope

Cleaning the pipes

Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops

Cleaning your rifle

Clearing the snorkel

Climbin' the tree

Climbing Mount Baldy

Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)

Climbing the corporate ladder

Clobbering the bad guy

Clobbering the Kleenex

Closet Frisbee

Clubbing Eddy

Clubbing the baby seal

Clubbing the clam

Clubbing the dummy

Coating Prince William Sound with love oil

Cocking the rifle

Collecting a specimen

Coming into your own

Coming to grips with the situation

Coming to grips with yourself

Committing mass spermicide

Cooking the cream of cock

Cooking with Wong

Corralling the tadpoles

Couch hockey for one

Cracking one off

Cracking the fat

Crank yanking

Cranking

Cranking for cum

Cranking one off

Cranking the love pump

Cranking the monkey

Cranking the shank

Crimping the wire

Crowning the king

Cuddlin' the Kielbasa

Cuffing the carrot

Cuffing the dummy

Cuffing the puppy

Custer's Last Stand

Dancing round the maypole

Dancing the two-fisted tango

Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye

Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)

Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters

Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters

Debugging the hard drive

Decongesting the weasel

Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)

Dick whacking

Diddle whacking

Diddling

Digging for change

Digitally oscillating one's penis

Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile

Disciplining the primate

Disseminating

Do the Dew

Dogger Bank

Doin' a loner with your boner

Doin' the solitary rhumba

Doing a hand job

Doing an impression of Goofy

Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love

Doing handiwork

Doing it your way

Doing the five-knuckle shuffle

Doing the hand jive

Doing the hand-cooter

Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT

Doing the janitor thing

Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump

Doing the plotkin

Doing the pork sword jiggle

Doing the sin of Onan

Doing the White Knuckler

Doing your own thing

Doodling your noodle

Downing at the club (for members only)

Downing the pitcher

Draining the dragon

Draining the lizard

Draining the main vein

Draining the monster

Draining the one-eyed monster

Draining the poisons from the building

Draining the vats

Draining the vein

Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust

Driving the skin bus

Droppin' a wad of hot wax

Dropping a line

Dropping stomach pancakes

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Dry humping the ottoman

Duking the Bishop

Dundering the devil-dolphin

Electing the president

Emptying your sex pistol

Engaging in safe sex

Erupting Ol' Faithful

Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell

Evicting the testicular squatters

Falling in love with your right hand

Faxing Jimmy Dean

Faxing the Pope

Feeding the chooks

Feeding the ducks

Fetching milk

Filling Charlie's magic sock

Finding yourself

Firing the flesh musket

Firing the love rifle

Firing the presidential staff

Firing the Surgeon General

Firming your worm

Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout

Fishing for zipper trout

Fist fucking

Fisting your mister

Five against one

Five knuckle Olympics

Five on one

Five-Digit Shuffle

Five-finger discount

Five-finger solo

Five-knuckle chuckle

Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump

Fixing the toilet

Flapping Takkie (South African)

Flaying the Emperor

Flick on over the thumb

Flicking the bic

Flipping the Bishop

Floggin' the log

Flogging the Bishop

Flogging the dog

Flogging the dolphin

Flogging the dong

Flogging the frog

Flogging the General

Flogging the hog

Flogging the log

Flogging the mule

Flogging the salami

Flogging your dong

Flogging your dumber brother

Flogging your log

Flogging your stob

Fluffing the pillow

Flute solo

Fly fishing

Flying a kite

Fondling the fig

Fondling the fisherman

Fondling the fountain

Fooling with your tool

Foreplay with Fistina

Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)

Freeing the hostages

Freeing the Willies

Freeing Willy

Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool

Frigging the love muscle (British)

Friggit

Frosting the pastries

Fucking a pillow

Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow

Fun with friction

Galloping the antelope

Galloping the old lizard

Ganging the plank

Ganking

Getting' your oil checked

Gettin' jizzy with it

Getting a date with Slick Mittens

Getting a grip on things

Getting a load off my mind

Getting a milk mustache

Getting a stiffy

Getting busy

Getting chafed

Getting in touch with your manhood

Getting in touch with yourself

Getting off

Getting tennis elbow

Getting the dirty water off your chest

Getting the German soldier marching

Getting the glue stick

Getting to know Miss Michigan

Getting to know yourself

Getting to know yourself personally in the "biblical sense"

Getting your caps peeled

Getting your exercise

Getting your palm read by Mister Softee

Getting your palm red

Getting your pole varnished

Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie

Giving it a good once over

Giving it a tug

Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train

Giving the John Hancock

Giving the pink Mustang a lube job

Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine

Giving the seamen shore leave

Giving your employee a raise

Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge

Giving yourself a hand

Giving yourself a happy ending

Giving yourself a helping hand

Giving yourself a low five

Glazing the donut

Gluing the lady's eye's shut

Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh

Going blind

Going for the gold

Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior

Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela

Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters

Going on Peewee's little adventure

Going steady with my bouncing Betty

Going the blow

Going to the basement

Grappling the gorilla

Greasin' up my love monkey

Greasing the axle

Greasing the flagpole

Greasing the monkey

Greasing the pipe

Greasing your bone

Gripping the pencil

Hacking the hog

Han Solo

Hand job

Hand Shandy

Hand Solo

Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower

Hand work

Hand-to-gland combat

Handling heavy equipment

Handling the hound

Hands-on training

Handy work

Hanging out with Peter Tork

Hanging the old man

Hard labor

Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on

Hatchin' a batch

Having a ball

Having a Barclays Bank

Having a bat

Having a chuff

Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake

Having a date with Fisty Palmer

Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters

Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters

Having a ham shank

Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)

Having a one-night-stand with yourself

Having a play date with your little friend

Having a puppet show in your pants

Having a Roy (Australian)

Having a Sherman (British)

Having a staff meeting

Having a tommy tank

Having a tug

Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops

Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel

Having dinner

Having group sex with five friends

Having it off

Having one off the wrist

Having sex with someone you love

Heaving the heathen handhold

Helping Mr. Happy

Hitchhiking to heaven

Hitchhiking under the Big Top

Hitching to heaven

Hitting the ham

Hitting the sack

Hitting the speedbump

Hoisting the flag

Holding all the cards

Holding my own

Holding the sausage hostage

Honing the cone

Honing your bone

Honking the bobo

Huffing on the hoagie

Hugging the hog

Hugging the sausage

Humpin' air

Humping your fist

Humping your hose

In the hand

Irking the dude

Ironing some wrinkles

J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)

Jack hammering

Jackin'

Jackin' the Beanstalk

Jackin' your meat

Jacking off

Jacking up the hot rod

Jag off

Jammin' your jimmy

Jazzing yourself

Jelly roll

Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt

Jerkin' the gherkin

Jerkin' the joystick

Jerkin' your beef

Jerking Jamby

Jerking off

Jerking the Johnson

Jerking the turkey

Jerking yanking daisy-chaining

Jiggling the jewelry

Jiggling your Johnson

Jimmying your Joey

Jizzlobbing

Jogging the lizard

Joining the Navy

Joshing it

Juice the Moose

Juicing the jizz monster

Jumping the jock

Just combing my hair

Just jerkin' it

Keeping the Optometrists in business

Kicking seamen

Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"

Killing it

Killing the Beast

Killing the bird on punches

Kneading my knockwurst

Kneeding the bread

Knockin' over the weeble

Knocking one off

Knocking the top off

Knuckle nobbing

Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump

Knuckling the bone

Launching the hand shuttle

Launching the morning missile

Launching the rocket

Laying the smack down on yourself

Leakin' the main drain

Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster

Lighting the lava lamp

Living it up

Looking for ticks

Loping the mule

Love's labors lost

Loving the lizard

Loving the muppet

Lubing the tube

Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie

Makin' moonshine

Making a fist sandwich

Making a foreskin cone

Making a knuckle hot dog

Making free hand lotion

Making friends with Big Ed

Making instant pudding

Making nut butter

Making soup for one

Making special sauce with frank and beans

Making the bald guy puke

Making the Cyclops cry

Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up

Making the llama spit

Making the piggy squeal

Making the scene with the magazine

Making vanilla jism shakes

Making with the tadpoles

Making yogurt

Making yourself at home

Mangling the midget

Manhandling the manhood

Manhandling your man-handle

Manipulating the mango

Manning the cockpit

Manual labor

Manual override

Masonic secret self handshake

Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho

Massaging the mink

Massaging your muscle

Massaging your purple-headed warrior

Master bacon

Measuring for condoms

Medical wankorama

Medieval folk dancing

Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters

Meeting Rosie Hancock

Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters

Meeting with Palmala Handerson

Meeting your kids

Milking one's self

Milking the bull

Milking the cow

Milking the lizard

Milking the monkey

Milking the moose

Milking the mule

Milking the muscle

Milking the weasel

Milking your wood

Milkywaying

Million sperm march

Minding my own business

Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar

Molesting the mole

Moulding hot plastic

Mounting a corporal and four

Much goo about nothing

My sex life!

Nerking your throbber

Oiling the baseball bat

Oiling the glove

Oiling the mighty dick hinge

Oiling the pogo stick

Onan's Olympics

Onanism

One gun salute

One hand clapping

One handed shim sham

One man show

One off the wrist

One stop shopping

One-armed skiing

One-handed workout

One-man orgy

One-man ring toss

One-man show

One-man tug-o-war

Opening up a bottle of Squirt

Organ solo

Packing your palm

Paddling the pickle

Painting the ceiling

Painting the pickle

Painting the walls

Painting your pants

Palming the calm

Pam Anderson Polka

Pasting pages

Pat the Robertson

Pattin' the puppy

Pedal and crank

Pee Wee pleaser

Peeing children

Peeling some chilis

Peeling the banana

Peeling the carrot

Performing a self-test

Performing diagnostics on your ManTool

Perling the oyster

Petting the lizard

Petting the puppy

Petting the python

Petting your animal

Petting your dog

Phoning the czar

Pipping the pumpkin

Playin' the bone-a-thon

Playin' with hardballs

Playin' with yourself

Playing a little five-on-one

Playing a one-stringed guitar

Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute

Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks

Playing five card stud

Playing in a one-man show

Playing miniature golf

Playing paintball with white paint

Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson

Playing peekaboo

Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader

Playing ping pong with your ding dong

Playing pocket pinball

Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson

Playing pocket pool

Playing tag with the pink torpedo

Playing the crotch trombone

Playing the flesh flute

Playing the male organ

Playing the one-handed air guitar

Playing the one-stringed melody

Playing the organ

Playing the piss pipe

Playing the pisser

Playing the skin flute

Playing the solo symphony

Playing the stand-up organ

Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops

Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up

Playing Uno

Playing with dick

Playing with my little brother Peter

Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends

Playing with the pogo stick

Playing with the snake

Playing with the spitting llama

Playing with Yoosef

Playing with your bird

Playing with your noodle

Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)

Playing with yourself

Playing Yahtzee

Playing your instrument

Pleasing your pisser

Pleasure pumping

Plunking your twanger

Poaching the salmon

Pocket billiards

Pocket pinball

Pocket pool

Poking palm

Pole vaulting

Polishing Percy in your palm

Polishing the bayonet

Polishing the beak

Polishing the cane

Polishing the chrome dome

Polishing the family jewels

Polishing the fire pole

Polishing the helmet

Polishing the hot rod

Polishing the knob

Polishing the Lighthouse

Polishing the pink Mustang

Polishing the Pope

Polishing the purple people pleaser

Polishing the rocket

Polishing the rocking horse

Polishing the rod

Polishing the sword

Polishing your bayonet

Polishing your helmet

Polishing your piece

Popping a nut

Popping the blister

Popping the bone

Popping the cork

Popping the porpoise

Popping the purple pimple

Popping your top

Pounding off

Pounding the bald-headed moose

Pounding the pud

Pounding your flounder

Pounding your piss pump

Pounding your pud

Pouring off the potatoes

Practicing for the big game

Praising God

Preparing the carrot

Priming the pump

Pud wrestling

Puddin'

Pudwhacking

Pullin' a few rounds

Pulling off

Pulling pud

Pulling rank

Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker

Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper

Pulling the bologna pony

Pulling the carrot

Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever

Pulling the cord

Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle

Pulling the goalie

Pulling the handbrake

Pulling the piss pump

Pulling the pole

Pulling the Pope

Pulling the pork stick

Pulling the root

Pulling the rope

Pulling the single serving soup dispenser

Pulling the weed

Pulling the wire

Pulling your goalie

Pulling your love muscle

Pulling your own leg

Pulling your plonker

Pulling your power cord

Pulling your prick

Pulling your pud

Pulling your taffy

Pulling your wire

Pummeling the priest

Pumpin' the poodle

Pumping cream

Pumping for pleasure

Pumping for power

Pumping gas at the self-service island

Pumping iron

Pumping the electric goo gun

Pumping the porpoise

Pumping the python

Pumping the soft soap dispenser

Pumping the stump

Punchin' the clown

Punchin' the midget

Punchin' the munchkin

Punching the clown

Punching the munchkin

Punching the possum

Punching the stepson

Punching yourself in the crotch

Punishing Percy

Punishing Percy with the palm

Punishing the Bishop

Punishing the Pope

Puttin' the tie on

Qualifying in the testicular time trial

Raising Stonehenge

Raising the flag pole

Raising the mainsail

Raising your sail

Ramming the ham

Rapid delivery

Rapid one arm pull-ups

Raping your hand

Reading poetry

Releasing the Olympic Doves

Relieving tension

Reverse osmosis

Riding the Great White Knuckler

Riding the lightning

Ringing the rag

Rippin' the rocket

Rocket piloting

Rockin' the rooster

Rolling the fleshy blunt

Rolling your own

Roman helmet rhumba

Romancing the bone

Romeo and Himself

Rootin' for the Yankees

Ropin' the long horn

Roping the pony

Roping the Pope

Roughing the passer

Roughing up the suspect

Rounding up the tadpoles

Rubbing off

Rubbing one out

Rubbing the Buddha for good luck

Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel

Rubbing the pink eraser

Rubbing the rod

Rubbing the unicorn's horn

Running in single-user mode

Running off a batch by hand

Running the cheeta

Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights

Safest sex

Salting your nuts in the shell

Sanding the obelisk

Sanding wood

Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey

Saying hello to Mr. Winkie

Scalpin' the injun

Schnauzer Shuffleboard

Scouring the tower of power

Scraping your carrot

Scraping your horn

Scratchin' the itch

Scratching the cat pole

Screwing your girlfriend Handgella

Scromping the camper

Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat

Seasonin' your meat

Secret handshake

Seeding the carpet

Self abuse

Self catering

Self love

Self-induced penile regurgitation

Self-inflicted intercourse

Sending a boy to the Academy

Sending out the troops

Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram

Sex with someone you really love

Shagging

Shakin' hands with Little Richard

Shakin' the snot off your frog

Shaking coconuts from the love tree

Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln

Shaking hands with beef

Shaking hands with Jack McNasty

Shaking hands with Johnson

Shaking hands with Mr. Happy

Shaking Hands with Mr. President

Shaking hands with Shorty

Shaking hands with the boss

Shaking hands with the general

Shaking hands with the goblin of love

Shaking hands with the Governor

Shaking hands with the midget

Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout

Shaking hands with the President

Shaking hands with the unemployed

Shaking hands with your John Thomas

Shaking hands with your wife's best friend

Shaking hands with Yul Brenner

Shaking the bottle

Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk

Shaking the dice

Shaking the hand of the self-employed

Shaking the sauce

Shaking the sausage

Shaking the snake

Shaking the sugar tree

Shaking the white-out pen

Shanking

Sharpening your pencil

Shavin' the carrot

Shellacking the shellaleigh

Shemping the hog

Shifting gears

Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear

Shining the helmet

Shining the pork sword

Shining the shaft

Shining the shank

Shining your pole

Shootin' your splouge

Shooting Cupid's arrow

Shooting enemies

Shooting flies

Shooting for the moon

Shooting for the stars

Shooting putty at the moon

Shooting Sherman

Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)

Shooting tadpoles at the moon

Shooting the pump action porridge gun

Shooting the sherbert

Shooting to score

Shooting your wad

Shuckin' Bubba

Shucking the corn

Simple infanticide

Singing with Donny Osmond

Skipping rope

Slaking the bacon

Slammin' the salami

Slamming the ham

Slamming the hammer

Slamming the salmon

Slamming the spam

Slamming the sump-pump

Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ

Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol

Slappin' Pappy

Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner

Slapping it

Slapping my happy sacks

Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man

Slapping the carrot

Slapping the clown

Slapping the Cyclops

Slapping the donkey

Slapping the FleshGopher

Slapping the meat

Slapping the pud

Slapping the salami

Slapping your chub

Slaying the beast

Slaying the dragon

Sleeping

Slicking the stick

Slinging jelly

Slinging the jelly

Sloppy Joe's last stand

Sloppy sign language

Smackin' Isaiah

Smacking Bob around

Smacking the monkey

Smacking the oompa loompa

Smacking the salami

Smacking the weasel

Smacking the yak 'til it spits back

Smacking your sister

Smacking-off

Smoking the bratworst

Snappin' off a batch

Snapping one off

Snapping the carrot

Snapping the monkey

Snapping the radish

Snapping the rubber

Snapping the whip

Snapping your carrot

Solo flight

Solo marathon

Solo sex

Solo spurting

Soup of the day

Spackling the ceiling

Spanking Cheetah

Spanking Elvis

Spanking Frank

Spanking the bishop

Spanking the frank

Spanking the monkey

Spanking the plank

Spanking the salami

Spanking the wank

Spanking up a batch

Speaking into the microphone

Spear chucking

Spearing the Spartans

Spending some quality time with yourself

Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German

Spewing your load

Spilling my children on my belly

Spit-polishing the purple helmet

Spitting up

Splashing one out

Spluging

Spreading the mayo

Spunking

Spunking the Monk

Spurtin' Bert

Squashing the sea monkey

Squeezing the burrito

Squeezing the Charmin

Squeezing the cheese

Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie

Squeezing the glue

Squeezing the juice

Squeezing the lemon

Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater

Squeezing the tube of toothpaste

Squeezing the weasel

Squeezing your cheese-dog

Squirting off your load in the school bathroom

Squishing the fish

Staff meeting

Stall clapping

Starting the day off right

Stirring the batter

Stirring the soup

Stirring the yogurt

Stoking the fire

Strainin' the main vein

Strangling Kojak

Strangling the hog

Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake

Strangling the Serpent

Stress relief for a personal appendage

Stretching the limo

Stretching the turtle neck

Striking the pink match

Striking your match

Stripping the bark off your wood

Stroke 'til you spew

Strokin'

Strokin' the mule

Strokin' the sausage

Stroking it

Stroking off

Stroking the balony pony

Stroking the dog

Stroking the lizard

Stroking the mole

Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko

Stroking the salami

Stroking the satin-headed serpent

Stroking the snake

Stroking the squirmin' German

Stroking the stallion

Stroking the wiener

Stroking your goat

Stroking your poker

Stroking your pud

Stroking your twinkie

Stromming the Thurmond

Strummin' my six inch

Studying for a math test

Sucker-punching the blind webster

Swickin' it

Swinging the jump rope

Swinging the light saber

Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber

Swinging the royal red reproduction rod

Tagging off

Takin' the bunt sign

Taking a five minute vacation south of the border

Taking a nap

Taking a shake break

Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed

Taking care of business

Taking control of yourself

Taking Herman to the circus

Taking little Elvis to Graceland

Taking matters into your own hands

Taking ol' one eye through the fly

Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle

Taking part in population control

Taking some time off

Taking the dog for a walk

Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm

Taking the monster for a one-armed ride

Taking the sperm whale for a walk

Taking your turn at the self-serve pump

Talking quietly to yourself

Talking turkey

Taming the shrew

Taming the wild hog

Tamping your tater

Tapping the turkey

Target practice

Target practice with the yogurt gun

Target practicing with white ammo

Taunting the one-eyed weasel

Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance

Teaching him a lesson

Teaching your kids to swim

Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker

Teasing the python

Teasing the Viking

Teasing the weasel

Teasing the weenie

Teeing off

Tenderizing the tube steak

Tenderizing your meat

Test-firing the meat missle

Testicular tensile strength test

Testing the hand cream dispenser

Testing the testicles

Testing your batteries

That crazy hand jive

The art of Unisex

The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver

The five digit disco

The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe

The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle

The serta solo

The sticky page rhumba

Thrapping

Thrashing the weasel

Threading a needle

Throbbing the knob

Throwin' down

Throwing

Throwing a shower

Throwing off a batch

Throwing one

Throwing the hamster against the wall

Throwing up mayo

Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it

Thumping the pump

Thumping your pud

Thwackin' the sack

Tickle the Elmo

Ticklewigglejigglepickle

Tickling my fancy

Tickling the dragon's tail

Tickling the ivory

Tickling the one-eyed weasel

Tickling the pickle

Tickling the Polish salmon

Toilet sailing

Tonking

Torkin' the fork

Torqueing the turtle

Torturing the tentacle

Tossing off

Tossing the boss

Tossing the salad

Tossing the sauce

Tossing the snag

Tossing the spam javelin

Tossing the turkey

Tossing the white ball

Tossing yogurt

Touching the penis

Treating yourself right

Trolling for the one-eyed walleye

Trolling for trouser trout

Trouser snake CPR

Trouser trout dancing lesson

Tube sock tango

Tug of war with Cyclops

Tuggin' the timber

Tugging Mount Love

Tugging old beater

Tugging the rope

Tugging the slug

Tugging the tapioca tube

Tugging the tossle

Tugging the turkey

Tugging your tubesteak

Tuning my horn

Tuning the antenna

Tuning your organ

Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)

Turning on your fire hose

Tussle with your muscle

Tussling the Muscle

Twanging the wire

Tweaking your twinkie

Twisting your crank

Twisting your tool

Typing with one hand

Uncorking the bottle

Underarm javelin in the meat olympics

Unloading

Unloading the gun

Unmasking Darth Vader

Unsheathing the pork sword

Unwrapping the pepperoni

Using the Force on Darth Vader

Using the force on your meat saber

Using the ol' 1 wood

Varnishing the cane

Varnishing the flagpole

Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison

Violating the hedge-hog

Visiting Old Faithful

Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters

Visiting the five-fingered widow

Wacking a lap

Wacking off

Wacking the one-eyed worm

Wacking the paddle

Wacking the weasel

Wacking the weiner

Wacking the willie

Wagging the dog

Wailing

Wakey wakey hands off snakey

Waking the dead

Waking Wee Willie Winkle

Walking the dog

Walking the plank

Walking the snake

Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm

Waltzing with Willy

Wank

Wank-o-rama

Wanking

Wanking off

Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel

Warming up the altar boy's dinner

Washing the elephant's trunk

Washing the meat

Washing the wolverine

Wasting your wad

Watching the geyser

Waving the Magic Wand

Waxing pedro

Waxing the beanpole

Waxing the car

Waxing the carrot

Waxing the dolphin

Waxing the flipper

Waxing the old goal post

Waxing the rocket

Waxing your Jackson

Waxing your surfboard

Waxing your weasel

Waxing your Willy

Whackin' the weasel

Whacking it

Whacking off

Whacking the axe

Whacking Willy

Whacking your tack

Whippin' the whopper

Whipping off

Whipping skippy

Whipping the balls

Whipping the bishop

Whipping the dummy

Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake

Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel

Whipping the pony

Whipping the rat

Whipping the stiff

Whipping the walrus

Whipping the window washer

Whipping the wire

Whipping up a batch

Whipping up some sour cream

Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm

Whipping your dripper

White-water wristing

Whitewashing

Whittling the stick

Whizzin' jism

Whomping the walrus

Wiggling your worm

Winding my watch

Winding the Jack in the Box

Windsurfing on Mount Baldy

Wonking your conker

Wonking your donk

Workin' out a stiff joint

Working a cramp out of your muscle

Working off

Working off a batch

Working overtime at the meat factory

Working up a batch

Working your Willy

Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother

Wrestling the alligator

Wrestling the eel

Wrestling the gator

Wrestling the one-eyed monster

Wrestling the purple-headed warrior

Wrestling with Jimmy

Wrestling with the bald champ

Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero

Wringing out your rope

Wringing the weasel

Wringing your thing

Wringing your weasel

Wrist aerobics

Yahtzee

Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)

Yankin' it

Yankin' your chain

Yankin' your Franklin

Yanking off

Yanking the crank

Yanking the doodle

Yanking the yoyo

Yanking your chain

Yanking your crank

Yanking your plank

Yanking your Yoda

Yogurt slinging

Zipper Olympics

Zygote spraying

 

 

 

and most importantly copying and pasting all this into this post

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Originally posted by Zack Morris

Zygote spraying

 

i knew the last one would be the best!

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Guest melt
Originally posted by Zack Morris

Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it

hahahahahahahha.

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Originally posted by Zack Morris

Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights

Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German

The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle

Unsheathing the pork sword

Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm

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