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Guest Stapler

Retard Hunting

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Guest Stapler

I am sitting in front of a computer on a Saturday night with no money in another country and nothing to do. I am so tired i must sleep but an imsomniac friend keeps asking em shit on MSN messanger.....Well if that explains it better

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I used to work at the theme park Sesame Place. Sesame Place had a strict policy of tagging anyone with a mental disability with a bright red wristband. This policy was made to ensure the safety of the disabled individual.

 

However, some people with disabilities did not like the idea of being tagged like an animal before entering the theme park. Sesame Place instituted a few corporate tactics in order to convince these people the red wrist brand was worth it. With a red wristband a retard could:

 

1. Cut ahead of other people in line.

 

2. Have front-row seats to any theatrical event.

 

3. Enjoy discount pricing

 

Sometimes these incentives were not enough, so the Sesame Place Corporation began a program called "Operation Retard Watch." Employees were instructed on how to identify signs of retardation. The most often looked for sign was humorously referred to as "T-21 Eyelids" or "Corky." Some retards were tricky though and tried to disguise their disability by attempting to look normal. In these situations Sesame Place employees were instructed to look for sure signs of mental retardation; stupidity, stuttering, and stench (also referred to as the three S's).

 

If all else failed the theme park set up surreal pictures in retard gathering spots to catch them. These surreal pictures were actually just normal photographs, but with the caption "Stare closely to see the real picture." If a person was caught staring at one of these photographs for more than twenty minutes, guards were nearby, and lock down commenced.

 

There was also a situation known as "Code Retard." When a retarded person escaped all of the previously mentioned traps all employees were radioed and told to look for any retards in the nearby vicinity. In Sesame Place history, only four "Code Retards" had been called, and two had been false sightings (they were ugly).

 

Each Sesame Place employee is equipped with a coil of thick rope stored in their locker incase of "retard clusters." A retard cluster is when two or more retards join forces to escape the humilation of wearing a red band. Employees are instructed to identify any retard clusters, and to immediately use a tactic known as "smarten up"; separate at least one of the retards from the group with the western-style hog tie down method. Also known as the "Magical Grover" maneuver, it involves a complicated procedure of tying down the retard so they are unable to move until more help arrives.

 

If everything works out, the retards get their discount pricing and a red wristband slapped on. This year Sesame Place's has projected almost five hundred thousand retards will be branded. This figure has increased steadily since Sesame Place's opening in 1972. It has been projected that in the year 2001, the total retards branded could possibly reach eight hundred thousand. That would be a 60% increase from the previous year, and quite a feat for Busch-Gardens, the company that owns Sesame Place.

 

It would be surprising if Sesame Place could keep up this track record of ostracizing certain groups of people. With enough luck, the plans to build a retard-themed Sesame Place park could ring true. Busch-Gardens plans to open a "Grover fell on his Head" theme park loosely based on the actual Sesame Place. "Grover fell on his Head" would be specifically designed for the mentally retarded and cater to their special needs.

 

By the year 2010, Sesame Place plans to tag all minorities entering the park. By doing this Sesame Place will be able to cater to their special needs. Special facilities will even be built specifically designed for minorities.

 

Sesame Place continues to innovate the world of theme parks, setting a standard for all to follow. We can only hope they keep up with their tradition of good family fun, along with great service. Thanks Sesame Place, I was proud to work for you.

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Guest Stapler

Yeah thanx Regulator i couldnt be fucked copying it last night i was to tired.

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