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Smart

Smart's Humphday Thread

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Smart's Humpday Thread

 

So, today I took Are2's advice... well, the advice she gave me yesterday, but I didn't listen then, today, I did. Today when I realized I was 6 hours late for work I just decided not to go in... I'll call around 7 and see if they're swamped or something, theoretically (in a perfect world) we close at 6...

 

 

Don't sleep on Pink Lemonade.

 

Everytime I hear that 'there's no place like Ritz' cracker ad I swear I hear 'Grits'... which seems a bit disturbing, because, I'm basically an optomitrist, I mean, I SO wanna believe that there's some better place than Grits... of course, there is probably no place quite like Grits, so it's unique in that respect, but given the choice of placement between Grits and almost anyhing else, I'll choose the other thing. Not if the other thing is Shit, however, I'm all for Grits over Shit, and you can quote me on that, yummy! No, that's a lie, I don't much like Shit, so I certainly don't want my crackers to taste like Shit and Grits... anyway, I wonder how you get to be in marketing research, I would really dig skewing the results.

 

Should fat ("people of size") people pay for 2 seats on an airplane?

 

I say yes, they take up twice as much space, eat twice as much and sweat twice as much... these people seem to be all up in arms about their weight, but it's a question of how fat you are, not how much you weigh, right? I hope the Samoan Defamation Leauge doesn't get wind of this!

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Guest Canadiano

you're on your own.

 

except for the fat thing. if they can't pay, they should be subjected to ridicule.

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Guest --zeSto--

interesting point with the 'fat' thing.

 

Did you know that in 10 years, Obesity will replace Smoking as the bigest health risk to Americans ?

Well it will !

 

I blame it on the 'Upsize' mentality. For 39 extra cents, you get 300 extra calories.

No one ever goes into McDonalds and says "Can I get a half order of fries."

And another gross fat fact... 1 slice of Pizza Hut Pizza has as much fat from oil as a BigMac.

So if you eat a small (6 slice) to yourself, it's like a bag full of BigMacs.

 

and as per your question about airlines...

IT'S NOT A RIGHT TO FLY ON A PLANE, IT'S A PERK OF HAVING MONEY!

It's not a government run program like the city bus.

If an airline will have to give up a fair equal to your because of your ass,

then you fucking owe them!! Do airlines sell space in the seats, or transportation?

You pay them to let you sit on their plane. If you need twice the space, you pay twice the cost.

 

Being fat is a handicap, but if fat people get 2 seats on the airplane,

I'll stuff myself so full of pillows that they need to reserve an entire row of first class just for me.

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All right stop what you're doin'

cause I'm about to ruin

the image and the style that you're used to

I look funny

buy yo I'm makin money see

So yo world I hope you're ready for me

Now gather round

I'm the new fool in town

and my sound's laid down my the underground

I'll drink up all the Hennesey ya got on ya shelf

so just let me introduce myself

My name is Humpty

pronounced with the "umpty"

yo ladies oh how I like to funk thee

and all the rappers in the top 10

please allow me to bump thee

I'm stepping tall y'all

and just like Humpty Dumpty

You're gonna fall when the stereos pump me

I like to rhyme

I like my beats funky

I'm spunky

I like my oatmeal lumpy

I'm sick with this

straight gangster mack

but sometimes I get ridiculous

I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice

hey yo fat girl

come here are ya ticklish

Yeah I called you fat

look at me I'm skinny

it never stopped me from gettin' busy

I'm a freak

I like the girls with the boom

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

I'm crazy

allow me to amaze thee

they say I'm ugly but it just don't phase me

I'm still gettin' in the girls pants

and I even got my own dance

 

 

The Humpty dance

here's your chance

to do the hump

 

 

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

 

 

People say yo humpty

you're really funny lookin'

that's alright cause I get things cookin'

you stare you glare you constanly try to compare me

but you can't get near me

I'm given more see

and on the floor B

all the girls they adore me

oh yes ladies

I'm really bein' sincere

'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle your rear my nose is big

uh uh I'm not ashamed

thick like a pickle

I'm still gettin' paid

I get laid by the ladies

you know I'm in charge

both how I'm livin' and my nose is large

I get stupid

I'll shoot an arrow like Cupid

I'll use a word that don't mean nothin like Luke did

I sang on Dowhatchalike

and if you missed it

I'm the one who said just grab him in the biscuits

also told you that I like to bite

well yeah

I guess it's obvious I also like to write

all ya had to do was give Humpty a chance

and now I'm gonna do my dance

 

 

The Humpty dance

here's your chance

to do the hump

 

 

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

 

 

Breakdown

 

 

Now that I told y'all a litte bit about my self

lemme tell ya a little bit 'bout this dance

it's really easy to do

check it out

 

 

First I limp to the side like my legs was broken

shakin' & twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'

crazy wack funky

people say "You look like MC Hammer on crack Humpty!"

that's alright cause my body's in motion

it's 'sposed to look like a fit or a convulsion

anyone can play this game

this is my dance y'all Humpty Hump's my name

no two people will do it the same

you got it down when you appear to be in pain.

Humpin' Funkin' Jumpin'

dig around shakin' your rump

and when a doo doo chump punk points a finger like a (?)stunt(?)

tell him step off I'm doin' the hump

 

 

The Humpty dance

here's your chance

to do the hump

 

 

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

Do the Humpty Hump

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Guest JIGSAW

I was at sams the other day, ordering mass amounts of food for the restuarant I work at, and I noticed 80% of the fucking people their were obese, our country soon will be all fat asses, soon well end up paying for our oxygen...

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Guest Pilau Hands

I don't really think I have any humpday sage advice, or wise or distracting words, but I just got back from a trip that I loved to a place where I felt better about everything.

 

If you can live shittily for a while, and scam/save up to take a trip i recommend finding a place like that for yourself. This only applies if you're sick of where you live.

 

It's worth it.

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Originally posted by JIGSAW

I was at sams the other day, ordering mass amounts of food for the restuarant I work at, and I noticed 80% of the fucking people their were obese, our country soon will be all fat asses, soon well end up paying for our oxygen...

 

haha

Spaceballs fucking OWNZ!

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Spaceballs ownz indeed.

 

Anyone ever showered with glycerin soap? I got this crazy red soap that's translucent, can be shaped, smells like heaven, goes on all nice and gooey. It's like showering with a stiff water balloon. Shit's fucking ill, son.

 

Second, how the fuck do radioactive mutant houseflies sneak into my bathroom every morning? Every single fucking morning, I go in to take a shower. Open the shower curtains, BAM, an insect the size of Newark flies out straight into my chest. I spend 25 minutes trying to coax the horrid thing out of the bathroom so I can shower in peace (I'm afraid I'll hurt myself if I try to kill it). This happens EVERY morning, different fly. Shit's not fucking ill, son. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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Guest imported_Tesseract

Mamerro, cut down the showers for a while son...its NSA agents, ignore them and they'll be gone.

 

Please believe i had numerous and real tense fights with my girl over this:

 

Can stewardesses be fat or not???(hell naw, i know you're with me) i mean the last thing you wanna see while shitting your pants in the air is a fat ass not being able to get through the seats....and dont try to tell me that all women have the same workin rights cause i'll answer you like i answer to my girl: "You say that cause your ass is fine and you wanna play righteous, all fat women know that they simply CANT work as stewardesses"

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Re: Smart's Humpday Thread

 

Originally posted by Smart

I'm basically an optomitrist, I mean, I SO wanna believe that there's some better place than Grits...

 

HAHAHAHA

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what about on busses and trains....would fat people need to buy 2 tickets

 

what about in the movie theatre, theres only 1 set of eyes watching but two seats taken up??

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Re: Re: Smart's Humpday Thread

 

Originally posted by Zack Morris

 

HAHAHAHA

 

:)

 

glad you like that... I had a brain fart and spelled it 'optomist' so I had to go back and edit it, and, of course, embellish...

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Originally posted by cheifblame

what about in the movie theatre, theres only 1 set of eyes watching but two seats taken up??

 

the only place fat people should be watching movies is at the gym...

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Originally posted by --zeSto--

I blame it on the 'Upsize' mentality. For 39 extra cents, you get 300 extra calories.

No one ever goes into McDonalds and says "Can I get a half order of fries."

And another gross fat fact... 1 slice of Pizza Hut Pizza has as much fat from oil as a BigMac.

So if you eat a small (6 slice) to yourself, it's like a bag full of BigMacs.

 

I think that's only half of it... I blame it on the new fad of 'dipping sauce' as well... I swear, apples are gonna come with a free side of melted butter pretty soon...When I was a kid they had this PSA they'd show on Saturday mornings about 'Don't Drown Your Food.' Now, everything comes with some extra shit... and if you put that in front of a kid when ever they eat their fries or chicken nuggets or pizza, they're gonna form some life long habits... unhealthy habits.

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today was a good day.

 

First I limp to the side like my legs was broken

shakin' & twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'

crazy wack funky

people say "You look like MC Hammer on crack Humpty!"

that's alright cause my body's in motion

it's 'sposed to look like a fit or a convulsion

anyone can play this game

this is my dance y'all Humpty Hump's my name

no two people will do it the same

you got it down when you appear to be in pain.

Humpin' Funkin' Jumpin'

dig around shakin' your rump

and when a doo doo chump punk points a finger like a (?)stunt(?)

tell him step off I'm doin' the hump

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Guest ctrl+alt+del

i woke up today. supposedly it was my birthday. i dont really beleive this. i think ill go back to sleep.

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ok, skip work... pink lemonade... shit and grits... fat people...

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Guest Dyptheria
Originally posted by Tesseract

 

Please believe i had numerous and real tense fights with my girl over this:

 

Can stewardesses be fat or not???(hell naw, i know you're with me) i mean the last thing you wanna see while shitting your pants in the air is a fat ass not being able to get through the seats....and dont try to tell me that all women have the same workin rights cause i'll answer you like i answer to my girl: "You say that cause your ass is fine and you wanna play righteous, all fat women know that they simply CANT work as stewardesses"

 

i know that many if not all major airlines have weight requirements for their flight attendants

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Guest imported_Tesseract
Originally posted by Dyptheria

 

i know that many if not all major airlines have weight requirements for their flight attendants

 

Yeah i know, its complicated cause that applies on hiring...they hire thin hotties and then they go fat! what then...i agree that firing them would be crule or whatever but hey...do some diet!

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