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iCEBERG

stupid shit

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Pistol reminded me of some stupid shit that happened in school so if you got stories post em

 

Originally posted by Pistol

"mucking fatches" one of many drunken nights and my freind meant to say "give me some fucking matches" but he really said "mucking fatches" which gets used once in a while.

 

heh this polish kid artkadius said some shit like that once in science class a few years ago. he called a bucket of pig fetus's... fig petus's in his polish accent and they had to stop class cause i was laughin so hard.

 

which brings me to a fine point in english class, i used to sit behind this dude wes an we were supposed to be readin like chocolate war or some shit. anyways we took a test which i failed with flying colors and im guessin he did too but the teacher was givin out oral extra credit afterwards askin people shit.

 

an one question was "what happened that became a turning point in so and so's life?" so he turned around like "you read this shit? lemme get the answer i need these points" so i was like "ya i read this shit, this dude got caught makin out with some kid in the schools bathroom" heh he was like "nah hell no he didnt" an nobody else could figure what happened out an im tryin to convince him some dude got caught makin out with his boy in the bathroom stall, earlier in the book i guess some dude got caught jerkin off in the stall at school so i used that to vouch my shit for the truth so i said "man its the same dude that got caught jerkin his shit in the bathroom earlier, you think he does that shit an he dont make out with his boys? whatever but its your grade tho"

 

so when the teacher called him an asked what was the turning point or whatever in this characters life homeboy said "uhhh yea he got caught makin out with his boy in the bathroom"

 

:lol:

 

the whole class was like "what the fuck?" i never laughed so hard in my life. my teacher was heated but fuck it i didnt get in trouble.

 

another time at lunch this guy wes was sittin around outside an this was back when i was a freshman an everyone was all into hazing and shit. i was cool with everyone cause i had already been knowin them for awhile through my older brother so id only catch an ass woopin on my birthday. so everyone was sittin outside at lunch just bullshittin an this dude jayray came outside with a paddle like "imma fuck someone the fuck up" an wes was an easy target... he was like "bend the fuck over" an wes was like "nah nah" so two kids started fuckin him up goin "bend the fuck over an take it like a bitch@#!$" yellin at him an snuffin him an shit. im just chillin watchin this go on so finally he gives in an gets the shit paddled outta him. i had next period algebra with wes an once again he sat next to me an when he came in he had to sit down in his seat like he was gettin into a tub of hot water :lol:

 

story number 324093428

 

at lunch we used to be able to chill outside and id smoke bowls with these older dudes everyday at lunch. i always had science after lunch too and id be high as fuck sittin there not payin attention for shit an my boys or whoever would walk by makin me lose the concentration i never had in the first place and i ended up getting tested for add when in reality i was just high as fuck and didnt have an attention span worth a shit.

 

story number 351358913

 

this dude alex drew a picture of a dick on a peice of paper and wrote "sit on this" on it and gave it to me bein stupid. so i was like "your corny" an threw it at this kid seth. heh seth was like imma give this to the teacher an tell him you said to give it to him... :lol: i was like "go ahead... fuck it" tryin to call his bluff... homeboy went up to the teacher an gave him that picture an pointed to me goin "he told me to give you this" that teacher was normally cool as fuck but that shit got him ripped and i got kindly excused for the day goin "he was the one who gave it to you, i dont even know why hes walkin around with a drawing of a dick, an your gettin me in trouble for this?"

 

story number 34289743

 

my boy skipped math and went outside to smoke a blunt on the side of the school. he didnt know it was the side where his math class windows were an when they were smokin people were flickerin the blinds an he didnt know if he was just seein shit. but some dude was tryin to tell him the whole class and the teacher were standing in the window watching him smoke a blunt with this chick instead of being in their class heh

 

story number 46436

 

this dude germaine i grew up with was a freshman at the time who could seriously bang out with anyone. so some senior was beefin with him about it... and germaine whooped his fucking ass in like 13 seconds, picked the dude up over his shoulder walked him down to the nurses office and left him on the waiting bench :lol: an just left school :lol:

 

story number 7

 

this kid allo brought a quarter stick of dynamite to school and lit a cigarrette in the bathroom and stuck the wick through the end of it so when it burned down it would ignite and stuck it behind a toilet in the bathroom. well that shit blew off when this dude tommy was walking into the bathroom and temporarily made him deaf on one side. he found out who did it and at lunch for everyone to see (this dude tommys big as fuck, allos kinda tiny) picked allo up and put him through a lunch table before proceeding to mash out on allos face.

 

story number 867454343

 

one time the school got evacuated cause a bunch of solids came onto the school grounds lookin for kings. that shit was kinda dope. well not really but we got outta school early. it was crazy sittin at school with solids walkin around like they owned the place. they were makin me nervous as fuck an everyone got sent home an the police were called an all this other shit. nothin happened because half the police force got called out an we got the day off. this dude darren said "you stand in front of me" so i could block the view of his lakers jersey from a buncha solids at one of the doors :lol: i was like "homeboy your gettin fucked up of you dont do somethin about that shit quick, an im not takin nothin for that lakers jersey, i dont even like the lakers"

 

i got a million more but yall can post up some of yours, i think thats a few for now so post your shit up if you got any

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story # 899.112

a bunch of friends and i were partyin in this park , this really chillin park . and my buddy was pissed out of his tree and decided to dive off a picnic table onto the 'water' . he proceeded to dive off the table all giddy and care free , where he landed and broke his front tooth and sprain his wrist . haha it was so funny until he started crying and we had to drunken drive him to the hospital . then we went back to the party :dazed:

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Originally posted by ASER1NE

story # 899.112

a bunch of friends and i were partyin in this park , this really chillin park . and my buddy was pissed out of his tree and decided to dive off a picnic table onto the 'water' . he proceeded to dive off the table all giddy and care free , where he landed and broke his front tooth and sprain his wrist . haha it was so funny until he started crying and we had to drunken drive him to the hospital . then we went back to the party :dazed:

 

ahah drunk people are stupid as shit

 

my boy chris was all drunk and took a dump on some like wannabe cops hood of his car in his driveway and fell and ended up sitting in his own shit. an since he was drunk and already had sat in his own shit on this guys hood, decided to smear it around with his asscheecks

 

:lol: yea it was a nasty as you think

 

yea fuck it imma change this thread to just stupid storyies, school or non school related.

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hahaha , that'd be pretty bad .

 

one halloween we were running around lighting bags of poop on fire and putting them on doorsteps ( great fun when it works )....and my buddy manny as he ran up to the house his fingers broke through the bag and he got shit all over them , but he didnt notice at first , then as he was running back he goes to wipe the hair out of his eyes .......haha and smearts shit across his face . ohh lord it was soo funny , he notices and ironically screams " ohh shit " , then we all ran away .

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I remember this one Halloween me and 2 homies are chilling with these 2 girls that claimed to be from 18st. They were nice looking though not chola at all. So we had some 1800 and they were drinking. They were acting all goofy like this is some 18oo etc. One wasn't drinking until the other one started saying do it for 18 show these guys hopw we do type shit. The one i was gonna be with was the non-drinker. Well after the bottle is threw one goes to the side of the garage and throws up. Well she was there for awhile so we tell her homegirl to go check up on her to make sure she's still breathing. So she goes to check on her and I guess she starts puking too. They were both kinda on the floor laying in puke. So by then our other homie shows up. So me and him go to the store to get some papers. We come to the stop sign by the dead end and see cops at my homies house. So we take off and cruise Whittier Blvd to see if we can pick up any less drunker horror pies. We come back and some friend of my homies show up. I don't know these fools but whatever. We get out the car and try to find out what happened. And the 2 guys I don't know are in the backyard with these 2 broads trying to get head or something. Why else would they be alone with them back there. Please remember these chicks both throw up and were laying in it and never cleaned up inside.

skanless fools.

 

needless to say i didn't get any that night.

to top it off I stayed around just chilling and then the girls needed a ride home @ 4am. I was gonna leave them and there smelly asses at the homies pad but then sacrificed my cars interior so they wouldn't stink up my friends pad.

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Guest uncle-boy

head from a puke coverd chick is definitely NOT appealing.:spent:

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at a hell rich girls party one night,and the girls that were there where the snobbiest little sluts u could meet and the guys were these rower dicks.anyways me and a few mates decide we had to fuck this party up one way or another.so it was like me my freind sam and johnny and johnnys gf ummm fuck forgot her name well call her sara.so we had an idea that we thought would work.me sam and johnny took 6 empty beer bottles around the corner and filled them up with great diffuculty in not getting piss on ourselves.we head back to the party and act like weve just been down to the bottle shop with a 6 pack and start handing them out to the girls and guys.they crack the beers and scull them down hard and fast and look up with a verry confused look on their faces but were so drunk they kept drinkin.the only thing they asked was how come the beer was warm...

awhile passes at this same party and johnny and sara walk off to go do their thing.now johnny and sam have the type of relationship were they like to fuck with people for a laugh and will do most often anything in the name of fun.so there off for like 30mins or watever and come back and johnnys got a big grin on his face as he comes up to us.sara goes off to get us some beers and he tells us he just got head off sara and to watch her for a second.so me and sam are like um yeh ok.saras off chatting to some dude that was there big beefcake mofo and were like whats goin on but johnnys like just wait man just wait.we turn back and saras hookin up with this guy infront of everyone,johnny walks up to the both of them and turns to the guy and says "so how do i taste?"the guy looks at johnny and asks what?johhny turns to him and says "u know that bitter taste a girls ment to taste after shes just given head to her bf and hes cum all in her mouth and around her lips?i was just wondering how i tasted on ur lips" the guy looks up and looks at johnny puts his hands to his mouth and goes "arrghhh"starts spitting everywhere and he cheks to see where johnny is to beat the shit out of him but by that time were all legging it down the road to saras house laughing our asss off...

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Guest willy.wonka

im sorry,

i dont know how to read.

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Originally posted by ..oX..

OH MAN! i forgot! i do have a story better than that one! the puke chicks reminded me...

 

:lol: that cup-o-noodles shit had me rollin cause i could picture myself gettin down like that :lol:

 

one time me an my boy got real drunk an somehow ended up back at my house stumbled past my parents and were chillin in my room. well my mom goes in the bathroom and starts takin a shower at like i dunno 10:30 at night for some reason. an he goes "imma puke" and was swayin everywhere and shit so im like "umm hold up" so im bangin on the bathroom door like "yo mom hurry up marks gotta take a real bad shit but he dont wanna say nothin an im tellin you so he dont shit all over my room" :lol: i was drunk as fuck an didnt really care what i said to get her outta the bathroom. anyways she takes too long gettin out an my boy puts his hand over his mouth and his cheecks blow up an im like "you better swallow that shit or else imma fuck you up" he then heaved again an that shit sprayed out a little bit on the walls an i was like "fuuuck this" an i ran to to kitchen and grabbed the garbage can up an blew our spots an my parents laughed for like 3 days straight after i told them why i finally gave in an just got the garbage can

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nobody got no stories? damn heres another one...

 

my boy justins a little crazy. hes liked fucked up in the head from doing disgusting amounts of acid shrooms extacy coke whatever whatever.

 

one time he got stuck in a k hole in english class but thats another story.

 

he used to carry a cracker an whippits in school with him and do whippits in the bathroom between periods. well when we had swimmin the pool area had its own personal bathroom thing, an everyone would be swimmen an everyday hed go "could i use the bathroom?" an the teacher would be like "justin again? go ahead" and hed go in an shut the door. now if you knew to listen for it you could here him crack a whippit and fill up his balloon everytime he went in :lol: that shit was hilarious. and hed come out stumblin an everything :lol:

 

story number !@$%^$

 

justin used to live in the wealthy part, on the outskirts an shit bordering like farmtown... town type places. an if you went past his backyard there was a chicken coop type shit. anyways he was prolly smokin weed or some shit an lollygaggin around this fucking field and found a long pole. so he decided itd be fun to go over and break into the chicken coop and fuck up his neighbors chickens. well he killed like 7 and bounced. heh he got caught by leaving behind a cooler full of flowers with his name and address on it :lol:

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no fucking stories? fuck you, you got stories you just dont want to share so ill share with you the first time i got jumped

 

it was in a different city an people from where i lived went over there. now where im from theirs nothing to do but pop shit. anyways when we got there kids from where i lived was already there an this big dude had already gotten snuffed and had a huge fucking egg on his eye.

 

the ratio was like 1/10 us/them and shit broke out cause this dude we called big johnny who could pretty much rag the fuck outta anyone there got his has whooped because he was on all types of drugs. so theres a huge crowd of them and a tiny crowd of us. an im all yell "johnny fuck that dude up, hes fuckin you up you actin like abitch blah blah" which brought a nice amount of attention to me (yea smart huh?)

 

anyways suddenly this dude from my city runs around just cuttin people left and right with some bigass fucking kitchen knife he stole from dudes kitchen while at the same time this other dude hopped in someones suv and opened all four doors. well he went barrelling into the crowd of people with the suv to even the odds and ran over some girl an sent he to the hospital seriously fucked up, that wasnt too cool. anyways since he had all the doors open people gather round trying to hop inside and he throws it into reverse and the doors just scooped and tossed mass amount of people while he backed up over this girl again. he almost hit my ass. some dude tried playin superman and went to jump inside of the suv but got rolled like a toy heh. he got it pretty bad so it turned basically into this clique verse that clique and i guess we already established were fightin dirty cause of the odds.

 

anyways about 8-9 dudes circle around me an someone gets me in a headlock an is like "who was that?#!@" an i didnt know at the time but i didnt say nothin, he tried to snuff me in the face but i put my head down like in some movie i seen an snuffed the top of my head and broke like 2 fingers or some shit and let me go. then his friends all took turns snuffing the shit outta me :lol:

 

everytime i got hit id have to like "reset" and figure out where everyone else was all over again. i snuffed the fuck outta one dude at the same exact time i got tagged and ended up punching him with my palm to his upper row of teeth and too this day i have a dental record of him on my hand. one of his boys tried tackleing me from behind but i somehow threw the spin move on him an he busted his ass.

 

i figured if i got taken off my feet i was pretty much getting stomped all the way to the hospital. anyways i somehow through all this duckin an weavin an getting the shit snuffed outta me an avoiding the tackle never left my feet an threw like 1 punch to their fucking 27 snuffs. the police came an said they were gonna charge me with fucking breach of peace because after it got broken up i tried fuckin up some of these dudes one on one cause i was pretty heated. and eventually made my escape.

 

durin the scuffle my boy steve came through and kicked one of the kids that was taggin me up in the face :lol:

 

it was the sloppiest kung fu wannabe kick ive ever seen in my life but i cant complain he got that dude off me. an another one of my boys ran up an snuffed another one who turned around and started scufflin with him. and another one of my boys was dusted and used that as an excuse as to why he didnt do shit for me.

 

it was crazy, it was like royal rumble.

 

this chick was standing on the balcony throwing beer bottles and anything else that was glass into this crowd of rumbling people. it was like a fucking war an the odds werent on our side. that shit was a crazy ass night. my jaw got swole up pretty good an my lip was cut and my hand had a bite taken out of it when it was all over.

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Guest deadlydnut

should of bombed their cars..

 

Heres some of mine when I was in like 4th grade, their were really fucked up kids in my class, anyway one was some fat kid obsessed with aliens whois head was bigger than his body and his name was Zack but we called him the Mortonator because his last name was morton, and some other dude in my class had a fucked up head and it looked flat, and we called him flat faced brad, and he acted like a hard ass, and then their was this kid named corey who talked slow as fuck, and his head was in the shape of a watermelon and was obsessed with wrestling anyway, one day me and my friend were like, lets do some shit thats funny, so were on recess break and we go to the restrooms, and our school was old and ghetto, so their were coat racks and shit in their...

 

So we convinced zacks dumbass to go pick up brad and hang him on a coat hanger, and we left him on their and we got back like 20 minutes later and our teacher was like wheres brad? and I was like he said he had to take a shit. it was fucking like 2 hours later and the teachers like I'm going to check up on brad, and his ass was still hanging their, it was funny as hell....

 

The second one was when corey was all in the class, and the teacher hated all of us because she was like 70 and still not retired, anyway corey was like (Now remember it takes corey 6 seconds to pronounce a word longer than 6 letters) "Um teacher I think i'm going to get sick" teacher was like "BULLSHIT COREY YOU JUST WANT TO FUCKING GO HOME YOU FUCKING SLACKER" Corey was like "No um Sick i'm gong to be" and the teacher started gabbing and right in the middle of her bitching Corey barfs all over her legs and shoes I mean he fucking barfed like a mad man took like 2 minutes was funny as hell...

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there was this crazy kid in my school named lewis who always wore a trenchcoat and had long hair and always put it in a sloppy ponytail and had to use a little telescope to look out of his bad eye... yea i got no stories he was just kinda crazy lookin when he would look at you through his tiny telescope

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Guest im not witty

the short version of a long story

 

once i was skipping chemistry in highschool and going to hang out in the cafeteria with some freinds,. as im walking up i hear two black girls gettin heated over some shit. fuck you fuck you and all that. so one of the girls aint havin it and she tries to walk away, she gets about ten paces and the first girl who was instigating the shit throws a glass snapple bottle randy johnson big unit style, and it cracks homegirl in the head and shatters. everyone is like whoa. but she didnt fall or even hardly move.

 

so the girl who just got popped turns around with one of those "oh no you didnt" looks, and preocedes to whoop that other girlies ass. she hands her a beating. after the girl is sufficiently stomped, the girl who got hit with the bottle has a handful of homegirls weave and is swingin it around like a steelers fan (all these sports similies) and yelling/tapping her mouth, like an indian war cry. shit was bannanas.

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heh those crazy black folk

 

at lunch one day this girl spilt her pudding on this dudes nice shirt. he was like "awww mannnnn" an looked at her an she said "AND WHAT?!?!" like she meant to do it in the first place or some shit. so homeboy politley stood up and snuffed the fuck out of her as hard as he could and proceeded to beat the fuck outta her like his life depended on it

 

thats known as "the day men faught back"

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Man you people go to some ghetto ass schools, nothing happens at mine, there has only been 2 fights this year. WHat does "snuffed" mean?

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Guest deadlydnut

I remember in junior high their was a fight between two black girls and one pulled out all the others extensions and they were all over the playground, it was nasty...

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Guest -MOE LESTER-

at my old school, there was an old lady who lived right next door to the schoool, and she would hang her granny pants on the fence that separated our school yard from her back yard.....so anyways.....me and my friends would constantly climb up the fence and knock all her underwear down into the dirt.....one day my skinny chinese friend daniel stole a pair of her underwear and threw it into a puddle of mud and then hung it back on the fence.......we would also shake the fence to knock al her underwear down......it was crazy as fuck....this grandma, her house is split in two, and my one of my friends lived in the other half....so one day we were at my friends house, and me and daniel decide to go and knock all of grannys clothes down from the inside, so we go and were knocking all the underwear off the fence, watching it fall to the ground, when all of a sudden theres a huge AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! we look around and theres granny, staring at us from her one red bulging eye.....me and daniel have never run that fast in our lives....this was the night of graduation from grammar school too...and granny was at the ceremony, luckily she didnt do anything thuogh

 

 

 

 

another time my friend was running around the playground, and i threw a foot ball at him from across the playground......hes running, foot ball is flying at him, hes running, football and him are on a collision course...then the football hits him RIGHT in the nuts, it was like a 1 in a million shot, hes lying on the ground crying and shit...it was funny as hell but he got pretty pissed

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Originally posted by suburbian bum

Man you people go to some ghetto ass schools, nothing happens at mine, there has only been 2 fights this year. WHat does "snuffed" mean?

 

basically punching someone in the face when their not expecting it.

 

and as for the ghetto ass schools go i dont live in the inner city or anything like that, i dont want to mislead you. i live in a city that if viewed from up above looks mostly like trees. but in the 13 or so miles the city spans over 66,000 people are crammed in it. its like a small city with all the big city shitty shit. make sense? i didnt think so. im drunk for the first time in 3 months and me an my broken ass neck are takin a hike so be easy.

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at my high school there was a blind girl named donna. and of course she would walk around with the cane in her hand, going down the hallway bustin everybody in the shins.

a couple of times this kid justin walked up to her and snatched her cane away from her and spun her around in like 8 circles and threw the cane on the ground and walked off.

ive never laughed so hard in my life. but i do kinda feel bad.

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ok. so the night after my boss at the bikeshop hired a stripper for us and bought us a shit load of food to have a party in the basement of the store on our new ramps (which was actually a real good party.) we decided to go to some of the parties around town because people were always telling us how cool their parties were.

 

so we roll up to this one party. dont say shit to the girl at the door, and just walk in and everyone looks at our crew of riders who dont fit into their abercrombie and fitch looking party and they just looked scared. we had a reputation around school for being insane which is why no one fucked with us, plus we actually had the biggest coherent crew of kids in school. there would usually be groups of like.....5 thugs, but that doesnt matter when theres 30 kids who all skate/ride/go to shows together. so we were in the house and there was probably only 11 of us coming in and this one girl was like "oh....my....god" and started going to her friend all secretive "we cant have them in here....theyre gonna fuck the house up" which is basically what we were there to do....and steal food and steal other shit i guess. so the girl whose parents werent home tells us to leave. on our way out we start lighting off fireworks and tossing em all over in the house and outside and going nuts. it was great because none of them did shit.

 

the next night, we decided to go to what was supposed to be a bigger party, because we already came to the conclusion that everyone was a bunch of pussies and their parties sucked and we had strippers at our parties and we kicked ass. so we head to this house party that was actually bigger and in a REALLY rich neighborhood. we only had 4 kids with us this time and i had blown out my knee later the other night riding, so i was basically hobbling around. only this time. we had alot more fireworks. so we go in and this kid goes "who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?" we told him we knew this kid and he got all friendly. whatever. fuck him. so we kind of got seperated from my friend jeff and the people from the party the night before were there and knew the deal. so we decided the party was pussy shit and that all parties in my town are pussy shit and theyre all ended by 11 anyway. so we decide to go riding. on the way out, we throw our fireworks all over to liven up their sissy party. next thing i know one of my friends is booking by me like "lets fucking go" i turn around and see 5 or 6 large jock kids running after us with bottles. i am run/limping at this point and we get to my car. only thing is that its pointing the wrong way down a dead end street which is about 500 feet long so, not realizing that, we jump in and take off down the block. i get to the end like "um...shit" so we're trying to think what to do. i just say "fuck it, im gonna go real fast at them and hope they get out of the way" so (keep in mind my car sucks ass....see my photo tour thread for shots of my car...haha) i get my car up to 70 going at these kids who think theyre tough by standing in the road in a line trying to block us, i'm blowing the horn and flashing my brights on them going 70 right at them, they jump out of the way and we think we're off clean. turns out they broke the back window (see the photo tour thread for shots of that too....) to tell you the truth though, i didnt care. it was too funny. we asked around town as to who threw the bottle and no one would tell us. they think we're insane and that we're going to kill them or something. hahahahaha. aaaaaaaaaah fuck this town.

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