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Santa Claus

THE MISC. STORY THREAD

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alright, im fucking bored as hell with Ch.0 right now, so how about we all post random as fuck stories.

fights, sex, drug trips, weird shit, ghosts, ANYTHING, just make it long and intriguing like zacks cock.(hows THAT for underlying homosexuality.)

 

i'll start off with a story of Latoya the Butt Prodder.

 

i had just played show a few hours north of my town, and it was about midnight or so, and i'm cruising down this little country road w/ 3 other friends crammed into the front half of a minivan. the rest was filled w/ drums and shit. so anyway, were cruising along, and up ahead we see a bunch of flashing lights and shit, so we proceed with caution(were in bumfuck county, so ANYTHING could be up ahead.) as we get closer we see these 4 chicks hitchhiking, right next to a car being impounded and a cop car. were laugh a lot and think about how funny it'd be to pick them up. we drive by, and 30 seconds later, were like, fuck it and cruise back. we were all a bit horrofied to realize these chicks were BEAT. disgusting looking whores. but were like fuck it, and pick 'em up anyway. supposedly, they were out clubbing(where? i dont know...) and were all fairly sober, except the ONE chick who was underage, who was DRIVING and had a suspended license. these were some dumb bitches. i guess the cop let them off though, so we pick 'em up and cram 4 more people into the already crowded minivan. for some reason, these county folk from the NW USA, had southern accents and talked gangster. i hate county folk. and theyre basically the loudest, dumbest girls i've ever been around. for some reason, this big black chick Latoya, gets on the subject of telling us some story about her cheatin' boyfriend. and she horrifically tells us of how after sexin' her guy up, she stuck her thumb up his butt.

 

all the chicks are laughing and all of us are scared as fuck.

needless to say we dropped them off at the next town and got the hell away from them.

 

 

 

that story sucked, make yours better.

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when i was 11, i had a friend that drove up to martha's vinyard every year. well, one year i went along with his family. it was a fun trip full of yoo-hoo drinks (which i hate) and eagle mesquit bbw potato chips. during the trip.. i went to my first nude beach. i actually ended up going aobut 5 days in a row. i saw my first naked girl: i was in aw. i had a lot of fun though. while avoiding the smelly nudists, i occupied myself with a lot of boogie boarding and volleyball, as well as staring in awe.

well.. now to my friend, evan. evan was born with his live outside of his stomach, so his entire torso front was covered in scars: his nickname was roadmap. in addition to this, he was about 60 lbs. well, we were palying volleyball with a group of about 10 other people. evan decided now would be the time to take the plunge in join the peers in an abundance of skin. he removed his swimming trunks and served the volleyball. within in a couple minutes, people were snickering because with all the bare bouncing breasts, evan had become overly excited and couldnt control himself. i went boogie boarding

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Guest railroadjerk
Originally posted by Vanity

when i was 11, i had a friend that drove up to martha's vinyard every year. well, one year i went along with his family. it was a fun trip full of yoo-hoo drinks (which i hate) and eagle mesquit bbw potato chips. during the trip.. i went to my first nude beach. i actually ended up going aobut 5 days in a row. i saw my first naked girl: i was in aw. i had a lot of fun though. while avoiding the smelly nudists, i occupied myself with a lot of boogie boarding and volleyball, as well as staring in awe.

well.. now to my friend, evan. evan was born with his live outside of his stomach, so his entire torso front was covered in scars: his nickname was roadmap. in addition to this, he was about 60 lbs. well, we were palying volleyball with a group of about 10 other people. evan decided now would be the time to take the plunge in join the peers in an abundance of skin. he removed his swimming trunks and served the volleyball. within in a couple minutes, people were snickering because with all the bare bouncing breasts, evan had become overly excited and couldnt control himself. i went boogie boarding

 

^^^ now this is a story!

 

this one time in italy we went to a theme park in rome, and they had one of those clear glass mazes that are pretty elaborate and you pay a ticket and get the priviledge of trying to find your way out. for some reason, i thought it would be a good idea to do it, thinking that it would be super easy. so i get in, and the italian carnie dude operating the maze had a bullhorn that he would yell clues and directions (i guess). so im around 14 and im trying to walk around this maze trying to find my way, i can see through the glass that he is basically yelling in the thing giving me directions, with more and more people staring into the glass and laughing at me. my parents are even laughing, though my mom has an embarrassed look on my face.

 

this goes on for 5 minutes or so (im guessing this thing should take half or less to get through), and finally i find my way out, completely mortified as the carnie yelled more stuff in italian as i walked away from the maze.

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rock up to this party with some freinds drunk as and it was free beer allround so we decide to take advantage of this like any normal male.well its rearing to the end of the party and im horny as hell.so i spot this little cutie(mind u anything at this point is goodlooking)and we start talkin.she takes me round the back and we start messing around and she starts to go down on me and she says tell me wen ur about to blow.im like yeh ok ok ok just keep going.well im about to blow and we hear her friend calling out to her and im like yeh keep going she keeps at it and just as her freind rocks up i blow straight into her mouth she starts to choke,freind sees whats goin on i do up my pants bail over the fence and meet up with my freinds out the front.i hear she was coughing and chokin for like 30mins and was about to be taken to the hospital.... ah yeh after i went back to my gfs at the time with her best freind stayed in the spare room with her freind cause i convinced my gf i was too drunk to be with her and fucked her friend...

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Originally posted by railroadjerk

 

though my mom has an embarrassed look on my face.

 

I hate it when mothers are too damn controlling.

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Guest -MOE LESTER-

my life is very boring, i cant think of anything

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I remember the day i was trying to steal some capital from my friends while we were wragling up some ill ass sheep. This kid from Deleware pissed all over my boots, so i had to get my revenge, son. So, yo, i drove one up to Holiday Inn Express and jumped off the roof into a bax full of dead racoon parts. No one knew it was me, but the dragons from Misery Island knew exactly what I was up to. So, after my interview with pain, i jumped one off to a gass station where i bought some smoke bombs. From there i went to a Subway and grabbed a fogle and tossed a smoke bomb in the bathroom where you could then hear a young kid in there yessing for dear life...but not because of the smoke bomb, but because he ate 2 foges and had to blast out some insano dumps. Shit is crazy, god.

 

Moral: Don't do trampoline tricks if you are going to shower the next day...because no one can ever tell that you are the mayor of your own filth.

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Guest Wilt

haha...ok so i had broken up with my girlfriend like a month before this shit happened...well we went out for a lonnnnnng time...well i meet one of her friends out at a bar on a thursday night...id met her before but this time she was awfully friendly....buying me drinks..lots of them...the next thing i know shes all on my neck..and thats my spot...so im like..im going to fuck this girl...i completely forgot the fact my ex of 3 years was her good friend..so i do her...yum..she was bomb in bed...so friday rolls around..and one of my ex's friends..as well as classmates...is at THE SAME BAR....well i had just gotten kicked out of my house and me and this girl were chilling on campus philosophising during the week..well now she's buying me drinks..shes out with my ex's BEST FRIEND...well same shit happens..im like what the fuck is going on..im fucking her too...haha so that happens...allll night long..it was the best sex ive ever had...fucking phenominal...well to round off the story..the NEXT night..at the same bar...her BEST FRIEND is like...so i wanna know what all the fuss is about between my friends..so i let the bitch have it...3 girls ...3 nights...free drinks...all my ex's friends....yo she found out...and hates ME for it...yo i dont care...they were so bomb in bed i wouldn't give it back...

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haha...ok so i had broken up with my girlfriend like a month before this shit happened...well we went out for a lonnnnnng time...well i meet one of her friends out at a bar on a thursday night...id met her before but this time she was awfully friendly....buying me drinks..lots of them...the next thing i know shes all on my neck..and thats my spot...so im like..im going to fuck this girl...i completely forgot the fact my ex of 3 years was her good friend..so i do her...yum..she was bomb in bed...so friday rolls around..and one of my ex's friends..as well as classmates...is at THE SAME BAR....well i had just gotten kicked out of my house and me and this girl were chilling on campus philosophising during the week..well now she's buying me drinks..shes out with my ex's BEST FRIEND...well same shit happens..im like what the fuck is going on..im fucking her too...haha so that happens...allll night long..it was the best sex ive ever had...fucking phenominal...well to round off the story..the NEXT night..at the same bar...her BEST FRIEND is like...so i wanna know what all the fuss is about between my friends..so i let the bitch have it...3 girls ...3 nights...free drinks...all my ex's friends....yo she found out...and hates ME for it...yo i dont care...they were so bomb in bed i wouldn't give it back...

 

.....wow.......you sir, are my hero for the next few hours till my dangerously short attention span finds a muskrat or something to entertain me.

 

 

i need to think of a decent story....i have so many, but wilts just blew me away.

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Guest -MOE LESTER-
Originally posted by Wilt

haha...ok so i had broken up with my girlfriend like a month before this shit happened...well we went out for a lonnnnnng time...well i meet one of her friends out at a bar on a thursday night...id met her before but this time she was awfully friendly....buying me drinks..lots of them...the next thing i know shes all on my neck..and thats my spot...so im like..im going to fuck this girl...i completely forgot the fact my ex of 3 years was her good friend..so i do her...yum..she was bomb in bed...so friday rolls around..and one of my ex's friends..as well as classmates...is at THE SAME BAR....well i had just gotten kicked out of my house and me and this girl were chilling on campus philosophising during the week..well now she's buying me drinks..shes out with my ex's BEST FRIEND...well same shit happens..im like what the fuck is going on..im fucking her too...haha so that happens...allll night long..it was the best sex ive ever had...fucking phenominal...well to round off the story..the NEXT night..at the same bar...her BEST FRIEND is like...so i wanna know what all the fuss is about between my friends..so i let the bitch have it...3 girls ...3 nights...free drinks...all my ex's friends....yo she found out...and hates ME for it...yo i dont care...they were so bomb in bed i wouldn't give it back...

 

this is a fuckin good story.....too bad i will never fuck 3 chicks in 3 nights...and get free drinks on top of that...i tink i kno why her friends are al freindly....while you were dating your gf, she was prolly bragging abuot the sex to her friends, and when you broke up her friends all saw you as single and tehy wanted some dick, so when they saw you they wanted you...LUCKY BASTARD!!

 

there was this fat black girl in my gym class..and one day while doing sit ups she lets the biggest fart ever go...yup, thats about how exiting my life is

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ok.this is what i can think of off the top of my head....

me and my boy were driving around the city at like 2am and we see this chick at the corner.she looks like a regular girl. so i give her a beep. she waves so i go around the block, ask her if she needs a ride. she just hops in, right. me and my boy are thinkin shes a hooker but this was a nice part of the city. so we end up at this other dudes house whos housesitting at this nice crib. she wants yay but it was a 45 min drive to get her some and no money. so we give her some vodka out my trunk and we got some oc's. so, all 3 of us are all over her. we all get her in the bedroom. shes half gone by then so we get her clothes off. one dude is jerking off on her face. im finger banging her while the other dude is eating out her asshole (nasty bastard huh?). after a while she passes out and i'm like i don't wanna be around when she sobers up in the morning so i screw. i ask my boys what happened in the morning. they said she didn't say a word, called a cab and was never heard from again. we still don't know how she payed for it cause she had no money. i dunno. it was a weird nite. sorry. this was as condensed as i could get it.

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Guest Wilt
Originally posted by -MOE LESTER-

there was this fat black girl in my gym class..and one day while doing sit ups she lets the biggest fart ever go...yup, thats about how exiting my life is

 

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH YOOOO...hahah thats the funniest shit...hahaha girls farting takes the cake..its got to be the funniest shit....ohh man...god help me

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Guest serpent of the light

well nothing cool ever happens in my life really...

so here's one of those stories about an aquaintance...

 

so chris, from this engine burns, is a rad guy, funny and whatnot. anyway he fucked some 300lb black chic on a bag of dogfood in the back of her father's petshop. he did this because "it was funny"

he is right, but yikes!

 

continue...

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not quite true....

 

Originally posted by evilistic

rock up to this party with some freinds drunk as and it was free beer allround so we decide to take advantage of this like any normal male.well its rearing to the end of the party and im horny as hell.so i spot this little cutie(mind u anything at this point is goodlooking)and we start talkin.she takes me round the back and we start messing around and she starts to go down on me and she says tell me wen ur about to blow.im like yeh ok ok ok just keep going.well im about to blow and we hear her friend calling out to her and im like yeh keep going she keeps at it and just as her freind rocks up i blow straight into her mouth she starts to choke,freind sees whats goin on i do up my pants bail over the fence and meet up with my freinds out the front.i hear she was coughing and chokin for like 30mins and was about to be taken to the hospital.... ah yeh after i went back to my gfs at the time with her best freind stayed in the spare room with her freind cause i convinced my gf i was too drunk to be with her and fucked her friend...

 

well... coming from the "gf at the time" the story didnt quite go like that... i believe the first story happened another night and she didnt exactly have to go to hospital... and as for you convincing me you were "too drunk"? more like you asked for it and i told you to piss off into the other room... also dont talk like it was such a hard job getting my best friend into bed, shes easy, she would have fucked you if you were a 3 headed monster...

 

dont talk shit, people find these things

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Guest serpent of the light

/// haha bitchez watchin ///

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Guest uncle-boy

i havent eaten a big unhealthy meal from jack in the box for a while. last night i decided to get the ultimate cheeseburger meal with curly fries.

 

i ate it.

 

i felt sick.

 

i started spitting blood.

 

then i barffed it up in my friends bathroom.

 

then i was happy again.:cool:

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