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Zack Morris

Holy barrell of goat semen

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Strange cargo found in forest

 

Stumped officials try to find out who dropped off 55 gallons of goat semen in Cook County preserve

 

Wednesday, May 1, 2002

 

 

 

 

By Jennifer Martikean

Staff writer

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't nearly as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys, but the barrel firefighters found was just as weird.

It was full of goat semen.

 

Or maybe it was pig semen.

 

"We're still in disbelief," said a firefighter who did not want to be identified. "I have never heard of anything like this ever happening. We have no idea who did this."

 

The mysterious barrel was discovered Monday night by a passerby at the Arie Crown Woods near Countryside, Cook County Forest Preserve Lt. Michael Albrecht said.

 

When the police came out to take a look, they found a white, 55-gallon container with a black plug on top and hazardous materials markings on the outside.

 

They called in the hazardous materials team from Pleasantview Fire Protection District.

 

"The firefighters came, they saw the barrel, and the cleared out the area," Albrecht said.

 

Firefighters spent some time trying to figure out what kind of substance they were dealing with. All they knew was the barrel had some liquid in it.

 

After a careful inspection, firefighters found a phone number on one of the stickers. They radioed the number to dispatchers, who traced it to an Iowa company called Swine Genetics.

 

The company ships pig and boar semen in canisters, which in turn are placed in large drums filled with liquid nitrogen. The liquid nitrogen keeps the semen at the optimal temperature so it can be shipped long distances and used for artificial insemination.

 

No one has any idea how the semen ended up at the forest preserve.

 

"We get calls about illegal dumping all the time, but never anything like this," Albrecht said.

 

The police department "properly disposed" of the semen, but declined to say how.

 

There was some conflicting information about what kind of semen was in the canister. Albrecht said police believe it was goat semen, but Swine Genetics only deals in pig semen. A worker at the company said the barrels are expensive, costing as much as $1,100, and they are often reused by farmers to ship other types of semen.

 

Pleasantview firefighters were a little embarrassed about the big fuss. They were still laughing about it Tuesday and could hardly comment.

 

"It is just so bizarre that that would be out there," a firefighter said. "We've had all kinds of guesses at the station all day. But I'm not going to tell you what they were."

 

A worker at Swine Genetics said the company hasn't had any reports of missing semen, and police said no one has reported anything like it missing.

 

The company ships internationally out of O'Hare International Airport, so it is possible one of the barrels could have come from the airport, he said.

 

http://www.dailysouthtown.com/southtown/ds...ndex/01-ds5.htm

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Guest platapie

i think blink lost somthing...

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Guest NATO
Originally posted by platapie

i think blink lost somthing...

 

ha ha

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Guest NATO

how many goats did someone have to jack off to get 55 gallons??

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Originally posted by NATO

how many goats did someone have to jack off to get 55 gallons??

 

umm...gee...ummm...I...don't know...I mean how would I know...umm...yeah.

 

I'm busted....

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Perhaps it was an accident.

 

The best thing to do is wait until someone files a report to claim their missing goat semen.

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"It is just so bizarre that that would be out there," a firefighter said. "We've had all kinds of guesses at the station all day. But I'm not going to tell you what they were."

 

HHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH...can you imagine??

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Guest -MOE LESTER-
Originally posted by platapie

i think blink lost somthing...

 

yea, his drink

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markos dropped it off for the ritual the following evening and someone discovered it before he got back with the altar

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the grossest part of it is not the fact there was a hige barrel of goat semen but the fact these farmers have machines specifically designed to give goats hand jobs. Thats fucked up. Whats even more fucked up is some of the farmers probably use them on themselves.

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Think about why all sheep hearders used to be men.

And sheeps genitalia are the closest to human.

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Guest willy.wonka

alien nighowl has plenty of jiz to spair

 

donkey jiz is better.

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Originally posted by Zack Morris

machines specifically designed to give goats hand jobs. Thats fucked up. Whats even more fucked up is some of the farmers probably use them on themselves.

 

 

how does someone obtain one of those there fine pieces of machinery???

 

not that i would ever get one of course:rolleyes: :o

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i work at ups and we ship these thick plastic barrels of bull semen for farmers to breed and shit, and they pack that shit with dryice to keep it cold, but before i knew that once i was tossin it up in the truck and it cracked open and froze my fuckin hand luckily i didnt get any bull jizz on my hand but it hurt really bad

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Guest THEMEDIC

why would you have it?...how the hell could you loose it?...and what the fuck do you do with it?

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Swine Genetics

 

http://www.swinegenetics.com/images/equipbanner.gif'>

 

All the pig jerk-off equipment you could possibly want.

 

Among the most shady of these:

 

-Collection dummy, portable, adjustable height: $250

 

-Spermacue Photometer: $1875

 

-SGI Boar Video-Rental: $5 (Pig porn?)

 

-Big Mouth Spout, blue, clear, green, red, yellow: $0.06

 

-Sealing Balls, metal, 100/pkg: $10

 

-SOA, boar scent: $9

 

-Lube, non spermicidal, 5 oz tube: $2.50 (That's cheaper than KY)

 

-Golden Pig (!?!?!), disposable, sponge tip, 10/pkg: $2.75

 

-Renco Preg-Alert, measures pig, sheep, cattle and horse pregnancy, backfat & loin muscle thickness: $1485

 

-Rotech Doppler Preg Tector, pregnancy detector: $650

 

 

 

 

Add a Rotech Doppler PregTector to my list in the "things I want" thread. Beer,

 

El Mamerro

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damn competitive pricing:

 

Collection Kit

Collection Cup, 20 collection bags, 20 gauze strips, 20 surgical gloves, 2000 ml flask, 1000 ml beaker, 600 ml beaker, 30 bottles and caps, thermometer, 5 pkgs of 4 spirettes, and 1 small styrofoam box Each 70.00

 

EST Semen Tubes, 95 ml Case of 1000 Case 125.00

 

and for all you wanting to learn: SGI Boar Video-Rental Each 5.00

 

 

i hate my job.

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