Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
Poop Man Bob

Every day for the past five years, man orders and eats a med. pizza and 4 diet cokes

Recommended Posts

http://www.nj.com/living/ledger/index.ssf?...98605153877.xml

 

 

Saturday, April 27, 2002

 

 

BY PETER GENOVESE

Star-Ledger Staff

 

Every day for the past five years -- with a handful of exceptions -- Mike Uris has called the Domino's on Main Street in Ramsey, where he lives, and orders the same thing. Medium pizza, four Diet Cokes. You want to hear the specials, Mr. Uris? No, he'll politely say, I really don't.

 

Do the cheesy math -- in five years, Uris, a retired advertising director, has eaten nearly 2,000 eight-slice pizzas. Six slices for lunch, at 11:15 a.m.; one slice for dinner, at 6 p.m., and one slice, plus all the crusts, for his late night snack, around 11. The dinner and snack slices he eats cold; he doesn't own a microwave, but wouldn't heat the slices up even if he did. Four Diet Cokes come with every order -- two for lunch, one for dinner, one for the late night snack. Always delivered; he's never even been in the Domino's.

 

Asked if most people would call him, well, cuckoo, Uris smiled.

 

"I probably am," he said. "I don't find excessive sanity a virtue."

 

Every few months, Uris, who never eats breakfast, will actually eat something other than pizza. A week ago, he had dinner at a Ridgewood restaurant with his 24-year-old son, Adam. "Broiled salmon with mashed potatoes and carrots," Uris recalled. "And the treasure of treasures, a piece of cherry pie and a glass of milk."

 

Maybe deep down, he's an old-fashioned guy.

 

How did all this begin? How does one decide to devote his life to pizza? Five years ago, when he was living in Ridgewood, Uris had the sudden urge for a medium plain pizza from Domino's. He can't explain it; the feeling came over him like, well, a pound of dough (which, with 4.2 ounces of sauce and five ounces of cheese, make up the average 12-inch medium Domino's pizza).

 

"They deliver," he said, trying to explain his obsession. "For the past five years, I've dealt with a number of (Domino's employees). They are without exception the nicest bunch of people I've ever dealt with."

 

In 30-plus years in the ad business, he dealt with some not-so-nice people. He spent an "awful three years" at one New York ad agency. "I had a supervisor who was an a ----, and I said so," he explained. "I was fired the next day."

 

He met his future wife, Lynn, on a photo shoot; married 15 years, they divorced in 1990. They have one son, Adam; Uris has two stepdaughters, Jessica and Amanda. Uris goes to his ex-wife's for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Pizza is nowhere to be found.

 

Uris -- 5 foot 10, 210 pounds -- lives in a tidy, neat apartment, apart from the rumpled bed where at 11:15 every morning he plunks his pizza and two cans of Diet Coke. A leather couch in the shape of a giant baseball glove and an oversize lamp with a neck as long as a giraffe's adorn the living room. Ten empty pizza boxes sit on a kitchen counter; Karen, his cleaning woman, tosses them in the recycling bin outside.

 

Uris' passion for pizza calls to mind the single-track diet of Jared Fogle, the guy on the Subway ads who went from 425 pounds to 190 eating practically nothing but Subway subs. But Fogle did it for just one year; Uris has been on the "Domino's Diet" for five. He said his cholesterol is "high-ish," although he doesn't remember the number, but said it's not anything he needs to take medicine for.

 

Get the door, it's Domino's? Uris got the door the other day and nothing happened. It was stuck. Outside stood Jennifer Faust, one of the regular delivery persons, with a medium ground beef and pineapple (he changes toppings every few months). Would the streak be broken? Would Mike Uris survive a day without pizza? Fortunately, after several hard shoves, the door gave. Uris handed over his check (he never pays cash because he doesn't like leaving a lot of money around), Faust handed over the pizza and Uris headed to his kitchen, where he popped the pizza, as usual, into the refrigerator for several minutes.

 

"It takes off the heat," he explained. "Otherwise I'd burn my mouth."

 

Then the Yankees fan and movie buff (two of his all-time favorites: "Casablanca" and "Hoosiers") retired, as usual, to his bedroom, where, stretched out on his bed, TV tuned to "NYPD Blue," Uris dug into the same lunch/dinner, and beverage, he's had the past five years.

 

"They sent me four (regular) Cokes one day last year," he said. "I still have them."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest abortron

"I don't find excessive sanity a virtue."

 

brilliant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest NATO

how can you survive on pizza and coke alone??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

every month or so I order a pizza and I eat it all and then the box sits there and the smell is there when I wake up and I feel all greesy....

that is so sad..

and gross...

 

all i can think of is cheap mozzarella in his veins

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Wilt

thats gross..dominos is such cheaply made pizza..i used to work there and i also worked at a gourmet pizza parlor...i must say dominos gets the thumbs down

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thaught I was a lazy bastard...atleast I will try and eat something a litle different everyday, and try to make it myself. What a lazy old fucker.

 

 

this old man will be me in 40 years

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest platapie

how much porno do you think he watches?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i love vegiterian pizza with artachoke hearts on them!!!

 

my homeboy is crazy when it comes to pizza. he's like this tall skiny giant standing 6'7" weighing 215 or something... and he orderes a large hawaiian pizza from dominos and a 6 pack of coke, and cinnamon sticks, and eats it all. its so dayum sexy, why , i have no idea... but it's great entertainment. the most i've ever ate was 3 pieces off my medium pizza............ we tried to battle. i of course, lost.. like a damn little bitch.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it's "artichoke" dee

 

 

and my favorite since i was a little kid when he had anoughh $ to actually order out pizza we got a large dominos with blakc olives on it. it's still one of my favorites.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah i worked at a dominoes pizza. its total crap.

 

blondies!

 

oh and only in america, or THE WHORE OF BABYLON as i like to euphamize, could someone live like this guy. truly sad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dominoes and pizzahut suck ass

i cant stand looking at puddle of grease on the bottom of the box

when i order from these two

i prefer papa johns or little ceasars

sausage, bacon, olives, pineapple :yum:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my complaint with papa johns is that i like the pepperoni on the outside so it gets crispy, oohhhh i love that

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Pistol

This is my life except for the diet cokes.

Coke Classic

 

diet coke is for pussies, plus would you rather save 5 calories or get cancer... come on now people

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Register for a 12ozProphet forum account or sign in to comment

You need to be a forum member in order to comment. Forum accounts are separate from shop accounts.

Create an account

Register to become a 12ozProphet forum member.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×