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Dr. Dazzle

A Man's Rules

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I got this in an email. I thought some of it was pretty funny. I'm sure some of you have seen it before, but for those who haven't, maybe it'll make you laugh......

 

A Man's Rules....

 

>Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally

killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

 

> Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

> It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When your Date is using her teeth

 

> Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a

friend out of jail within 12 hours.

 

> If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is

off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

 

>The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's

running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a

girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she

scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

 

>Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is

forbidden.

 

>No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another man (in fact, even remembering your Mate's birthday is

strictly optional).

 

>On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,

not the weakest.

 

>When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you

may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

 

>You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have

brought her to climax.

 

>If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of

flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

 

>It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when

you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a

topless supermodel...and it's free.

 

>Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

 

>Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

 

>If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see

nothin'.

 

>Women who claim to "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

 

>You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death

of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

 

>A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

 

>Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

 

>If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

 

>Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

 

>Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a.Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

 

>Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

 

>Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

 

>The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

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Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle

> If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is

off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

 

word

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Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle

>Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally

killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

 

> Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a

friend out of jail within 12 hours.

 

>On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,

not the weakest.

 

>The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

 

werd, werd, werd, and werd...

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Guest --zeSto--

>Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is

forbidden.

 

whatever man...

If he's drinking some girlie (light or flavored) beer, you HAVE to break his balls a little.

 

If you bitch about it, you better not take one.

(unless you've run out of the beer you brought over)

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>Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

 

d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

 

 

 

HAHAHHAAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

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angelina gets but naked and jumps around and ALSO engages in hot lesbian sex in a HBO movie called gia. i own it.

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Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle

ewwww.....angelina jolie is gross

 

you mus be retarded

she is perfect

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Originally posted by Iris

 

you mus be retarded

she is perfect

 

 

whatever trevor.....

 

 

She looks like a skeleton. Her face is flat and bony with no shape to it at all. She's got huge man lips that make her look like she got punched in the mouth. She's got no tits and no ass, and, well, she's just ugly.....

 

 

yeah, I said it......

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Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle

 

 

whatever trevor.....

 

 

She looks like a skeleton. Her face is flat and bony with no shape to it at all. She's got huge man lips that make her look like she got punched in the mouth. She's got no tits and no ass, and, well, she's just ugly.....

 

 

yeah, I said it......

 

werd.

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Originally posted by Vanity

i'm not much of a fan either... she's ok, but she's nothin to get geeked about.

 

 

definately. after seeing her in girl interrupted there is definately nothing attractive about her.

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Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle

> If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is

off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

 

not true..

 

unless its my sister.

shes off limits to everyone...or ill kill them. bottom line.

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angelina jolie is fukkin hot , but she falls short of perfect...........

 

what the hell happens "One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"

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Guest --zeSto--
Originally posted by ASER1NE

what the hell happens "One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"

 

hahahahah !!!

 

you get introduced to 'Dis Dik'.

 

(sorry to spoil the ending)

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Originally posted by --zeSto--

 

hahahahah !!!

 

you get introduced to 'Dis Dik'.

 

(sorry to spoil the ending)

 

ahh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...:crazy:

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Guest HAL

Angelina Jolie has some boobs. She's kinda trashy, though. I don't know if I'm feeling her. She seems kinda slutty, which I'm not into.

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